Undertales of Friendship: Adventures and Antics

by ngrey651

The Machinations of Monsters

“So, what can you tell us about...well...the insides of monsters? I mean, they’re all magic, right?”

Dr. Alphys adjusted her glasses as she stood tall as she could in front of the large college symposium, with Dr. Gaster nonchalantly sitting in a nearby chair, using all his concentration to manifest himself for a double science class with his dear colleague. The dinosaur-esque scientist sheepishly smiled up at Twilight as she strolled onto the stage, tossing her purple mane slightly and looking intrigued as Alphys snapped her clawed digits.

A large chalkboard was wheeled out by Undyne, the fishy monster giving her delightful little girlfriend a wink before heading off the stage, to watch all of the “eggheads” learn about how awesome monsters had always been, sitting down next to...unfortunately...

Grillby.

This was the downside to getting your tickets late. All the good seats would be taken. Grumbling slightly, she folded her arms over her well-developed chest and “harrumphed” as Grillby nonchalantly tilted his head a bit to the side, watching Alphys gesture at the chalkboard, as magical chalk came to life, drawing out an enormous, lovely-looking elemental that appeared to be made of WIND. He had a flowing set of Roman robes and piercingly powerful eyes, and was an oddly large, faintly haughty smile on his faceless features. Most “Elementals” didn’t exactly have “faces”, yet their eyes could be so amazingly expressive...

“This is Gale Enn. He was one of our first scientists, one of the first to analyze the interiors of monsters. Unfortunately, he didn’t come from a good background. Whilst his father was amiable, just and benevolent, his mother had a very bad temper. She used to bite the serving maids and was always shouting at his father.”

“Sadly, Gale inherited his mother’s temper, and little from his father.” Dr. Gaster remarked nonchalantly. “But he WAS amazingly clever. He wrote three books before he was thirteen and about 200 after that. Some had very lovely titles like “Bones for Beginners”, “Treatise on Talons” and “The Elementary Elemental Guide”. In fact, he’d often keep twelve scribes busy as he would stride up and down a hall, dictating the words for twelve different books at the same time. He belived himself quite the expert on monster medicine. As he often said, “Whomever seeks fame needs only become familiar with all that I have achieved.”

“Oh, how very MODEST.” Twilight remarked with a roll of her eyes. “Something tells me he couldn’t have been that smart though. I’ve read up on some of his books.” She said, her horn glowing as, sure enough, “Bones for Beginners” drifted out of the knapsack she was carrying around her waist. “Look at this. It says humans only have 16 teeth! That’s ridiculous! I can’t believe he never bothered to count them!”

“Well, to be fair, would YOU let this guy get near your mouth?” Alphys inquired, gesturing at the mighty wind that was roaring on the chalkboard as it glowered at her. “He also said that the magic of monster blood, the “milk” that flows in our veins, was made within our hearts. Wrong! It’s made in our bone marrows and spleens.”

“So all of your organs are composed of raw magic?” Twilight inquired, sounding positively fascinated as Alphys eagerly nodded, Dr. Gaster rising up as he strolled over to the chalkboard and gestured at it.

“The issue was that Gale Enn made these mistakes by cutting up dead animals who RESEMBLED us monsters rather than trying to peek at monster insides. Of course, if he’d tried, he probably would have killed them. But nobody dared argue with him, he had a famously bad temper, as you might-” Dr. Gaster began to say before he ducked, the magical chalk figure of Gale swiping at him. Frowning a bit, he clapped his hands as Alphys handed him an eraser, and he erased Gale’s figure, who let out a cry of “Nooooo” before being completely rubbed out.

“Then along came someone who was truly a cut above the rest. My grandfather, Stencil, born during what humans call the “High Middle Ages”.” Dr. Gaster remarked with a little chuckle, drawing on the large chalkboard a big, slightly droopy figure of a skeleton with an overly large smile, Gaster snapping his fingers as extra, skeletal hands manifested around him. “He was determined to learn the mysteries of both human AND monster bodies. UNFORTUNATELY, to study the differences, he’d...well...go to unusual lengths.”

“Like what?” Twilight wanted to know, tilting her head to the side.

“As long as the corpse wasn’t too rotten, he’d dig up bodies in cemeteries, steal the bodies of criminals left on public display, often still hanging from the rafters, would attend public executions and sneak the body away at the end of the proceedings...” Gaster went on, the crowd shuddering in disgust and alarm, ponies cringing as they glanced over at Chara, who was in the front row and looking...oddly intrigued.

“Really?” He inquired, his reddish/brown eyes glinting. “Wow. Then what?”

“Well, with monster executions, the body very quickly turns to dust. There are ways to...prolong it, which he discovered.” Gaster murmured. “There’s...a few spells you can perform. That only...” He hesitated. “...the thing is, there is a reason why we skeletons were one of the rarest monsters. Why we were associated with the “Grim Reaper”. We could...make the dead come back to life, in a sense. We could preserve a body as a kind of “shell” of its former self. Skeletons have always had a unique kinship with life and death, for we embody both in such a fascinating way.” Gaster intoned, putting one of his holey hands on his chest. “In his room, late into the night by the flickering light of a candle, my grandfather Stencil would make use of the magic known as “Bios”...White Magic, Life Magic, only it would be...inverted. Turned into what we call...the “Pale”.” Gaster whispered.

“The...Pale?” Twilight took out her notebook, scribbling furiously, eyes gleaming. “We Equestrians know about “White Magic”. The most advanced is called “Zoe”, correct? That’s the type of magic that can fully bring back the dead, returning one’s very soul, even if they’ve been dead for decades, EONS. Normal white magic is usually used for the recently injured or dead. Yet you say this “Pale” could also bring back the dead?”

“More like “animate”. It’s also known as “Necromancy”.” Gaster intoned quietly, and the soft lights in his sockets vanished as he put his hands in his pockets. “He would then open up the bodies of those he snuck away...they’d not be able to resist. Those under the touch of the Pale have to obey their master.” He whispered. “They would open up their own chests, their stomachs, their...heads...and he would peer inside. Then, when he was finished, with a wave of his hand...they would die anew. And he published his findings...in THIS book.”

One of his extra hands plucked up a book he’d brought and left on a nearby table that read “The Fabric of Life”. Alphys turned the pages for everyone to see, Chara going “ooooh”. “Skeletons reclining in a field of daffodils! Cool!”

Indeed, they all showed tasteful pictures of skeletons, opened-up monsters and the like combined with cute to peaceful scenery to make the revolting subject matter much nicer to look at. Indeed, a goat monster with its head open to show off all its brain and its chest opened up to show off the muscular structure beneath was nonchalantly feeding...well...a herd of goats in a field.

“However, one day my grandfather did a bit of an...oopsy.” Gaster said with a wry smile. “He was in the middle of cutting up a fresh human corpse...when it let out a low moan. He was still alive. My grandfather, in his panic, actually FIRED upon the man with a powerful burst of magic, blowing him clean through the wall and into the street, where people saw the entire thing. He was chased out of town, running pell-mell all the way down the lane, never to return. His case was one of the reasons why relations between our two races broke down, and it didn’t help that very few monsters wanted to turn in one of their own, even if he WAS now a wanted criminal. Grandfather Stencil ironically starved to death on a desert island trying to escape the human authorities, who found it deliciously ironic that a skeleton would be able to starve to death.”

“Wait, I WHAT?!” Yelled the mortified, hunched-over chalk form of Stencil on the board, Undyne trying to suppress a laugh at this as Gaster erased him from the board just like Gale Enn. Then Twilight suddenly found herself asking...

“So, um...when you...I mean...how do you...go to the bathroom?”

Now Alphys and Gaster and the other monsters in the room looked nervous.

“It’s, er...sort of...complicated. How to...explain?” Gaster scratched his head, cringing. “Um...Alphys?”

“Well, y-you see, er...m-monster food is almost entirely magic so most of it is just...well, ABSORBED into our bodies! Like how a sponge soaks up water!” She said, the other monsters nodding in agreement. “Er, um, the rest kind of...sorta...” She trailed off. “I mean...”

“We do our business in the bathrooms, same as humans.” Grillby said in his oddly golden voice, everyone else whipping their head in his direction. “We simply go there far, far less because our bodies don’t need to break down as much food. For elementals like myself, my waste actually becomes coal.”

“...you KNOW, when I said coal was a shitty Christmas present, I DIDN’T MEAN IT SO LITERALLY!!!” Chara yelled out angrily, pointing an accusatory finger at the fire elemental, who was definitely grinning behind his smoky glasses.

“I love the holidays.” He chuckled.

“But there’s one thing I want to ask about above all.” Twilight spoke calmly as she took in a long, deep breath. “...the SOUL. The Symbol of Unyielding Love.”

All of the ponies and monsters in the auditorium who’d been chattering and laughing at Chara’s expense earlier stopped, all turning towards Alphys and Gaster as they adjusted their respective glasses, taking in deep breaths. “...well...” Alphys murmured.

“What would you like to know, exactly?”

“How did your kind learn about the existence of the SOUL, anyhow?”

“There’s...an old legend. It’s as far back as our history goes.” Alphys said, taking in a long, deep breath, pacing up and down in front of everyone as Gaster began to furiously scribble up on the chalkboard, drawing up a large image of an enormous, terrifying-looking being that made everyone cringe. Something about it filled them with...unease. He had multiple pupils in his eyes, a body clad in crimson armor, with eyes of a burningly intense grey, with thick, long and smooth hair that brown at the base, blood-red in the middle, and a crown of golden yellow, with seven fingers and powerful claws, a being beautiful like a thunderstorm was beautiful.

“Chulainn.” Alphys murmured quietly, all their eyes gazing firmly at her, then on the roaring figure on the chalkboard, who smacked his chest and let out a proud roar. “Born within the 8th century, at a time when Monster and Human relations were entering a first sort of...violent upstart. The “first shots”, you could say, a mere battle before the great war. It was said that he was a monster and human hybrid, a...demon.” She whispered. “That he had been born a sweet little human babe, but the more time went on, the more...violent he became. Because he knew he had powers, intense powers, skills and strength others did not. He felt he knew far, far better than others, and insisted they be put under HIS protection. He’d often pick fights endlessly and then one day, he got so mad after a battle that everyone was afraid this seven year old child was going to slaughter them all!”

“Then they discovered his weakness.” Gaster said, as Chulainn, now much younger on the chalkboard, pounding up and down, looking feverish, terrifying, smoke billowing out his nostrils, his skin beginning to turn a horrifying crimson color and his teeth getting fanged, as a terrifying-looking, almost unnaturally pale heart seemed on the urge of busting out from his chest! People on the chalkboard were clambering away from him, eyes wide with horror when suddenly...a fair maiden raced forth, turning him around. He gave her a dark glower, mouth agape as if to yell out “WHAT”...

When she ripped off the top of her blouse, exposing her breasts.

Everyone in the audience gaped, Chulainn on the chalkboard staring the most broadly as Chara blinked in surprise, looking over at Alphys.

“Hmm. Not bad. But mine’s better.” She thought aloud, looking over at Undyne who gave her a “And you can touch these anytime” wink, making Alphys deeply blush.

Chulainn now turned an even BRIGHTER red, and people lifted him swiftly up, dunking him into a barrel of cold water...which began to bubble and steam! So they dunked him into ANOTHER barrel, and that began to bubble a bit! So they stuffed him in a FINAL barrel, and now he looked calm, relaxed and peaceful, a bit of steam rising from the water-filled barrel, which was at juuuuust the right temperature.

“You all saw the Heart that was moments from bursting out from his chest in the seconds before he prepared to do battle?” Gaster inquired of them all. “That was the moment people realized that those of Monster blood could manifest their Souls. Humans have a saying of “We wear our hearts on our sleeve”, well...monsters take that rather literally.” The skeleton monster cheerily chuckled, giving a bow to the audience. “His mother and father took notice of that, and decided to see if this was true of all monsters. They asked their lords to study monsters that they fought with, and...sure enough...all of them showed that commonality once you took off their ARMOR and made them fight. Before, nobody had really noticed, for monsterkind kept their chests fully covered in thick armor. Once humans knew to knock that chest armor off, they knew what to look for.”

“And that was when we learned of the existence of the SOUL. Unfortunately, trying to analyze it is...well...” Alphys cringed. “It only appears in times of thick PASSION, a trait that Chulainn so eagerly embodied. It’s easy to see in throes of battle, but you can’t properly study someone if they’re ducking and diving and dodging around. Can’t put it under a microscope that easily.”

“And monster lovemaking, well...” Gaster shook his head. “My, uh...wife and I tried to...study the SOUL during our, um...little excursions, but it did not quite work out that way. When a monster and another make love, they always, always have children, and the Souls combine for one shining moment, manifesting very briefly before joining, and then...a flash of light, a cloud of dust, and...the child is born.”

“And it sure doesn’t appear during more normal hanky-panky, as Undyne and I can-” Alphys began to say before she realized how much she was giving away of her own love life. She clasped her hands over her mouth, groaning. “AH! Forget I said that!”

“If only there was a way to study the SOUL.” Twilight murmured quietly. “...a way to do so without fear of harming the one baring it.”

Unbeknownst to them, someone had been working hard on the answer to that, and had cracked the code, plumbing the deepest mysteries of the Symbol of Unyielding Love. But it wasn’t Alphys. It wasn’t Sans. It wasn’t Gaster.

Well...it WAS, but...not exactly.

...

...

...

...”Take a good look.”

He slowly turned his red eyes around, holding up the softly glowing SOUL in his clawed, skeletal grip, giving young Frisk a smile, the sweater-wearing human looking intrigued.

“Is...that?”

“Not a true SOUL, but close enough. It is exactly what I need to ensure the Underground will behave. I call it...the AEON. An Act of Extreme, Omnipresent Niceness.” He informed the brown-haired human, who stared up in awe at the softly glowing, faintly heart-shaped light within the doctor’s hand as they stood in his lab. “With this, we’ll ensure the Underground is peaceful, and you can look for Toriel and the others without fear that the Underground will dissolve away into anarchy.”

“If Asgore was still around, I wouldn’t ask you to try and keep an eye on everyone, but...” He hesitated. “...you’re sure it’ll work?”

“My dear boy, when have I ever lied to you?” The Man who Spoke in Hands said with a grin. “Oh, and uh...if you DO see my counterpart, ask him...”

Underfell Gaster twirled around, the thick red scarf he wore flapping about over his dark jacket as he cheerily and devilishly grinned, odd cracks encircling his face almost like a tribal tattoo, the jagged scars from his eyes thick, powerful and as deadly as his clawed hands as he stood tall on his thick black boots and cloaked cape. “What does he think? Is Red the New Black? Does it look good on “us”?”

“Red goes with everything.” Underfell Frisk said with a grin and a thumbs up, his own eyes a-glitter. “EVERYTHING.”

Comments

[EightBitBrony]

Damn! Awesome chapter. And I gotta say this is a pretty ominous setup... cannot wait to see what underfell Gaster has in store!

[ngrey651]

8218441
Thanks!

[Sigmacipher]

“Red goes with everything.” Underfell Frisk said with a grin and a thumbs up, his own eyes a-glitter. “EVERYTHING.”

No it doesn't... green for instance.