is this equestria sunset or human sunset? just wondering cause if its equestria sunset it seems kinda weird that she would be living with her other selfs family i don't know maybe you have a big reveal/exposition heavy story for why that is was just curious
... Everytime i read anon-a-miss stories it takes me forever to forgive sweetie bell, cannon or not. Strangely its only sweetie bell, not AB or scoots.
8750639 Trust me there is a logical reason for this and a reason why this worlds Sunset is so radically different from her Equestrian self, when the rest of the cast seems to act like their pony counter parts. 8750733 really? Interesting, any particular reason why?
Sweetie Belle is always trying to hang out with her friends right? I mean they love spending time together so why was she so upset that the girls were having a sleepover? It was Rarity that told Sweetie Bell that she could not hang out with her, not Sunset. So sweetie didn't really have a reason for lashing out like she did. Just talking about one of Raritys secrets near diamond tiara would have been sufficient. And she stole from Sunset
that's about the best I got, other then that I have no clue why its just Sweeite belle. im sure that apple bloom did something to and honestly in most fics scoots never really does anything. Its rainbows fault that she just left her test sitting in her bag anyone else could have taken it.
8752673 I'm just going to do a review of the story so far if its cool with you. Alright then let's start from the top, shall we?
your story seems to be well put together with very few to no grammar errors as far as I can tell. there is also your sentence structure, it seems to flow smoothly and leads on the sentance without any awkward transitions. You also seem to know where you're going with the story, a lot of people simply write as they go with no idea ahead. This one is a little more what it says about you, in a lot of stories the reader can tell where the author is from. An example is like saying bin or trash, another is football and soccer. However, your story lacks a lot of those clues which I can find a plus. One more thing is that you are very descriptive with your work and don't like to leave any detail or shy away from facts.
Unlike most Anon-a-miss stories you choose to go your own way including a killer that was never caught which, if not handled correctly can lead to disaster. As I mentioned before it seems you have at least a clue of where the story is going to go by how well they put together. As not doing this can lead to plot holes in one's story. So far at least this seems to be sound. All this yet, it does not completely break the mold. Sunset is framed and her friends leave her. That is a basic part of the story that some people get around. I'm quite glad you went the way you did or this story would not have had the effect it did, also you don't seem to take shortcuts. An example of this is in the investigation section of this chapter. You could have simply said "after examing all the current evidence Daring Doo went to speak with Ditsy" this would have had a very large impact on the development of the story.
Then, you are able to portray and express emotions (or lack of) which is something a lot of people struggle with. take this chapter, for example, it was clear that Ditzy was concerned about what was going on at the school and that she was afraid of what was happening in the city. You were able to portray the cold heart of Sunsets parental guardian and the sense of abandonment/distant feeling her little sister was having. Thanks to the aforementioned reasoning it brings a sense of relatability. The readers can connect with the fear, doubt, loss and hope that the characters can feel. The story is not predictable as most. Much like the walking dead (first tv series I can think of), You give no obvious clues as to who is safe and who will die, that can keep the viewers guessing.
Well, thats about all that I can say so far for the story. I'll make another one if I can (and if you want) when the story is completed! I hope you enjoyed.
8752781 I'd love nothing more than to read your review when this is completed, I try my best in keeping my work up. Though I will admit that if it weren't for my editor and some friends I'd be in some trouble at the beginning, I find that I'm getting the hang of my first ever attempt at making and posting a story.
Good chapter. Kill the mother. Send the girls to me. I'll protect them
is this equestria sunset or human sunset? just wondering cause if its equestria sunset it seems kinda weird that she would be living with her other selfs family i don't know maybe you have a big reveal/exposition heavy story for why that is was just curious
... Everytime i read anon-a-miss stories it takes me forever to forgive sweetie bell, cannon or not. Strangely its only sweetie bell, not AB or scoots.
8750639
Trust me there is a logical reason for this and a reason why this worlds Sunset is so radically different from her Equestrian self, when the rest of the cast seems to act like their pony counter parts.
8750733
really? Interesting, any particular reason why?
8751862
Sweetie Belle is always trying to hang out with her friends right? I mean they love spending time together so why was she so upset that the girls were having a sleepover? It was Rarity that told Sweetie Bell that she could not hang out with her, not Sunset. So sweetie didn't really have a reason for lashing out like she did. Just talking about one of Raritys secrets near diamond tiara would have been sufficient. And she stole from Sunset
that's about the best I got, other then that I have no clue why its just Sweeite belle. im sure that apple bloom did something to and honestly in most fics scoots never really does anything. Its rainbows fault that she just left her test sitting in her bag anyone else could have taken it.
8751876
Interesting, I like your reasoning, its very sound and logical
did you enjoy the newest chapter?
8751881
yeah actually it was very good
8752634
alright then, I'm just curious cause I enjoy feedback to know if I'm doing a good job or not making these scenes.
anything that particularly jumped at you? *curious*
8752673
I'm just going to do a review of the story so far if its cool with you.
Alright then let's start from the top, shall we?
your story seems to be well put together with very few to no grammar errors as far as I can tell. there is also your sentence structure, it seems to flow smoothly and leads on the sentance without any awkward transitions. You also seem to know where you're going with the story, a lot of people simply write as they go with no idea ahead. This one is a little more what it says about you, in a lot of stories the reader can tell where the author is from. An example is like saying bin or trash, another is football and soccer. However, your story lacks a lot of those clues which I can find a plus. One more thing is that you are very descriptive with your work and don't like to leave any detail or shy away from facts.
Unlike most Anon-a-miss stories you choose to go your own way including a killer that was never caught which, if not handled correctly can lead to disaster. As I mentioned before it seems you have at least a clue of where the story is going to go by how well they put together. As not doing this can lead to plot holes in one's story. So far at least this seems to be sound. All this yet, it does not completely break the mold. Sunset is framed and her friends leave her. That is a basic part of the story that some people get around. I'm quite glad you went the way you did or this story would not have had the effect it did, also you don't seem to take shortcuts. An example of this is in the investigation section of this chapter. You could have simply said "after examing all the current evidence Daring Doo went to speak with Ditsy" this would have had a very large impact on the development of the story.
Then, you are able to portray and express emotions (or lack of) which is something a lot of people struggle with. take this chapter, for example, it was clear that Ditzy was concerned about what was going on at the school and that she was afraid of what was happening in the city. You were able to portray the cold heart of Sunsets parental guardian and the sense of abandonment/distant feeling her little sister was having. Thanks to the aforementioned reasoning it brings a sense of relatability. The readers can connect with the fear, doubt, loss and hope that the characters can feel. The story is not predictable as most. Much like the walking dead (first tv series I can think of), You give no obvious clues as to who is safe and who will die, that can keep the viewers guessing.
Well, thats about all that I can say so far for the story. I'll make another one if I can (and if you want) when the story is completed!
I hope you enjoyed.
8752781
I'd love nothing more than to read your review when this is completed, I try my best in keeping my work up. Though I will admit that if it weren't for my editor and some friends I'd be in some trouble at the beginning, I find that I'm getting the hang of my first ever attempt at making and posting a story.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
Sincerely,
Sar Meister
8752795
i hope you have a good day as well!
It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a lesbian Derpy.
8975412
*curious* please explain?
Aimless.
9176215
Hmmmm? *Confused* Mind explaining what you mean? *Curious*