Unhappy Belated Birthday

by Brass Polish

1 Party in Canterlot

As the first establishment on Restaurant Row to deviate from Zesty Gourmont’s preferences, the Tasty Treat gained such a following that even dining club ponies were to be found holding social events there. Twilight and Rarity had been invited to a get-together being hosted by Fancy Pants.

“All curries and poppadoms are on me tonight, everypony,” he said when most of his party arrived.

He got a smattering of appreciative applause and the party began. There wasn’t much of a seating arrangement, and no attempt was really made to create one. Ponies were going from table to table chattering and sampling each other’s orders. Some were trying dishes of various spiciness for the amusement of the others. And Twilight and Rarity spotted Upper Crust with a curry stain on her evening gown.

“She only bought that from my boutique not even four hours ago,” said Rarity, half amused, half uneasy.

“I like when Fancy Pants hosts parties,” said Twilight. “They’re not all that different from Pinkie Pie’s parties.”

Rarity chuckled. “That vindaloo’s gotten to you, darling.”

“I mean Pinkie Pie lets you feel comfortable being yourself at her parties, and so does Fancy,” explained Twilight. “Look around. Everypony’s so laid back and open.”

“Why yes,” agreed Rarity. “If only I’d known Fancy Pants a little better when I’d first met him. It would have saved me a lot of panic and embarrassment.”

“What do you mean?” asked Twilight.

“Huh. I don’t believe I’ve ever told you this,” Rarity scratched her chin. “You see, when I went on that holiday and got invited to all those social gatherings by Fancy Pants, I made excuses to not return to Ponyville. Including one to not attend your birthday party.”

Twilight tilted her head. “You mean Opalescence wasn’t sick?”

“No. That was a lie, actually,” said Rarity, twiddling her hooves a bit. “It’s funny how none of you ever found me out, isn’t it? Not even Dashie managed to expose me. I’d told Fancy Pants and his friends that she was the Wonderbolts’ trainer, you see.”

Twilight laughed. “I can’t imagine why Rainbow would’ve wanted to tell them otherwise. Maybe now she would, not that she’d actually a Wonderbolt.”

She sighed.

“We were all so new to the magic of friendship in those days, weren’t we?”

“Quite,” agreed Rarity. “It astounds me how far we’ve all come since we were young and foolish.”

The toasted to their nostalgia, and then Coriander came around with a plate of tandoori for the guests to sample. Twilight and Rarity each took a plate.

“Woo!” exclaimed Rarity unrestrainedly upon taking a bite. “That’s got some punch.”

Twilight’s reaction was more subdued. “Good flavour. Makes my tongue tingle a bit… and my flank, come to think of it.”

“Same,” said Rarity.

“Uh, that would be your cutie marks,” Coriander pointed out.

Twilight and Rarity looked. Their cutie marks were glowing.

“We have a mission!” exclaimed Twilight.

“Oh. Do you have leave,” said Fancy Pants from three tables away.

“I’m afraid so, Fancy Pants,” said Twilight, standing up. “Royal duty calls.”

She and Rarity gulped down their drinks and rushed from the Tasty Treat.

“Left. Right. Up. Down. Odds. Evens. Yawn! Must we wait until an enemy rears its ugly head to start actually playing this game?”

“It’s not as exciting to go on the journey as it is to fight the Squizard and his army when we’re actually in the game. Besides, we don’t want to take up all the space in the castle. Starlight and Nyx are still here.”

“Yyyyep.”

“I don’t know if you’ve figured this out, but it’s not impossible for me to maximize this tiny-winiest amount of space. I could fit a life-size replica of this board inside that jar of pickled gemstones you’ve got in the fridge.”

“I know you could. But Big Mac and me still like to play the traditional way. It’s what we’re used to. And I bet Lazybug feels the same way.”

“Well… so far this game isn’t as fun as Sovereignty,” said Lazybug. “I’m with Discord. Let’s fight some actual skeletons and take down that pest king now.”

“My, my. You are so much bolder than your older sister,” grinned Discord. “But we can’t fight anything now. We’re still in the stronghold. There’s nothing around here to fight. And my name is Captain Wuz.”

Lazybug giggled. “That name.”

“Oh, do go on… Rapidfire the Active.”

Spike and Big Mac failed to stifle their laughter.

“Hey, like you said, you can be whatever you want, and name yourself whatever you want.”

“True… so long as you never forget that your sister cursed you with an embarrassing legal name.”

Lazybug might have ended up sprouting pimples all over his body if Twilight and Rarity hadn’t come bursting into the chamber at that moment.

“What the heck, Twilight?!” exclaimed Spike. “This is Guys’ Night. You’re supposed to be in Canterlot.”

“Not anymore,” Twilight frowned. “Me and Rarity have a mission, so game over.”

And she magiced all the game pieces, dice, the book, and the board off the Map as it began projecting the whole of Equestria. Twilight’s and Rarity’s cutie marks glided off their flanks and orbited above the Map for a moment.

“I hope it’s somewhere close,” said Rarity. “We’ve both done enough traveling in one day as it is.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you don’t want to have to leave here in order to fulfill an obligation,” muttered Twilight as their cutie marks spiralled down towards the Map.

At first, it looked like they would have to go back to Canterlot. But then the two circling marks glided southward and settled over Ponyville.

“Huh. Looks like you got your wish, Rarity,” grinned Spike.

“Oh, my,” said Rarity. “A friendship problem right here in our home town.”

“That seems odd,” said Twilight. “I’m sure you’re not making our cutie marks do that.”

Discord snorted. “If was going to make your cutie marks hover somewhere over Equestria, I wouldn’t choose right here where we’re trying to play our game.”

“That does sound kinda weird, though,” agreed Lazybug. “I know I haven’t been around long, but I’ve never known any serious friendship problems in this town. I mean, I haven’t noticed anything wrong, lately. Have you, Big Mac?”

“Nnnnope,” Big Mac shook his head.

“We’ll just have to do this the old fashioned way,” said Twilight with a yawn. “Go around town and wait for the problem to show itself.”

Twilight and Rarity were unsure whether they could start looking for the reason the Map summoned them in the morning, as it was late and they were both drowsy and their body temperatures were quite high from all the spicy food they’d been eating. Twilight was quite in favour of turning in for the night and getting up bright and early to go around town. This went well with Spike, who promised they wouldn’t be too loud while they played their game; Discord had to swear on a pop-up book that he’d magic all of their sound waves into non-existence as they enter the upper corridors so Twilight and Rarity could sleep. But after the sun came up, it looked like it hadn’t worked

“Oh. You don’t look the best,” Rarity said to Twilight as gently as she could. “I didn’t hear the boys. Did you?”

“No,” Twilight yawned, blinking her slightly red eyes in the dining room light. “I was just feeling a little too hot, that’s all.”

“Ah. I didn’t realise spicy cuisine had that effect on you,” said Rarity.

“Neither did I,” grunted Twilight. “I kicked the sheets off my bed, but that didn’t work. I ended up sleeping on the floor.”

Rarity shuddered.

“Well, it’s cold to the touch. I couldn’t get to sleep until after I got off my bed,” said Twilight.

It came as no surprise when Twilight suggested cereal and milk for breakfast.

If Twilight looked tired, Spike looked utterly wiped out. He could hardly stand. He hadn’t left the main chamber all night and wasn’t about to now. So it was Starlight and Nyx who set up breakfast that morning.

“There you go, Twilight,” said Starlight. “Some nice cold milk to go with your cereal.”

She emptied a carton into Twilight’s bowl. Twilight grunted her thanks and started eating quickly.

“Oh, my. I know we have to eat quickly, sweetheart,” said Rarity, “but you’re making a bit of a mess.”

“Here,” said Twilight, magicing a table napkin around Rarity’s neck… and tying it a little too tightly.

“Why do you two have to eat quickly?” asked Nyx.

“We’ve got a friendship mission,” answered Twilight with a mouthful of cereal.

“Right here in Ponyville,” breathed Rarity, loosening the napkin around her neck.

“Really? The Map found a local friendship problem?” asked Starlight, serving Rarity her breakfast. “Well, that’s convenient.”

The dining room door opened. Lazybug poked his head in.

“Hey Nyx, now that me and the guys are done with our game, d’you wanna hang out?”

“Uh, sure,” smiled Nyx.

“Want some breakfast, Lazybug?” asked Starlight.

“No thanks. Discord took care of that for us,” said Lazybug. “I never even heard of dancing bagels until today.

Nyx sat at the table with her own breakfast.

“What do you want to do today?” she asked.

“I thought we could go visit Zecora,” suggested Lazybug.

Nyx was happy to agree, and Lazybug said he’d wait for her on the front steps of the castle.

“I’m so glad he’s done with his job at the orchard,” smiled Nyx. “I may not need a ponyguard anymore, but I’ve missed having him around.”

It wasn’t long before Twilight, Rarity, Lazybug, and Nyx left the castle; Twilight and Rarity heading into town, Lazybug and Nyx heading away from town. There were a number of ponies out already, and as usual at the start of a friendship problem, the problem didn’t appear obvious. But Rarity saw when she glanced at Twilight that she must have an inkling on where to start.

“Any ideas?” she asked.

“Well…” Twilight rubbed her eye. “You remember Winter Squash, right?”

“Oh, yes. Amazing mare,” grinned Rarity. “I was astounded to learn she’s even older than Granny Smith. Why, she doesn’t look any older than you or I.”

“It’s not exactly amazing. It’s all down to her ex-husband’s anti-wrinkle potion,” Twilight pointed out.

“Oh, yes. Pulp Puree was a stellar chemist,” Rarity remembered. “Such a shame he turned out to be such a sneaky, inconsiderate swine.”

“Uh, huh,” Twilight groaned. “So as I was saying, Winter Squash is Lazybug’s and Crosspatch’s mom. And those two are always out of the house. Especially Lazybug. I mean, he works with Crosspatch, he has school, he plays with Nyx and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and now he’s joining Spike, Big Mac, and Discord for Guys’ Night.”

“Ah, I see,” said Rarity with a grin. “Yes. Winter Squash might be feeling lonely by herself at home. Especially when she spent so much of her life not knowing what had happened to her son and daughter.”

“Exactly,” nodded Twilight, perking up a bit. “They’ve only recently been reunited, just like I’d only just been reunited with Nyx. I’d sure hate to not see her much.”

So Twilight and Rarity agreed to start at Crosspatch and Lazybug’s house.

Twilight and Rarity couldn’t help but gasp at the pony who opened the door after they knocked.

“Oh, hello Twilight. Hello Rarity,” croaked a familiar voice.

Twilight and Rarity stared.

“Winter Squash?”

“Is that really you?”

“Yeah,” nodded Winter Squash. “I suppose it has been a while, hasn’t it?”

To Twilight and Rarity, it looked like it had been a generation. Winter Squash’s face, neck, legs, and hooves are so wrinkly, it didn’t look like there could be any muscle in them at all. Her mane and tail were rather unkempt, her eyes were dull, and she was swaying in such a way that Twilight and Rarity were worried the slightest breeze might knock her down. But neither Twilight nor Rarity had the heart to call attention to Winter Squash’s alarming appearance.

“Say, is Lazybug coming home from Guys’ Night?” asked Winter Squash.

“Oh,” gulped Twilight. “No. He’s spending the day with Nyx and Zecora, actually. Sorry.”

Winter Squash bowed her head.

“Um, is Crosspatch here with you?” asked Rarity.

“No. She’s out dealing with some kinda bird or something,” replied Winter Squash. “So what brings you two here?”

“Well… the Cutie Map sent us both on a friendship mission,” said Rarity. “So we’re going around asking ponies if anything is wrong.”

Winter Squash’s eyelids drooped.

“Okay,” she said, lazily. “Well, I think I’m gonna go lie down. Thanks for visiting.”

And she went back into the house and closed the door.

Author's Note:

I first considered this possibility when I saw Tanks For The Memories, and I can't remember exactly what prompted this thought.