My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy

by evilsoup

The Hangover

Twilight could hear a slow rhythmic thumping somewhere to the left of her head. She started to open her eyes, but the light burned them; she pulled a pillow over her head. The thumping got louder and louder; and then she realised that it wasn't a sound at all, but a throbbing sensation pulsing through her head. Trapped under the pillow, her breath warmed the air she was breathing and she started to feel bile crawling up her throat.

The purple unicorn tentatively removed the pillow: the light hitting her face made the pain in her head go from irritating straight to jackhammer-of-the-soul. She rolled onto her side, screwed her eyes as tightly shut as possible; but this only made things worse. For an awful moment Twilight was acutely aware of her body touching the sheets and mattress of her bed, which was touching the floor of the library, which extended down to the roots of the tree, which were intermingled with a system stretching out over-

She fell off her bed, hit her head on the floor, felt a sudden flare of pain.

"Uhh..."

Hey, I don't remember getting here, how did- - she heard the crinkle of a page being turned and was suddenly very still. Her throat was sore and very dry, but she somehow managed to croak out:

"Spike..? Is that ... Spike?"

No answer was forthcoming. Twilight staggered to her hooves and half-trotted-half-fell down the stairs, tripped, went flying off the edge of the turn in the stairs. In the moment before she hit the ground, Twilight just had time to think, oh, horseapples-

She felt a familiar pressure all over her body, saw a shimmering light playing over her hair - Twilight was gently lowered to the ground. She blinked once, de-blurred her vision; saw the princess Luna sitting on the ground, book open in front of her, looking at Twilight with a curious expression on her face and forelegs tucked underneath her body. A merest glimmer of purple light moved over Luna's horn, and she spoke:

"Are you feeling better..?"

Twilight's ears twitched with each word, trying to block out the ice-shards of pain stabbing into her brain. She shook her head, nearly lost balance, sat down in a way that could not be called elegant. Her throat was very dry.

"N-no, I ... your majesty, what-"

"I never liked all that."

"Never ... liked ... what, princess..?"

Luna stood up in a single, smooth motion and trotted to the door; pulled it open. In floated a large wooden bathtub, steam roiling off the top.

"Oh, your majesty, that sort of thing. There's a jug of water over there."

The bathtub settled on the floor in the middle of the library. Twilight inched her way over to the jug of water and took a sip; then a gulp. After a moment of silence, Luna spoke again.

"That was good cider your friend brought over. A nice break from the wine my sister normally has. It reminded me of ..."

Her head was slightly clearer now, but Twilight could feel an all-over ache that went straight to the bone. She looked around the room (everything in place), then at Luna; the princess cleared her throat quietly.

"The best cure for a hangover is a long, hot bath. And plenty of water to drink."

----

"Hey-a Applejack! Hey Fluttershy!"

Applejack forced her eyes half-open to see Pinkie Pie looking right into her face, smiling widely. Fluttershy shivered and whimpered lightly, lying next to her on the bed.

"Pinkie ... Pie-"

"Ooo!" - her high-pitched voice sounded like a hoof being dragged over a blackboard, and she was entirely too happy considering the amount she had drunk the night before; "So you're awake! WAKEY-WAKEumphf."

Applejack shoved her hoof into Pinkie's mouth with a little more force than was strictly necessary.

"Sugar. Just ... calm it down, ahkay?"

"Mn mnph mn mnph umph!"

"Okay. Ah'm a-gonna let you speak. Quietly, now."

Applejack pulled out her hoof slowly; Pinkie Pie massaged her jaw. She opened her mouth to speak, took in a deep breath.

"Quietly, now."

"But Applejack," stage-whispered Pinkie Pie; "You said you really needed to be up for market day, so I thought-"

Applejack shot out of the bed, stumbled a little, fell flat on her face.

"Aw, no! Aw HORSEAPPLES, how could ah forget!?"

Fluttershy whimpered pointedly and pulled a pillow over her head. Applejack staggered to stand, then noticed the quality of the light coming from the window.

"Pinkie Pie ... what's the time'a the day?"

Pinkie Pie looked up, eyes narrowed, chewing her lip for a moment. Applejack picked up her hat from the bedpost, put it on; she could hear Pinkie counting under her breath.

"It's, umm ... it's about eleven thirty-four and nineteen seconds. Oh! Twenty seconds. I mean, not now: now it's eleven thirty-four and twenty-three seconds."

"Con-SARNIT! Aw, ah'm never gonna make it home'n back to town in time ta sell any apples!"

"Could you please keep it down..?" whispered Fluttershy, but Applejack was too agitated to notice and Pinkie Pie was intently watching a fly buzz around the room. Applejack hurridly stumbled towards the stairs, to get out through the Sugarcube Corner, then stubbed her hoof on the room's doorframe.

"Youch!" - this seemed to make something click in Pinkie Pie's head, because she just then appeared right next to Applejack.

"Oh, you don't need to worry about that, Applejack! I saw Big Macintosh sellin' apples at you stall earlier!"

Applejack sat down heavily, shot Pinkie Pie a (completely wasted) dirty look.

"Then why- why d'ya wake me?"

"Uh, DUH," (another pitiful moan from Fluttershy); "Because you ASKED me to, last night!"

"But, sugarcube, ah only needed to get up so ah could get to the market on time'n ya didn't wake me up early enough for that!"

"Oh! Well, uh, do you want to go back to sleep then?"

Applejack adjusted her hat, then carefully stood up. She looked out the window on the far side of the room, at the clear blue sky.

"Nah, ah'm up now, ah gotta go help Big Macintosh. Uh ... ain't we supposed to be havin' rain tonight? The sky's mighty clear-"

Pinkie spun on the spot, bounded to the window (the creak of the floorboards where she landed eliciting another pathetic whimper from Fluttershy), looked out at the sky.

"Oh, yeah, not a cloud in the sky! Oh! OH! I remember!" - she looked at Applejack again, a broad smile painted across her face; "Princess Celestia took Rainbow Dash with her when she left! Hmn, I wonder what that's all about..."

----

Rainbow Dash glided past the late-morning sun, casting a shadow over the walkways of Cloudsdale. She breathed in the crisp, cold air and labouriously looped-the-loop to change direction and head towards the town hall. It's good to be back here, she thought, briefly glancing up at the compressed-cloud columns at the front of the building as she landed.

The town hall was very spacious; large enough to hold a few hundred standing and about the same amount flying. It was almost empty as Rainbow Dash entered, but for the single orange pegasus talking to- Is that ... Gilda..?

Rainbow Dash blinked, rubbed her eyes; it was not Gilda - the griffon Spitfire had been talking to (walking away now) was slightly larger, with a lighter plumage. Rainbow Dash felt a slight disappointment, but this was replaced with excitement as the Wonderbolt turned to face her and started walking slowly over.

"Hey! Rainbow Dash, is that you?"

The blue pegasus' mouth dropped down to the ground. Spitfire stopped for a moment, raised a hoof, a look of concern mixed with amusement crossing her face.

"Are, ah - are you okay..?"

"Y-you ... you know my name!?"

"Well, sure," chuckled Spitfire; "Winner of the Best Young Flier competition? You saved my life right there, plus we met at the Grand Galloping Gala, plus Princess Celestia told me to be on the lookout for you - why wouldn't I know your name?"

"Yeah, I guess, but I- I mean, just ... you know my name!"

"Ahahaha!" Spitfire was right in front of Rainbow Dash now, wiping a tear of laughter from the corner of her eye; "Oh, kid, you crack me up!"

"Ahe-he..." Rainbow Dash laughed along nervously; "So, uh, how's stuff in the Wonderbolts going?"

"Oh, you know: performing for crowds of thousands, doing tricks, spinning around and having kicks. It's a lot of fun. So, uh, how much have you been told?"

"Told..? Oh, by the princess, yeah! Uhm ... not much, really. She just said that there was something she needed good flyers for, so I said-"

"She really didn't tell you anything?"

Rainbow Dash tapped her mouth a couple of times, trying to remember through the alcoholic fog of the night before.

"Well ... she might have told me something, but I can't remember, so maybe you should fill me in?"

"That's what I'm here for, kid. Okay, you're not gonna believe this. There's other planets out there, whole worlds like Equestria, around each star in the sky, okay? And there's life on some of these other planets, alright? All scattered throughout the night sky, all sorts of different shapes and sizes. Some of them can travel between the planets on sort of ... huge ships. You with me so far?"

Rainbow Dash blinked once, looked at the floor, then at Spitfire. This was not what she had been expecting.

"Is this some kinda joke?"

"No. Not even a little bit."

"But there's no air when you get up that high! How do they-"

"I don't know how it works, that's not the important bit. There's one group out there, called the Imperium of Man."

----

"They are ... from what my sister has told me, they are not nice people. Did you ever study history, Twilight?"

Sitting on the grass in the midday sun, Twilight took a sip of ice-cold water before answering.

"Yes, but not in much depth."

"So you know what Equestria used to be like, before ... a long time ago?"

"Uh ... it was lots of little countries, wasn't it? Always fighting each other, until princess Celestia united them all?"

Luna smiled vaguely at the mention of her sister. She had been staring into the mostly cloud-free sky while talking - she won't make eye contact for more than a second, thought Twilight.

"It was horrible. One lot would chase other ponies out of a town; or they would trap them and ... kill them. Or worse."

Twilight raised an eyebrow, nearly smirked at such a suggestion.

"What could it be worse than killing them?"

Luna's head snapped around to face her, a haunted look in her eyes; she looked straight though Twilight.

"Plenty of things. I won't - you don't want to know. Anyway," she turned back to looking at the sky; "There was one group of ponies, they decided that everypony different from them ... had to die. They thought they couldn't trust anypony else, that that was their only chance to survive."

"But that's crazy!"

"I'm glad you think so. They eventually collapsed in on themselves - they stopped trusting each other, which was inevitable, I suppose."

Luna rested her head on the ground, eyes closed, remembering something unpleasant. Birds chirped in a nearby tree, causing Twilight to flinch slightly; she took a sip of the water from the jug in front of her.

"So. What does that have to do with this Imperium?"

Luna opened her eyes, but kept her head in the same position.

"As Celestia described it, the Imperium of Man is like those ponies. They hate all living things, but themselves. They teach their children to hate." - Luna shuddered - "But Celestia learned this by befriending one of them. Wel Raleigh, and his crew. Apparantly they were last here seventy years ago."

"So ... are we friends with them, or..?"

"Wel Raleigh was an ... explorer, and a travelling merchant." - Luna stood up, started walking towards town; Twilight got up and followed: "He promised he would keep us a secret from the Imperium. But a few days ago, we received a warning that they are going to attack Equestria soon."

"What?" sputtered Twilight; "But- but shouldn't we be preparing!? When are they going to get here!?"

Luna glanced at Twilight; is this filly really so powerful as Celestia says?

"Preperations are being made. Celestia's gathering pegasi, and the griffons have agreed to help, to trap them as they try and land. That is why I am here to train you: in preparation. How are you with moving small things?"

Twilight sped up to catch up with Luna.

"What, with my magic? I'm okay, I guess. I mean, it takes a lot of concentration, but-"

"You can teleport, right?"

"Um, yes."

"Can you teleport things other than yourself?"

"Uh, well, I can take stuff with me when I teleport somewhere-"

Luna stopped abruptly, surveyed the scenery: they were nearing the centre of town. A few ponies were passing on the road, some giving the winged unicorn uncertain looks, but most were already at the market for the day. Her gaze settled at the foot of a tree.

"Twilight, do you see that rock, by the tree?"

"Yes?"

"Bring it over here."

"Ookay..."

Her eyes narrowed in focus, Twilight's horn glowed. An aura floated around the rock and it levitated in the air. It started moving towards them, then suddenly dropped to the floor. Twilight concentrated harder, tried to push all her energy into the thing, but it wouldn't budge. Panting and sweating, she finally gave up.

"I-I'm sorry, Luna, but it must be-"

Turning to face the princess, Twilight saw that Luna was looking straight at her with a strange expression - something between surprise and fear. Luna was breathing a little more heavily than before, and a few beads of sweat had formed on her brow.

"Did you- were you stopping me from moving it?"

"Yes. I want you to try teleporting it here."

"O-oh. Oh, okay." - Twilight nodded, turned to look at the rock. She had read about this in Advanced Magic, but had not had the time to try it. I've got to imagine the rock being here, but not how it should move here...

For a few minutes nothing happened, save for a few sparks shooting off Twilight's horn. She was acutely aware of Luna's intense gaze focused on the back of her head. Then, with a sound somewhere between an imploding paper bag and an apple crushed underhoof, the rock disappeared and flashed into existence, right in front of Twilight. Smiling widely, she turned to face Luna again. The princess nodded, smiled wanly.

"Good, but you need practice. Come on ..."

Side by side, they continued walking towards the market.

----

"Let's see ..." - Spike examined the list of ingredients, checking for what he had in the cart already; "Eggs, check; strawberries, check; a bottle of milk, check; banana, check; apples, ch- oh."

He sighed and started walking, pulling the cart awkwardly behind him, across Ponyville's town square. He had to stop every few seconds to let an oblivious pony cross his path - it was busy, even for a market day. It took him nearly five minutes to reach Applejack's stall; he was taken aback to see Big Macintosh standing there (the usual neutral expression on his face). Oh yeah, he thought; Applejack did challenge Celestia to a drinking competition, she's probably got it even worse than Rarity.

"Hey, Big Macintosh, how's it hanging."

"Eeyou know. Same old, same old. You lookin' to buy any apples?"

"Yes. I need a bag of, uh ..." he checked the list; "Golden Delicious?"

Big Macintosh chewed absently on the piece of straw dangling from the corner of his mouth, nodded at the cart behind Spike.

"You fixin' up a hangover cure for Twilight?"

"Oh, no. Rarity sent me to get this stuff for her."

The red pony raised his eyebrow, the faintest trace of a smile moving over his face.

"Well, that'll be three bits for a bag'a six apples."

Spike payed and took his apples, then turned around to see a familiar figure making her way towards him.

"Hey! Twilight!" - he noticed the taller, dark-blue form of princess Luna walking besides Twilight; "And princess Luna! How's it hangin'?"

"Spike, where did you get to? And ... what's all this?"

"Oh, and good morning to you, too! After Luna took you home, the party wound down. I walked Rarity home, and this morning I helped Pinkie Pie clean up Sugarcube Corner. Rarity asked me to get all this stuff for her."

Twilight eyed him suspiciously.

"Where did you sleep, then?"

"Oh," chattered Spike nonchalantly; "On the floor. Rarity has pretty thick carpets, you know."

He was suddenly aware of Luna looking at him, a bemused expression on her face. Big Macintosh started chuckling softly; Spike spun around to face him.

"What?"

"Oh, nothin'. You lookin ta buy any apples, Twilight? Or, uh, princess Luna?"

Twilight looked at Luna, who nodded. She walked closer to Big Macintosh.

"Hmm ... how much for two dozen?"

"Well, o'course that depends on what kinda apples you're lookin' to buy."

"Well, I'm going to be practising my magic on them, not eating them, so I guess whatever's cheapest-"

"Here, let me help ya'll with that-" - it was Applejack, staggering up to the stall. She leaned against the side of it, closed her eyes for a long second; "alrighty, now-"

"Little sister, just what do you think you are doing?"

Applejack tried to fix him with a serious stare, but the sun was in her eyes so she had to keep blinking.

"Ah'm here ta help, o'course-"

"Applejack, you don't look well. Go and have a rest."

"Why, of all the-"

"I think he's right, Applejack," interceded Twilight; "You really don't look very well."

Applejack snapped around to give Twilight a dirty look but instead managed to trip over her own legs and fell flat on her face.

"Hrmph. Maybe ya'll have a point..."

----

Spike relaxed at last as he got to Rarity's front door; just as his hand touched the doorknob, he heard Sweetie Belle's voice piercing the upper frequency of audibility and flinched:

"Hey Spike!" - she was suddenly right behind him (how do those ponies do that?); "Do you know if Rarity's up yet?"

He turned around, then jumped backward a foot and hit his head on seeing all three of the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders' standing a few inches from his face, smiling freakishly large smiles. He rubbed his head, stood up, saw Scootaloo sniffing around his cart. Spike took a step forwards, putting himself between Rarity's ingredients and the curious little unicorn.

"No, I don't think so. You'll have to try again later."

"But she's supposed to be taking us to Whitetail wood!"

"Well, maybe you could ask Twilight to- urk-"

Apple Bloom leaned in closer; Spike didn't look well.

"Are you okay, Spike?"

"I- uck-" with a loud belch, a plume of green smoke shooting out of his mouth, curling around in a spiral until it reached a point and - poof! A standard scroll popped into existence. Spike caught it, but stopped himself from breaking the seal; he looked at the cart and thought: if I read this and it's important, then I'll have to leave Rarity alone and go find Twilight...

"Hey, girls; if you can get this letter to Twilight for me, I'm sure she'll take you to Whitetail wood!"

Comments

[eggz09]

Normally I object to any war in equestria fic, but I will enjoy watching equestria burn at the hands of the emperors hammer

suffer not the xenos to live

[Duffman18]

919807

Spoken like a true servant of the Imperium

[Solo Wing of The Abyss]

919807 Glory to the Emperor bother. In his name let none survive.