Immortality
The deep dark night, covered in a cloak of stars that shrouded Equestria. The princess of the night gazed atop of Canterlot's highest tower at the night sky. Though she ruled the night for so long she could not help see how the night effected pony and creatures alike. For some a time of sleep and for others a time of hunting. The night usually brought upon the more suspicious and shady characters. The stars and the sight of her former prison made her think of her time on the moon. She had practiced a very dark art when she was trapped on the moon. One very powerful type of magic that became forbidden nearly the first moments it was discovered, Necromancy. It was a grim ability allowing on to bring the back the dead as mindless husks. Her reason for not using it when she was Nightmare Moon was simple, though she scorned her sister for imprisoning her so long on the moon she could not take it upon herself to threaten all life in Ponyville with the dark art. Though she still felt the need to hone the forbidden art away from prying eyes.
She took flight from atop of the castle and flew until she found a cave far enough not to draw eyes from ponies that might still be awake. She trotted into the cave hoping it was not inhabited. It was simple. Dark gray and made of stone with stalagmites ever so often. To her luck it was not inhabited. The princess then created wisps of purple fire to light her practice cave. She focused her magic once again using it for a long range transportation spell causing corpses to drop in front of her from a graveyard.
“Everything is ready, it is time we summon thine subjects.” The dark alicorn raised her horn once more focusing her magic creating a dark aura as well as causing her eyes to glow.
The corpses of rotting flesh rose from the ground on all fours. They moaned, still husks and mindless compared to their once colorful demeanor. The zombies were merely at their masters command. No more alive than the corpses they once were. Ever since Luna had turned over a new leaf she wanted to do something, she wanted to revolutionize magic. Being immortal she obtained endless amounts of knowledge, she now wanted to use that knowledge to more permanently restore life. Necromancy thus far only restored the body, but not the soul. If she could harness that power the possibilities could be endless. She needed an assistant. Someone she knew she could trust.. She couldn't use Celestia for she had forbid this dark power..Then she thought of her faithful student Twilight Sparkle! She knew it would be a big risk considering she was the sun princess's student, but she was the only one she knew with the knowledge and trust she need. She was her first friend upon coming to Ponyville! Though she couldn't just teleport her here, long range teleport spells were much more effective on inanimate objects or the dead. She extinguished the life from the walking dead and hid the corpses.
Luna walked out looking onto the moon. The night was still young she thought, she had plenty of time. The night princess flew towards Ponyville. She landed atop of Twilight's Library and warped inside. She was very careful not to wake Owloysius or Spike. She was close enough to warp her and teleported them back to the cave. Twilight was still sleeping until Luna nudged her. She woke looking with widened eyes upon the night princess jumping with a slight yelp out of surprise.
“Princess Luna?! W-where am I?!” the lavender pony questioned gazing at the cave lit with purple fire.
“Twilight Sparkle! We require thine assistance in a task we cannot accomplish alone!” The princess respond in her Royal Canterlot voice.
“Was all this really necessary though? Couldn't you have just knocked?” Twilight asked.
She was very curious as to why she was practically abducted from her house. Luna was not going to hide why.
“Yes it was, it was required we not alert anypony of our presence or our plans.” The moon riser responded. “Now we shall show thee why.” She levitated a single corpse from hiding and using her powerful magic brought it to life.
Twilight had a look of fear on her face, but at the same time she was also astonished by the resurrection. She now understood why it had to be so secret. “Do not be afraid, Twilight Sparkle. We have it completely under our command!” She assured.
The zombies groans uneased the faithful student, but she trusted Luna's intentions were not of the evil nature. “Alright, I trust you on that, Luna. Isn't necromancy a forbidden art?”
“Very much so Twilight, but we have a much greater use for it. We want to learn how to grant immortality to mortals. We which to learn to twist the very limits of life and revolutionize science as well as magic as a whole.” the immortal explained.
She never really had much of an experience to learn about magic with anyone, besides the sun princess. She felt honored, but scared. She was very much willing to listen even though what she knew. Though she had some may things to make sure of.
“Luna, I know you want to grant immortality, but think of the risks.” The unicorn asked.
“We have thought about this for well over a thousand years Twilight Sparkle. Life is short and everypony we once knew is dead. We do not wish to dream of a day where we cannot make friends simply because of the fear of losing them..” The alicorn said coldly.
It was clear Luna had strong reason to want to bring forth the lives of her friends and to preserve the new ones that she had made in Equestria. She knew better than anypony she was using a dark art to do it, but she saw no other way that came this close to full resurrection only that in storybooks.
“What about Celestia? What if somepony finds out about all of this?” It was clear that Twilight was scared. Practicing dark arts? She had no idea what the consequences were for such an action. She could be banish or worse. Her reputation would be ruined, all of Ponyville would know of her deed.. But what could she do now that she was here? Luna could easily stop her.
“Celestia knows not what we are up to. We plan to keep it that way. This cave is far from prying eyes, nopony should know of us being here. It's far to late for most and too far from any civilization. We believe ourselves to be safe.” the alicorn reassured, avoiding the penalty question.
The lavender unicorn was still a bit shaky, but was beginning to calm down. She did have interests in this as well. The ability to grant immortality. It was purely fascinating to extend ones life to such a degree and keep appearance intact. She was deeply intrigued, but very scared of the risks. She knew though all good scientists in order to prove their work they risk failure. One detail still bothered her though.
“Out of everypony why me? I'm honored you think of me highly enough to consider bringing me here, but why not some other pony with more knowledge of magic and science?” Twilight questioned.
“Well that is simple. We do not know anypony we could trust more then thine self. Besides, thou art the element of magic which means thou must know extensive knowledge about it. We have still to make many friends as well. We count on thee because thou wast the first to be kind and not afraid of us.” Luna looked a bit sad from the words she spoke, but it was all true.
Twilight began to slowly stop shaking. Even with all the risk and labor this would be her friend needed her. She wanted to do everything she could for both her and her own interests.
“Is there anything you need me to do now, princess?” the element of magic looked up at her.
“We desire thee to better analyzed the corpse of the animated one.” The princess asked.
Twilight got right on it. She analyzed the many features of the corpse. She listened for several functions of life, but it felt as dead as it looked. The magic did nothing to give the zombie life only make it a husk to command by the Necromancer.
“Umm..Princess, I’m not sure if magic alone can fully reanimate a corpse and grant it function. We need some science to enable the life form stable function. These corpses are drained of the vital liquids an average pony needs, also their organs could not possibly function with all this damage.” The student analyzed.
“What art thou suggesting we do then?” Luna asked as she walked over to look at the undead.
Twilight hesitated a bit, she didn't like thinking about what would have to be done. “We are either going to need to restore the undeads organs or going to need a living subject.”
“No spell exists of that caliber, at least not to heal this much damage.”Luna was hoping that this could be avoided as well but, they needed a living subject and she couldn't imagine giving up on this. She needed to solve this mystery. “We have no other options, then we must find one!”
Twilight couldn't bear the thought of being responsible for the possible death and horror of someponyelse. Her thoughts became clouded with the thought of her friends being used as subjects for the experiments. She wasn't fully sure of how far the princess was willing to go for the results she wanted or even if she would get them. She didn't want anypony to suffer, but she knew better than to turn on Luna and this experiment was too much to let go. She had to give it a try.
“Use me, I'll be your subject and assistant.” The lavender pony said trembling with slight fear. She felt there was no other way around this. She knew Luna was too determined to give up.
The astral princess blinked. “What? We couldn't possibly ask of thee to go through with this.”
Twilight's shaking ceased. “I couldn't let any other pony suffer or ever die on my behalf and I must do this in the name of science.”
Luna frowned she didn't want to experiment on her friend, but it seemed she had little choice. “Very well than Twilight Sparkle, but know we take no joy in seeing thee in pain.”
“I understand.” Twilight thought to herself trotting back and forth thinking of something that may work. She needed to find a way to keep the body alive. Blood, was what brought life to the body and its organs. The Blood of Immortals, Luna's very blood could be the key to immortality. “Luna, your blood. Your blood could be the very key ingredient to immortality.”
The night princess thought that Twilight maybe right, but was her blood all that was necessary to bring eternal life? Luna conjured a large syringe, stabbing it in herself and draining a good amount of blood.
“Twilight..Art thou sure? Our blood and body are made different then yours. You have a frail body compared to mine. This might even kill thee..” The princess dreaded the thought of her friend meeting an early end because of her obsession. She even began to doubt herself and grew more fearful of the outcome.
Twilight was nervous looking at the the needle. She took a deep breath. “I knew the risks, this is something far beyond where others have gotten. Even Starswirl the Bearded can't claim to know the outcome. Don't hesitate so much, I’m scared to, but we have come to far to simply give up now. If your blood is the key then we have to know.”
Twilight's words calmed her. She was still scared, but had come to far to abandon all she had hoped for. “Lay on your back.” the dark alicorn instructed. Twilight did as she was told.
She was then injected with the blood through her chest. After a few moments Twilight's eyes widened as she screamed in immense pain. The blood was rejecting her body and destroying it. Luna was focusing her magic, trying to control her blood to keep it from killing her friend. Tears rolled down the princess's eyes as she heard bones crack. Twilight's skin was crackling in a fiery pain as ever sensation she had before slowly became replaced with pure agony. She saw her life flash before her eyes as her vision grew dark. The only sound she could hear was screaming shattering her memories like glass. She gazed at Luna's tearing face as her vision faded into blackness. Her screams were now silent, her body motionless. No sense of life left in the once faithful student. Luna cried over the body of her fallen friend. She blamed herself, she wanted to toy with life's limits. She wanted to bring immortality so that she could make an impact on magic, but there was more to it than that. She wanted a friend that could live as long as she could. Sure she had her sister and the other alicorn, but no one she could spend time with and have fun like she did Nightmare Night. She cried more, but wasn’t going to give up.
She focused her arts of Necromancy on Twilight. Her horn glowed black as the magic swirled around the corpse. The unicorn's body flailed around as loud cracks were heard, but no screams of pain. Twilight rose from the ground like the husks from before. But something was different this time around. The resurrected pony looked paler as if her blood had been devoured. Her eyes were also red as the blood of a pony. Luna could not sense any life in her.
“Luna..What happened?” Twilight asked rubbing her head with her hoof.
Luna was surprised at what she just did. Had she done it? Had she saved her friend? Had she discovered how to create an immortal? She cared not at the moment. All she cared about was that Twilight was back to normal. She wrapped her hooves around her friend. She noticed she did not feel the same either. She felt cold, as if she had no body heat.
“Twilight Sparkle, you worried us so! Now you are back!” Luna smiled still tearing slightly squeezing her tight.
“Luna, did I die?” The lavender unicorn looked confused.
“Yes, thou was gone for a few minutes until we resurrected thee. Doth thou remember anything?” The princess asked looking at her still tearing.
“I-I remember the pain, the screaming..and you crying as my vision faded. It was so chilling and scary.” the faithful student explained with a shiver.
Luna noticed something while Twilight was talking. Her front fangs were long like a Changling's. Some sort of mutation mush have occurred. The astral princess knew she needed to run some tests.
“Twilight, we need to run some tests on thee. Your current state is different then we first anticipated.” Luna explained letting her go from the hug.
Twilight nodded as the night princess used her horn to look into her. Her bones were still broken, but she seemed to be suffering no intense pain. Her organs were working, but only just barely. They were being fueled by Luna’s blood. Oddly enough she could not find a trace of Twilight's blood. She wondered if maybe it was converted into more of Luna's blood. She was mutating into something different than a mortal pony and alicorn. The princess put what she knew together. She was cold, suffer little pain, her blood was gone, red eyes, pale skin, and she had long fangs. She recalled countless lores of a creature that shared these aspects and was immortal. Had she created a real vampire?
“Twilight Sparkle, we art not sure how to tell you this..We believe thou art a vampire.” Luna said trying to sound as calming as possible.
Twilight's eyes shot open wide upon hearing this. It was so shocking to hear this. She had only read of them in books and believed them to not be real. She knew Luna wasn't kidding about this, the situation was far too serious.
“Your body must be mutating to adapt to what you are. Vampires need blood to survive so you have grown fangs. What other changes have occurred.” Luna thought to herself.
She recalled other things about vampires, super strength, speed, she also recalled the ability to retract their fangs. These were things she needed to know if they were possible. She dashed quick as sound and smashed a hole in the wall of the cave with her hoof. Her fangs were also retractable.
“This is incredible.” Twilight said nearly speechless.
“That was, such incredible abilities. We only read books about them, but if the books art true then doth that mean thou hath to feed?” The alicorn asked.
It was too late for going on a hunt, Celestia's sun has risen. The light came seeping into the cave, but it had its limits. Twilight took several steps back fearing the pain the sun could bring her.
“Twilight, I can cast a spell on you to make you resistant to the light, but it will likely still drain you of your power so avoid the sun as much as possible today. I will come and get you tomorrow.” Luna said still a bit worried about what could happen and hoped no one was awake to see her.
“O-ok.” Twilight agreed a little scared.
She casted a spell the Sunlight Resistance spell and sent her back to her bed. She flew off back to Canterlot. Afraid of receiving questions from her sister and for Twilight's safety as a vampire. She reached the castle meeting up with her sister.
“Good morning Luna.” Celestia smiled.
Luna did her best to hide her tension and nerves. “Good morning, sister. It has been a long night, we art off to bed!”
“Rest well sister.” The princess of the sun smiled.
Luna trotted to bed and went so sleep not without difficulty of the things that had just happened, but eventually she just dozed off and fell fast asleep. Dreaming only of what it would be like to have an immortal friend of her own.
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Luna's been a bit naughty *imagines Twilight tucking into meat* She'll need some contact lenses from Rareity to hide those red eyes.
927414
927456 Either that or I could develop another way! :D So many ideas so little time!
Rushed, that is the one word I can use to describe this. you have a good principle here, but you are in a rush to get to it. Take some time when building up a change that is going to be so dramatic. And wow was that some completely unsafe science, twilights apprehension for practicing forbidden magic lasted all of two sentences before she decided to take a risk that was guaranteed to get her killed. I understand that you want to get to the good parts quickly but you need to take some time to build a foundation for your storry. Have Luna and twilight working together, give some interactions, have twilight question Lunas motivations. Have twilight worry about Celestias reaction if she finds out what they are doing. You have something like 5 to 6 thousand words of content crushed into a little over two thousand, so it makes it feel shallow without any character in your characters.
I am not trying to be mean, im just trying give some constructive criticism.
>> LastLight has a great point. It just felt rushed. I liked the premise, but I don't think Twilight would just 'give in' so easily. I mean, sure, she's a mare of science, no doubt about that, but I do doubt her willingly sacrificing herself to become immortal. Also, a vampire? It's... plausible, just not very believable. Fangs out of nothingness? I'll give a thumbs up. I liked most of the story, but it could use some tweaking in the future.
927588 Thank you a lot for the criticism! Your a real help and I will being rewriting the chapter. I admit it was a bit rushed. I'll do more with it just need some time.
927657 Yeah Ill work on it. I wanted to give vampirism its own type of lore something a bit different then what we are normally used to. Ill explain the fangs and what not.
927760>>927588 Well its longer but not 5000 words. Check it out and tell me how I did :D
Really great story. however you rush way too much. This could very well have been twise as long.