• Member Since 2nd Oct, 2017
  • offline last seen 44 minutes ago

DJ Variety


T

After an eventful day Rarity is approached by Rainbow Dash who is seeking advice on dating. After building up the courage Rainbow Dash decides to give it a shot. All was going good until it took a nasty turn. Rainbow Dash is left broken and fragile and it will take the help of all her friends to piece her back together.

This is my first time writing a story. If it's not good or if you see places where I can improve it would be much appreciated. Just so you know this story is going to be clean but with some less then pleasant things that are implied. I promise I won't go into any gory or disgusting details.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 31 )

Good on you for trying! Keep up the effort and the rewards will please :eeyup: :pinkiesmile: :derpytongue2:

It's pretty good so far, definitely interested in seeing where this goes. Keep it up.

First stories are always rough. You at least have me along for the ride.

Don't worry about chapter length. Worry instead about each chapter getting it's part of the story across at the proper pace.

If you haven't done so already draw up a story outline and just write a rough sentence or two in the outline on what you want each chapter to cover. Then accept the outline will be a rough guide not a set in stone thing. :twilightsmile:

As far as writing dialogue goes, it's one of the more difficult things most writers have nailing. Honestly. I think your dialogue is in a good place for your first story, but has room for improvement, which, of course, I'm sure it will improve as you go along. Remember, everyone was new at writing at one point. Keep on writing, I'm eager to see where you take us.

She sounds kinda ace, to be honest (not that I'm complaining!)

Flash Sentry?

Let's say he likes Twilight more

i have a prediction. She was sexaully assaulted

I wanted to leave an update for this week, but didn't want to add a new chapter to do so. My goal for this ended up being that I wanted to write once a week every Tuesday night. I didn't get that chance this week on account of work and an anime convention I'm going to this weekend. I've just been too busy, so instead of a full chapter I thought I'd just thank everyone.

Majorminor2242, everdaygamer, Angry Ramen, and FnordBear - thanks for the early encouragement. It definitely helped me want to continue. Also FnodBear, great avatar and thanks for the advice.

Shortmane- I wasn't intending her to sound that way but I like it that way as well.

Tunefulsubset72- there is more and I hope you're liking it so far

Speedy Silverstreak- Flash is just a name I used, he's not really the same guy. I didn't want to make an OC

Steven Brony- while I won't confirm or deny any predictions I do appreciate your prediction. I'd like to see more people making predictions. To be honest the setup of this story has completely changed compared to what I had in mind so things keep changing.

And even if you haven't commented or like or even disliked. I do appreciate everyone who at least has given this story a chance. I'm not a writer but the support is nice. Thank you everybody.

OMG!!!
POOR DASHIE!!

Rarity wasn’t surprised by Soarin’s sudden appearance, a matter of fact she was waiting for it, but what did surprise her was Rainbow Dash’s reaction. Rainbow Dash was terrified. She was slowly backing away and breathing heavily. She started to glance around quickly. “Darling are you okay,” Rarity was even more worried now.

“Um, ah, yeah. I’m fine, but, um… I got to go!” and with that Rainbow Dash bolted out of the castle but not through the front door. Instead Rainbow Dash darted towards the window on the farthest side and slipped out that way.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MORE!!!

8530741
That could be true!
That would explain why she is scared of Soarin'!
:pinkiegasp:

I am sure more than one person is reading it. New authors tend not to get tons of comments until they are well established or if they luck out and hit the hot box. :heart:

I... Don't know what to say right now.... This story is amazing tho:heart:
I'm still wondering why Rainbow would want to... You know...

Oh no.... what happened with Flash...:flutterrage: poor Rainbow

This story is so good! Please keep it up!:pinkiehappy:

OMG!
I love this chappie!!
I can't wait to see what happens next!!! :heart:

Chapter 25: Rainbow gets date raped

We will hang Flash Sentry for his crimes!

Ah knew it she was raped. Also take it easy with the "darlings" Rarity doesn't say that in every sentence you know.

You handled a sensitive subject tastefully. For a "non-writer" that is quite an accomplishment.

:twilightsmile:

8566385
Did I over use darling through the whole story or just the last chapter? I remember for the last chapter I used it a lot thinking it made the dialogue sound more comforting on Rarity's part. After rereading it I'd agree though, it was a little much. I appreciate the constructive criticism.

It was another good day in Ponyville and “good” meant that some ancient magic wasn’t running rampant trying to destroy the small village. While the lack of excitement use (used) to be considered boring or mundane, these peaceful and otherwise uneventful days have become extremely sought after by the local residents. This was especially true for everypony’s favorite fashionista Rarity.

“Hmm… well I was waiting for Dashie to do some pranking but she was suppose (supposed) to be here like forever ago. Maybe she’s not coming. It’d be rude of her to not let me know though. Maybe she just forgot.” Pinkie pondered to herself. It seemed to Rarity that Pinkie was more or less thinking out loud rather then actually answering. After years of being friends with the pink mare Rarity knew it was hard for Pinkie to do something that might let one of her friends down.

“And with how perfectly that prank went I thought of a super duper awesomely spectacular prank for later today but I’m going to need Dashie’s help because it’s quite the doozy. And I maybe (2 words) good but even I can’t pull it off alone.” Pinkie proceeded to tell Rarity.

“And ponies think I’m dramatic,” teased Rarity. “Look Rainbow Dash, you’re thinking to (too) far into the future. You see a goal and want to complete it but finding love is not that easy. What you need to do is find some gentlecolts who you enjoy being around and ask them on a date. If you feel a connection you continue to see them till you’ve both come to the consensus that you want to be together.”

“Yeah, yeah I’ll keep you informed. Just promise me you won’t go around telling the whole town I’ve gone soft. I have an image to uphold.” Replied Rainbow (Rainbow replied) as she departed Carousel Boutique. Rarity waved goodbye to her friend as she soared out of sight. In her heart Rarity was overflowing with happiness for her friend and hoping Rainbow would find a colt who would treat her right.

(Subject of the sentence comes before the verb)

Approaching her abode, grateful to soon be free of the wind that was wrecking her mane, Rarity started at the door. Finding it unlocked at first cause slight alarm in the mare but her fears where instantly squelched upon remembering Sweetie Belle. Rarity had given Sweetie Belle a key to her home and while she wasn’t fond of surprise visits .....she........couldn’t complain too much this time. For her little sister had informed her that she planned on dropping by soon, and while Rarity would have preferred a specific date and time she was just glad to have gotten any form of warning at all.

“Yes and where is the little angel now? Not in my inspiration room I hope.” Asked Rarity with a hint of sarcasm and immediately followed by the fear of a potential disaster. Rarity loved her sister and she knew how much Sweetie just wants (wanted) to help, but Rarity also knows (knew) of her sister uncanny ability to cause destruction.

You've got both past & present tense in one sentence. Either is fine, but they shouldn't be mixed

“I know that. I told Thunderlane that it was a real date. For us it was real but to everypony else we were just friends. It was perfect.” Reasoned Rainbow Dash looking like she had just one an intellectual debate.

Rainbow Dash reasoned, looking like she had just won an intellectual debate.

“Okay so first, only pinkie (Pinkie) can call me Dashie. When other ponies do it its (it's) weird. And second, I’m not sure if I want to go on another date with him or any other pony for that matter.”

Rainbow’s comment had surprised Rarity. “I thought you said ....that....you enjoyed yourself. Why do you want to stop?”

“Well not but…”

"Well, no, but....." (or "not really," or "not exactly,", etc.)

To say Rarity was a little grumpy from being woken at such a late hour was an understatement. She wanted little more then (then = time. You mean "than") to run the culprit off her property but knew to do so would not be becoming of a civilized pony. Swinging the door open forcefully with her magic Rarity came face to face with the one and only Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow Dash do you know the hour?! What could be so important that you would dare disturb my beauty sleep, hmm?”

“As if you’re not already,” grumbled Rarity through clenched teeth. Rarity loved spending time with her friends but knowing Rainbow Dash this wasn’t a matter of life or death and could have waited till the morning. “What can I help you with Rainbow Dah?” (Dash) sighed Rarity in defeat just wanting to get it over with so she could return to slumber and good dreams.

“Ohmygosh, Rarity it was awesome! I’ve never felt like this before. I thought the date with Thunderlane was great but today with Soarin it was on a whole other level. He’s a hoot to be with, being both confident and nervous at the same time. Kind and funny, making me feel more special than anypony ever has before. Understanding and willing to do whatever to make me feel more comfortable.” Rainbow had seemingly burst, not even answering Rarity’s original question and just spewing everything she was thinking. “Besides, compared to Thunderlane he’s at least 20% more hansom… (cough) I mean cooler.”

(Hansom is French for a taxicab. Handsom....(if you want to stop in the middle))

Rarity was taken off guard by the sudden ramblings of her friend. Even though she knew this was something Rainbow had been wanting, it still seemed strange to see this rainbow maned mare excited about a date. “It seems to have gone well. I’m glad to here (hear) it darling. What all did you two do tonight, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Rarity entered the caste (castle) and headed towards what can only be described as a dinning room. While generally dinning (probably mean "dining") wasn’t done there Rarity couldn’t think of a better description, map room? Regardless, upon entering the room containing the arcane table of untold power Rarity greeted those who were present. “Good morning everypony. Just missing Pinkie Pie I see.”

8550554
Well, probably not Soarin or he wouldn't be puzzled. Since the date was with Flash, probably him. IMO, he didn't want to take "I'm not ready yet" as an acceptable response

Rarity sat quietly in Twilight’s castle contemplating the events of the last few days. After Dash’s sudden retreat the other day from the castle it had taken the entire day and most of the night before Rainbow Dash was found. Upon returning to her home that night to feed her woodland friends Fluttershy was the one who found the mare. Nopony else saw Rainbow that night in according to (accordance with) her own wishes. The only reason the others knew was because of a letter delivered to Twilight’s castle by Angel the bunny.

The next morning ended up being no better. Everypony was planning on heading to the cottage just outside of town but instead were met halfway by Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash still wasn’t ready to talk to them all and while Applejack protested, Fluttershy convinced them that it was for the best. Fluttershy had convinced Rainbow to stay with her for a while, and Rainbow had agreed as long as it would be just her and Fluttershy.

The Last Roundup (S2 E14) You'd think that AJ would be a little more understanding about not wanting to talk.

8603195
YYYYYAAAASS!
I didn't think about that!!:pinkiegasp:

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