I'm keeping an eye on this one

Surprisingly, Fluttershy was the one who

The one who... what? Is the the one who knocks?!

There's a soft knocking on the door of the Carousel Boutique.

Wait, I guess she already did that...

*dramatic gasp* "Oh Fluttershy you naughty filly! When do you want to experiment?"

Damnit, you were doing pretty well until this.

Overall, it's got a few rough spots, but not a bad start.

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The one who... what?

Wait, I guess she already did that...

*sigh* and it was 1000 words and everything.

Damnit, you were doing pretty well until this.

I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say I did wrong/could have done better. Am I blind?

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*dramatic gasp*

This isn't a chat room. Use exposition, man. It's your friend.

8009681 I see what you mean. First semester of college I didn't have any writing courses, so it's been awhile since I last wrote something

Hmmm...no. I just can't see Fluttershy of all ponies EVER agreeing to this, let a lone as fast as she did. The mare can barely bring herself to sing in front of other ponies, let alone agreeing to let Rarity make her 'sing'.

Now, had you slowed it right down and spent a chapter wherein Fluttershy wrestles with the idea and then comes around unannounced to see Rarity pleasuring herself with a yellow ponyquin in front of the boutique window, maybe...just maybe I could see it.

As it is its too quick.

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First off, would you really want to read an entire chapter about Fluttershy making a decision? To me that seems like it would be a long and boring chapter.

Secondly, I think you underestimate how difficult it is to talk someone into liking something. You don't notice it, but you typically expect to like or dislike something way before you actually experience it. For example, you can 'decide' that you won't like a movie just from watching the trailer. And expecting to not enjoy a movie means that you probably won't enjoy it. When it comes to something like a fetish, people tend to have pretty strong opinions, and having a completely neutral feeling towards a fetish is pretty rare. Therefore, I don't feel like it would be realistic to have Rarity 'convince' Fluttershy to experiment, regardless of whether Fluttershy would want to continue afterwards.

Finally, being an exhibitionist in this way and something like, say public speaking, are very different in terms of what you feel. When you're doing something secretly in a crowd, or somewhere you might be caught, you interpret it as risky and exciting, but not as stressful. When you're speaking in front of a crowd, You know that everyone is watching you. You can't really avoid that feeling, and so what you feel is more of an anxiety. It's hard to put into words, but they are very different situations, and most people would feel differently in these situations, at least in my opinion.

8091630 You make a good point, and I agree 100% with what you said in the third paragraph. Well put.