The (not so) Last Unicorn: A Well Deserved Happy Ending

by Chrome Masquerade

Explanations and More Introductions

"So... let me get this straight." Amalthea started, after the issue was explained. "I've done something extremely brave..."

"Courageous, but yes." Celestia confirmed.

"unlocked a new kind of magic in our world..."

"The magic of Passion." Luna said, nodding.

"And ascended to being a demigoddess and automatically became royalty through the contrived power of love and kinship."

"More or less." Twilight said, blushing slightly, having experienced much the same.

"Do you have any idea how weird that sounds?" Amalthea deadpanned.

"Trust me, weird is a slow day here." Cadence said.

"But it's still more docile than your world." Celestia added.

"And the rest of you are likely to follow at some point." Cadence said. "From what we've sen, all four of you have done something similarly momentous, which will soon result in ascension for all of you. Lir, for example, willingly sacrificed himself so that the Red Bull cold be defeated. Blue Moon here unlocked her true power and went from magician to sorcerer. Molly had in the past discovered that she was an animal empath."

"A what?" Soup Bowl queried, tilting her head slightly.

"Why do ye think i took such a shine to ye, lass? Yer ability to parley with animals sich's meself served ye well."

Cadence nodded "Indeed. we also have an animal empath that you might like to speak to."

Twilight spoke up. "That would be my friend Fluttershy. She is a... touch meek, but has been getting better."

A knock came from the door to the room. "Beggin' yer pardon?" a muffled voice spoke, "Can we come in? If'n we wait too much longer, Pinkie's gonna 'splode from excitement. Ah wish ah was exaggeratin'."
With a flicker of Celestia's magic, the door opened. A pink blur rushed through the door, coming to a stop in front of Amalthea.

"Hi!I'mPinkiePie! Areyouthenewprincess? Youmustbethenewprincess! Somanynewfriends! Somanypartiestoplan! I'msoexcited! Areyouexcited? Youshouldbeexcitedbecause-"

Amalthea instinctively used her magic to clamp Pinkie's mouth shut. "Are you done?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Pinkie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. After that, she opened her eyes and nodded.

After her mouth was released, Pinkie continue at a more sedate pace. "Sorry. I get carried away sometimes. Like a lot of the time. Heh. Heh."

The next pony spoke up; an orange coloured pony with a blond mane. And a hat. "So sorry 'bout Pinkie here. When she heard that there were ponies comin' from another world, she rushed us all here t' meetcha. Mare was like a can full o' jumpin' beans. Ah'm Applejack, by the by."

A white, purple maned uniccorn spoke up next. "Yes, and i'm Rarity. If you ever need a new dress, come to me."

Next a yellow pink maned pegasus spoke up. Barely. "And i-i'm Fluttershy. N-nice to met you." she stammered slightly.

Lastly a blue rainbow maned mare piped in. "And i'm Rainbow Dash. The fastest and most awesome pegasus in Equestria." she boasted.

"It's a pleasure to meet each and every one of you. I'm Amalthea and my friends are Bright Blade, Soup Bowl and... Blue Moon." Each of her friends waved in turn.

"You know what this calls for?" Pinkie said, pausing for dramatic effect.

Her friends rolled their eyes in unison and counted down. "Three... Two... One..."

"A PARTY!!!" Pinkie exclaimed, throwing confetti into the air and firing off a miniature cannon.

Blade was flummoxed. "How? Where? When?"

The five other friends said in unison "It's Pinkie Pie. Just don't question it."

Comments

[Scarheart]

8481755
That's kinda lazy. If you want to keep readers interested, you need to write why Schmendrick went female. The fact he has zero reaction to his gender swap is unrealistic. You need to make your characters come to life and act as a living, breathing sapient being would react. Engage your readers and entertain them, don't go with 'magic'. Magic has rules. Worlds have rules. Establish them and then stick to them. Don't be a lazy writer. Show you care about your story. Details, man! It will help you grow as a writer. Good luck!

[Chrome Masquerade]

8481808
I apologize for wasting your time, then.

[Foxhelm]

8481873
,8481808 is not wrong, you can have whatever rules you want, magic can do whatever you want it to do, however you want it done, BUT you have to establish the world and the rules therein AND stick to them, in the last chapter you had the four renamed and here you go back to their previous names. Pick a set and stick to it. Also, it helps to sell the premise of the story by having the born human characters freak out about their species change or react in some manner constant to their characterization in either the novel or movie, whichever you are actually using as the base for this, and with Schmendrick's sex change, a bigger reaction is warranted.
There is a good story in here, but your lack of detail of the world, the magic and the rules therein, and the retcon of names from chapter 2 to chapter 3 undermine it.
On a side note, you could have just had Lir and Amalthea go through and avoided most of the criticisms that 8481808 and I both have.
Details are critical. This is not a bad story idea, but your execution leaves much to be desired.

[Chrome Masquerade]

8491149 Look, It's not that i'm not trying my hardest to keep the whole thing from falling apart; I really am! I truly want to make this right.
And i'm not making the mistake of just scrapping it; I did that once and still regret it
But thank you so much for your input. I'll attempt to be less of a derp henceforth.
Perhaps i should stick to poetry.
Also i explained the narrative why of 'that' in the second chapter.

[Foxhelm]

8491205
Okay, here are a few suggestions; sit down and write out/ type out in bullet point format the basic ideas like this
Chapter 1

• Brief recap of the end of The Last Unicorn, or where your reference point
• During the besting of the Red Bull and the Return of the Unicorns there is a flash of magic that ripples
• Lir thinks about staying, the others present counterpoints
• Lir states something to effect of 'if only I was a unicorn like you?'
• Amalthea expresses that she too would welcome that
• They turn to Schmendrick, Schmendrick points out that he's not the one in control, he is bearer of his magic
• Celestia arrives and presents Lir and Amalthea the option to come with her, pointing out that while the fundamental part of their desire will be granted, it might not be exactly what they want
• They decide to go after a brief talk, Molly and Schmendrick follow out of curiosity and sense of comradery
  Chapter 2
• The transformation as they traverse to the new universe (Schmendrick should remain a stallion)
• They arrive and the characters react to the transformation, Lir is ecstatic about his flight, Amalthea is confused, Molly is asking questions and Schmendrick has a full-on freakout, (check out Ponywithpockets Productions audio drama Doctor Whooves and Assistant the first episode for a good reference, or Joshscourer's review of Hearts and Hooves Day)
• etc

Then flush the points out, add some, delete some, alter where they are in the story,
Make sure you have an end of your story in mind, and work to that goal, let's say the goal is that Almathea wants to be a plain unicorn in this Equestria, then work to the removal of her demigod status and her wings
Or if you must change Schmendrick's sex either have him seek to change back to male or learn to be in his new body, or he seeks a way home to be a man again and Molly has to make her own choices on the matter.
Have Lir learn the hard way that being an equine was not the ideal solution he thought and how he can make it a happy ever after with Almathea... it doesn't really matter what the ending you pick will be unless you work for it.
And use as many details as you can, have the world shown to us readers by experiencing it with the four and not told to us.

[Chrome Masquerade]

8491252 i shall consider that. Thank you.