1517109 That's a little better, I think. Honestly, though, I have to say that it doesn't seem necessary for Trixie to magically sense that. It's just a few extra lines dedicated to expositing something we were going to find out in a minute anyway, and Trixie could just as easily infer "Applejack and Rarity are probably together because their sisters are missing; this third pony must be somepony who cares about Scootaloo, ergo Rainbow Dash", or she could decide that the identity of the third pony doesn't matter and ignore it, or the spell could just not alert her to the third pony at all, only revealing her once she starts listening in on the conversation (or not even then, with gaps in the dialogue implying the presence of the third pony without stating it outright).
Basically there are a lot of ways I think that could be improved on.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A strong... spiritual... connection?
Why would a bloodline-tracking spell be able to sense that?!
1516930 Thank you for pointing that out, I just fixed it.
Re-read that part for explanation
1517109
That's a little better, I think. Honestly, though, I have to say that it doesn't seem necessary for Trixie to magically sense that. It's just a few extra lines dedicated to expositing something we were going to find out in a minute anyway, and Trixie could just as easily infer "Applejack and Rarity are probably together because their sisters are missing; this third pony must be somepony who cares about Scootaloo, ergo Rainbow Dash", or she could decide that the identity of the third pony doesn't matter and ignore it, or the spell could just not alert her to the third pony at all, only revealing her once she starts listening in on the conversation (or not even then, with gaps in the dialogue implying the presence of the third pony without stating it outright).
Basically there are a lot of ways I think that could be improved on.
Your grammar could use a little work, but I love both the premise and the reveal scene.
AJ when:
What?
1532432 thank you! didn't notice that
Not First!