Celestia's Chosen Hero... is Carl?

by Joey JoJo Shabadoo

Part 12: Super Special Recap Chapter

Author's Note:

Due to budgetary issues, the next chapter of Celestia’s Chosen Hero… Is Carl, will not be uploaded, instead in its place I have provided a quick recap episode chapter for those who need a quick refresher on what has happened thus far.

I apologise to everyone who thought there'd be story progression based on last week's episode chapter. The story will continue for quite a while from next week onwards. I hope you will continue enjoy Yugioh VRAINS Celestia’s Chosen Hero… Is Carl?

“Where the fuck am I?” Said Carl.

“Equestria.” Said Celestia.

“Gay.” Said Carl.

“I am important man.” Said Unis.

“lol no.” Said Carl.

“I no longer like you.” Said Unis.

“What are we looking at?” Said Carl.

“These are windows.” Said Celstia

“I prefer Apple.” Said Carl.

*Audience Laughter*

“These are the Elements of Harmony.” Said Celestia.

“Are they important?” Carl said.

“No.” Celestia said.

“Who are these horse?” Carl said.

“They are the Elements of Harmony.” Celestia said.

“Are they important?” Carl said.

“No.” Celestia said.

"Who are the monster?" Said Carl.

"They were defeated by the Elements of Harmony." Said Celestia.

"Are they important?" Said Carl.

"Possibly, not very." Said Celestia.

“wait wha-”

“We shall go to Ponyville now.” Celestia said.

“I would prefer not to.” Carl said.

“Tough shit, nerd.” Celestia said.

“Okay” Carl said.

“We are flying now.” Celestia said.

“Why am I here?” Carl said.

"Why are any of us here?" Said Celestia.

"What?"

“I mean, becuase raisins.” Celestia said.

“But, no seriously, why?” Carl said.

“[overly convoluted series of circumstance that’s way too complicated for a kid’s show that I’ll fill in the details for later.webm]” Said Celstia.

“I understood that perfectly.” Said Carl.

“We are here...”

“Good.” Said Carl.

“...now.” Said Celestia.

“What?”.

“You didn’t let me finish.”

“Oh, sorry. Do that again.”

“Yes.”

“We are here…….

now.” Said Celestia.

“Good.” Said Carl.

“I am friendship horse Twilight.” Said Twilight.

“This is Starlight horse, she’s okay I guess.” Said Twilight.

“And this is Spike, he is irrelevant.” Said Twililight.

“I am no longer needed for the rest of this story.” Said Celestia.

“We go in castle now.” Said Twilight.

“Castle gay as shit.” Said Carl.

“I disagree.” Said Twilight.

“Okay.” Said Carl.

“You are a poop pants.” Siad Twilight.

“Oh yeah? Well[carl_talks_shit.wav}”

“I am offend.” Said Twilight.

“lmao” Said Carl

“no u.” Said Twilihgt

“Now I’m offend.” Said Carl.

“Stop being offense.” Said Starlight.

“I am irrelevant.” Said Spike.

“Come to my room. Carl.” Said Starlight.

“lol, come.” Said Carl.

“Do you like kites.” Said Starlight.

“That wasn’t funny the first time.” Said Carl.

“Here’s a book on foreshadowing.” Said Strarligt

“I sure hope this doesn’t fuck us in the ass later.” Said Carl.

“I am still mad.” Said Twilight.

“Okay.” Said. Carl

“I will take you to Povynille, where you will meet all of my friends, one-by-one until you stop being mean.” Said Twilight.

“I cannot see this going wrong in any way in the foreseeable future.” Said Carl.

“I am no longer needed.” Said Starlight.

“We are in the market. Twilight said.

“[autistic screeching]” Said Carl.

“We are no longer in the market.” Said Twilight.

“I am the Blue Fast.” Said Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbow Dash, please help me.” Twilight said.

“Is that you’re boyfriend, Twilight. I thought you were gay.” Said Rainbow Dash.

“What?”

“We must stop the lightning ball before it fucking kills everyone.” Rainbow Dash said.

“That would be bad.” Twilight said.

“I am also here.” Said Unis.

“ur mom.” Said Carl.

“I am upset by this.” Said Unis.

“There is the lightning balll.” Said Rainbow DSah.

“Do not touch the lightning ball.” Said Unis.

“”We will not touch the lightning ball. “ Said Twiglight.

“I touched the lightning ball.” Said Carl.

“You stopped the lightning ball.” Said Ranbow Dash.

*Audience Cheering*

“I wanted to stop the lightning ball.” Said Unis.

“Suck on my lightning balls.” Said Carl.

“I must go now, my planet Canterlot needs me.” Said Unis.

"memes." Said Rainbow Dash

“I am hungry.” Said Carl.

“Hello Hungry, I’m Twilight.”

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, I HATE THAT FUCKING JOKE SO FUCKING MUCH! EVERY FUCKING TIME AS A KID, WHENEVER I WAS HUNGRY, I’D TELL MY DAD AND HE’D ALWAYS ANSWER WITH THAT SAME FUCKING JOKE, EVERY! FUCKING! TIME! I’M FUCKING STARVING, I CAN’T DO SHIT WITH THESE TINY FUCKING BABY HANDS, I JUST WANTED SOME FUCKING FOOD, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! WHY COULDN’T YOU DO WHAT I FUCKING ASKED!? WHY DOES HE HAVE TO WASTE MY FUCKING TIME WITH HIS SHITTY JOKES!? IT WASN’T FUNNY THE FIRST FUCKING TIME, WHY WOULD IT BE FUNNY THE HUNDREDTH FUCKING TIME!? FUCK!!!” Carl said.

“Let us go to a restaurant for food.” Said Twilight.

“Are these flowers.” Said Calr.

“Yes, you eat them.” Said Twilight.

“I would rather contract cancer.” Said Carl.

“Let’s go see Pinkie Pie now.” Said Twilight.

“orhgiwrughpuriRPIGrubwpubRPHROPAHEOUPwoihjroeh40[ghwoerihg[ORHG[Ohg[OGHO[UHRGHWGOo[rwhowhgpaeoghrepoghapuehi” Said Pinkie Pie.

“This was a horrible mistake.” Said Carl.

“Carl would like food.” Said Twilight.

“Okie dokie lokie smokie bokie toki toki grokie chokie pokie wokie qokie zokie xoike”

Shut up.” Said Carl.

“We will bake now.” Sai dPInkie.

“Shit;s on fire.” Said Carl.

“FUCK!” Said Pinkie.

“Quick, throw Carl at the fire!” Said Twilight.

“My body put out the fire somehow.” Said Carl.

“Did you see that purple smoke? What was that? Was it the evil force Celestia warned us about? Why was it possessing the oven? What was it trying to accomplish and where did it go?” Said Twilight.

“No one cares.” Said Carl.

“Let’s go see FLuttershy now.” Said Twilight.

“Where is Fluttersh?y” Said Carl.

“Fluttershy is not here.” Said Twilgiht

“Who are these holes of asses?” Said Carl.

“These are my friends, Apples and Dresses.” Said Twilight.

“I don’t care.” Said Carl.

“B-but, you were the one who asked in the first pla”

“Fluttershy is in the Everfree Forest for reasons I do not remember.” Said one of Twilight’s friends who isn’t Fluttershy.

“Stick close to us CArl so you don’t die.” Said Twilight.

“I shall ignore this order immediately.” Said Carl.

Carl then proceeds to fall in swamp water.

“Oh no, I’m dying” Said Carl.

“Is Carl kill?” Said Twilight.

“He is died.” Said Aplpjack.

“I somehow stumbles upon a secret area of the everfree forest that no one else has ever seen beofre. I will not mention this to anyone for plot convenience.” Said Carl

“I am evil man.” Said SPOILER

“Go away.” Sadi Carl.

“Okay, you smell like swamp poo, anyway.” Said [SPIOLER]”

“Where am I?” Said Trixie.

“i dunno lol” Said Carl.

“I will take jew to FLturyshy’s to move the plot forward/” Said Trixie.

“You look like shit.” Saif Fluttereshy.

“I will shower now.” Said Carl.

[loud banging noises]

“I do not know how to shower.” Said Carl.

“I shall help you.” Said Fluttershy.

“I can hardly contain my erection.” Said Carl.

“YOu are clean now.” Said Fluttershy.

“I can’t into stairs.” Said Carl.

“topkek” Said FLuttershy.

“Hey, Carl. Let’s go bowling!” Said Pinkie.

“[GTA IV reference]” Said Carl.

“I rigged the balls with explosives.” Said Pinkie.

“FUCKING WHA-”

*KABLOOEY*

“I no longer wish to play bowling.” Said Carl.

“Let’s go to the spa.” Said Pinkie.

“No.” Said Carl.

“Let’s go to Sweet appple Acres.” Said Pinkie.

“No.” Said Carl.

“Let’s go to the Ponyville Cock Tower.” Said Pinknip.

“Yes.” Said Carl.

“Really?” Said Pinkie

“lol jk.” Said Carrl.

“I shall take you somewhere else.” Said Pinkie.

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.” Said Carl.

“That made me sad.” Said Pinkie.

“Carl you memeing fuck! You made Pinkie sad!” Said Twilight.

“I dun goofed.” Said Carl.

“Stop memeing, or you will no longer be welcome at my castle.” Said Twilight.

“Pickle Rick.” Said Carl.

“You are now exiled.” Said Twilight.

“Wubba lubba dub dub.” said carl.

And then it rained a lot.

“Trixie, I am cold and wet, like a lonely vagina, may I come inside.” Said CArll.

“No, there is only enough room in this carriage for two wet vaginas.” SAid TRixie.

“Wait, what?”

“You have made me so mad, I shall take you to Rarity’s house, to prove to you how mad I really am.” Said Trixie.

“Wait, what?”

“Here is Rarity’s house. You now owe me for this at some point in the future.” Said Trixie.

“Wait, what?”

“Hello, darling. I am Rarity, darling. I will clean you up, darling.” Said Darling.

“I am okay with this.” Said Carl.

“I shall also give you a makeover darling.” Said dalring.

“I am not okay with this.” Said Carl.

“Tough titties.” SaidDARLING.

“I am hungry.” Said Carl.

“where are the 3-cheese pizzas” Said Rarity.

“i ate those foods” Said Carl.

“where are the taco shells” Said Rarity.

“i ate those foods” Said Carl

“where did all the hamburger helper go” Said Rarity.

“Ponies Don’t Eat Hamburgers.” Said Carl.

“Go to bed, Carl.” SAid Rarity.

“I will do that thing that you just said.” Said Carl.

“GREETINGS PONOS I AM THE QUEEN OF NIGHT I HAVE COME TO SURVEY YOUR DREAMS” SAID LUNA

“Yo, I’m so baked bruh. I dont even know what hosres even feeeel.” Said Carl.

“wE SHALL NOW CONVERSE” sAID lUNA

“k” Said Carl.

“wE WOULD LIKE TO INQUIRE AS TO THE CURRENT STATE OF YOUR EMOTIONS AND OR FEELINGS IN THIS VERY MOMENT IN TIME” sAID lUNA

“wut” Said carl

“fORGIVE ME IT SEEMS THAT QUESTION WAS FAR TOO ADVANCED FOR YOUR CURRENT MENTAL CAPACITY TO COMPREHAND” sAID lUNA

“Oh, that’s okay, dude.” Said Carl.

“dO YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER DETAILS ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU WISH TO DIVULGE” sAID lUNA.

“I guess... you see, it all started a long ass time ago, in a town called Kickapoo, a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside-down. Now I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there and I’ll tell how I became the Prince of a town called Bel-Air.” Said Carl.

“What the actual fuck are you talking about?” Said Luna.

“I just want to meme.” Said Carl.

“Okay, this is getting silly, I’m leaving now.” Said Luna.

“I am now awake.” Sai d Carl.

“Squeak.” Said Sweetie Belle.

“Ew, go away.” Said Carl.

“Carl, we will now have an emotional discussion, while Rarity makes me stuff and things.” Said FLuttershy

“I don’t know, that sounds kinda gay.” Said CArl.

“That is okay,becuase RArity is already back with my thingstuff.” Said Fluttershy.

“Darling, here is your thingstuff darling.” Darling said darling.

“I will take this to Pinkie PIe/” Said FLuttereshy.

“I will also leave.” Said CArl.

“Carl, I thought you were cool, but it turns out you actaully drool..” Said Rainbow Dash.

“I don’t remember even having a conversation with you.” Said Carl.

“We are the CutiemMArk Crusaders and we are here to annoy you.” Said one or more of the Cutie mArk Crusaders.

“This annoys me.” Said Carl.

“What in tarnation.” Sid Applejack

“I refuse to apologise to Pinky about my earlier shitpost.”

“[yeehaws angrily]” Said Applejack

“I do not wish to go to Sugarcube Croner to apologise to Pink” Said cARL.

“There’s a snake in my boot.” Said Applejack.

"If you are going to tie me up, then I guess I have no choice." Said Carl.

"Reach for the sky, boy howdy." Said Applejack.

“What?”

“Sorry, my knowledge of cowboy stereotypes is rather limited.”

“Oh, that’s okay, nobody’s perfect.”

“I am now the sad.” Said Pinkie Pie.

“Stop being sad.” SAdi Carl.

“I am no longer sad.” Said Pinkie PIe/

“Bitchin’” Said Carl.

“Take this scarf as a sign of our friendship.” SAid Pinkie.

+2 Defense.

“Let us go see Twilight.” Said Pinkie.

“I’m pretty sure most people stopped reading by this point, but sure, okay.” SAid Carl.

“I am still mad.” Said Twilight.

“I am also mad.” Said Unis.

“Pinkie is no longer sad.” Said Carl.

“That makes me glad.” Said Twilight.

“That’s pretty rad.” Said Carl.

“I still disapprove.” Said Unis.

“FUCK YOU UNIS, YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT! YOU RUINED OUR COMBO!” Said Carl.

“We sahll do the shopping now.” Said Twilight.

“Wow, what an interesting and engaging plot development.” SAid CArl.

“I am child character.2 Said child character.

“Cool. Said Carl.

KABLAMZO!

“The store explodeded.” Said CArl.

“I am villain.” Said SPOILER

“Villain bad.” Said Twilight.

“Behold my giant balls.” SAid [SPOILER}

“Get your balls out of my face.” Twiliht said.

“I shall punch you.” SAid Carl.

“I highly doubt that.” SAdi Villain [SPOILER

“I have punched you.” Said Carl.

“MY doubts were misplaced.” Said spoiler[]

“ur gay lol.” Said Carl.

“Your words cut deeper than any wound. I am taking this child now.” SAid [SPIOLER]

“Let that child alone.” SAid Carl.

“Curses foiled again.” Said [VILLAIN} spoiler.

“We must go to Canterlot.”Said Twilight.

“Cool;” SAid CArl.

“Via train.” SAid TWilight.

“Not cool.” Said Carl.

“Carl, do you want to play cards.” SAid Twilight.

“No,” SAid CArl.

“Unis do you want to play carsd.” Said Twilight.

“Yes.” Said Unis.

“Cards are for homosexuals.” SAid Carl.

“What is wrong Carl ar you of gallus gallus domesticus descent.” Said UNIS

“U fokin wot m8!? Ill kick yer bleedin teef in, i swear on me mum>” Said Carl.

And then they played cards.

“I am win.” Said Carl.

“I just hope the outcome of this game does not foreshadow any future plot points.” Said Unis.

“I as well.” Said CArl.

“ We are CAnterlot now.” SAid Twilight.

“That person is being mugged.” Said Unis.

“lel” Said Carl.

“We are now at the castle except for Unis becuase I couldn’t be bothered to give him anything to do at this particular point in the story.”

“THE FLAG FOR SISTER@S ARRIVAL IS ONLY TRIGGERED AFTER THE ENCOUNTER WITH VILLAIN MAN>” SAID LUNA

“Villain man outside” Said Guard/

“I SHALL CONFRONT VILLIAN MAN>” SAID LAUN

“I am villain man.” SAid villain man

“WHO ARE YOU” SAID LUNA

“My name”

“WHO ARE YOU”

“My name….”

WHO ARE YOU”

“My..”

“WHO ARE YOU”

“....”

“....”

“My name is not important. What is important is what I'm going to do... I just fuckin' hate this world. And the human worms feasting on its carcass. My whole life is just cold, bitter hatred. And I always wanted to die violently. This is the time of vengeance and no life is worth saving. And I will put in the grave as many as I can. It's time for me to kill. And it's time for me to die. My genocide crusade begins here.”

“WHO ARE YOU”

“I am leaving now.”

“I have returned to the story.” SAid Celestia.

“THat’s nice.” SAid Carl.

“sISTER I HAVE ENCOUNTERED VILLAIN MAN FROM !))) YEARS AGO” SAID LUNA

“Shiet” Said Celestia.

“pLEASE ELEBORATE ON HIS BACKSTORY.”

“[lol I’m not rewriting all that shit]” SAid Celestia

“I am leaving now.” SAid CArl.

“I shall join you.” SAid Twiligh

“I wish to get drunk.” SAid CArl.

“We do not have drunk inthis world.” Said Twilight.

“I am saddened greatly by this revelation.” Said Carl

“Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like? Said Twilight.

“We have now bonded emotionally” SAid Carl.

“Does that mean we’re friends now?” SAid Twilight.

“No.”

Comments

[deathcombo99]

I know so much now. More than when I read the actual story.

[Dravkwn]

“And this is Spike, he is irrelevant.” Said Twililight.

Everything else in this chapter was irrelevant, but that part definitely made me laugh.