A Broken Mare

by DJ Variety

Colts

“Rainbow Dash?” Rarity was a little surprised by the mare’s appearance for she had assumed that Rainbow Dash would still be about pranking with Pinkie. “Pinkie promised me there’d be no pranks this evening so don’t even…”

“What? No, shut up.” Rainbow interrupted. “Look, I’m not here to prank you. I haven’t even seen Pinkie all day. I need…”

“Oh Rainbow Dash! How could you?” Now it was Rarity’s turn to interrupt, “Pinkie was practically exploding with excitement just thinking about the pranks you two would pull today and you stand her up? Poor darling. What kind of a friend just ignores another friend?”

“Rarity, please! It’s not a big deal. Pinkie will be fine” Rainbows tone and expression showed her annoyance with her theatrical friend. “Look I’ve been a little distracted lately and I was hoping for…” she trailed off rubbing the back of her neck and glancing around, avoiding eye contact.

“Hoping for what dear?” the white unicorn prodded, curious with the unusual way the brash mare was acting. “Darling is something wrong?”

“No, I’m fine.” Dash replied quickly. “It’s just that I’ve been thinking a lot and… well you see it’s just… I’m not really sure how to… I’m not as experienced as you are when it comes to…”

Rarity stared at the rambling mare with a deadpan expression. “Rainbow Dash?”

“Uh, yeah Rarity?” Rainbow said cautiously with a nervous smile on her face.

“Why are you here?” questioned Rarity.

Rainbow glanced around gathering her thoughts and her nerves. Exhaling she said with a defeated look, “I was hoping to get some advice about…colts.”

The last part of Rainbow’s sentence was extremely quiet and almost inaudible. For a split second Rarity was almost positive she had heard the mare wrong. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Please don’t make me say it again Rarity,” was the only reply and all the proof Rarity needed to know she didn’t need to get her hearing checked. With her stomach bubbling from giddy excitement and her eyes lighting up Rarity inhaled preparing to screech out in uncontainable joy but a hoof was quickly placed over her mouth. “Don’t you even dare,” said the cyan pegasus with a stern look in her eyes.

A short time later the two were sitting down at Rarity’s dinner table with refreshments. As eager as Rarity was to hear all about her friend’s latest interest she wouldn’t be able to stand herself if she wasn’t the perfect hostess. “So Rainbow Dash please do tell. Which stallion has caught the eye of the best flier in all of Equestia?”

“It’s not like that Rarity. It’s just that I’ve never really noticed colts before I guess. Recently however I keep feeling like something is missing in my life. I’ve always kind of felt this way actually. Dreaming about my future has always included things like being a Wonderbolt and being a hero. Well, I am those things now, but there was also another part of me that wanted a family. It never seemed as important because I was too busy trying to achieve all these other goals that I deemed more important. Where I am now in my life though, it’s clear to me that starting a family might just be the most important one of them all and its the hardest one too.”

“And ponies think I’m dramatic,” teased Rarity. “Look Rainbow Dash, you’re thinking to far into the future. You see a goal and want to complete it but finding love is not that easy. What you need to do is find some gentlecolts who you enjoy being around and ask them on a date. If you feel a connection you continue to see them till you’ve both come to the consensus that you want to be together.”

“Well that doesn’t seem to hard. So I just find a colt who shares my interests and bam! A couple dates and my perfect future is secure.”

“No no darling. With that attitude you’re asking for trouble and heartbreak. That’s the same mentality I had about Prince Blueblood and remember how that turned out.” Rarity shuddered at the memory. “It’s not about finding one colt and then just putting in the time. You’re going to have to peruse a little. See a few colts and see who it is you’re compatible with.”

Rarity watched as Rainbow Dash thought over their conversation. “Okay. Where do I start?”

“So brash as always Rainbow Dash. Well, the only place to start is by finding a nice colt. You have the right idea about finding someone who shares your interests. As far as somepony specific that is up to you. While I’m more than glad to give you advice I will not make any decisions for you.”

“I understand, nopony knows me better than me right?” Replied Rainbow with a confident smile.”

“Exactly, now if you don’t mind it is getting rather late. Wouldn’t want you getting lost in the night sky again.”

“One time. I party too hard and misplace my cloud home one time and never hear the end of it.”

“Darling your house is magically stuck in one place. You didn’t misplace it. You drank too much and tried to fly to your parents’ place in Cloudsdale.”

“Yeah, well. I wasn’t lost. I knew where I was going.”

“We found you the next day in the opposite direction of Cloudsdale.” And with that Rarity proclaimed her victory. Uttering their final goodbyes for the night Rarity asked to be kept informed on Rainbow Dash’s newest adventure.

“Yeah, yeah I’ll keep you informed. Just promise me you won’t go around telling the whole town I’ve gone soft. I have an image to uphold.” Replied Rainbow as she departed Carousel Boutique. Rarity waved goodbye to her friend as she soared out of sight. In her heart Rarity was overflowing with happiness for her friend and hoping Rainbow would find a colt who would treat her right.

Author's Note:

Okay so I'm not sure if I like my own writing style or not. Also this chapter seemed really short but it got across what I wanted it to, I guess. If you can't tell back and forth conversations aren't really my strong suit. Dialogue be harder then I thought. Especially when trying to convey complex concepts like love.

Comments

[everydaygamer]

It's pretty good so far, definitely interested in seeing where this goes. Keep it up.

[FnordBear]

First stories are always rough. You at least have me along for the ride.

Don't worry about chapter length. Worry instead about each chapter getting it's part of the story across at the proper pace.

If you haven't done so already draw up a story outline and just write a rough sentence or two in the outline on what you want each chapter to cover. Then accept the outline will be a rough guide not a set in stone thing.

[Angry Ramen]

As far as writing dialogue goes, it's one of the more difficult things most writers have nailing. Honestly. I think your dialogue is in a good place for your first story, but has room for improvement, which, of course, I'm sure it will improve as you go along. Remember, everyone was new at writing at one point. Keep on writing, I'm eager to see where you take us.

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

“And ponies think I’m dramatic,” teased Rarity. “Look Rainbow Dash, you’re thinking to (too) far into the future. You see a goal and want to complete it but finding love is not that easy. What you need to do is find some gentlecolts who you enjoy being around and ask them on a date. If you feel a connection you continue to see them till you’ve both come to the consensus that you want to be together.”

“Yeah, yeah I’ll keep you informed. Just promise me you won’t go around telling the whole town I’ve gone soft. I have an image to uphold.” Replied Rainbow (Rainbow replied) as she departed Carousel Boutique. Rarity waved goodbye to her friend as she soared out of sight. In her heart Rarity was overflowing with happiness for her friend and hoping Rainbow would find a colt who would treat her right.

(Subject of the sentence comes before the verb)