Dungeons and Dazzles

by Eyeswirl the Weirded

Chapter 8: The Most Valuable of Treasures

Adagio and Sunset determined that Aria and Sonata were close enough when they picked up the sounds of bickering. Not knowing or caring what it was about this time, Sunset called out to them.

"Hey!!"

She waved, smiling as their attention broke from each other and focused on her, both smiling back when they saw her and Adagio.

It was as they picked up their pace across the bridge that Sunset wished she'd made some kind of bet about getting here first, but none of them had known there'd be a specific point at which their paths met. She wasn't really sure what the stakes would have been, either.

When the two set foot in the castle/cathedral/thing, Aria was the first to say anything. "Hey, you guys got new weapons! Any other good loot?"

"Nothing worth mentioning," Adagio answered before Sunset could, "you?"

As Aria excitedly shared the details of her new armor (dark purple this time, she said, but to Sunset it was still just black) and Sonata's new heal-enhancing sash (which she wore tied around her head, Rambo-style, it apparently having occurred to her that there was no reason to keep her hood up all the time), Sunset quietly pushed together the pieces of a little puzzle in her head.

The completed image suggested to her that, despite how much closer the sirens had grown since Rarity's birthday, Adagio probably still didn't trust something as valuable as a wishing ring in Aria and Sonata's hands, opting to keep it a secret from them until it was time to use it. Probably at the very end of the adventure to wish for a mountain of gold coins or something, if that was allowed.

"And there was even a game-show," Sonata gushed with spastic arm-motions that made the long sleeves of her priest robe flap about, "with cheesy music and an audience of forest critters and everything! It was all plant trivia, and whenever we got one wrong, it-mph!"

Pulling Sonata's sash/bandana down over her mouth, a faintly rosy Aria quickly summed up for her. "It sucked, but we picked our own grand prize-" Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a big, golden crown with ornate, vine-like patterns etched into the sides and various kinds of flower sticking out of the points of the crown. "-from the giant plant guy hosting the thing."

This was when Sunset noticed something strange along the inner rim of the crown; a mysterious, green ichor and the jagged remains of some kind of plant life. Noticing where Sunset was looking, Aria shrugged.

"I figure if we rinse it off, they'll pay something for it."

"Well done," Adagio said with a nod, "but there'll be time for stories later. Let's finish this thing and get paid." With that, she again took point in the direction she hoped would lead to the end, silently gratified that she was followed right away this time.

Adagio wasn't startled when the idle suits of armor lining a corridor sprung to life and attacked, but only because Sunset had just been explaining how exactly that might happen. Blades were of limited usefulness in the ensuing melee, but Sonata's staff and a knight's dented cuirass stuck on the end of an axe made for effective clubs for those that weren't blown apart before they could get in close. Following a disappointing loot harvest and Adagio needing to scrape twisted metal off her weapon, the party ventured onward and upward through the carpeted, torch-lit stairs of the evil-aligned church.

"So Shimmer, this place looks pretty snazzy all around, right?"

"Yea?"

"How much would we get if we just started rippin' stuff off the walls and-"

"Not nearly enough to make it worth carrying."

"Damn."

Despite Aria's half-hearted scowl, Sunset giggled. That was at least two sirens getting a good Adventurer Sense developed now, so if Sonata got on board too, maybe they could all play together some time! She wasn't sure if that game was even still online, but if not, it couldn't be hard to find another one. Her hopes rose when the blunette in question spoke up.

"Speakin' of ripping stuff off, when do I get my own skimpy outfit?"

Sunset stumbled. "W-what?!"

"Like you guys," she said while pointing to the rest of the party with a plaintive pout, "half-naked or in something skin-tight! Aria's gimp suit rides halfway up to Narnia and doesn't even have pantylines!"

Annoyed, Aria folded her hands over her behind. "Quit staring at my ass, Sonata!"

Sonata ignored her. "And you guys get miniskirts and bikini tops! Why am I stuck in half a mattress? Don't healers get high heels too? They'd be like, the Heels of High-Healing and junk!"

"Maybe because you like, never wear heels?"

"That's why it's called role-playing!"

Aria rolled her eyes. "Who are you hoping to appeal to in here, anyway? Not a lot of point in being seductive if we're just killing monsters, right?"

"Maybe the merchants'll give us better deals if we show a little more skin?" She looked at Adagio. "Hey-"

"No."

"I think-" said a faintly flushed Sunset, "that it's because you're a priest, Sonata. They're kind of supposed to be chaste, religious figures in human society, that's where the light power comes from."

Sonata tilted her head. "Your friends use light magic, and I never see any of you in heavy robes."

"Yea, but-"

"You even flung off your jacket when you fought us," Aria unhelpfully added.

"Th-that was different! The rules in RPGs are that priests wear more clothes, okay?!"

Sonata raised a defiant fist in the air. "Then I wanna convert!" She briefly looked Sunset over. "What's your denomination? The God of Black Dye and Reckless Scissor Usage?"

Sunset flushed brighter even if, curiously, neither of the other two party members so much snickered at her. Then came a memory. "Why does this even bug you? I thought you picked up this world's sense of modesty."

"I don't mind revealing outfits," she said while pointing to Adagio, "just as long as the good bits are covered, y'know?"

Adagio rolled her eyes, looking away to hide a blush.

"Besides," continued Sonata, "who doesn't wanna be sexy?"

Sunset wasn't sure how to answer, because she knew that even Fluttershy had her... moments.

Well, at least she's developing an adventurer's fashion sense...

Following a long-overdue, inventory-lightening transaction with another merchant at the start of the next floor (using the same, out-of-place bazaar set-up, oddly enough), Aria was again pondering the merits of stealing more than just the fanciest candlesticks they could find.

"I'm not saying we didn't make good money from what we sold, but if the guy's right there, we-"

"We could, and we might even end up with a decent chunk of change by the end," Sunset conceded, "but it wouldn't be much fun." She was a little surprised to be backed up by Sonata.

"Yea, remember the bank-robber game? You said just moving loot without anybody shooting at you was more like helping someone move."

"Well, yea, but... um..."

Noting Aria's unusual hesitance, Adagio tilted her head a little as they walked. "Are you hoping to save up for something?"

"Nnno, but," her eyes darted about as though afraid someone were listening in, "like, I-I'm not saying, I mean, hypothetically, if we had enough to not need to work normal jobs anymore, that wouldn't be a bad thing, right?"

There was a probing arc to Adagio's tone. "Ariaaaaa...?"

"Oh, don't worry," giggled Sonata, "she wasn't fired or anything." The smile turned impish. "She just keeps getting stuck on mascot duty!"

"Screw you," Aria snarled back, "that thing gets too damn hot and I can barely see where I'm going! They should just let me work inside, where I can actually do something useful!"

Sunset smiled. "Maybe a Shooting Star would help bring in the customers?"

Aria turned to her, perplexed, then her eyes widened for a split second, followed by a nod as she faced forward. "Oh, yea, I'unno, maybe."

Sunset stared at the side of her head for a moment, confused. Looking at Adagio, she found her idly surveying the dungeon around them, possibly on the lookout for valuables, possibly just staying wary of enemies in general. An eerie sense of deja vu descended on her, but she couldn't put her finger on what felt strange about the last few minutes.

She didn't have a lot of time to think about it when ghostly moaning was heard around the corner.

"One hit," cheered a beaming Adagio when the last, ghoulish priest had crumbled into dust and tattered robes, "these things died in one hit!"

Having been hit with a Silence curse, Sunset had to wait a few minutes before she could tell Sonata about the curse-purging spell. By which point it didn't matter, but at least Aria got a laugh out of the irony of the situation.

"Anything wearing a robe is probably a spellcaster," Sunset explained, "so it fits that they wouldn't be able to stand up to an orcish battleaxe."

"Oh," the fluffy barbarian thought aloud as she looked over her weapon, "I thought it was supposed to be more... tougher enemies as we go, or something."

"It kind of is, but their spells are supposed to compensate for the lack of muscle."

"Ah. If we meet more, suppose I'll, er, t-try to hack off their arms, before they-"

"Don't feel too pressured," she giggled, "we got through it fine."

"Boy, did we," called a jubilant Aria as she held up a golden, religious symbol on a beaded necklace, "'cuz these guys were loaded!"

The ostentatious trinkets might have been more of a surprise had the rest of the cathedral not come across as suspiciously decadent for a house of worship.

"Ooh, a golden offering bowl!"

"Uh, Aria? That's brass."

"Damn."

Not quite decadent enough for Aria's tastes, however, as the others discovered when she chucked the bowl clean through a stained-glass window.

Adagio smiled. "Oh good, your throwing arm has gotten better!"

"Heh, thanks."

After wandering around for a while, another staircase led them to the next floor, which began with a big, open room full of torture devices. Some were contraptions larger than a couch, some were placed on wall-mounted, metal fixtures, and some were just random sharp objects hanging from the ceiling on long chains. Taking it all in, Sonata smiled.

"I think I like it here!"

Chuckling, Adagio casually brushed her barbarian locks backward. "As much as it tickles the imagination, I'm afraid we have to keep going."

Aria didn't say anything, but Sunset could see the fear and discomfort in her face, especially noticing the complete lack of anxiety from Adagio.

I was right; she acts differently around these two. If it were just her and me, I'm sure she'd at least be a little nervous or-

She barely heard the end of a shouted instruction as a bolt of purple fire blackened the stone tiles at her feet. Looking up, she saw the culprit; a floating, sorcerer-type-boss-looking zombie guy, arms out as he charged up another spell. What really stuck out to Sunset was his design; dark, tattered robes from the waist down, extremely tight, leather straps all over his upper body, digging into his dead, bloated skin like some kind of morbid balloon animal, and a tall, eyeless, leather mask obscuring whatever was left of his face.

Undead gimp-priest in the torture room. Oooookay, Discorp, oookay.

A jagged knife suddenly embedding itself in his chest alerted her to Adagio throwing random pieces of torture equipment at the priest, since he was floating too high to reach with her axe. Not one to be outdone, Aria aided her with knife-throwing of her own. She was kind of outdone anyway, because while more of Aria's knives hit the target, Adagio was throwing much bigger, heavier things, escalating to an entire wall-rack of various cutting implements that she ripped off a wall.

Countless metal objects stuck in her enemy's putrid flesh, Sunset saw her chance, raising her spear-tip-wand and firing off a few lightening spells. She could see the metal glowing as the priest lit up, smoking and twitching as his insides cooked and he caught fire, which she added to with a fireball spell.

Sunset apologized to her three fellow adventurers as Sonata healed the resulting shrapnel wounds, but at least the mini-boss was dealt with.

While there was nothing they could salvage from the priest, in the next room waited a big ol' treasure chest that Aria was happily unlocking within seconds. When the lid popped, she waved Sunset over for another round of that Hearths Warming gift-giving feeling.

"First up, these knives are definitely too fancy for throwing, so I'm thinking they're your new main weapons, Aria."

"Sweet!"

She happily diced the air as Sonata got her gift loot.

"Fittingly for the building, it's some kinda pope hat."

Sonata frowned. "No sexy nun robes?"

"Uh, n-no, sorry."

"Oh, well."

Donning the hat over her Saint Rambo bandana-sash, Sonata at least felt a little more important.

Sunset picked up the black, onyx-tipped wand with smiling malice. "This must be mine!"

Adagio rested a hand on a hip, amused. "Just leave the stabbing to Aria, alright?"

Blushing a little, Sunset rolled her eyes, but she didn't stop smiling. "Yea, yea. And the rest is-...oh, wait." Reaching into the chest, she pulled up a thin suit of golden scales. "I thought this was another pile of gold coins, but... I think it's some kinda scale mail? Probably yours, Adagio."

Donning the new armor in a blink, Adagio looked herself over and beamed. "Ohh, it's just like my old scales! Look how I glitter!"

Sunset indeed looked her over, trying to ignore the heat crawling up her neck. The armor appeared to be solid gold, though it clearly wasn't as heavy; boots and gauntlets that covered up to her knees and elbows, thick, smooth pauldrons on her shoulders, a shiny, new, armored headband, and what could only be called a skimpy, metal string-bikini barely concealed by a loincloth of thin, hanging chains. It left almost none of her exposed, however, because what would have been exposed skin was covered up to her neck with impossible, skin-tight, golden scales.

"S-so," said Sunset as she sharply looked away after Adagio's excitable twirl, "onto the next place?"

Adagio cheerfully followed along as Sonata muttered bitterly about unfairness again.

More animated suits of armor were de-animated before the group came to a needlessly large double-door that they only bothered pulling open on one side. Beyond that, they quickly deduced, was another puzzle chamber.

It was a relatively small room, give or take the height of the ceiling to allow the massive double-doors, just four stone obelisks in the middle with a tile in front of each. The tiles and faces of each obelisk were marked with various animal symbols and a stone lever waited beside them, but there were no signs to be found, so Sunset guessed it wasn't another game show.

Adagio glanced over them as she strode to the next door, giving it a sharp, violent tug, then a push just in case it was a push-door. She couldn't make it budge, sighing. "I suppose we have to match those symbols before this door will open?"

"It couldn't be that simple," Sunset mused, a hand on her chin as she studied the symbols, "let me see what these have in common. The tiles, from left to right, go bird-fox-wolf-bear, but the obelisks, as we found them, go bear-bear-bird-wolf. I'm guessing those are random. So, the order on the tiles obviously goes from smallest to biggest, and the last three are predators. Well, I mean, I guess some birds mostly eat bugs, and I know at least one type that pecks bigger creatures to drink their blood, so-hey!"

"Don't worry," assured Aria as she started turning the obelisks, "if the tiles tell us what gets eaten by what, then we just have to show the food chain. See? Bear eats wolf, wolf eats fox, fox eats bird. Chickens are birds, right?"

"Well, yea, but-"

"But nothin'," she said as she gripped the stone lever, "away we go!"

She pulled, darts immediately firing from many holes in the walls and ceiling, mainly targeted near the lever. Aria ducked, but one still found her.

"IPE!!"

She immediately fell over, perfectly still in a comical pose, one dart stuck in her behind.

Sonata snorted. "Hahaha, smarty pants turned darty pants!"

Aria grumbled at her, but didn't get up. A brief quiet fell over the group before Aria made a much more frantic noise.

"Ican'tmove!!"

Adagio rushed over, already searching her inventory. "Paralysis, I know we picked up a potion to cure that somewhere, just give me a minute and... Hm, where was it...?"

Stuck where she lay, Aria groaned. "This is why I hate needles!!"

"Because in ordinary circumstances, they afflict you with paralysis?"

"Still applies, don't it?"

"No."

While they worked that out, Sunset got back to the puzzle.

Okay, if the bird is that blood-drinker type, it could feasibly feed on any and all of these, but since the image just looks like any other bird, I'm gonna assume it isn't. Bears probably don't hunt wolves all that much, and wolves probably don't hunt foxes, so... Damn, this would be easier if Fluttershy were here. What a time to need animal trivia! Come to think of it, do any of these things have anything to do with each other? Maybe it's symbolism; the bird is swiftness, the fox is cunning, the wolf is-...

Wait. Bird, fox, bear, wolf? Weren't those the mascots in Fatbear's Pizza?

Or, no, what was the last one? A rabbit, right? There's no rabbit symbol here, so that shoots down that theory. Even if there were, that doesn't really tell me what order they'd be in. Four columns, left to right, maybe that factors into it someh-

"What's taking so damn long?!"

Scowling, Sunset looked over her shoulder to respond to Aria's impatience, but found that she was most likely addressing Adagio.

"I'm working on it," the gilded chemist responded with a huff, still rifling through her inventory, "but I never sorted these because so many sounded like vendor trash. I mean, 'Potion of Frost Resistance.' Seems like it'd be easier to just wear a coat, even if anything had thrown ice at us so far. This one is... Blacksmithing? I don't even- does it improve a skill for a limited time, or is it a potion of permanent knowledge, and how does that make sense either way? If the former, does it magically grant, and then somehow remove the information from your brain when time is up, or are you possessed by a little pygmy blacksmith until-"

"PARALYZED!"

"Oh, right. There's so much stuff in here..."

When Sunset looked back at the puzzle, she found Sonata turning the last obelisk before reaching for the lever. "S-Sonata, don't-!"

With a quick pull, the stones around them began to rumble, the door ahead slowly sliding open. Looking over the obelisks, Sunset gaped: The solution was the order displayed on the tiles, matched to each obelisk. Sonata beamed proudly.

"I found it," announced a jubilant Adagio, "the anti-paralysis potion is-"

Still grinning ear to ear, Sonata pointed at Aria with her rod. "♪Reme-dy!♫"

Aria briefly glowed, then flopped on the ground in an awkward heap. Still holding the potion, Adagio scratched her head.

"Ohh, I could have used a Remedy potion on that? I thought those were for diseases or something..."

Getting to her feet, Aria glared at their white mage. "Why didn't you do that sooner?!"

No longer smiling, Sonata shrugged. "Somebody had to figure the puzzle out."

Sunset opened her mouth, closed it again, and hung her head in shame. Giggling, Adagio put a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry about it too much." She turned to the newly opened doors with a confident grin. "We have an artifact to seize!" Aria and Sonata looked at her in confused silence. "The artifact mentioned on that plaque out in the field? The one this adventure is based around?"

"Ohhh!"
"Totes forgot."

"Sunset, do we know what this artifact is supposed to look like?"

"Uh..." She scratched her chin. "Well, if it's the main quest, it'll probably be something we can't miss, like a magical weapon wielded by the final boss, or something on a pedestal in the middle of a big room. Missing those, I guess we could just swipe everything valuable-looking? Like we weren't gonna do that anyway."

"Then let's finish this!"

The group proceeded through the door and up the very, very long staircase behind it, Sunset wondering if Adagio's newfound courage was related to her shiny, new scale-mail. She certainly had plenty of time to ponder that question as they made their way up the stairs, Adagio in front.

Author's Note:

That thing where I think it'll just be one chapter, but then it goes long and I feel it's more digestible as two, because even with the bookmark feature, it's easier to remember any comments the reader would like to make if they read the whole chapter in one go? It happened again.

I know it sounds kind of stupid, but 'blunette' just tickles me too much to not use.

Vampire Finch -Technically, I think they just peck bigger birds, but if pressed, I wouldn't be too surprised if they did try that on a bear.

Excerpt from Skyrim's The Death of a Wanderer:
He was the one to break the silence. "You know what always bothered me?" he asked. "Why they even bothered with the symbols."
"The what?"
"The symbols, you fool, look at the claw."
I turned it over in my hand. Sure enough, etched into the face were three animals. A bear, an owl, and some kind of insect.
"What do the symbols mean, Deerkaza?"
"The sealing-doors. It's not enough to just have the claw. They're made of massive stone wheels that must align with the claw's symbols before they'll open. It's a sort of lock, I suppose. But I didn't know why they bothered with them. If you had the claw, you also had the symbols to open the door. So why..."
He was broken up by a coughing fit. It was the most I had heard him speak in months, but I could tell how much of a struggle it was. I knew his mind, though, and helped the thought along.
"Why even have a combination if you're going to write it on the key?"
"Exactly. But as I lay bleeding on that floor, I figured it out. The Draugr are relentless, but far from clever. Once I was downed, they continued shuffling about. To no aim. No direction. Bumping against one another, the walls."
"So?"
"So the symbols on the doors weren't meant to be another lock. Just a way of ensuring the person entering was actually alive and had a functioning mind."
"Then the doors..."
"Were never meant to keep people out. They were meant to keep the Draugr in."

---

And all this time, I just thought the old Nords were complete dumbasses! Then again, seeing as how they left their dead in tombs bigger and more elaborate than the average town (given Bethesda's approach to scale) and let homicidal zombies (who may be the very family they 'put to rest' there) run wild, on top of the fact that most of the 'doors' are only solvable for an outsider coming in and thus don't make a lick of difference in terms of complexity, maybe that's still a fair assessment.

Comments

[Vaguely Demented]

I always assumed it was a delaying action. Hard to get into someone’s inner sanctum quietly if you have to manipulate giant stone dogs and wheels. More than enough time to get the guards involved.

[ForSpite]

Adagio and Sunset determined that Aria and Sonata were close enough when they picked up the sounds of bickering. Not knowing or caring what it was about this time, Sunset called out to them.

They've been separate so long, I forgot they were even in the game.

[ShadowLDrago]

Adagio probably still didn't trust something as valuable as a wishing ring in Aria and Sonata's hands, opting to keep it a secret from them until it was time to use it. Probably at the very end of the adventure to wish for a mountain of gold coins or something, if that was allowed.

I'm inclined to agree.

"Speakin' of ripping stuff off, when do I get my own skimpy outfit?"

Wait what?

Sonata ignored her. "And you guys get miniskirts and bikini tops! Why am I stuck in half a mattress? Don't healers get high heels too? They'd be like, the Heels of High-Healing and junk!"

... I mean, I'd point out that Clerics are usually in armor for a REASON, because they don't have much health (d8 compared to the d10 of Fighters or Rangers, or the Barbarian d12), but that would fly over your head.

"I think-" said a faintly flushed Sunset, "that it's because you're a priest, Sonata. They're kind of supposed to be chaste, religious figures in human society, that's where the light power comes from."

A fair point. As for Barbarians, I like to imagine that it works like Ork belief in Warhammer. They believe so strongly that the universe just lets them have it their way and potentially have better Armor Class than the people in armor.

"I don't mind revealing outfits," she said while pointing to Adagio, "just as long as the good bits are covered, y'know?"

I, see.

"Besides," continued Sonata, "who doesn't wanna be sexy?"

Fair.

"One hit," cheered a beaming Adagio when the last, ghoulish priest had crumbled into dust and tattered robes, "these things died in one hit!"

Low level undead have little in the way of health, a proper Barbarian can swing their axe and cleave through them like nothing.

Chuckling, Adagio casually brushed her barbarian locks backward. "As much as it tickles the imagination, I'm afraid we have to keep going."

You worry me.

Sunset indeed looked her over, trying to ignore the heat crawling up her neck. The armor appeared to be solid gold, though it clearly wasn't as heavy; boots and gauntlets that covered up to her knees and elbows, thick, smooth pauldrons on her shoulders, a shiny, new, armored headband, and what could only be called a skimpy, metal string-bikini barely concealed by a loincloth of thin, hanging chains. It left almost none of her exposed, however, because what would have been exposed skin was covered up to her neck with impossible, skin-tight, golden scales.

Fanart. Someone get on it.

Aria grumbled at her, but didn't get up. A brief quiet fell over the group before Aria made a much more frantic noise.

Paralysis is nasty.

Sunset gaped: The solution was the order displayed on the tiles, matched to each obelisk. Sonata beamed proudly.

It was that easy.

No longer smiling, Sonata shrugged. "Somebody had to figure the puzzle out."

Fair.

"Were never meant to keep people out. They were meant to keep the Draugr in."

How chilling.