Agents of Discord

by Scarlett Haze

Min Tea - Element of Deceit... and Waitress

Pushing Time Turner off into the dining room, I followed through with him.

"A bit odd that the ceiling was weak enough to break," Time Turner noticed, briefly massaging his throat being brought back from maredom.

"Just have to think differently," I responded before stamping a hoof in frustration. "Damn it! Why am I still a mare?!"

Time Turner just shrugged and began observing the large dining room. "This place almost seems impossible, you can't see the ends of the room!"

The dining room was a rather long one, having enough room to slide chairs in and out with extra space for mingling. The table was worn, like each inch had received some kind of punishment from the glasses and plates that lay on it. A clock began to chime a tune that echoed out in the room.

"It's lunch time, may all guests report to the dining room immediately," a crackled voice from an unseen speaker called out.

The moment the speaker voice ended, the room had filled with multiple ponies that were seated immediately. The same was done for myself and Time Turner. We couldn't move from the seat and I had just realized who I was sitting across from.

"You!" Celestia screamed, now squirming in her chair to move.

Nightmare Moon had calmly begun chuckling beside her as she looked at me. "Seems that you've found your true self while in Discord's castle. I knew for sure that you didn't have balls."

The dining room erupted in curses, taunts, and threats as enemy soldiers sat beside each other. The swearing soon came to a halt as a roll of white cloth had begun covering the table, setting plates for each individual that was in place. Every so often, a candelabra would pop up and light up as the cloth continued on. On each plate was a different image, blank, a pair of wings, or a horn. For Celestia and Nightmare Moon however, their plates had both. That was when I noticed that neither one of them had their wings or horn.

"Welcome! Welcome! One and all!" Discord hollered from a megaphone swinging across the ceiling. "It's good to have you all here, each with your own quirks and kinks sitting alongside each other like brother and sister!"

I kept my eyes on Discord, waiting for any moment to present itself so I could choke him out. I hadn't noticed that there were a few other ponies walking the edge of the room as the presentation continued on.

"Some even have kinks that have gone down in some of my very special rooms, let's take for example a zebra named Zecora!" Discord called out, pointing out Zecora from my far right. "♪Oh where, oh where, have your little black stripes gone? Oh where, oh where, can they be? Hee, hee, hee!♫"

Sure enough, I could see the white zebra as she scowled at Discord and struggled to reach her staff.

"Let's not forget a few others that have gone by, one in particular is Pinkie Pie," Discord announced, pointing out a white mare with yellow mane. "Or should they start calling you 'Whitey Pie'? HA HA HA HA!"

Pinkie growled angrily, "You big meanie! I'll make you pay for this! DO YOU HEAR ME?!"

"Oh, I hear you quite well," Discord snidely responded. "But sadly, Nightmare Moon cannot," he cheekily said, stopping right by Nightmare Moon, her reaction remaining still as she kept her eyes to me. "HELLO! MY! NAME! IS! DISCORD!" Discord bellowed out in Nightmare Moon's ear, still getting no response. "Don't worry, folks! She'll hear again in time, and every word in a single blow as well, so feel free to speak your mind."

Discord stepped around the table and slunk behind me. "And then, there's this fine creature, sitting down like a proper lady."

"Get me off this chair and I'll tear your eye sockets out, bastard!" I screamed.

"Certainly doesn't act ladylike at all," Discord announced, jumping back on the table. "Perhaps it's because this fine specimen of a mare that no doubt many of you are probably wondering if she's single-," Discord slunk down to a soldier and unabashedly whispered, "-and probably a virgin too-," before finishing his announcement, "-is actually one former stallion! Stallions, for all of your broken dreams, she's Quick Fix!"

Some had begun laughing and others remained shocked at the change of looks. I had been vibrating in rage as I sat, forced to endure the embarrassment.

"That is to name a few, of course, but many more have suffered similar embarrassments." Discord continued, catching the swinging pendulum again. "Peeing themselves in fright, falling down an infinite flight of stairs, being combined with another pony, drowning in jello water, I could go on, really. But, it's lunch time! And our servers are prepared to get you any food you desire! No tricks or gimmicks, alright, perhaps just one."

Back on the table, he flipped a plate up with his foot and caught it in his paw. "Each plate has something on it and is the only thing keeping you in your seats! Order your food, chow down, and you get freed! As an added bonus, for those that had wings or horns or both, you get those back as well!"

Setting the plate back down and flipping off the table, a menu appeared in front of everypony. "Please, look over our fine selection and make your choices! Your server will be with you shortly."

Still firmly embarrassed by Discord, I was incredibly annoyed and figured the best option on getting out was eating light. Scanning through the menu appeared to do no good however, every time I'd look for another option, the words would intermingle and create something else.

"Fuck it, I'll just have a burger," I huffed before a green hoof shot out and took the menu from me.

Looking over, I was shocked to see the green hoof came from Marian, her eyes still showing no life, but her mouth continuously murmuring as she walked.

"Burger, Taco, Pizza, Pizza, Salad, Soup, Bread, Bread, Garlic Bread, Cheese," she murmured out as she walked away, seemingly trying to remember the order of each order she was given in a precise way.

"This is certainly different," Time Turner spoke up. "Why would Discord treat us to any sort of meal? Of course, it's partially a game to get off of these chairs, but it's confusing."

Celestia nodded towards Turner's statement. "It's how he's always been. There is nothing that he does that is not played to what he wants to see or hear." She looked to me, a bitter expression on her face. "Even now he's playing his game with creatures from another plane of existence. As long as they are here alongside Discord, they must pay for their crimes against peace."

"It's not their choice," I argued, slamming a hoof at the table. "He did something to them, I know he did!"

At that moment, Nightmare Moon's eyes shot open and her hooves shot over her ears as she screamed out in agony. "My ears! Stop! Stop the noise!"

Her head smashed into the table and kept pressing her hooves to her ears. Despite any hope that she would've passed out, she raised her head and snapped up the menu in frustration. Despite not seeing him, I was sure Discord was stifling laughter nearby.

The room was quiet as food began appearing from nothing on the plates. The burger I had was a bonified, 100%, I'm totally a cannibal, hamburger. The burger was a sight of itself, bun, lettuce and tomato, cheese, burger, bacon, cheese, burger, bun. Many of the ponies looked to my plate and delighted salivating in sheer horror. Not only did the plate come with an awesome burger, it came with a fair amount of french fries that got me whooping up a storm.

"It's happened," I finally spoke up. "I've found a way to both hate and love someone all at one time."

"You are NOT!" Rarity gasped as I lifted the burger to my lips.

With no warning, the burger was torn into, and being eaten as I began reminiscing on my past life and how long it truly has been since I ate any meat. I even began laughing behind the closed mouth as I chewed, thinking how it looked from their perspective. A mare, eating a burger made from a cow and pig, was downing this abomination to society with no sense of manners and no worries about what the others were thinking about.

"Oh! OH!" I crooned, letting the taste circle around my taste buds. "Oh my god! Where's the cook so I can hug them?"

Nightmare Moon had shut her eyes to the despicable act I was doing, making me feel a small sense of victory. If I couldn't beat her in a fight, I could beat her in being a villainous bastard.

The mood shift was enough to make me forget about the inevitable ending of myself going against some of the most powerful beings I could ever go against. I should've been panicking about the concept of Celestia being thrown into the mix and still having nothing hanging between my legs, but the concept of potato and meat going down my gullet was kicking away the nagging feeling.

Before I had known it, the food was gone and the ponies that sat around the table had disappeared as well. Pushing up from the chair, I felt a difference in my body again. Looking down, it was clear I was back to being a man, or as close to one as I could be at that point. The wings that were removed were fluttering behind me and were well attached. The problem was that looking down to my left was Marian, moving down the table towards me.

Moving up on the table, I stepped up to stop Marian from moving any further. "I know Discord's fucked with your head, he's done it with Rich and Linda too. You don't have to listen to him, you don't have to do anything for him!"

Marian kept quiet before butting her head into my nose and striking my chest, right where the hole was underneath the armor. After multiple blows, she pulled back and let me collapse to the table, coughing out in pain.

"There's no saving us, we listen to the call of complete madness that has been shown to us." Marian coldly said as I pulled out my staff to help me back up. "This world will burn, and not even Discord's death will stop it."

With a quick movement, the staff was placed behind Marian's neck and pulled her down with me. Rolling onto my back, I flipped her over and rolled back over on my hooves. "Don't bullshit me, Marian! I'm ending this entire mess and we're going home!"

Marian moved back on her hooves and leaped forward tricking me into thinking she was going to tackle me and instead went back toward striking my chest. With no thought, I swung toward Marian's head and felt my hoof hit her. With a slump, Marian hit the table and made me take a step back in shock. With a quick move, I checked to see if she was breathing and gave a sigh of relief that she was okay.

"Marian, if you can hear me, please don't tell Linda about this," I whispered before getting off the table.

"How cute," Nightmare Moon's voice echoed out. "You still have feelings for your friends, even after you knock them out."

Turning to Nightmare Moon, I pointed my staff out to her and kept near Marian. "Get out of here, before I stick this straight up the place where the sun never shines."

Nightmare Moon laughed out, walking around the table and past myself and Marian's unconscious body. "One problem, boy."

Nightmare's aura surrounded me and shot me into the ceiling and continued pressing against me, making the ceiling crack under the pressure she was pushing with. I felt like I was being choked out as my breaths became shallow.

"The sun never shines down on the Queen of Eternal Night."

Comments

[Lord Charles]

That burger would have been worth the looks. Im gonna go make one

[Noble Wings]

BURGER i must have it

[shapeshiftingpedro]

All those ponies' faces when they find out Quick Fix eats meat: PRICELESS!

MMMMMM! Burger.