A Dark and Pony Night

by Epsilon-Delta

Paranormal Investigation

“Hello and welcome to Twilight Hour,” said Twilight, putting on a sly face for the camera. “As always I'm Twilight Sparkle and we're coming to you live at midnight! The scientific community may have been less than impressed with my visit to the fourth most haunted place in Equestria, saying a chair being one degree warmer than the rest of the room somehow wasn't proof of ghosts, but tonight we're going to uncover proof that no one can deny.”

Twilight stepped back, motioning for Applejack to zoom out the camera. The camera panned out until both Twilight and the house grounds were in the shot. Just behind Twilight, on the top of a hill near a cliff, was an imposing house, or perhaps a mansion would be a better word for it. No one would need more than a glance to tell it was abandoned.

Nearly all the windows were boarded up, as were the doors, and a few parts of the walls were seemingly chosen at random. If it had ever had paint that was long gone, leaving only some sort of dark wood behind, a layer of mold beginning to grow on it to replace the lost paint. Its frame looked like it was beginning to warp ever so slightly, away from Twilight and towards the cliff. A single dead tree was off to one side, and a little more vegetation than that was on the ground.

“This is the most tantalizingly terrifying terrain in Trottingham,” said Twilight. “It's also the third most haunted location in all of Equestria. This is- Flutter Manor.”

As Twilight said this, her assistant ghost hunter, Derpy, hit a cloud giving an ominous roll of thunder. Twilight let the rumble die down before pointing her hoof up to one of the windows, one of the few that hadn't been boarded up. Even the curtains had been left in place. They were tattered and moldy looking now, waving in the wind ever so slightly.

“That window is the last place where the manor's original owner, Fluttershy, was seen,” said Twilight. “Several of the other ponies living here at the time said she appeared there suddenly, pounding on the window frantically, looking like she was trying to yell for help. Moments later, she was pulled back inside by some mysterious force. Fluttershy was never seen again. No body was ever found.”

Twilight nodded to Applejack and began trotting toward the old house.

“Ever since then, mysterious things have happened in Flutter Manor,” said Twilight, “things that have led many ponies to believe that the house must be haunted. There have been over a dozen cases of ponies who lived or worked her seeing something so frighteningly phantasmagorical that they fled, refusing to ever return, and there have been two cases of ghost-related deaths, including that of Rainbow Dash.”

Twilight was near the front door now, but before approaching the entrance moved to the side a few feet, to where the cellar door was. Twilight opened it up and motioned for Applejack to point the camera into the blackness.

“She was found locked in this cellar after having gone missing for weeks,” said Twilight. “By the time they found her, she had already starved to death. Some ponies say you could get locked in a basement without any ghosts being involved, but here on The Twilight Hour, we know better! This was clearly a case of ghost homicide.”

Applejack rolled her eyes but kept filming. Twilight closed the door to the cellar and moved to the front entrance. That door was ominous and huge, towering over any pony like it had been built for some larger creature. The door had once had two columns of small windows from top to bottom, but half of them were boarded up now and the other half shattered. The designs originally carved into the wood had been dulled beyond recognition by age, only the faintest hint it was ever there remained.

It was there Twilight stopped and turned back to the camera.

“The third, and final, owner of the house was named Rarity,” said Twilight. “Her stay was by far the shortest. Just minutes after entering Flutter Manor for the first time, one of the neighbors came to greet her. They found Rarity lying on the floor, just feet into the house, dead. The coroners conclusively concluded she had died of fright, but nopony knows what could have possibly frightened her that badly. Was it a ghost? I think we have more than enough evidence to say yes.”

Twilight pressed her hoof against the door, opening it just a crack, the door giving a long, moan-like creak like a pony being awoken from a long slumber against her will. Twilight stopped there, though, when she heard Pinkie's voice.

“Forty seconds till the theme song and commercials, Twilight!” Pinkie's voice came to Twilight privately over her earpiece.

Twilight closed the door again and turned back to the camera.

“Yes. What could have frightened so many ponies, some to death? Is it possible for a pony to get locked in a basement? In tonight's episode we'll answer all of these questions and more, including the most important question in all the world's history– do ghosts exist? Welcome to The Twilight Hour.”

“That was great, Twilight.” Pinkie came over another radio this time, the one attached to Applejack's camera. “Everypony at home is spooked out. One of them said he already soiled his pants.”

“Who wears clothes when they watch television?” Derpy stuck her tongue out. “That's just gross.”

“Just think.” Twilight looked up at the old mansion. “Soon nearly a hundred thousand ponies will see first-hoof, undeniable proof that ghosts exist. Finally, my life's work will be validated!

“Well I call this whole thing baloney,” said Applejack. “I know you fancy city folks with your so-called 'educations', but there are some things you can't learn from books, like that there ain't no ghosts period the end!”

“And how would you know if ghosts were real, huh?” Twilight asked.

“I worked on a farm for ten years, I think that's plenty of time in the real world to know if ghosts exist or not,” Applejack said. “Why if you ever smelled the fresh country air or ate real oats you'd just know for sure there ain't no ghosts or goblins or big foots or any such nonsense!”

“Well,” said Twilight, “maybe if you had ever actually read a book in your life like maybe, I dunno, 'Ghosts are Real', 'The Realness of Ghosts', 'Ten Totally True Tales of Ghosts', 'Seriously Guys There Really are Ghosts' or any of the hundreds of books of ghost literature. you'd understand that there are, in fact, such things as ghosts. The entire ghost hunter academia agrees on that.”

“I believe in ghosts, Twilight!” Derpy raised her hoof but was ignored.

Applejack and Twilight literally butted heads, glaring into one another's eyes.

“Ladies!” Pinkie called over the radio. “Save it for the camera. Oh, man! These ratings are going to be so ratetacular!”

“Hmph.” Applejack broke away first, turning to her camera. “I need to get this thing ready anyway.”

“Don't worry, Derpy,” Twilight said to her assistant. “The skeptic is always wrong. Applejack is just too close-minded to accept things without question.”

“I know,” said Derpy, staring up at the open window. “You're the one who taught me to open my mind until there's nothing I don't believe, ma'am! I'm already getting an extra spooky feeling from this place.”

The drapes on the window bellowed out much farther than you'd expect given how still this night was. It was enough to make Derpy shudder.

“Well if there aren't any ghosts,” said Twilight, pointing up at the curtains, “then what moved up there, huh?”

“Probably just a rat,” Applejack muttered, putting the camera back on her withers.

“Thirty seconds, Twilight!” Pinkie called.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, on the other side of the window, the ghosts were beginning to stir.

Until now, the ghosts of Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity had all been asleep together in an adorable pony pile with Fluttershy on top. Sleeping was the favorite thing of ghosts to do and thus the three of them spent nearly all of their time like this. They'd been napping for over a week, actually, but now they began to stir, their slumber disturbed.

It was always the same when a living pony showed up. You got this feeling, like someone was shining a bright light right in your eyes and a sort of restless energy in your legs that made it impossible to stay still, let alone sleep. It was annoying as Tartarus, having the living around.

Dash realized what it was the moment she opened her eyes and rushed over to the window even before the other two were fully awake. She threw open the blinds, bellowing them out, and looked down at Twilight and the other briefly before closing it again.

“Dang it!” She stomped her hoof. “It's three of them! Why can't these people just leave us the buck alone?!”

She peeled the curtain back one more time to peek at them.

“And it doesn't look like it's just a couple of stupid fillies here on a dare either,” said Dash. “These are adults and they've got a bunch of boxes and stuff. You don't think they're moving in, do you?”

Rarity, still rubbing her eyes, floated over to the window with significantly less speed and had a look outside herself.

“Hm? And I was just getting used to this too,” Rarity complained. “What living pony would want to move into such a decrepit old place?”

Rarity knew she would have gagged upon entering this house, in its current state, when she was still alive. Things like mold, dust, spiders, and creaking, rotting wood had grown a strange sort of charm to her now that she was a ghost, but she still remembered how repulsed she once was of such things and knew the living typically shared that feeling

“Maybe it's not that bad.” Fluttershy was the last to get up, giving a tired yawn like she was about to go back to sleep. “It'd be nice to have some company.”

“Nice?” Dash spun around to face her. “I can't even close my eyes when the living are around! It's not nice in any sense of the word! Annoying– that's what breathers are.”

“Well, there is a chance they might die here,” said Fluttershy. “Having another ghost around would be great. I was really lonely before you two died. Don't you think it'd be wonderful to have another ghost friend?”

“This place is haunted enough as it is,” said Dash. “We don't need a horde of ghosts around this place, stinking it up.”

“And I'm not too sure if we should be hoping for somepony to die,” Rarity noted. “We never did figure out how the whole 'becoming a ghost thing' works.”

“Then it's settled,” Dash said, slapping one hoof with another. “We'll go by standard operating procedure and scare them away. I'll have them screaming for their lives and running out the door in ten seconds flat! One world-class haunting coming up!”

Dash got ready to charge downstairs but just as she was about to fly off, Rarity bit down on her tail, keeping the pegasus from leaving.

“Hold on!” Rarity mumbled through gritted teeth, before spitting the tail out. “Remember what happened the last time you did a 'world-class haunting'?”

“How were we supposed to know you were that scared of frogs?” Dash threw her forelegs up in the air. “And most ponies don't instantly have a heart attack the minute they see something scary. Also it was technically Fluttershy's idea to use frogs.”

Dash turned to Fluttershy who meeped, blushed, and backed away shyly.

“Rainbow Dash is right,” said Fluttershy. “About the scaring I mean! We've scared plenty of ponies out of the house before. You were the only one who actually died of fright. Um, you're not still angry about us killing you, are you?”

“Of course not, dear,” said Rarity. “But firstly, frogs are disgusting, vile creatures who get their slime all over the place. Really it's strange that everypony doesn't have the same kind of fear towards them as I do. And second, I don't think they intend to stay very long now that I've looked them over.”

Rarity gestured out the window. The other flew near her and she pointed out the cameras to them.

“Remember that television thing I told you about?” Rarity asked. “Well, I think we're on it right now.
If we scared them away it'd mean never being rid of them. If they get a recording of anything supernatural this house could turn into a tourist attraction and that'd be even worse than another ghost haunting the house or somepony moving in.”

Rarity flew up into the air in a spinning motion and swept her forelegs across the large foyer.

“Think about it! Every day a thousand ponies line up to trounce all over our home! They'd loudly laugh and point to everything and there'd be vendors selling the tackiest t-shirts you can imagine. They'd be garish and have terrible puns on them. The souvenirs would be cheap pieces of plastic strewn all over our house! The unfashionableness would-”

Rarity stopped briefly, upon realizing the other two weren't terrified of how uncouth the wares would be.

“And we'd never get any sleep at all!” Rarity added.

“So what you're saying we should do-” Dash began.

“Is absolutely nothing,” Rarity finished. “If they don't find anything they'll get bad ratings, get bored, and leave us alone. Maybe the house will finally lose its reputation for being haunted too.”

“I guess that makes sense,” said Dash. “But that sounds like it's gonna be pretty boring.”

“Do you want a boring afternoon or years without sleeping?”

“Hey! I'm already convinced over here!”

“It's a shame,” said Fluttershy, peeping out the window herself. “They looked like such nice ponies. Can I at least go watch them? It's so rare to have anypony come over.”

“It's your house, too.” Rarity shrugged. “Just don't move anything.”

Fluttershy nodded and floated downstairs. A moment later Dash got bored and followed her, then Rarity went too, deciding she might as well at that point.

---

Twilight kicked down the door and charged in. The three of them shined their lights on every corner of the room as if they were looking for an animal that was about to jump out. When none did, Twilight motioned for Derpy and Applejack to point their cameras at her.

“No ghosts yet,” said Twilight, “but I've already got a spooky feeling.”

“Oh no!” Derpy gasped. “I got a spooky feeling too, Boss!”

“That can't be a coincidence, that'd be statistically impossible,” said Twilight. “It must be an honest to Celestia ghost causing it! Applejack, do you have a spooky feeling too?”

“No.”

“Ah ha!” Twilight pointed at her like she just fell into a trap. “Non-believers never feel the presence of a ghost so you not confirming it confirms it!”

It was around then that the actual ghosts showed up. No living pony could see a ghost so they went completely unnoticed.

“Now to set up our EVP recorder,” said Twilight. She reached into her bag and pulled out a small device. “Listening to this will allow us to hear whatever the ghosts are trying to say to us.”

“And what makes you think a ghost would even want to talk to you again?” Applejack asked.

“Shh!” Twilight wagged her hoof at Applejack.

Dash flew up and eyed the device suspiciously as Twilight set it down and pressed record.

“Do you think that thing actually-” Dash began to say, but Rarity put her hoof over Dash's mouth.

“I don't want to find out,” Rarity whispered. “Stay quiet.”

Twilight let the recording go for a minute or so before stopping it and playing it back. Everyone listened in eager anticipation. Yet as the recording played nothing but silence could be heard.

“Ha!” Dash snapped her hoof. “Nothing! I knew that thing couldn't pick us up. Hopefully, that will give them the message.”

“As you can see,” Twilight said to the camera, “or rather hear, we can't pick anything up yet. However, once we greatly increase the volume and reduce the fidelity of the sound a bit-”

Twilight made the adjustments and played it back. Now a loud, static sound filled the room.

“Well that still doesn't sound like anything within a mile of words,” Rarity said. “I think we should be safe.”

Twilight and Derpy listened to it over and over again, trying to pick something out from it.

“I think I kind of heard the word 'muffin',” said Derpy. “But maybe that's just cause I'm hungry.”

“No, I think you're on to something,” said Twilight. “It must have been the ghost of Rainbow Dash! She starved to death and her spirit is still looking for food, specifically muffins, to this day.”

“Everypony in the audience says they hear it say 'muffins' too!” Pinkie called over the radio.

“Well there you have it,” said Twilight to the camera. “Proof that Rainbow Dash's ghost is here.”

“I ain't so sure that's a ghost, Twilight,” said Applejack. “That could easily just be a rat making those noises, you know.”

Twilight simply ignored her.

“Rainbow Dash! Can you hear me?” Twilight called out into the room, ironically in the direction opposite Rainbow Dash. “We don't have any muffins. No one's going to come here bringing you muffins, okay? No such thing as a free breakfast, you know? So just give it up, stop being a mooch, and move on.”

“Oh wow!” Derpy clapped her hooves in applause. “You're a great ghost psychologist, Twilight. I'll bet Rainbow Dash is at peace now.”

“I think we need to solve the mystery of the mysterious locking door before we can conclude that,” Twilight gave a sage nod.

“Your faces are gonna be at peace with themselves if you keep this up,” Dash muttered.

“Well,” said Twilight, “now that we have definitive confirmation of one of our ghosts, it's time to look for the others! Now we head upstairs to Rarity's room to see if we can contact her.”

The three of them began walking up the stairs, Twilight telling a distorted, dramatized version of Rarity's story as she walked.

“What the heck was that?” Dash asked. “I didn't say anything about muffins!”

“Are you sure you didn't accidentally whisper something about muffins?” Fluttershy asked. “I do that sometimes when I'm thinking to myself.”

“No! These ponies are just hearing things,” Dash concluded. “Still, if that's all they're gonna get I think we'll still be safe.”

Twilight strode in front of the camera.

“So, viewers, let us know if you think this house is haunted,” said Twilight “If you're convinced just text 'Spooked Solid' to our number. Or if you're close-minded then text 'just a rat'. In the meantime, we'll continue to gather more evidence, enough to convince absolutely anypony. We now head over to Rarity's room.”

Twilight guided the others up the stairs and around to Rarity's room.

“And here it is,” said Twilight “Rarity never actually got to her bedroom, I'm still confident that the key to discovering that a ghost killed her lies within.”

Twilight opened the door. On the other side was a large and elegantly decayed bedroom filled with boxes. The movers brought things to her room before she had moved, but very few things were ever unpacked. Rarity couldn't use most of the dresses and whatnot as a ghost, but she had still taken out a few things and hung them up in the closet for decoration. She hoped that wouldn't raise any suspicion.

“Let's search through her things,” said Twilight

“Roger, Boss!” Derpy gave a salute and then moved over to a dresser. She opened it and then began throwing the clothes, jewels, and knickknacks backward onto the floor, tearing through each drawer in a matter of seconds.

Twilight was no more delicate. The first thing she did was throw the bed onto its side with her magic and then tore up the moldy mattress and box spring to see if there was anything hidden inside. There wasn't

“They're making a mess,” Rarity grumbled. “I worked so hard to get this room to be marvelously macabre and now they're tearing up all my spiderwebs, trouncing all over the dust, and getting their grubby little hooves all over my things!”

“You're the one who said not to mess with them,” said Dash, “so suck it up. You can clean to your heart's content later.”

“Get a load of this one!” Twilight called. She took a dress out of Rarity's old closet and held it up against herself. “Is this tacky or what?”

“Tacky?!” Rarity scoffed.

“And look at all this jewelry,” said Derpy, plucking up a dozen necklaces and throwing them over her neck. “This stuff is so lame, huh boss? I can't believe anypony would have ever worn it!”

“Maybe Rarity died of fright when she looked in the mirror and saw how bad her sense of fashion was!” Twilight said.

And all three of the living ponies laughed and laughed, much to Rarity's growing irritation.

“I'll have you know,” Rarity muttered to herself, “that dress was very much in style at the time.”

Derpy was laughing so hard that she stumbled backward and bumped into the cabinet, knocking it over. She jumped out of the way to avoid getting crushed but tripped over some of the stuff she had thrown onto the floor moments ago. She fell backward yet again, this time kicking up a few of the large gemstones stored in the open boxes.

The gemstone hit the wall and there was a cracking sound. An unseen latch broke and part of the wall fell down to reveal a small cubby hole on the other side.

Twilight gasped.

“A secret compartment!” Her smile grew maniacally, wide. She rushed over to investigate. “Looks like this was some kind of hidden safe, camouflaged as part of the wall. Good work breaking it, Derpy.”

“It's what I do.” Derpy blushed and rubbed the back of her head.

“Huh. I didn't know that was there,” said Dash.

“Me neither,” said Rarity.

Twilight shined a light into the cubby hole. There was only one thing inside the safe, a book.

“This must be more of Rarity's things.” Twilight flipped through the book. “Oh! It looks like her diary!”

“My diary?!” Rarity gasped. “I most certainly did not put it in there! So then how did it get in there?! And-and why are these ponies reading it?!”

Twilight was indeed showing flagrant disrespect for Rarity's privacy, flipping through the pages, reading them with super-pony speed.

“Well, maybe the movers thought it was important to you so they put it in there to be safe?” Fluttershy offered.

But Rarity that thought was already lost to Rarity, who was gawking at how the living ponies crowded around and started reading from the diary.

“Listen to this one!” Derpy wasn't even pretending to have any respect for Rarity's diary. “'Dear Diary, my biggest fear in the whole world is frogs! Sometimes I'm afraid to even go outside the house during summer just because there's a small chance I might run into one.”

And then she laughed.

“Frogs? Ha!” Twilight flipped through a few more pages. “Oh! Here's more! Ahem. 'It's simply awful! I saw something green today and nearly collapse from fear thinking it was a frog! And now I'm too scared to even leave my house. This phobia just keeps getting worse and worse! I need to go get help before it becomes the death of me.'”

“Maybe if she was so scared of frogs she should have tried not looking like one!” Derpy snickered, holding back her laughter.

And then they all laughed again while Rarity gritted her teeth.

“Whatever happened to respect the dead?!” Rarity couldn't restrain herself.

Derpy quickly picked up the camera and spun it around.

“Wait! What was that?” she gasped. “Could it have been-?”

Rarity covered her mouth. It was possible for the living to just barely hear a ghost from time to time. She hoped this wasn't one of those times.

“I don't know what you're talking about, but it has to be a ghost,” Twilight concluded. “Get the thermal goggles out.”

Derpy took them out and Twilight put the goggles on, looked around the room once in a sweeping motion, then stopped suddenly, collapsed onto her haunches, and stared straight forward with her mouth wide in amazement.

“This is,” she said breathlessly. “This is the absolute most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life!”

Fluttershy glanced around, only now just realizing that Twilight was staring right at her! Could Twilight really see her? Did those goggles really allow her to see ghosts?!

Fluttershy panicked, but not enough to run away or anything, it was more like the kind of panic that pinned you to the spot. She just sweated ghost sweat, smiled, and gave Twilight a little wave.

“That chair,” said Twilight.

Chair? Fluttershy looked behind her and saw the chair in question.

“That chair is 1.2 degrees warmer than any of the other chairs!” Twilight exclaimed with glee. “The only conceivable explanation is that this is a ghost energizing that very chair!”

“Unless it was a rat what sat on that chair,” Applejack muttered. “Why you probably don't know nothing about it, but rats can warm any chair by one degree real easy like.”

Rainbow Dash just laughed at this 'evidence'.

“This is even lamer than the EVP thing,” she said. “Everypony's gonna think she's nuts!”

“We just finished the poll,” said Pinkie over the radio. “We got over a hundred thousand votes and 80% of the audience is now convinced that ghosts are real and this house is haunted! Clay Hammer from Vanhoover says he didn't even believe in ghosts until he saw that chair.”

Dash stopped laughing.

“Wait. What?”

“Quick,” said Rarity. “We need to cool that chair off!”

The three of them moved over to the chair and cooled it down with their ghost powers.

“Oh,” said Twilight. “And now it's room temperature.”

The ghosts let out a sigh of relief. Maybe the audience would just see it as a fluke now.

“Amazing!” Twilight declared. “The hot spot has turned into a cold spot!”

“Oh!” Derpy raised her hoof. “Cold spots also show the presence of a ghost!”

Dash slammed her hoof into her face.

“They think ghosts make stuff cold and warm?” she asked. “What kind of sense does that make?”

“Ha!” Twilight pointed back at Applejack. “Can a rat make a spot cold again?”

“Sure can!” Applejack just flipped her hat dismissively. “Why one cold Hearth's Warming Eve a rat came in from the snow and nearly froze us all to death! Metaphorically, course.”

“Well the audience sure believes it!” Pinkie declared over the radio. “This just in- the polls now show that 90% of the audience now believes in ghosts! #spookychair is already trending on the internet! Vertigo says she can never sit in a chair again.”

“What?!” Dash's jaw dropped.

Twilight took off the goggles and took a picture of the room. The photo developed on the spot and in it were several splotches of light.

“Aha! Orbs” Twilight jabbed the photo with her hooves. “Orbs are a sure sign of ghosts.”

“But we didn't make any orbs of light,” Dash complained.

“Of course,” Twilight continued, “they can also be a sign of dust as that causes them to appear, too. But given the evidence we've seen thus far, I'm fairly certain it was a ghost.”

“Get rid of the dust!” Rarity commanded. They started scurrying about, trying to remove the real cause of the orbs.

“95% of the audience believes it now, Twilight!” Pinkie called out excitedly. “They're saying those orbs are way too round and smooth to not be ghosts!”

“Boss!” Derpy called. “I saw a shadow!”

“A shadow?! Ghosts love shadows!”

“100% of the audience is now convinced ghosts are real!” Pinkie declared. “Dairy Daydream says that shadow has to be Rarity's! Dr. Sponge says he's flabbergasted! He says there's no possible scientific explanation for all of this and his entire life has been a lie.”

“A shadow?!” Dash shouted. “That's their proof?! What's wrong with these ponies?!”

“I don't think we can get rid of shadows,” Rarity said.

“Well I think ghosts are a perfectly scientific explanation,” said Twilight. “Proof that Rarity still haunts this very house! When we get back from commercials we'll head down to the basement where I hope to debunk this ridiculous 'natural causes' myth surrounding Rainbow Dash's death.”

“And we're out!” Pinkie said. “They're loving it, Twilight! This is our highest-rated episode ever! The phones are ringing off the hooks with ponies saying that they're spooked solid and believe in ghosts and that your assistant is super sexy! It's so exciting I gotta get it outta my system! Wooooo!”

And something like a confetti explosion sounded over the radio before it cut out.

“I wouldn't be surprised if I won a noble prize at this rate,” Twilight said. “This place is filled with paranormal activity! After this show, we're setting up a permanent research center here! I want ponies here 24/7 looking for shadows and EVP. And we'll keep them here forever if that's how long it takes to learn everything about ghosts.”

And the team started walking back downstairs.

“But that's the opposite of what we wanted,” said Fluttershy. “I don't mind guests, but having so many of them around all the time sounds a little... stressful”

“I can't believe how stupid all of them are!” Dash exclaimed. “There's nothing there! Nothing at all!”

“Maybe we really do need to scare them away,” said Fluttershy. “Maybe if it's scary enough nopony will want to visit? I know I wouldn't want to visit a place with really scary ghosts. So, um, let's just ramp up the ghosting to eleven. I'm sure nothing will go wrong.”

“Bah. I bet if they saw a real ghost they'd just think it was their imagination or something,” Dash huffed.

“You know,” said Rarity, tapping her chin, “That gives me an idea. They may be able to find paranormal activity even where there isn't any, but what if can make them look like they're faking these shadows and pieces of dust? Maybe then the audience will dismiss the whole thing as a hoax! This Twilight pony will be pegged as a fraud and this whole thing will go away.”

“So you want us to make her lose her job?” Fluttershy asked. “Isn't that a bit mean? I think we should just go for intense scares.”

“Paranormal investigator is not a real job,” said Rarity. “If she ends up flipping burgers instead of harassing innocent ghosts like this I'd say it was in improvement. Honestly, a ghost hunter who's never caught a ghost is like a fisher who's never caught a fish! Time to pack it up for Twilight.”

“Fair enough,” said Dash. “But how are we gonna make it look like she was faking a shadow? I mean, it's a bucking shadow! How do you even fake a bucking shadow?!”

“I've got a few ideas.” Rarity gave a sly smile.

---

“So if the story Celestia wants you to believe is true,” said Twilight, backing up into the cellar where the other two ponies on her team waited, “then all it would take for us to get locked in here is a slight push on the other side of the door. Utterly ridiculous if you ask me. And now to disprove this little 'theory'.”

Twilight used her magic, to give about the amount of push a gust of wind would have. The door slammed shut hard and a click was heard on the other side. Twilight's face slowly melted into a frown as she stared up at it. She gave the door a push with her hoof, but it didn't budge.

“Um.” Twilight scratched her head. “Well, we seem to be locked in the basement.”

“We're, uh.” Derpy bit her lip. “We're not gonna starve to death down here like Rainbow Dash, are we?”

“We're on live television,” Twilight pointed out. “Hundreds of thousands of ponies are watching this and know where we are so I'd say we'll probably be okay.”

Derpy let out a sigh of relief.

“So I guess that's it for your idea about ghosts, huh?” Applejack asked.

“Of course not!” Twilight just lifted her head and trotted past Applejack “We just need to modify the theory. Think about it. This is an awfully terrible design for a basement door to have. Who, or what, would put such a bad door into this place?”

Applejack met the question with an apathetic stare. The two of them stood there awkwardly until Derpy leaned her head in between them.

“A ghost?” Derpy asked.

“Exactly!” Twilight declared. “A ghost would do it.”

“That's the dumbest thing I ever heard,” said Applejack. “Could have just been a rat. Maybe it chewed up the door something terrible. Or got in the way I the door factory, caused a defect.”

“Well I think we need to wait for more evidence before we come to any hasty conclusions about it not being ghosts,” said Twilight. And then she trotted down deeper into the basement. “We were going to look around here anyway, might as well do that while we wait for the fire pony to get here.”

Fluttershy floated over toward the basement door

“Uh oh!” Fluttershy frowned. “This is exactly what happened to you, Dash! I tried to open it back up, I really did, but I just couldn't get it.”

“Eh. It's okay.” Dash shook her head. “Not like I undie or anything. Is it that tough to get from the other side, though?”

Dash looked over the lock and gave it a tug with her ghostly powers. The pin was immune to magic, but not ghost powers, it seemed. The door unlocked with ease. Dash shot a glare at Fluttershy.

“Oh.” Fluttershy blushed heavily. “I-I thought you were supposed to push it.”

The basement was cluttered beyond belief, an attribute the spiders seemed to love as they had built themselves a small city around the rising piles of boxes and junk. And yes all of it was junk. That which was not junk at the time it was put there had become junk over the years through rust, wear, and spider infestation.

Twilight figured that the most important clues would be found in the most haunted piles and that the most haunted piles were the ones most covered in spider webs. She was right about that last part, at least, Rarity's new aesthetic preferences lead her to cover as much as possible with the web.

She spotted a box that was completely wrapped in webs, with several large, poisonous spiders resting on top of them. She squeed with delight upon seeing this and rushed straight over to it, flinging the spiders off with her magic, then beginning to work on the webs.

“Well at least she has good taste for a living pony.” Rarity nodded in approval at Twilight's delight at the spider web. “It's so hard to find one who appreciates this sort of design.”

“Oh I agree,” said Fluttershy. “She'd make a great ghost! But, um, shouldn't we stop her from destroying your beautiful spider webs?”

“It pains me too,” said Rarity. “But we're going to have to sacrifice a few webs for my plan to work.”

With Twilight distracted, Rarity floated off to another corner of the room.

“I really think we should stop her,” said Fluttershy, glancing nervously at the box Twilight was unwrapping.

Rarity found a few old, empty boxes and used her ghostly powers to blow the webs and spiders off of them. Next, she put a few ghastly enchantments on them, making them appear brand new and with very different covers. All that was left to do then was make a piece of nearby wood creak.

Derpy's attention snapped right to the sound.

“A bump in the night!” Derpy jumped back a foot upon hearing it. “That has to be a ghost!”

Derpy booted up her camera and charged over to where the noise came from. She had little difficulty spotting the piles of boxes, being the only thing in the basement with any color to them, or not being covered in spiders. Her excitement took a downturn as she picked up one of the suspicious packages.

“What's this?” Derpy asked, looking over the box. “A 'telethermal chair warmer'? 'Warm your chair by 1.2 degrees in ten seconds flat'?”

Derpy threw the box aside and looked at another one.

“Instant Shadow Spray,” Derpy read, then looked at another one, a book, “Voice Training for Making EVP-like Noises and Tricking your Friends into Thinking Ghosts are Real when Actually They're All Just a Bunch of Idiots? That's a long title.”

Derpy opened the first page and looked inside. It was signed and the signature was made out to Twilight, it read 'to my number one fan. Keep scammin' 'em, kid! Especially that grey pegasus. Celestia is she a stupid featherbrain!'

Derpy felt a sadness she had never known before. Her lips quivered and her world began to blur behind tears.

Meanwhile, Twilight had opened up her box and was looking at some papers from inside it.

“Look at this,” said Twilight. “It's a bill for switching the cellar door from a normal one to a death trap one that locks from the outside and is immune to all magic and physical damage. But that's odd. It was installed after she died but the signature is from-”

“Twilight!” Derpy called over to her. Twilight spun around to see Derpy holding the enchanted boxes with tears in her eyes. “W-what is this?!”

“I dunno,” said Twilight. “What is it? Is it a ghost?”

“Don't lie to me!” Derpy threw the box at Twilight. “It has your name on it!”

Twilight stepped back in shock.

“Y-you've been faking everything the whole time, haven't you?” Derpy asked.

Applejack moved in to get the boxes into view of the cameras

“Whelp I'd say I was surprised but-” Applejack began.

Twilight grabbed the loot and looked over it desperately, full of confusion and fear.

“But I've never seen any of this, I swear!” Twilight said.

“Yeah right,” Derpy turned her back on Twilight.

“No! I would never fake a ghost encounter.” Twilight tried to put her hoof on Derpy's wither, but Derpy pulled away. “There's so much evidence for ghosts that there's no need to.”

“Twilight! The audience turned on us!” Pinkie called over the earpiece. “They're saying you've dishonored the noble art of ghost hunting! They're calling in just to boo at us! #FraudlightSparkle is already trending at number three! Ratings are dropping like mad! Ponies are canceling their cable services outright!”

“I didn't know my audience was so emotional,” said Twilight.

“Was- was it really all a lie?” Derpy asked, fighting back tears. “All those cold spots? All those orbs, those shadows, those spooky feelings we had together?”

Meanwhile, in the background, Rarity and Dash hoof-bumped. It was working!

“No!” Twilight looked back and forth between the camera and Derpy desperately, before finally settling on Derpy. “Look, I swear I never used any of this stuff! It must have been somepony else! Somepony afraid of the truth who's trying to discredit the intellectual integrity of paranormal science!”

But Derpy just shook her head, then ran off crying.

“Aaaaaaand commercial,” said Pinkie, rather cheerily. “Twilight what the buck are you doing?!”

“Science!” Twilight shouted back, reaching into her bags for more stuff. “I'm doing science.”

Twilight plunked something much bigger than you'd think would fit in the bag down on the floor and began hooking up electrodes onto the scam gear.

“It's a good thing I brought all this equipment,” said Twilight. “We'll do a detailed analysis on every single piece of this con trash, track down the pony who tried to trick us, and throw them in jail for blasphemy against science.”

“This is bad,” said Rarity.

“What? Do you think she can really track us down?” asked Fluttershy.

“Yes! Easily!” Rarity pointed at the boxes. “Those were just enshrouded by a phantasm to look like they were tricks. If she does any kind of in-depth study of them, well I don't even know what half those devices are, let alone how to trick them.”

“Great!” Dash crossed her forelegs. “And once they see these are illusions with thousands watching they'll know for sure this place is haunted. If they went nuts over a shadow they'll be foaming at the mouth and having seizures over this. Don't suppose they'll all just die from heart attacks, do you?”

“Okay,” Twilight said, stepping back from one of her machines. “The NMR is all setup! Now to collect some paint fragments.”

“So what now?” Dash asked. “You're plan isn't working out so great, hotshot.”

Rarity frowned. She looked over at Applejack, who was fiddling with her camera. That gave her an idea.

“Alright,” said Rarity, “I think we have one more shot at this. If we can scare them out right now before the cameras come back on, we can get them out without giving them any evidence. Everypony else will still think they're scam artists and there will be no record of our hauntings. But we have to be fast and go right now.”

“Now you're talking my language!” Dash gave a confident nod. “'Fast and right now' is my middle name.”

Dash floated over to Twilight.

“First I'm gonna up the atmosphere with these two.” Dash jabbed a hoof at Twilight and Applejack, then whooshed over toward Derpy. “Then scare the crap out of this one. She'll go running towards the others who won't believe her for a second before- BAM! Maximum scareage! They'll be so scared they'll never want to set hoof in an old house ever again.”

“Stop telling us what you're about to do and do it,” said Rarity.

Dash gave an exasperated sigh and floated off into the wall. A moment later blood began seeping out of the cracks.

“Isn't that a bit much?” Rarity asked.

“We need them out of here fast!”

It wasn't a deluge of blood, just a trickle, enough to keep a large part of it wet, warm, and red. Twilight noticed the warm, wet part first when she sat down against the wall. It startled her at first, but that quickly turned to excitement after she touched the blood with her hoof and realized what it was.

“Blood,” Twilight whispered. “It's blood! Blood coming out of the wall!”

Twilight licked her hoof, tasting it.

“And pony blood at that.”

“You know what pony blood tastes like?” Applejack asked. “Are you sure it's not just rat blood?”

“Well maybe I don't know,” said Twilight. “But I can assume it's pony blood, right?”

Twilight lit her horn up and looked over the bleeding wall with a sense of wonder, like a foal seeing Whinnyland for the first time.

“This is amazing!” Twilight could barely contain her excitement. “It's a well-known fact that the only possible explanation for a bleeding wall is ghosts.”

“Tch,” Applejack tched, “a bleeding wall don't mean nothin! Why back on the farm I've seen walls bleed ten times this much! It's just something old houses do.”

“I'm pretty sure they don't do that,” Twilight grumbled. “Not unless they're haunted”

“Not unless you live on a farm” Applejack corrected her. “Blood comes from everywhere. Rats get stuck in the wall and the blood comes oozing out. Shoot I've even seen blood come bubbling up through a cement floor once. All completely natural, rat-based occurrences. And that ain't even the worst of it. You don't even know where the blood comes from after you get your cutie mark.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“Um. What? Applejack, that's not supposed to happen to ponies. We go through an estrus cycle.”

“What's not supposed to happen?” Applejack asked. “And what does blood oozing from the ceiling have to do with estrus?”

“Oh I thought you meant it'd come from uh-”

“From where?”

“N-never mind,” said Twilight. “We need to start filming again right away! Pinkie! Come back from commercial.”

“No can do, Twi,” Pinkie said over the radio. “The commercials are the entire point of the show! We can't cut them short.”

“Well at least we'll be famous in a couple of minutes,” Twilight muttered.

Rarity gave Dash an unamused look.

“They don't look very on edge to me.”

“Didn't you just say it was too much?” Dash asked. “Besides, it's the other one we gotta worry about.”

Dash zoomed over to the part of the basement Derpy had retreated to. The others followed close behind, Fluttershy paying special attention to the boxes filled with dangerous, enchanted blades that they passed on the way.

“This looks dangerous,” said Fluttershy. “I mean, her running around down here, next to your old collection of vorpal blades. She could get hurt completely on accident, running around. That'd be terrible if she were hurt, um, accidentally, right?”

“She'll be fine.” Dash rolled her eyes. “Now then.”

Dash rubbed her hooves together and dove down under the ground. Derpy, for her part, had only calmed down a little and was now sobbing gently, sitting in the corner, facing the wall.

“And-and to think I was gonna ask that jerk to be my BFF.” Derpy took out a small locket and whimpered at it. It was a BFF locket, one she spent fifteen bits on!

Derpy came to attention when she felt the floor vibrate, then heard a sickening cracking noise. There, just a few steps away, was a hole in the ground. The cement floor looked like a portion of it had just melted down into some deep cavern far below.

Derpy frowned and trotted over to the hole like she was ready to fight.

“I'm not falling for your cheap parlor tricks anymore,” Derpy yelled down the hole, sticking her head inside. Looking down into it, there was just blackness all the way.

A set of claws came out of the darkness and dug into the cement near the edge of the hole, leaving visible marks.

“Oh come on! Where'd you get those, Twilight? The bit store? This is your cheapest trick yet!”

Three more sets of claws came up from the hole, then a half dozen red eyes appeared deep in the darkness. Derpy was about to make another skeptical comment when Dash's apparition emerged from the hole.

“Wait a second,” Derpy leaned in towards the ghost critically. “This is clearly an undrophore, but it has four circular rows of incisors with six canines on each row, whereas a true undrophore would have five rows with canines on only the first two. Twilight never would have made a technical mistake like that, meaning-”

The color from Derpy's face drained. Her heart sank. Fear dripped down her spine and into her legs.

“Oh no!” Derpy turned tail and ran, screaming. “Aaaaah!”

She didn't get too far before slipping on the blood that had been oozing out of the wall, falling backward into a box of vorpal daggers. Amazingly, none of them even scratched her, but one of them was sent flying upwards, towards one of the vorpal axes on the wall. Though it just barely touched the axe, vorpal weapons were so sharp they could slice through anything like hot butter, and that's just what the vorpal dagger did to the handle of the axe.

The vorpal axe fell down on Derpy, slicing her head off with no resistance at all.

The ghosts just sat there, stunned.

“What?!” Dash forgot all about her apparition, leaving it to slowly vanish. “I did not make nearly this much blood.”

“I made just a little bit more blood,” said Fluttershy. “Well okay, maybe a lot more. You know, to make it spookier.”

“Fluttershy!” Dash scolded and that was all it took to send Fluttershy cowering away. “Gah! Now we're gonna have another ghost floating around here forever!”

That was about when Twilight and Applejack, having heard the scream, came charging into the room. There they found Derpy dead, her head still rolling across the room.

“Derpy!” Twilight gasped. “Sh-she's dead! What could have possibly cut her head off like this?”

“Oh yes,” said Applejack, tapping a box filled with daggers, “what in this room filled with razor-sharp swords, axes, and scythes could have possibly decapitated her?”

“A ghost,” said Twilight. “That's the only explanation! What else could it even be?”

“Could have been a rat,” said Applejack. “Why, back on the farm I seen rats that could bite a stallion in half!”

“A rat?!” Twilight angrily jabbed her hoof at Big Mac's head. “You think a rat bit Derpy's head clean off?”

“Oh, so being all skeptical of ghosts is horrible but it's okay for you to be skeptical of rats that can decapitate ponies?”

“I guess that's a fair point,” said Twilight. “Maybe I should be more open-minded.”

“It was totally a rat, Twilight!” Pinkie's voice came over the speaker. “You're in no danger and can keep going!”

“Honestly I think a decapitation rat would be even more dangerous than a ghost,” said Twilight.

“Well you're just going to have to deal with it,” said Pinkie. “Young fillies these days love blood and death, Twilight! The viewers are going to love this! Back on air in three, two...”

“Oh crap!” Dash slammed her hoof into her face. “Now everypony is gonna see all of this! We're screwed!”

Just then Derpy's ghost rose from her body. She looked around, confused.

Rarity approached her first.

“Now, dear,” said Rarity. “I don't know how to put this, but you're dead. And also a ghost. Ghosts are real, by the way.”

“But that means Twilight was telling the truth!” Derpy clapped her hooves. “Yay!”

“I wouldn't yay just yet,” said Dash. “Ghost rules say you're stuck where you died. You can't leave the house, or at least can't get far from it.”

“I'm stuck here?” Derpy asked.

“There's no need to panic,” said Fluttershy. “Everypony here is really nice. We like taking naps and playing cards and every Friday is bingo night. We get really competitive so-”

“But didn't you guys just kill me?” Derpy asked.

“Well, other than that we're nice.” Fluttershy offered a warm smile.

“There are a few plus sides.” Dash flew over to Derpy's side and put a foreleg around her. “You get cool ghost powers at least.”

“Ghost powers?” Derpy asked. She waved her hoof as mystically as she could and phantasmagorical sparks appeared around them. Those sparks just lit up her face with excitement. “This is the best day ever!”

She floated up into the air and did a flip.

“And I can fly now too!” Derpy explained

“You were a pegasus, dear,” said Rarity. “You could already-”

“Yay!” Derpy zipped up into the air, through a wall, and out of sight.

“Well she seems happy,” said Fluttershy.

“I honestly expected her to be more upset,” said Dash. “But then again I expected ponies not to be this incredibly stupid. Seriously, what the buck happened in the past century?!”

“Television, I'd wager,” said Rarity.

“-and that's pretty much what happened,” Twilight said to the camera. “Any credible scientist would immediately conclude this was the work of a ghost, but there are still some doubts. For example, this ax buried in the ground right next to Derpy's neck could have also played a role, but since we can't go back in time and check for certain that remains just a theory.”

“The audience is going crazy, Twilight!” Pinkie called over the radio. “Gilded Cage says this is the most exciting moment in television since that time that one clown cursed on TV! Hammer Wall wants to know why we're still filming this instead of calling the police or something!”

“Well, Hammer,” said Applejack, “I get paid by the house so I reckon I'll be recording this till the sheriff tells me to stop. Sides, this is just a plain old rat homicide. Nothing the police can do about that.”

“The audience is divided on whether this was the work of a ghost or a rat,” said Pinkie. “Chill Wings says the solution must always rest in the middle. She says maybe the ghost scared a rat so bad it gnawed on the ax till that fell over and killed Derpy. That way everypony is right and nopony has to feel bad!”

“Oh no, you don't! This was 100% ghost-related. We'll just have to debunk this rat theory once and for all,” said Twilight. “Then I can regain my reputation as a legitimate researcher.”

Twilight sat down to think.

“Okay, where do rats live?” Twilight asked.

Applejack took a moment to realize Twilight was talking to her.

“What? Oh.” Applejack shook her head. “That's an unknowable mystery. Nopony knows where rats come from and nopony ever will.”

“Well.” Twilight chuckled. “It's a good thing we have an actual scientist here, isn't it? It's widely believed that rats live near ponies, but always just out of sight. In an old house like this, it'd most likely be in the secret passage that old houses always have. Luckily I have my secret passage spell all ready to go!”

Twilight cast the spell and presto, part of the wall lit up. She smashed through it with magic and there was the passage. It was a cramped hallway, every inch of it covered in cobwebs, leading to a tight stairway. As always, Twilight squealed with delight and ran right in, dusting away the cobwebs with her magic.

“Why am I just now learning about all these hidden passages?” Dash asked.

“I guess maybe I never went looking for them?” Fluttershy offered a meek smile and shrugged.

“But didn't you build this place?” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn't you know everything about it?”

“Oh, uh.” Fluttershy's smile became visibly strained. “Oh! That's, uh, that's right. I told the builders to surprise me so that's why I have no idea about this stuff.”

Rainbow Dash and Rarity were not amused by this answer, giving Fluttershy sharp glares.

“I sure don't see any rats down here, Applejack,” Twilight called out in a particularly smug voice.

“The audience doesn't see any rats either!” Pinkie came over the radio. “They're saying there's no way you could have faked this.”

“Looks like I might be able to set up a laboratory here after all,” said Twilight.

Dash growled.

“First thing's first.” Dash turned away from Fluttershy, turning her frustration to Rarity instead. “Your stupid plan didn't work so now we do things my way!”

Dash flew upstairs, to where the living ponies were headed. Rarity reached out to grab her, but Dash got away too fast.

“Wait! Oh darn.” Rarity flew after her.

Meanwhile, Twilight and Applejack had reached the top of the stairs.

“-so you see,” Twilight continued rambling on, “given that we don't know the explanation to something, we can conclude that ghosts are the explanation. That's how science works.”

Before Applejack could even react to that, Dash set her plan in motion. Not trying to get within even a mile of subtlety, Dash had decided to go for the 'chainsaw maniac' angle. Just a step or two away from Twilight, a chainsaw tore through the center of the wall and began carving out a whole. All the while it made the most sickening noise, that of resty metal tearing through moldy, decrepit wood.

“Okay! That is clearly a ghost!” Twilight scrambled back as far away as the chainsawed wall as possible.

“Could just be a rat.” Applejack shrugged.

“A chainsaw rat?!”

“Typical city folk. Never even seen a rat wielding a chainsaw.” Applejack shook her head.

“Well either way I think we should get out of here!” Twilight galloped to the door and threw it open.

“And risk running into more rats?” Applejack asked. “I say we just jump! We're only on the second story. Back on the farm, we'd jump out the second-story window all the time.”

Applejack went over to the window instead and threw it open.

“Come on!” Applejack gestured Twilight over.

“Are you sure that's-”

“Do it all the time! Trick is to hang off the ledge, then let go.”

Without another word, Applejack climbed onto the ledge, turning her backside to its exit.

“That's too dangerous,” said Fluttershy. “I'll, uh, make sure she uses the door.”

Fluttershy gave a nervous smile to the other ghosts and flew over to the window. She tried to grab Applejack's tail, but the force of her ghost telepathy ended up blowing the tassels and curtains in such a way that they tangled around Applejack, one of the ropes wrapping around her neck.

Applejack fell and the rope caught her and broke her neck, killing her on the spot. Twilight heard the crack of Applejack's neck and rush over to the window to see the mare hanging there, dead.

“Applejack!” Twilight screamed. “Everypony's dead! This is not good!”

“Not good?” Pinkie asked. “Twilight the ratings are over a million! A million what I don't know but that's way higher than it ever was before. We gotta keep going!”

By this point, Dash had finished chainsawing through the wall. She and Twilight glanced at each other awkwardly for a moment.

“Oh,” said Rarity. “Um. Blarg!”

Twilight screamed and ran.

“Well at least that's one of them we got rid of,” Dash sighed.

Applejack's ghost floated up through the window and looked over her fellow ghosts.

Fluttershy gave a timid smile and waved at her.

“Say what you will, but I admit when I'm wrong.” Applejack shrugged.

“But tell me something, Fluttershy.” Dash floated up next to Fluttershy. “How the heck does wrapping something around somepony's neck-”

“-I have lots of questions too,” Rarity floated in between the two of them, “but let's spend the next five seconds making sure the house doesn't get even more haunted, yes? Fluttershy, you stay here.”

Fluttershy whimpered as her two friends flew out after Twilight.

Just outside the door, on the balcony hallway, Derpy was still playing with her new ghost powers. Right now she was shooting globs of slime out of her hooves.

“Oh, so that's how you make ectoplasm,” said Derpy. “Neat!”

Derpy did it a bit harder and now a steam of ectoplasm was coming out of the wall. And it kept coming and coming. Derpy watched it with growing concern before trying to stop, but that just turned the stream into a torrent, like a fire hose was spraying the stuff.

And that was about when Twilight ran out into the hallway and got hit with a blast of slime. It took all of Twilight's might to remain standing against the oncoming stream. She had to turn her head and struggle just to breathe.

“I'm sorry, Twilight!” Derpy yelled with tears in her eyes. “I don't know how to make it stop!”

“This is great!” Pinkie explained “You dropped the camera in just the right position that we can see you drowning in all that stuff! The 7-12 fillies demographic is demanding more blood Twilight! They love this kind of stuff.”

“Pinkie! You have to save me!” Twilight screamed over the radio. “There's too much ectoplasm.”

“Twilight!” Pinkie called over the radio. “I'll come to get you, but can hold on for just five more minutes until commercials come on? This is seriously-”

“-Pinkie!”

“Our ratings have never been this high ever! They're loving! If we go to commercials right before you go under-”

“So help me Celestia if you don't come over here right now-!”

“Okay! Okay!” said Pinkie. “But you can forget about the rating party! Pinkie to the rescue!”

In the van outside the mansion, Pinkie started the engine, kicked it into high gear, and drove it straight at the house. She smashed through the oversized door with no problem at all, blowing the door off its hinges and splintering the wood nearby.

The van continued to move forward even as Pinkie slammed on the brakes, tearing up the carpet and plowing furniture out of the way. Pinkie made a half-turn before stopping the van right in front of the stair.

“Twilight!” Pinkie threw open the passenger door. “Get it”

But just as she called out those words a piano came flying out of nowhere and landed on the van, crushing it. Twilight stared down in horror at the wrecked van. Pinkies mangled hoof stuck out a little, but that was all that could be seen of her, unless you counted the stream of blood flowing out from where she sat.

Just seconds later, Pinkie's ghost emerged from the wreckage.

“Ah great! Now we got yet another ghost haunting this place,” Dash complained.

“Ghost?” Pinkie looked around. “Wait! There were seriously ghosts here? I just thought this was all part of the act!”

“Pinkie!” Twilight screamed.

“Hi, Twilight!” Pinkie called back.

“She can't hear you, you're a ghost,” said Rarity.

“Oh right.” Pinkie looked down at her own corpse. “Poor me.”

In her shock, Twilight had been pushed back against the wall by the torrent of ectoplasm. She was completely covered in the stuff now, making harsh coughing noises.

“How do I stop?!” Derpy wailed.

“Okay, first of all, you turn!” Dash grabbed Derpy and turned her away, causing the stream to spray harmlessly into the main hall.

“Oh.” Derpy blushed. Moments later, with Dash's guidance, Derpy was able to stop it entirely.

Rarity and Applejack desperately raced to get Twilight uncovered, throwing the ectoplasm off in globs. Just as they were about to free her, though, Twilight's ghost rose up from her body.

Twilight looked over all the other ghosts, stunned for a moment, before she realized what happened. The most elated expression in the history of the world came across her face.

“This is the greatest thing that ever happened to me!” Twilight started dancing around in the air. “Ha! I told you! I told all of you! All those cold spots and hot spots and EVPs were ghosts.”

“Well you told half of us,” said Rarity. “Also we had nothing to do with any of the things you just listed.”

“Hey, where'd this piano come from?” Pinkie asked, looking over the wreckage of her van.

Rarity and Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy, who tried to avert her gaze, but in the end, had to sigh in defeat.

“Um, okay I admit it.” Fluttershy scraped her hoof across the floor. “I may have thrown that piano.”

“Wait a second,” said Twilight. “I recognize your voice! You're the one who called in and told me about this mansion!”

“W-what? No, no, that's silly,” said Fluttershy. “Did you think I used a ghost phone or something to call you?”

“Well she does have a point,” said Applejack. “No such thing as a ghost phone. Might have been a rat or something.”

“I think maybe it was a rat,” Dash growled.

Fluttershy just laughed. All the other ghosts gaped in amazement as the house just instantly repaired itself.

“Well, either way, it doesn't matter,” said Fluttershy, smiling just a little too wide. “All that matters is that you're all here now and can never leave and that I'll never, ever be alone again.”

And just like that the doors and windows all slammed shut.

=The End.

Comments

[Nebbie]

Great story, it really came together when AJ and Twi found Derpy's head so freshly severed she was probably blinkin' and barely seemed affected. Though, I think there's one mistake around there:

“A rat?!” Twilight angrily jabbed her hoof at Big Mac's head.

[overdue]

this is just too good

[mishun]

I love this!

“Well, either way it doesn't matter,” said Fluttershy, smiling just a little too wide. “All that matters is that you're all here now and can never leave and that I'll never, ever be alone again.”

Friendship is free like a butterfly. That you can put in a jar. Forever.