Party Fouls

by MisterNick

An Unusual "Client"

It was a normal Wednesday for Party Favor. He’d double checked the inventory to ensure he had enough supplies available for the weekend’s festivities. After that he’d sent out various invoices and estimates to clients for his party planning services. Finally, he contacted the bakeries, restaurants and entertainers who he would be employing that weekend and let them know the particulars of each event.

Party Favor smiled in satisfaction. He loved his job. There was nothing he enjoyed more than watching the faces of other ponies shine with joy at a party he’d planned. He’d even saved some of his best ideas in a series of binders located on the large oak bookshelf in the back next to his desk. Everything from beautiful birthday parties to saucy soirées were located on that bookshelf and awaited future updates.

He gazed at the bookshelf, his horn glowed and he removed one of the binders. As it floated toward his desk he glanced over at the wall behind it and noticed a small white square that he hadn’t noticed before. The square was unusually shiny in the late morning light. Party Favor cocked his head and wondered aloud why that one particular square was painted differently than the rest of the wall. His attention to the paint abnormality however was soon diverted when the front door’s bell clanged indicating he had a potential client.

Party Favor quickly brushed his bushy blue hair back as he exited his office and saw a unicorn he’d never seen before. She was a sickly pale teal pony. Her mane was neon green and incredibly greasy. Her eyes darted about the shop, quivering with nervous energy. Party Favor smiled politely at her and said, “Welcome to Party’s Favorite Planning. Are you looking for…”

“Yeah, I need a party planned for the kid. You do that,” asked the unicorn cutting him off.

Party Favor nodded, “Yes, I do. What sort of….”

“Yeah, you got a book or something I can look at? You know something that shows the type of stuff you do,” asked the unicorn staring up at the ceiling.

Party Favor nodded and levitated a binder toward her. “What sort of party are you looking to have? Is it a birthday party, retirement, wedding, baby shower,” he asked hoping she would provide a quick and curt answer.

The teal unicorn flipped the binder open to a random page. She mouthed the name of each type of party as she glared at the page. Party Favor watched her for a few minutes before repeating his question to which she uttered a noncommittal grunt and continued to flip through the book. “This one,” she declared pointing at a bright pink page.
Party Favor turned the binder to face him and nodded, “Ah the Princess Party. That’s a very popular one for little fillies. In the basic package they get a crown, a scepter and a cake in the shape of the castle of their…”

“That’s great,” interrupted the unicorn, “But when do they show up?”

Party Favor furrowed his brow. “Excuse me ma'am but, when does who show up,” he asked.

“The princesses,” replied the unicorn as she rolled her eyes, “I mean I’d figure they must be pretty desperate to just show up for a filly’s party. They got some money problem or something?”

Party Favor laughed. “That’s a good one! I’ll have to remember that.”

The teal unicorn tilted her head to one side, “If it’s a princess party then they’ve gotta be there right?”

He stopped laughing and stared. “I’m sorry I thought you were,” he paused and looked into her vacant gaze his voice upping an octave, “Joking?”

“No,” she said with a huff, “If it’s a princess party then Celestia or the midnight peeper or what’s her face… “

“Who’s the midnight peeper,” asked Party Favor as he blinked in confusion.

“Her sister, you know the dark one.”

“You mean Princess Luna? The one that helps foals deal with their nightmares and raises the moon?”

“Yeah and she’s a peeping Tom!”

“Ma’am I… what?”

“She’s a shapeshifter too. See,” she said, “I was falling asleep to that book A Knight to Remember and I caught her peeping on me. Only she had paws, a striped bushy tail and a face with a mask on.”

“I think that’s a raccoon.”

“Don’t tell me what I saw and I know it was her,” shouted the unicorn.

“Well okay,” said Party Favor his eyes darting back and forth as he took a step back.

“What about the purple one who talks all the time? She’s gotta be available ol’ what’s her name. Light Sparkplug?”

“No,” replied Party Favor quietly, “It’s Twilight Sparkle.”

“She’s gotta be coming then,” as she began to shake slightly, “She hasn’t done anything since that horny centaur guy sucked up all the magic then was forced to spit it all out.”

Party Favor bit his tongue, closed his eyes and quickly counted to ten. When opened his eyes he sighed and retrieved the binder from her and placed it back at his desk. “Ma’am,” he began, “I’m sorry you’re confused, but the Princess Party is just the name of the party. It’s the theme. No actual princesses are included.”

“You’re a liar,” she replied with a huff.

Party Favor blinked and asked, “How?”

“You keep saying that it’s a princess party. That means princesses are showing up. I don’t know what all this theme junk is and I don’t care who it is that shows up. It can be the peeper, Celestia, Toilet Sparkle, whoever,” she declared her slight shake becoming a mild tremble, “But one of them has to show up or I’ll sue and you’ll go to jail. Party Jail!”

“Lady, you’re obtuse,” grumbled Party Favor his patience having worn thin.

The teal unicorn narrowed her eyes, “You callin’ me fat?”

“No! Obtuse not obese! I think you need to…”

“I lost eighty pounds in two weeks.” The teal unicorn stared at Party Favor, her bloodshot eyes twitched uncontrollably as her tremors worsened, “Wanna know how?”

“I really don’t…”

“Crystal soda is fan-freaking-tastic,” she said with a not so toothy smile, “Just drink that and don’t eat!”

“That’s too much caffeine and sugar! Ma’am that’s not healthy and...”

Party Favor never finished the sentence as he watched the unicorn pass out in front of him. He quickly knelt over her and checked to see if she was still breathing and had a pulse. He sighed in relief when he found both. After a call for an ambulance he loaded her onto a dolly and pushed her outside. Ten minutes later the paramedics arrived and carted her away.

As he watched the ambulance head off Party Favor decided that he’d had enough planning and that he’d head to lunch a bit earlier than usual. “Some ponies,” he muttered to himself as he locked the front door to his shop.

Author's Note:

Based on real events.

Comments

[Moosetasm]

I've had this customer. Some people just have unrealistic world views and are impossible to deal with.