• Published 2nd May 2017
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Dungeons and Dazzles - Eyeswirl the Weirded



It's time for another adventure with the sirens, this one in slightly more familiar territory for Sunset.

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Chapter 2: The Quest To Do... Something!

The group found themselves standing in a cave corridor lit with torches along the walls. In one direction waited a big, wooden door, and in the other, a large opening that showed only the blinding, white light of purgatory. None of them noticed this right away, however, because the first thing anyone caught sight of was their outfits.

"Oh, wow," Sunset thought aloud, blushing a little as she looked herself over. She was wearing (for lack of better words) a tight, black little dress, more like a shiny evening gown with a slightly tattered miniskirt and holes torn in the outfit in seemingly random places, though it luckily preserved her modesty... mostly. Kind of. Legally speaking, she probably wouldn't get arrested for indecent exposure, but she was showing more midriff than she was comfortable with and the thin, black straps running all over her arms and legs didn't make her feel much less naked. Nor the black feathers tucked into the straps on her wrists, ankles, and shoulders, least of all the ones that formed tiny wings extruding from her jet-black high heels.

"What the Hell?!" Aria stood in a suit of tight, black leather, hugging her curves even without the help of the many, many belts wantonly strapped to her body. While none of them were needed to hold her pants up, some may have been keeping the small arsenal of knives on her arms, legs, hips, and torso in place. To her, the most perplexing detail was the dark hood and long scarf that hung down to her waist, though at least she'd have no trouble keeping warm.

This went double for Sonata, who found herself in a heavy, white robe with red trims. It was just slightly too big for her, as the hood nearly fell over her eyes and the sleeves were just a little longer than her arms, meaning she had to pull them back to hold her big, wooden staff in both hands. "Glad we're not robbin' banks dressed like this!"

"Indeed..."

Noting the distinct lack of confidence in Adagio's voice, all three turned to find her standing with her arms crossed and one foot tapping in fuzzy, bear-pelt boots, a thin loincloth that covered only a little more than Sunset's miniskirt, metal bracers on her wrists, and another pelt wrapped around her chest to (mostly) preserve her modesty. Despite the added security of the fortified, metal spikes on the steel version of her usual hairband (AC +4!), she was blushing even before Sunset snickered.

"Well now! You're dressed like a barbarian, and I've seen you toting a gun, so I guess that makes you-"

"SHUT. UP."

"Hey," offered Aria, gesturing to herself, "at least you don't look like a gimp with a cutting fetish."

Doing what she could to block out that image, Sunset decided it was best to clear things up as quickly as possible. "No, no, you're a rogue." By the confused looks she got, it was apparent that the Dazzlings didn't spend a lot of their spare time dungeon-crawling. Unlike her, for a while there. "It's like a sneaky, creep-around-and-stab-things-in-the-back class, it-"

"Class?!" exclaimed Sonata in horror, "I haven't studied! Dagi, what's the rhyme for this one?!"

"'Class' is like a job," continued Sunset, "what you're good at in the game. Judging by your equipment, Sonata, you're probably a white mage, which is like a magic doctor."

Sonata glanced down at herself, her face uncertain. "'Kay."

"Aria, most of those knives of yours are probably for throwing, and the bigger ones hanging from your waist are for melee purposes." She offered a smile, pretty sure Aria would like this next part. "You've probably got lockpicks, too."

Grinning widely, Aria rubbed her hands together. "Sweeeeet!"

"Adagio, it looks like you're a warrior class, which pretty much boils down to running in and going berserk." Literally, if that fur came from a bear.

"Yes," Adagio huffed disbelievingly while tugging on her loincloth, "because this will prove adequate protection in a direct assault."

Knowing how Adagio felt about the prospect of being brutalized, Sunset offered a sympathetic smile. "You should have enough health, or endurance, or something, to make up the difference," she pointed to a long, wooden pole sticking out of Adagio's hair, "and that should help you out a bit too."

Glancing over her shoulder, Adagio found the thing with a hint of surprise, grabbing and pulling it out of her barbarian locks to reveal a battleaxe. "...Hm. Alright," she said while turning back toward Sunset, "and what exactly are you in this exercise?"

"Umm..." She needed a second to examine herself again, but catching sight of a thin, black stick with a pink crystal on the end hanging from her belt gave her a clue. She smiled. "I... I think I'm a black mage!" She drew the wand and gave it an experimental twirl, grinning even wider as arcane energy crackled in the air before her. "It's the polar opposite of what Sonata does; all offense and destruction, blowing stuff up and-"

And then Sunset remembered she was talking to the sirens. Whose dark, gemstone-focused magic was gone now. Because of her. She slowly, sheepishly looked back at them to find three unamused stares, which left her voice a tiny squeak of contrition. "I'm sorry." The stares persisted, but just as Sunset was halfway finished choosing her words for a more elaborate apology, Adagio shrugged.

"I won't say none of us ever miss being able to sway people with a spell, but it's not like you have real magic again, so I won't begrudge you for winning a short-term, virtual lottery." She glanced at her cohorts for their feelings on the matter.

Aria shrugged too. "Go nuts. I didn't get to use my knife in the last game at all, so I've been wanting to stab things anyway."

Not sure she wanted to dwell on that line of thinking, Sunset looked at Sonata to see her wearing an uncertain little smile.

"Well, hey, I got some kinda magic too, right? Fixy-spells and junk? How do we cast spells without singing, by the way?"

"Uhh..."

Hesitantly pointing her wand at a wall, Sunset thought about a big, angry fireball searing the cave walls. Nothing happened. "I don't know," she muttered, "there's no buttons or menus or anything in VR, sooo...?" It seemed so simple back when she had her horn. How did humans even concieve of magic without them? She searched her memories for 'fantasy' media she'd witnessed since coming to this world. Magic words?

She straightened the arm pointing her wand. "Fire!"

Just like that, a stream of flames spouted from the tip of Sunset's wand. The power felt good! Making note of the small, blue bar that grew just a little shorter in the corner of her vision, she looked to the sirens with a smile.

"Just say what you want to happen, I guess. In your case, Sonata, things like 'Heal,' 'Cure,' 'Remedy,' and possibly 'Protect' are the sort of spells a white mage might have."

Gripping her staff in both hands, Sonata beamed. "Cool! What spell do I use to get half-naked like you?"

Sunset did her best to school her features in front of the sirens, as it was possible that all three of them thought she wasn't fazed by nudity. She dreaded the teasing if they figured out she was, and what she had on now was a little spicier than she was comfortable with.

Careful what you wish for, huh?

"Uh, well," she said with a pretty casual smile, "that's more a matter of equipment drops, actually. We're bound to find better gear as we go, so keep an eye out for anything similar to what you've got now." She couldn't see anything like stats or tiers on anything right now, so she'd have to assume whatever they got would be better than what they had before. Standard leveling, really.

"Robbery was rather cut and dry," said Adagio while glancing around, "but what are we supposed to do here? The one overseeing this project rambled about gold and treasure, but I couldn't understand what he was saying. Are we still thieves?"

Something about the clueless expression on her face just tickled Sunset, but she tried not to outright laugh. "If I had to guess, I'd say we have to slay a boss, probably some big, ugly monster."

Chuckling, Aria glanced at Sonata. "If only it were that simple at work..." She smiled a little wider as Sonata blinked, then broke into a contagious gigglefit. When they'd all stopped laughing, Sunset went on.

"Couldn't hurt to pick up coins and treasure along the way, but we'll probably win the game by killing the boss. Any other questions?"

Adagio looked around again. "Mmm... One: Which way do we go?"

Sunset smiled. "Just follow me!"

They went through the door that Aria was just slightly disappointed to find had been unlocked, Sunset explaining the tropes involved with RPG progress; deeper, darker, and scarier usually means you're going the right way, unless mountains or high towers were involved, then it was the higher the better.

And so the party began their quest; Find and Kill a Big Thing in the Dungeons! Getting rich on plunder along the way was always a fun side-quest, one Sunset was just about done explaining when they encountered a squad of eight short, ugly green men. With the way they raised their swords, spears, and bows, Sunset didn't have to explain what was going to happen next.

Aria drew a knife from one of her arm-belts and threw it... missing entirely. She got three stares for this, which she responded to with an angry pout, blushing and crossing her arms. "What? Not like I practice throwing knives in the day job. Much as that would liven things up."

The goblins had taken notice as well, two readying spears for throwing and two aiming their bows as the other four charged forward with their swords. Pointing at the last group, Sunset looked to their barbarian.

"Adagio, you're up!"

She watched as Adagio charged past her, straight toward the goblins, swinging her axe before she'd even gotten close to them. She was actually swinging a little too high to hit any of them anyway, but she'd at least managed to instill the kind of fear that made the four little swordsmen turn and run back to the others. Seeing the spearmen take aim at the encroaching, fluffy berserker, wildly swinging her weapon with every step, Sunset raised her wand at one.

"Lightning!"

The kickback alone was immensely satisfying, but watching a brilliant, blue bolt instantly stretch across the cave and fry the (imaginary) little bastard made Sunset grin wickedly as she inflicted the same fate on the other spear-holding goblin. She looked to the archers to find both of them firing at Sonata, who frantically dodged out of the way by doing an erratic dance of panic. Having to constantly adjust her hood to keep it from falling over her eyes again probably wasn't helping.

"Ah!Eep!Ohgaw-Eek!Tooclosetooclose-Ah! ARIA, THROW BETTER!!"

"Shuddup, I'm trying!"

She managed to sink a knife into one archer's leg with the next throw, the one after going into its chest cavity. Her first shot at the other one missed, but she got it in the heart with the one after. The three of them smiled at each other, then looked to Adagio, whose curls still swung with wild abandon as she continued to dice empty air with her axe, the four goblin swordsmen lying in pieces at her feet.

"Uh, Adagio," Sunset called out, "I think you can stop now. Adagio? Hey!!" Even from a distance, Sunset felt a shiver run up her spine as Adagio turned to her with the axe raised, her eyes wide and panicked.

"...Huh?"

Smiling in what she hoped was a calming manner, Sunset gingerly upheld the palms of both hands. "Fight's over. It's oookay now."

Crossing her arms, Aria tilted her head. "Were you just swinging with your eyes closed? I know she said to go berserk, but most of your attacks didn't even come close."

Her eyebrows furrowed, Adagio paced back toward them, which made it easier to see the little cuts and scratches she'd taken from the goblins. "Yes, is that why I didn't see you in melee range?"

"Uh-" Aria averted her eyes, raising her chin somewhat haughtily. "I-I needed to get some practice with these knives."

"So I see," Adagio responded with a little smirk, "if the fact that you're missing most of them is any indication. Or were you fighting with your eyes closed too?"

As much as she'd have loved to rub it in with comments about lousy aim and clearly not even saving ammo, Sunset confined herself to a small, but very smug smile when Aria looked at her. Giggling as Aria turned red, grumbled, and stomped away to collect her knives, Sunset noted that Adagio had come a long way in restraining her revenge.

She smiled wider when Sonata skipped over to Adagio, twirled her staff once, and pointed it at her small, but numerous wounds while sing-songing 'Heal!' The grateful little grin Adagio gave her for this just warmed Sunset's heart all the more. That in mind, they probably wouldn't get far with their primary damage sponge being scared of combat (Re: Adagio vs. being brutalized), so she opted to try something.

"Hey Adagio," Sunset said while jogging over to grab one of the goblins' swords, "can you hold your weapon up for a minute? Do it like you mean to deflect a blow." Even if it was done with a slightly perplexed face, Sunset was again tickled to find that Adagio had followed this instruction by the time she'd retrieved a sword and turned around.

"Alright... Why am I doing this?" The concern regarding Sunset quickly pacing toward her with a sword in her hand must have shown in her face, because Sunset answered with a gentle tone.

"Don't worry, just going to test something. Hold that position." She raised the sword and tapped Adagio's shoulder with it. "Did that hurt?"

"No. I didn't really feel the actual attacks all that much either, so-EEK!" She flinched as Sunset swung at her much faster, but didn't drop the stance... or feel the blade biting into her skin. Not even a pinch! Opening one eye, she found Sunset smiling at her.

"This game has a blocking mechanic. Just take up a defensive position and you shouldn't take any damage. Simple!" She demonstrated with a few more harmless whacks as Adagio held her pose, then tossed the sword aside and stepped around to rest an arm across Adagio's shoulders. "See? Nothing to it." Without thinking, she took a step back and closed the statement with a sharp smack to Adagio's posterior, which she learned was not protected by the block technique when Adagio yelped and hopped forward.

Time slowed down for Sunset as Adagio addressed her rear with one hand while quickly turning around, hair shifting in the air to reveal an outright murderous glare on her crimson face. Whether the glow was more from embarrassment or rage, Sunset couldn't say as she took a few hasty steps backward, an awkward, sheepish smile plastered on her face.

"N-now hang on a sec-"

"Sunseeeeet..."

She spared a quick glance at Aria and Sonata for help. Their It-was-nice-knowing-you looks as they backed away had her sweating bullets, not helped by Adagio pacing closer. "I-I was just t-testing the block, I thought it would work from algl-a-all angles, b-because that's how it works in some games, but, uh, a-at least we know now, right? Right?!"

Stopping just inches away, Adagio held Sunset's eyes with her own, locking her in place with a stare as intense as the really angry one Fluttershy made that one time, if not more! It was just as Sunset was about to ask permission to breathe that there was an outcry from Sonata.

"Ouch!"

Two heads turned to see the group's priest delicately massaging her hindquarters as Aria snickered. "Yep," she said with a satisfied smirk, "doesn't work from the back."

Sonata found it less amusing. "I wasn't blocking, you dumb-head!"

"So block."

"Huh? Um..." Sonata hesitantly held her staff in front of her. "Like thi-OW!" She scowled at the rogue who'd stepped around to kick her again, but Aria just smiled and turned to Adagio, making a thumbs-up signal.

"Her story checks out, Adagio!"

"Yes," muttered Adagio while looking at a still-nervous, though more apologetic Sunset, "I suppose it does..."

"Sorry."

"Hmph..." Sighing, Adagio glanced over her shoulder at the downed goblins. "Well," she muttered with a blush, "the blocking mechanic should at least make it easier to fight half-naked."

Smiling sympathetically, Sunset tentatively decided against resting a hand on her shoulder. "Could be worse, right? You could have been stuck in a chainmail bikini."

"Nope," replied Sonata, who had knelt down to lift Adagio's loincloth for a peek, "that's in there too. And it's super shiny!" The resulting death-glare shooed her away, but knowing that she had healy magic had her feeling a little braver than usual.

"So," Aria asked while idly inspecting one of her knives, "what's next?"

"We press on," answered Sunset, "kill more things, steal their stuff, look for the biggest thing so we can kill it and steal its stuff."

"Y'know," Aria said with a grin, "I think I'm starting to like being a hero!"

Knowing that there was a world of difference between what she and her friends did and what RPG heroes did, Sunset chose to ignore that remark. The dungeon so far was pretty linear, so finding the way to go was pretty straightforward. Literally. It gave Sunset a bit of time to think as they strode forth into the adventure.

So... She was right. Firm muscle. Hell, that might be why she got the Barbarian role. She mainly gets her workouts from running all over town and dancing in karaoke, right? I should join them sometime...

Author's Note:

I never really got all that much use out of Fus Ro Dah. Or Thu'ums in general. With that recharge time and how little damage they generally did, I was better off just sticking to my primary form of attack; either swinging like a madman or playing peek-a-boo with a bow and arrow while exploiting the stealth system. And thus was forged the legend of YARGLEHARGLEDARGLE The Silent!

I'm going to be referencing Skyrim a bunch, but not quite enough to validate the already-loose way I use crossover tags.