• Published 12th Aug 2016
  • 332 Views, 5 Comments

Sweeny Tom - Even Evil Has Standards

When Thomas is exiled for a crime he did not commit, he returns with a goal to dispose of those who did him wrong. Even if it means teaming up with an already serial killer.

  • ...

Love At First Sight (Oh Boy)


Skiff was sitting on a bench, studying a map. He was looking for Knapford Park, but being new on Sodor, had gotten lost. As luck would have it, he stumbled upon a drafty manor belonging to Judge Hatt and it just so happened that one occupant (aside from the Judge and the Beadle) was a young girl with two-toned sky blue hair. This was the same baby that had been raised by Thomas and Rosie before the incidents, only now she was 18 years old. Nowadays, she was locked away in the cursed place under Hatt's watchful eye because he considered her "dangerous" due to her being the offspring of a "criminal", her only true friends being birds in her room. Her name: Coco Pommel.

How her singing carried outside to Skiff's ears when the window was closed is beyond me. It must've been the green finch on the outer will. Anyway, when he looked up and saw her, he could tell she was singing. Then she looked down and saw him watching. She smiled at him, blushing; he smiled back and waved.

Her smiled slipped into a sad face and she hung her head. Skiff continued to gaze at her, transfixion turning into curiosity and a little concern.

Skiff continued to stare. He wasn't all lost in thought as he acknowledged the screechings of a passing beggar woman.

Beggar Woman:
Alms! Alms! For a miserable woman.
On a miserable chilly mornin'.

Skiff was a kind soul and didn't think twice before giving her a five pence. "Thank ya sir, thank ya."

"Tell me," inquired Skiff, "who lives in that house?"

"That be the house of the great Judge Hatt that is."

"And who is the young lady there?"

The beggar woman let out raspy laughter. "That be Coco Pommel, his pretty lil' ward. Keeps her snug, he does. Now don't you go a trespassin'," she warned while waving a crooked finger at him, "or there'll be a whopping for ya as there were for many a young man that had mischief on his mind!" She cackled madly and went on her way, crooning:

Beggar Woman:
How would you like a lil' muff dear,
A lil' jig jig, a lil' bounce around the bush
Would you like to push me some parsley?
It looks to me dear
Like you got plenty there to push.

Alms! Alms! For a desperate woman...

Skiff paid her no mind and turned his attention back to the window. Coco was no longer visible, (she was on the bed) but he stuck around and continued to study the window as he yearned to help her.

I feel you, Ms. Pommel,
I feel you.
I was half convinced that I'd waken,
Satisfied to dream of you.
Happily I was mistaken,
Ms. Pommel.
I'll steal you, Ms. Pommel,
I'll steal you.

Skiff was so mesmerized that he jumped at the sound of the front door opening. Judge Hatt stood in the doorway. He stared at Skiff with sunken eyes, beckoning. "Come in lad, come in."

The sailor looked behind him. Once he was sure he was the one being invited, he obliged.


He and Gordon led Skiff into the judge's chambers. It was filled with books, some of which were about law (or at least Hatt's point of view), others were sheltering bottles of wine (none of which was Crane Lake, phoo). Judge Hatt and Skiff sat down opposite of each other, the former offered some wine to the latter (he refused) who was watched menacingly by Gordon.

"Looking for Knapford Park, were you?" asked the judge.

"Yes," said Skiff a little nervously. Gordon was starting to creep him out. "Sodor is a big place."

"Yes well, I have a few maps here." Judge Hatt got up and walked around his shelves. "As well as some books about the female criminals of history: Bonnie Parker, Ma Barker, Elizabeth Bathory. Master Beadle has a few about all the things you could dream of doing with a woman." As he said all this, his feigned kindness melted. When he finished, he looked at Skiff with a penetrating stare.

Skiff looked confused. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

"You gandered at my ward." Judge Hatt's anger increased 9 ways to Sunday. "Yes sir! Gandered at the spawn of criminal loins!"

"I did not!" protested Skiff. "Even if I did what you claim, I'd no idea-"

His qualm was interrupted by the Beadle who bonked him on the head. Skiff face planted on the table. Gordon yanked him up the hair and the sailor found himself extremely face to face with an angry judge who whispered, "Master Beadle will show you out. Don't come back again. She is off limits." He then nodded to Gordon.


The door swung open as Gordon dragged Skiff out by the neck and threw him out onto the stone ground. "The park is THAT way, young sir. A left and a right and straight on, see?" He noticed that Skiff was starting to get up. The brute produced a metal switch and struck down the poor lad until he was bleeding. He then rested the tip on the bruised head and hissed, "Just stick your nose around here again little man, and your brains will be all over the street." That said, he stormed back in.

Skiff got up feeling dizzy and staggered away. Love can be an unusual confidante, however, as he looked back at the bleak house, he promised to return, no matter what those two said or did.

I'll steal you, Ms. Pommel,
I'll steal you.
Do they think walls can hide you?
Even now, I'm at your window.
I'm in the dark beside you,
Buried sweetly in your two-toned hair!
I feel you, Ms. Pommel,
And one day, I'll steal you!
Til I'm with you then,
I'm with you there,
Sweetly buried in your two-toned hair.

He continued to stare, then went in his way.

Author's Note:

Try imaging Sir Topham Hatt with Alan Rickman's eyes and voice.

Yes Skiff is Anthony Hope. Why? Because I just love Actor Allusions.

Yes she's called Coco Pommel because that's what she was first known as when I witnessed her debut. Why is she Johanna? I saw YouTube video were they were introduced (off-screen) because they both worked for villains (albeit different levels of reluctance) and then quit.

Also, word has grabbed my ear (and I use the term loosely) that Thomas' new name should be more ponified. Now, in this one parody I read, it was Pinkamena who was really Pinkie Diane Pie. Or was it the other way around? But that doesn't mean I'm not open for suggestions.

(Ok, can someone edit this so that the link works?)

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