Element of Courage

by AmbitiousPony

Early Years

Early Years

Screams echoed through the halls of the hospital, signaling to the other pony nurses that the new foal was about to come into the world. Star Charmer laid back again, trying to catch her breath, watching her husband as he paced back and forth next to her in the room.

" Alright Star, one more push should do the trick so get ready." The nurse patted the blanket smiling at the out of breath unicorn. Star breathed once more and pushed as hard as she could. Charming Thunder watched as his wife screamed for the last time and the sound of a crying newborn foal filled the room.

The nurses and the doctor quickly worked over the foal, wiping her off and wrapping her in a pink blanket. The new mother smiled at the pink bundle and lifted her hooves towards it. They handed her the wrapped-foal who settled into her mother's arms. Charming Thunder walked towards the bed and peered over the blanket to see what his daughter looked like. The foal shifted in the blanket letting both parents see her beautiful white fur and violet mane, curling around her delicate face covering one eye. The parents looked at one another, wondering to themselves how they made such a beautiful unicorn.

Seven Years later

"Come on Mom and Dad! We're going to be late!" A little filly bounced down the Manehatten street, following her was a grown blue mare and a yellow stallion looking weary but excited.

"Violet, slow down, you know your father and I can't keep up with you!" called Star Charmer. Violet stopped and turned to smile at her parents with sparkling purple eyes. Her parents couldn't help but smile back. She was way down the street, busy with other ponies, when she saw her parents stopped gazing at the sky.

Violet looked up and saw something hurtling downward towards the big city. She glanced at her parents, hoping they would reassure her but they seemed memorized by the thing in the sky. Suddenly the thing in the sky was visible, a rock on fire, rocketing towards her parents.

Seconds before it crashed, she turned to her parents who were looking at her with terrified eyes. "Mom! Dad!" she screamed as it hit and they were engulfed by the explosion. Tears burned her eyes as well as the force that sent her tumbling away. Ponies began to run and scream in terror of the fire raging through the street, searching for something to burn. Sobbing loudly, she sat in the street, watching firefighter ponies battling the flames, wishing it was a nightmare.

One week later

Violet sat in the child services office for hours, waiting for two ponies to come to tell her where she will be living. "What do you mean she has no other relatives?!" A older mare shouted inside the closed door. "Star Charmer and Charming Thunder don't have any brothers and sisters nor any grandparents that can take charge of a young filly like her!" Another female voice shouted back. The door suddenly opened and two mares walked out, hoping the young foal did not hear the argument.

"Violet, is it?" Violet willed herself to nod, "I'm sorry to say that you will be staying at the orphanage indefinitely." said the younger looking mare with aqua colored fur. Noticing the confused filly's face, she reiterated, "That means for the time being." Tears threatened to spill as she looked away, trying to look strong but failing at it.

The mare looked worriedly at the older pony next to her, noticing that ever since the accident, the young foal hadn't spoken a word. "If you need to talk to someone about what happened, we will be happy to set you up with a grief Councilor if you're interested." the older pony spoke with a soft voice.

Violet only shook her head in defiance, thinking no one in this world would understand what she was going through, she lifted herself off the chair and walked out the door towards the orphanage.

Two years later

Violet sat in class, sitting away from the other ponies like she's done for the past two years. They know she's different from them but can't place their hooves on it. The teacher also knew she was different but she knew why.

Violet knew why they thought she was strange, she never spoke. she hasn't talked since that day her parents died and she planned on never speaking again. The classroom door opened with a bang, revealing two young fillies and the principal to the school. "Why hello Principal Sparks, who are these young foals?" said the overly happy teacher.

"These little ponies are your new students, Miss Sugar, meet Grape and Cocoa." Said the tired yet calm principal. Violet stared at the new students with suspicion. Grape was light purple with a green mane and Cocoa was yellow with a brown mane.

Both had blue eyes which lit up when they noticed Violet staring at them, Grape smiled at Violet which made her frown and turn away from the two happy ponies causing Grape and Cocoa wonder about this filly who seemed cut off from the others.

The teacher noticed the exchange and motion that the two fillies go sit down next to violet, secretly hoping they would make friends with the secluded pony. The new little ponies make their way over to the other pony and sit in the desks beside her, getting out their school supplies.

Violet felt closed in but didn't want to voice her feelings so sat where she was trying to pay attention to the teacher and her lesson on cutie marks. "Hi, I'm Grape. What's your name?" spoke the purple pony, trying to write notes about the lesson. The teacher paused on her lecture and spoke with a smile, "That is Violet Flame, Grape." Grape looked confused at the teacher's words and spoke back, "Why did you answer for her? She can speak, can't she?" Cocoa and Grape both look at the filly with wonder but was interrupted by their classmates.

"She can speak but she doesn't, she's never spoken since two years ago." said a young stallion in the front of the class. "Yeah, she never speaks, not even when Miss Sugar asks her a question, Violet is just weird." Said a filly with a giggle with which the whole class besides Grape, Cocoa and Miss Sugar, broke into a fit of laughter Violet looked down to her desk when tears formed in her eyes when a voice broke out beside her.

"Hey! That's not funny! You never know why she doesn't talk! Do you even know about her? No? Then don't talk about her!" Cocoa shouted over the laughter which made everyone quiet. The teacher smiled and nodded at the pony. "What Cocoa speaks is true, my little ponies. If you must know about Violet, unlike you, her parents died two years ago and know she lives in the orphanage. You would be the same way if you lost your parents when you were six

." Everypony now stared at Violet with surprise. They couldn't imagine losing their parents at such a young age plus having to live in an orphanage while going to school. Violet began to suffocate under the pressure of their stares and jumped from her desk to the door, giving a look back to Grape and Cocoa. "Thank you." The class heard whispered towards the fillies and she went into the hallway of the school.

The classroom was utterly silent as the she walked out then an eruption of whispers engulfed the classroom. "She talked! She talked!" whisper loudly by a filly in the front. Grape and Cocoa smiled at each other and ran after the filly who raced out of the classroom.

Violet sat in the stall of the bathroom, quietly crying to herself. "I can't believe I spoke! And to those new ponies! Plus in front of the entire class!" she thought to herself. Suddenly the bathroom door swung open and two pairs of hooves came into the bathroom.

"Violet? Are you in here?" asked Grape. Cocoa noticed the closed stall door and nudged Grape who now noticed it too. "Violet, you talked. Cocoa and I are so happy you did." whispered Grape to the door. Violet inside shifted, tears paused in their descent from her eyes.

"Violet, you can come out if you want; we just want to talk with you. All you have to do is nod or shake your head." whispered Cocoa. They heard a click and the stall door opened cautiously, revealing a disheveled filly who just had her secret revealed.

Cocoa grabbed her in a tight hug and squeezed. Violet breathed out quickly and reluctantly returned it. Realizing that this was the first hug she's had since her parents died, made her start to cry into Cocoa's shoulder. They stood there for a couple more seconds before Cocoa released her and let Violet moved out of the stall.

"So Violet, is it true?" Grape asked quietly. Violet nodded slowly, eyes brimming with tears. "We are so sorry, Violet. Do you not talk because what happened or do you choose to?" Cocoa asked abruptly, who cringed back at her question, not knowing why she asked but was surprise when she heard whispered, "I choose to."

Violet surprised herself with her speaking and her answer but softly smiled at the two fillies in front of her. Grape and Cocoa were surprised not at the answer but the voice. She had a soft voice but they knew it use to shout and giggle just like other ponies their age.

They talked for a while longer but decided to head back to class. As Violet walked, she looked between her two companions and a new thought crossed her mind. "I made some friends. I made friends and i can talk to them." She smiled at this new thought, knowing she will remember this moment forever.

Comments

[Pascal]

A pretty good start!

There's a few oddities, though.

First, there's the meteor. Uh . . . that was kinda weird. So Violet's parent's just got blown up by a meteor? I'll give you credit for coming up for an original way for a character to become an orphan, but is that ever going to be addressed again? Was the meteor part of some evil plot, or is it common in the context of your story for meteors to randomly fall out of the sky and blow people up? I know it's supposed to be tragic, but I just found it hysterically funny for some reason. It's so bizarre!

The only other thing I had an minor issue with was how fast and easily Violet was able to make friends, but theme of this story doesn't doesn't seem to be tragedy so that's fine.

The general quality of writing was good, certainly well above average for this site, so keep it up!

[Pascal]

One more thing!

I'd suggest getting a different picture for your story. See how it's only got 14 views? People are going to look at the picture and think "oh, this is just going to be another mary-sue self insert." The pony-generator thing images are a bit infamous on this site.

[Ponaygurl]

I quite like this - and I would be happy to make you a cover art!

[AmbitiousPony]

940977 I would love a cover art! thank you!

[AmbitiousPony]

940936 Thanks for the compliment and yes, the meteor was kinda of spur-of-the-moment thing The meteor will be a BIG part of the story which has to deal with a villian that has most people go CRAZY over! (hint hint) I was going to have Violet take more time to mourn but i want to hurry through the story because i will be incorporating the mlp episodes in the story, leading up to the Discord episode where things will slightly change.

[vren55]

Well... Here's what I have to say.

I prefer starting with the bad so the good sounds better. The plot is moving too quickly. I think there should be much more development of Violet's personality BEFORE she meet's Grape and Cocoa. I want to know WHY she isn't talking... Sure yeah trauma and such, I get it. However, wouldn't it draw the readers into the story more if you got into her head and into her sadness, humiliation, embarrassment and abandonment? It just didn't carry to me. You many know your character very well (I know my own OCs very well), but the reader doesn't. And why 10 elements of harmony? If the story is so focused on the 10 elements, maybe you should have done a prologue to just open a little insight into the 10 elements and list them? Why is Violet the element of courage? She seems awfully timid for an element of courage (unless you're going to say courage is bravery in the face of fear).

The good.
Format wise, it's better than some of the other stories I've seen. Quite a few grammar weirdness (somehow a period ended up at the beginning of another sentence), but nothing that just blows me over and makes me rage. You just need to proofread once or twice. Frankly, I like the meteor. It's a good foreshadowing/critical event that might bring something important to story. The characters have potential, but need supercharging. You also need to do some revamp and supercharge of characters. Make the audience get to know them, or even better fall in love with them, sympathize with Violet one way or another or if not sympathize with her, admire her resilience etc.

KK i'm done with that.