Chapter 4
Twilight opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling of her castle. For a few seconds, she just sat there, unmoving, then she pushed her head further back into the pillow and pulled the blankets closer to herself and closed her eyes, hoping to fall back to sleep. She yawned and nestled further back into the bed, relaxing in the warmth and enjoying the softness of the pillow and covers. 'I wish Rainbow Dash was here...' She sighed internally at the thought, and after mulling it over for a few seconds, she opened her eyes again and looked over the bed.
She had hoped Rainbow Dash was with her, that it hadn't been a dream, but no, it had been nothing more than a dream. She hadn't stayed with her, nor slept beside her. Twilight pushed herself up and forced her eyes shut. She sat there in silence for several seconds before sliding off of the bed. The second her hooves touched the floor she stretched out her back and then her wings, only to wince and quickly hold her wings back to her sides. They still hurt and she nearly whimpered from the pain.
She stood there for a few minutes while the pain slowly rolled away until it was nothing but a dull ache, a significant improvement from the sharp burning sensation it had been at first, then she slowly walked over to the door, locked it, turned around, and sat down on her haunches, pressing her back against the door. She lifted her right hoof to her head and nudged the bandage. She bit her lip as she pulled her hoof away and nudged her temple.
She wanted to just stay there all day, sitting against the door, or lying in bed, doing absolutely nothing. She wanted to go outside and enjoy the gentle breeze that there would be out on the balcony. She wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.
She settled on lowering her head and slowly letting her wings fall to the floor. It wasn't as painful as it had been the first time, but the muscles still hurt from stretching them. She watched her hooves and then looked over her wing. Feathers were strewn, misaligned, and a few were even damaged. The sight made her stomach drop, but she couldn't do anything about it. She had always used her magic to take care of her feathers and wings, and her mane and tail, and brushing her teeth, and everything else.
She slowly looked back at the floor and clenched her eyes shut. She took a deep breath and touched her chest with her hoof, then slowly extended it outwards. She felt calmer, less out of control, and more focused. She opened her eyes and tentatively stood up, then looked at the bathroom door. It scared her. She needed to take a shower or a bath, brush her mane, tail, and teeth, somehow preen her wings, and she didn't have her magic to take care of any of it like she normally did.
She bit her lip and slowly made her way over to the bathroom. Her steps were painfully slow, and it felt like an eternity passed between each step. Her heart beat faster with each step until she finally closed the door behind her and locked it, then collapsed to the floor. She knew she could have asked Spike or Starlight for help, they would have been awake by now and more than happy to help her, but she wouldn't. She wasn't going to burden them with this, she needed to do it on her own, even with as insurmountable as the task was. She was already resigned to fail miserably at it. The only question in her mind was how badly she was going to fail.
She pushed herself up and walked over to the mirror and looked at the mare staring back at her. Her mane was painfully short and a ragged mess, despite having grown out a little since the surgery. Her tail looked better than her mane, but only just. It was still a mess, she could see strands that were tangled together that would be nearly impossible to get out without her magic, to say nothing of the overall state of her tail's disarray. Her pink and purple highlights were mixed in with the rest of her indigo tail, and she couldn't easily identify either, save for at the base of her tail. She sighed, knowing she definitely needed to brush it, but not knowing how. With her wings folded, it was harder to tell just how bad of a shape they were in and hid a lot of the disorder, but she could still tell. The white bandage that replaced her horn was wrong, it made the mare staring back at her nearly unrecognizable. She swallowed and instinctively tried to remove the bandage with her magic. She stood there for a few seconds before lifting her hoof and pulling the bandage off and looking at her forehead.
It was almost completely healed, and her coat was starting to grow over it. She sighed, knowing that her horn likely wouldn't grow back and that if it did, it would hurt. She grimaced and shook her head while she undid the medical tape and then threw it in the trashcan. She slowly pulled herself away from the mirror and walked over to the bathtub. It was quite spacious, she was sure that both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna could have fit in it at the same time, with space to spare.
She mulled over whether she was going to take a bath or a shower for a few seconds before settling on a bath, she didn't want to attempt to shower, at least not yet. She reached out with her hoof and turned the faucet until the water running into the tub was pleasantly warm, almost hot. She watched the bathtub slowly fill up for a few seconds and then walked back to the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. She ignored the ache at the base of her wings, extended them out, and scrutinized them.
She looked at them in the mirror and found herself frozen, unable to move, just staring at her wings. She was unable to begin to comprehend how she was supposed to preen herself without magic. She had read a book on how pegasi preened themselves once before, but it had been years ago. She looked away from the mirror and at her right wing. She tentatively twisted it so that her feathers pointed at the mirror and were closer to her head than before, then she strained her neck to reach back to her wings. She grunted, then reangled her wing so that she could reach the farthest part away from her body, and took one of the feathers in her mouth.
She hadn't tasted a feather before, aside from a quill when she was younger, and her feathers didn't taste like she expected. She wasn't even sure what she had expected, but the lack of any taste wasn't what she expected. For a few seconds, she sat there with one of her feathers in her mouth, trying to remember what she had read. Finally, she ran the tip of her tongue along the shaft and slowly pulled her head away, then nudged the feather around until it looked straighter than it was before.
She moved onto the feather beside it and took that one in her mouth, then ran her tongue over the vane as she pulled her head back. She looked over the slicked down feather, then took it in her mouth again and repeated the process, this time running her tongue over the shaft. When she was done, she nudged the feather back into alignment, only to misalign the one she had previously aligned. She nudged that feather back into place and nudged the other one out of place. She huffed and took both of them in her mouth and straightened them out as she pulled her head away, then moved on to the next feather.
She ended up wincing in pain as she pulled the feather hard enough to pluck it from her wing. The base of the feather had a speck of red which she immediately identified as blood. She gritted her teeth and spat the feather out of her mouth and into the trash, then folded her wings back to her sides and glared at the mare in the mirror. She wanted to buck the mirror, but she managed to resist the urge.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then walked back over to the bathtub, which was about as full as she wanted it to be. She caught herself before she made a fool of herself and tried to use her magic to turn the water off. She reached out with her hoof and turned the handle until the water stopped flowing from the spout, then she testingly dipped her hoof into the warm water. She closed her eyes and sighed contently, then stepped into the water and sat down on her haunches.
She sank into the water, and her wings throbbed as the water flowed over them, but the pain was quickly replaced by relaxation. She lowered her muzzle to the water until the water touched her chin. She glanced up her head and grimaced, then looked at the water and closed her eyes before quickly dropping her head beneath the water. The second her forehead hit the warm water, she wanted to scream. She clenched her jaw shut even tighter than before, but the pain rolled away as quickly as it came.
She ran her hoof through her mane while it was below the water, and then pulled herself back above the water. She sat there with her eyes closed for several seconds, letting the water roll off her face and out of her mane. She listened to the dripping of the water coming off of her body and hitting the surface of the water in the bathtub. She exhaled, blowing water from her lips, then inhaled and opened her eyes.
She brushed her bangs back with her hoof and then slid it across her temple in a downward motion, then used both of her hooves to massage her head. She pulled her wings out and slid them through the water, then sighed as she brought them above the surface and turned towards the purple bottle of shampoo. 'The moment of truth,' she thought. She hesitantly reached out with both of her wings and firmly pressed against the bottle, then cautiously lifted it from the shelf. The slick bottle slid a little, then stopped. She held her breath and pulled it closer to herself, then undid the cap with her hooves. She sat the cap aside and grimaced. 'How... how am I supposed to... pour this... out?'
She frowned and held out her hooves while twisting her wings so that the bottle tilted over. The bottle slid and once more rested between her wings vertically. She stared blankly at the bottle for a second before holding the bottle more firmly between her wings and tilting them the other way. The thick liquid rolled out of the bottle and onto her hooves, then she tilted it back and sat the bottle down on the side of the bathtub. She leaned forwards and reached behind her head with her hooves and rubbed the shampoo into her mane, lathering it up and massaging it into her neck and head. She was cautious when she reached her bangs and made sure not to get any of the shampoo where her horn used to be, then she rubbed the soap in around the backs of her ears.
She found herself rubbing the soap in more vigorously than she expected, it was like a massage, and she was surprised to find out that she enjoyed rubbing in the shampoo with her hooves. It wasn't as easy as doing it with magic, and it wasn't as relaxing, but there was just something about it. She still would have used her magic any day, and despite enjoying the feeling, it did very little to improve her mood.
She reached back out for the bottle again and pulled it back to herself and tilted the bottle so that more shampoo would fall into her hooves. Some of the shampoo ran down the bottle, but she paid it no mind as she sat it back down and worked the shampoo into her chest and neck, pointedly avoiding thinking about how she was supposed to reach her back and other difficult to reach areas.
After she finished lathering up as much of her body as she could with her hooves, she stood up and let her mind wander, searching for a way to wash the rest of her body off. She sat back down and pulled the bottle of shampoo back over with her wings and tilted it. The soap that had rolled down the bottle made it slicker, and her wings were still wet. The open bottle fell into the bathtub, and Twilight clenched her jaw.
She reached out with her hooves and pulled the bottle up, then let the water drain out of it and sat it aside and put the cap back on it. She glared at the bottle and then closed her eyes and dunked her head back under the water. The warm water didn't feel quite as pleasant as before, and her forehead throbbed as the soapy water hit it, but she ignored it. She ran her hooves through her mane, rinsing out the soap and then rubbed around her ears and washed out the fur on her chest.
She pulled her head back above the water and blew air out of her mouth and spat out soapy water which left a bitter taste in her mouth. She slid the bottle of shampoo towards the back of the tub and scooted herself back with it, then leaned backward against the crystal tub and she lifted herself above the water and carefully poured some of the shampoo on her stomach. She set the bottle aside and massaged the shampoo into her coat and worked it in around her thighs, then she pulled up her tail and applied more shampoo to it and ran her hooves through it in long motions, attempting to untangle it and brush it with her hooves as she worked the shampoo in.
She laid her tail over her stomach lengthwise so that it ran up to her chest, and then just spaced out. She felt traumatized, she had no idea what she was doing, or if she was even doing it right, but it was all that she could do. She pushed herself forwards so that water ran over her chest. She ran her hooves through her tail from the base to the end on her chest, straightening it further and washing out the soap suds, then she pulled her tail off of her chest and vigorously scrubbed her stomach until the soap wasn't clinging to her fur.
She stared blankly at the wet crystal across from her. She could almost see somepony staring back at her. It took her a few seconds to realize the glum mare that watched her was herself. She huffed and then stood up and stepped out of the bathtub. Water drained away from her body and was absorbed by the floor. It was a process that normally fascinated her, but it didn't hold her interest given the circumstances. She turned around and glared at the bathtub, then tried to turn the drain on with her magic.
She begrudgingly pushed the knob down, then turned away from the bathtub as the water drained out of it. She looked at the towel rack blankly. She hadn't given how she was going to dry herself off any thought at all. If she had her horn, she could have levitated the towel around herself to dry herself off, but she didn't have her horn. She blinked and fell down to her haunches, then pressed a hoof against her temple.
She just wanted to sit right there and cry for the next hour. Neither Starlight nor Spike knew she was awake. Both doors were locked, and only Starlight could actually get to her. She doubted either of them would come check on her. She clenched her eyes shut as tightly as she could and let her head hang as the tears came. The air would work just as good as a towel for drying her coat, and although it would take longer, she could use that time to cry.
Starlight and Spike both stared blankly at Twilight as she walked into the dining room. She had a blank expression on her face, her ears were folded back against her head, and her mane and tail sagged more than normal. They could tell that her body was still damp, though they didn't know why. "Good... morning... Twilight..." Spike said slowly, his gaze drawn to her forehead and the lack of bandage and horn.
Twilight stopped walking and looked at Spike. For a few seconds, she thought about saying something, but she eventually decided against it, and resumed walking over to her chair. As soon as she reached it, she jumped into it, rested her hooves on the table, and all but slammed her head into her hooves.
Starlight and Spike winced and shared a worried look, knowing something was wrong. "Twilight, are you doing okay?" Starlight asked. Twilight mumbled something inaudible in response. "Sorry, but I didn't quite catch that..." Starlight smiled nervously as Twilight shifted her head so that it wasn't buried in her hooves.
"I said what do..." Twilight trailed off and closed her eyes. 'I... I'm a terrible friend, I... I can't take it out on them, it's not right...' she felt tears well up in her eyes once more at the thought. She wanted to laugh at it. She hadn't even been home a full twenty-four hours and already she felt broken. It was almost a joke, she was Princess Twilight Sparkle, one of the most powerful ponies alive, and now she was just a pegasus who couldn't even take care of herself. "N-no..." she answered aloud.
Starlight and Spike immediately slid out of their seats and walked over to her and wrapped their arms around her, hugging her tightly. Starlight stood on her hind legs and Spike practically jumped on the alicorn. Despite tears once more starting to roll down her muzzle, Twilight smiled. Their support made her feel better, feeling both of their bodies holding onto her own was reassuring and calming. She still felt her body shudder as she exhaled, though. "What's wrong, Twilight?" Starlight asked.
Twilight just shook her head and trembled as she sobbed. Starlight held her tighter and laid her head down atop Twilight's and looked across the room at the crystal wall. She gently nuzzled Twilight's head and could tell that her mane was still wet. She pondered the strange discovery for a few seconds, then grimaced. "You... tried to..." she couldn't bring herself to finish the statement. "You should have asked one of us to help you, Twilight..."
"N-no... I... no..." Twilight replied.
"Twilight," Spike said softly, "let us help you. We're supposed to help you, Doctor Manner said so. And so did Princess Celestia," he said pleadingly.
Twilight clenched her eyes shut and held them closed as tightly as she could. She took a deep breath and summoned as much strength as she could muster. "I don't want t-to be a bu-urden to you-ou..." she choked out between sobs.
"Twilight, you're not... a burden..." Starlight countered. "You're just... just give it time, Twilight... Wounds don't heal overnight..."
"You want anything special for breakfast?" Spike asked as he peeled himself away and rubbed her back with his claw. Twilight shook her head vigorously, and Spike sighed. "I'll... go fix you a bowl of cereal then..." he trailed off. Twilight didn't react to his offer at all, she just kept sobbing. He looked at the floor, not sure what to do. For a few seconds, he just stood there, listening to her cries, thinking. He looked back up at Twilight with renewed determination. "Twilight, please don't cry. You're not a burden! You're an alicorn princess! You and the rest of the girls defeated Nightmare Moon, Discord, Lord Tirek and..." he trailed off, looking sheepishly at Starlight who half smiled at him. "If you can do all of that, then you can do this!"
Twilight smiled sadly. 'He's right, we did do all of that... but we did it together... and...' She pulled her head away from Starlight and laid down on the table, then draped her hooves over her snout. 'I can't help any of them now...'
"Twilight..." Starlight trailed off and pulled her hoof out from under her and then wrapped it under her neck and pulled her back up and she turned Twilight's head so that she could look her in the eye. Twilight tried to fight her, but she couldn't, and immediately looked down at the floor. "Even if for a second you were a burden, I wouldn't care, and you are not a burden! You're my friend and my teacher! If it weren't for you and your friends, do you have any idea where I would be right now?" Twilight still didn't meet Starlight's eyes. "Twilight, look at me." Twilight hesitated for a few seconds and then met her gaze, looking at her through teary eyes. Starlight swallowed, Twilight almost looked desperate. She smiled gently at her, hoping to put her at ease. "Do you want me to ask Princess Celestia to come talk to you?"
Twilight's eyes widened in fear. "N-no!" she stuttered out.
Starlight tilted her head to the side and looked at her sadly. "Twilight, you know we all care about you, right?"
Twilight looked down at Starlight's hooves, avoiding her gaze. 'And now I'm being a burden because here I am, a mess. Starlight is wasting time comforting me that she could be using for something more important...' She sniffled. "I... I do-o, but..."
Starlight searched for the right thing to say to comfort her. "We want to help you, Twilight. You've helped all of us, now let us return the favor..." 'Should I... talk to Rainbow Dash about her?' she wondered. 'Or should I just tell Princess Celestia or Princess Luna that they need to talk to her... No, don't be silly, it's only been a day... She'll feel better... soon...' She sighed internally but was glad that Twilight's cries were now just sniffles.
Starlight stood there, holding Twilight for a few more minutes while her sniffles slowly died away. Eventually, Twilight pulled herself away from Starlight and laid her head on the table, and although her cries were silenced, she still wasn't happy. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked with a soft smile, hoping to comfort her.
Twilight closed her eyes and shook her head, rubbing her muzzle across the cool crystal table in the process. "No, I don't want to talk about it... I... I'll figure something out... eventually..." she said glumly. 'Do I even believe that?' she wondered. 'I lost my horn, I can't... I can't perform magic... but... I... I can't be a burden to my friends... I can't just...' She sighed again and buried her muzzle beneath her hooves once more. 'Maybe I should talk to Luna tonight...' She grimaced at the thought. She didn't want Luna to be disappointed in her or to yell at her, and she did not want to argue with her. If she talked to Luna, she wouldn't be so alone, she'd have somepony to talk to who cared about her and wouldn't tell anypony else how she really felt, that she was broken. 'Princess Luna is busy, though... She has her own duties to attend to, and I can't help with those now... I... I would just make it harder for her...' The thought was disheartening.
"You'll feel better if you talk about it, Twilight," Starlight assured. "It doesn't even have to be me. It could be Spike, or Princess Luna, or Princess Celestia, or Rainbow Dash, or any of your other friends..."
Twilight dragged her hooves off her muzzle, then lifted her head and looked at Starlight. "I don't... want to make things any harder on any of them than things already are... They... they're so busy! And I'd just be..." She lowered her head back to the table and closed her eyes. 'A burden. I'm... so useless now...' Princess Luna wasn't the right pony to talk to, Princess Celestia was, but she was too busy.
She stifled a yawn and slowly sat back up. Starlight's eyed widened slightly, "You're still tired?" she asked.
Twilight waited a few seconds and then slowly nodded her head. "I pushed myself too hard yesterday..."
Starlight's expression immediately shifted to worry, "Are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself did you?" she asked in quick succession.
Twilight nodded. "I... I'm fine, just... tired and my wings hurt a little bit..."
Starlight nodded absently. "Did you sleep okay last night?"
Twilight smiled slightly as she thought back to the previous night, then nodded more energetically than she had before. "It... could have been better, but... I slept well." She licked her lips and looked at the distorted reflection of herself in the table. "Rainbow... stopped by last night. She... I... fell asleep out on the balcony... She woke me up and... convinced me to go inside..."
Starlight wasn't sure how to respond to that. She was glad and unsurprised that Rainbow had visited her, though she had expected Rainbow to knock on the castle's front door, rather than use a balcony door. That part surprised her, but at the same time, she thought it was something she should have expected the pegasus to do. "Well, I'm glad she ran into Doctor Manner," Starlight confided. She pursed her lips, "Did she... stay long?" she asked.
Twilight shook her head. "No, we... talked for... a little bit, and then..." She opened her mouth to continue but stopped herself. "She didn't stay long," she said.
"Did you... want her to stay longer?" Starlight asked curiously. She was sure she knew the answer, but she wanted to hear it from Twilight again.
Twilight swallowed and found her mouth dry. "I..." She sighed and shook her head, "It doesn't matter, she's too busy..."
"You did, didn't you?" Starlight asked, knowing it might as well have been a statement. Twilight looked at the table for a few seconds before turning towards Starlight. She tried to glare at her, but she just couldn't, she didn't have the strength or the will. Her expression came off as resigned acceptance. Starlight took that as answering the question with a 'yes.' "You could have asked her to stay longer, you know..." Starlight suggested.
Twilight put her arms on the table and caught her head in her hooves as she fell forwards. "I can't do that, Starlight... She... She's my friend, and I don't want to lose that... I can't lose that... I... asked her on a date, and she said no. She doesn't... Besides, she's busy with the Wonderbolts," she shook her head and forced herself not to break down again. "I can't ask her to do that to her, I'm not risking my friendship with her..."
"You wouldn't be risking your friendship with her. She cares about you, just ask her..." Starlight smiled softly and solemnly.
Twilight looked at Starlight with a mixture of anger and fear. "I would just make things worse between us! I don't want to push her away..." She looked down at the floor and massaged her temples with her hooves. "Why is this so hard?" she asked.
Starlight sighed. "I don't know, Twilight." She shook her head. "Just... ask her to spend a night at the castle, and go from there. That won't make things awkward between you, would it?"
Twilight opened her mouth to refute her, but no words came. She hung her head despondently, unable to refute her logic. The only thing preventing her from asking Rainbow to stay a night at the castle was her own fear, and she knew it. She closed her mouth and regarded Starlight for a few seconds. "I can't do that, it would just be another thing she has to deal with," she finally answered.
"Maybe she wants to deal with that," Starlight countered.
"Why would she-" Twilight's words died in her throat as she remembered what Rainbow said to her the previous night. She slowly closed her mouth and she looked back at the floor. 'I uh... want to help you get better, okay?' Rainbow's voice echoed through her mind. Rainbow wanted to help her, despite her screwing up so badly. Rainbow had forgiven her and didn't hate her, despite her making things awkward between them. 'I'm being selfish... And I'm still hurting Starlight...' She stood up and instinctually prepared a teleportation spell, only to remember that she no longer had a horn.
She took a deep breath and sighed deeply, then shook her head and silently left the dining room to return to her bedroom. Starlight grimaced as she watched Twilight leave. She wanted to say something, but she could tell that Twilight wanted to be alone. She frowned, 'Is it right to let her go? She wants to be alone, but she shouldn't be alone. Or... maybe she needs to be alone?' She wasn't sure, and she felt uneasy about it.
"She left already?" Spike asked in an unsure voice.
Starlight turned to him and nodded, "Yeah..."
"Is she... Is she doing better?" he asked.
Starlight grimaced and looked back in the direction Twilight left in. "I... don't know."
Spike tentatively knocked his claw on Twilight's door, then stepped back. Seconds passed, and the longer he waited, the more nervous he grew. He shifted his weight, and if he hadn't been carrying a tray with a bowl of soup and a spoon resting on it, he would have been tapping his claws together to pass the time. He raised his claw and knocked on the door again, a little harder than before. "Twilight?" he called. He waited for a few seconds, but no answer came.
He grasped the doorknob with his claw and tried to turn it. It wouldn't budge, the door was locked. He looked at the door sharply and pulled on it harder, to no effect. He took a step back and looked at the door, trying to figure out how to get in. After several seconds of intense thought, he sighed, unable to come up with anyway for him to get in.
"Did she lock herself in her room?" Starlight asked, causing Spike to jump. Somehow he managed to not make a mess with the bowl of cereal, despite wobbling all over the place after he landed.
" Yes..." Spike turned around and shot a glare at Starlight, who smiled apologetically. "How did you sneak up on me like that?"
"Well... you were kind of staring at the door like you were trying to melt it with your eyes, so it was pretty easy," Starlight replied with a smile.
"Oh..." Spike said, embarrassed.
Starlight walked over to Spike and picked the tray up in her magic, "I'll just... go talk to her and give it to her." She cast her teleportation spell and effortlessly appeared on the other side of the door. She looked around the dim room and walked over to the bed. Sure enough, a quick check revealed that the bed was empty. She wasn't sure if that surprised her or not. She looked around the room. Her eyes lingered on the bathroom, and she felt her mouth contort into a scowl. She pried her eyes away from the bathroom door and walked around the bed and crossed the room.
She paused in front of the balcony door, then pulled it open. "Twilight?" she asked. Twilight was lying on the floor with her ears pinned to the back of her head. She lifted her head from the floor at Starlight's call and looked back at her before glancing at the tray she carried. "You left before Spike could bring you breakfast," Starlight said with a smile.
Twilight sighed and lowered her head to the floor. "I'm not hungry..."
Starlight walked out onto the balcony and closed the door, then sat down on her haunches beside Twilight. Twilight shifted her weight and pushed herself up into a sitting position. Starlight levitated the tray over in front of her and picked the spoon up in her magic and scooped some cereal into it, then pulled it out and held it in the air over the bowl and tray. Twilight grimaced, then sighed in defeat. She smiled weakly and slowly extended her wing out. She looked over her wing, trying to ignore the misaligned feathers was hard. The poor alignment made flying more difficult and made flying take more energy, 'Maybe that's why I pushed myself too hard,' she mentally scoffed. The poor state of her wings bothered her, she enjoyed things being well organized, and her wings were not well organized. She had tried preening herself and had failed. The thought stung.
She fought the thought aside and reached out to grasp the spoon between her feathers. She scrutinized how her wing, feathers, and the spoon interacted. After a few seconds of trying to figure out how to support the spoon in her feathers, she sighed in defeat and folded her wing back to her side. She tilted her head away from Starlight in shame and halfway opened her mouth.
Fluttershy smiled as she landed in front of Twilight's castle's front door. A white rabbit quickly jumped off her back and looked around suspiciously, then shrugged and hopped forwards in sync with Fluttershy's steps. Fluttershy stopped at the door and timidly knocked on it. Her knocking barely made a sound. "Oh, I hope Twilight's doing okay... and I hope she isn't too tired... and I hope she doesn't mind how early is is..." Angel Bunny rolled his eyes at her.
After a few seconds, a light blue magical aura enveloped the doors and pushed them open. "Fluttershy?" Starlight greeted with an awkward smile.
"Oh, hello, Starlight. Is... Is Twilight feeling okay?" Fluttershy asked calmly.
Starlight momentarily grimaced, then immediately replaced it with an anxious smile. "She's..." The smile left her face, she sighed and shook her head. "I... don't know."
"O-oh..." Fluttershy shrank back and hid behind her mane. "I-I can come back later..."
Starlight brushed her concern aside with a hoof and smiled brightly, "Don't be silly! I'm... sure... Twilight will be happy to see you." She squinted off at the sky, then pushed her concern aside. It was good for Twilight to spend time with her friends, she needed to know that they were all there for her. "Please, come in," Starlight said, motioning her in with a hoof. She stepped out of Fluttershy's way as the pegasus calmly walked into the castle, followed by Angel Bunny hopping inside beside her.
Fluttershy felt an urge to hide behind her mane as she walked into the castle's lobby. It was a voluminous room that could have easily housed a full grown dragon, with some room to spare. The different crystals of varying shades of blue and green combined to make the room remind her of the Crystal Empire, but the colors were wrong, they were too dark for the Crystal Empire.
Starlight silently pulled the doors shut, then hurried over to Fluttershy and walked beside her. Angel Bunny jumped onto Fluttershy's back and glared at Starlight, who smiled nervously back at him. The rabbit crossed his arms and his gaze intensified, Starlight swallowed and looked away from him. "I'm... kind of surprised you came by today..." Starlight said in an anxious tone, attempting to break the silence. "And... so early," she added dryly.
Fluttershy came to a stop and looked at Starlight, afraid that she was being too pushy about seeing Twilight. "It's... not a problem, is it?"
Starlight shook her head vigorously. "No, it's fine... Twilight's had a bit of a rough morning, but I think it'll be good for her to see you."
Fluttershy was relieved to hear that, and she relaxed because of it. "O-okay... If you say so..."
The rest of the journey from the foyer to Twilight's room was met with silence, broken only by the clopping of their hooves against the solid crystal floor. Starlight grasped the door with her magic and pushed against it, checking to see if it was locked. She smiled when she felt the door give way and part open, then she pushed it open the rest of the way. "Fluttershy's here to see you, Twilight," she called out as she scanned the room.
At the sound of blankets rustling, she turned towards the bed and watched as Twilight peeked her head out from under the covers and looked in her direction. Fluttershy walked into the doorway beside Starlight, drawing Twilight's gaze to herself. Fluttershy smiled softly at her, "Good morning, Twilight..."
Twilight smiled and pulled herself out of bed. "Hello, Fluttershy."
"Starlight said your morning hasn't been going that well... Is there anything I can do to help?" Fluttershy asked as she walked into the room. She met Twilight halfway in the room and pulled her into a hug.
Twilight welcomed Fluttershy's hug and returned it in kind, wrapping a hoof around her neck and pulling her slightly closer. Angel Bunny closely watched her from his perch between Fluttershy's wings. His expression was serious, but Twilight's ignored him. "No, I... I'm okay now... At least I think I am." She pulled out of the hug and looked back at Starlight. "Can you bring us some tea?" she asked.
Starlight smiled sweetly, "Sure," she said as she lit her horn. She disappeared in a flash of magic, glad that Twilight seemed to be doing better.
"Starlight told me you might come by today, but I honestly didn't expect you to stop by today. I know you're busy taking care of all your animal friends..." Twilight trailed off and smiled at her sheepishly.
"Oh, Twilight, I may be busy taking care of my animals, but I can make time for you... if that's alright with you, that is... If... if you're still tired, I can leave if you want..." Fluttershy trailed off guiltily, looking at the floor and running her hoof in a circular motion.
Twilight vigorously shook her head. "No, it's fine. I'm glad you came by..." She smiled reassuringly.
"I mean... I wouldn't want to be a bother to you. I know you need a lot of sleep to recover and all that..." Fluttershy couldn't help but glance at Twilight's forehead. She could see that the bandage was gone, and there was some discoloration in her fur, but her mane hid where her horn once protruded from, although her mane was still shorter than she was used to seeing. Twilight almost looked like a completely different pony, when she thought about it.
Twilight saw Fluttershy's gaze directed at her absent horn and sighed. "Fluttershy, you're not a bother..." 'Unlike me... You can actually take care of yourself... You can actually do things...' She forced herself to keep smiling, even as the thoughts coursed through her mind. Although she could feel the smile slip slightly, she managed to hold onto it.
Fluttershy quickly averted her gaze, "S-sorry, I didn't mean to stare..." she apologized in a meek voice.
Twilight shook her head, "It's fine... I... kind of expected it, to be honest... And I'm kind of used to it by now... And I... kind of expected it to be worse than it is..." She snorted and smiled. "Honestly, I expected everypony to... look at me differently, but, none of you really have... I mean, I can see the... pitying look in your eyes when you look at me, but... You still view me as me. Thank you, Fluttershy." Twilight pulled Fluttershy into another hug, but it didn't last as long as the first one.
"I-I'm sorry, Twilight... I wish there was something I could do for you... I... I tried talking to Discord, but he said that he couldn't help you..." she trailed off and sighed despairingly.
Twilight tilted her head to the side and felt disheartened at the pegasus's crestfallen expression. "Fluttershy... it's fine. Okay? I don't... I don't blame any of you. It's my own fault, anyway... And I already knew Discord can't help me. It's not your fault..."
"I-I'm so, so sorry, Twilight..." Fluttershy said in a barely audible whisper. Angel Bunny scooted up along her back and rubbed her shoulder reassuringly, looking at her with a worried expression of his own.
"Have..." Twilight trailed off, racking her mind for a question to redirect the course of their conversation. She didn't want Fluttershy to be sad because of her, it wasn't fair to her. "Have you seen any of our other friends today?" she asked.
Fluttershy shook her head. "N-no... I didn't run into any of them this morning. I took care of my animals and then came straight here. I'm sorry..."
"It doesn't matter," Twilight said calmly. "I'm sure I'll see them sometime over the next few days..." she smiled at the thought, especially of seeing Rainbow Dash again. 'Will she come by tonight..?' she wondered. The thought made her heart rate increase and almost made her feel giddy. 'Should I... ask her to spend the night?' She gritted her teeth. 'No, I can't do that to her. She's busy... But... would she?' Her heart hurt at that thought. 'I... no, I shouldn't even hope that... It'll just make things worse. She doesn't...' She took a deep breath and then exhaled. 'She wants me to feel better, nothing more than that.'
Her thoughts were cut off by Starlight teleporting back into the room, bringing with her a large pitcher of steaming tea and two teacups. Twilight smiled at her as she walked over and poured two cups of tea and levitated them over to Fluttershy and herself. She sat down on her haunches and held her hooves out to grasp the cup of tea. Starlight carefully set it in her hooves while Fluttershy sat down beside her and took a drink of her own tea.
Twilight carefully lifted the cup of tea to her mouth and took a small sip, letting the hot liquid roll over her tongue and warm her entire mouth. 'Cinnamon...' She swallowed the liquid and felt it roll down her throat and fall into her stomach. It warmed her on the inside and she welcomed the feeling. She took another drink and then smiled. "Thank you, Starlight..." She extended a wing out and supported the cup with it while she adjusted her hold of the cup. She nearly dropped the cup on the floor, but she managed to set it down without spilling more than half of its contents. She looked at the spill glumly until Starlight cleaned it up. She looked up at Starlight expressionlessly.
Twilight groaned as she pushed herself up off the floor. She winced as a wave of pain rolled through her head, but as quickly as it came, it disappeared. She brought a hoof to her forehead and winced at the contact and jerked her hoof away. She looked around the room briefly and then mentally cursed herself for falling asleep while Fluttershy was with her. The pegasus was nowhere to be seen now, and she sighed at that realization. She was alone again, just like most of the time when she had been at the hospital.
She frowned at the floor as she stood to her hooves. She hadn't been tired at first, but the calmness and peacefulness had overwhelmed her. She blinked the guilt away, Fluttershy would forgive her, she was her friend, after all. Knowing that she fell asleep while Fluttershy was keeping her company still hurt, though. Fluttershy would deny it, but she was sure that her falling asleep had disappointed her.
She sighed at the futility of it and pulled herself up on her bed, then slowly laid her head back down on her pillow. She closed her eyes and listened to the silent stillness. 'Alone...' the thought rang out in her mind. 'Just like before... I... I'm supposed to be the Princess of Friendship... but...' She rolled over onto her stomach and laid her wings out at across the bed, then pulled the covers up against her sides, not caring that she was making a mess of her bed, not that she had made it before.
She just wanted to lie there and cry, but no tears came. Instead, she sighed and slid her hooves under her pillow and then buried her muzzle in it. The pillow caressed her muzzle and cheeks, but it could only provide so much comfort, even if she nuzzled it affectionately, it wouldn't return it. It was still cold and lifeless, despite being soft and plush.
She yawned. 'Why am I still tired?' she wondered dejectedly. 'I slept for...' She frowned and rolled over, then glanced at the clock and found her mouth dry. "I slept for four hours..." she said aloud, not quite believing it. She pulled her hooves out from under the pillow and rubbed her eyes, thinking they were playing tricks on her. A second glance merely confirmed what the first told her. "I slept for four hours!" she groaned.
She threw her arms and legs out in exasperation, then covered her head with her hooves. "I'm never going to get back on anything resembling a routine sleep schedule..." She pressed her hooves firmly against her temples for a few seconds before letting them fall limp, then rolling over and off the bed. She caught herself as she fell and landed on her hooves, though it wasn't as graceful as she'd like to think it was. She was certainly not as athletic or agile as Rainbow Dash, even if she had the advantage of being an alicorn.
She turned to her nightstand and looked at the sole book resting on it. She bobbed her head as she debated about continuing reading it from where she had left off. 'I don't... have anything else to do...' she reasoned. She reached out with her magic, only to blink quickly, then sigh and fall to her haunches. She stared evenly at the book while she struggled to not think about anything at all. She was always thinking about something when she wasn't distracted. Normally her thoughts were her friends, but ever since she had been hospitalized, they weren't.
She swallowed and forced a smile. After a few seconds, the empty smile faded into obscurity. 'Just get up and grab the book and then lay back down and read!' she mentally told herself. She still couldn't find the desire to stand up. She looked around, looking for something to motivate her, but found nothing. Nopony was around, there was nothing pressing that demanded her attention and nothing to distract her except for the book. The same book that had pulled Rainbow Dash into reading and liking it. 'What would...' She swallowed. 'What would Rainbow Dash do... What would... what would she say if she saw me like this?'
She hung her head in shame. She clenched her eyes shut as tears gathered in the corners of her vision. She sat there in silence for a few minutes. Tears built up and then streamed down her muzzle, but she didn't make any sounds. She didn't know how much time passed before the stream stopped, and she didn't want to. A quick look at the clock would have told her, but she avoided it. Instead, she stood up and grabbed the book in her wings, then got back up on her bed and laid down on her stomach. She put the book down in front of her and opened it up to where she left off and she started to read.
It was about as enthralling for her as a spellbook was for Rainbow Dash.
"Hey, Twilight! How are you... feeling..." Spike trailed off, seeing Twilight carrying her head almost level with her body out of the corner of his eye. Twilight barely regarded him as she sat down at the table, then laid her head down. "Twilight?" he asked. After waiting a few seconds and getting no answer, he jumped off of his stepstool and walked over to her.
Twilight lifted her head up and half-smiled at him. "I'm... still here," she replied.
'It's only been two days and she's acting like it's the end of the world,' Spike mused dejectedly. He sighed and shook his head, "Hungry?" he asked. Twilight looked off in thought at the wall, then started to nod, then nodded more vigorously. Spike smiled, "Alright... Do you... want that one dish, or..?"
Twilight grimaced and shook her head. "I don't think I should eat anything heavy right now..."
"O-okay, then..." Spike trailed off. After a few seconds of lingering around Twilight, he slowly made his way into the kitchen, then disappeared behind the door. A second later, he peeked his head around the corner, "Anything specific you want?" he asked. Twilight shook her head. "You sure?" he asked. Twilight nodded absently. Spike sighed, then ducked back into the kitchen and pulled the door closed.
Twilight waited a few seconds, then laid her head down on the crystal table. She stifled a yawn and then massaged her temples with her hooves. After a few minutes, Spike came out of the kitchen, he had a prideful smile on his face and he carried himself like a professional. He held a crystal platter in one claw, and a bowl was resting atop it. He made his way over to Twilight, then slid the platter in front of her. "Dinner. Is a served, Princess," he said with a poor attempt at an accent. Twilight still found herself smiling at him.
Twilight licked her lips and lowered her muzzle over the bowl of soup, then inhaled. "Tomato soup?" she asked, turning to Spike. The dragon nodded, and Twilight smiled her thanks, then turned back to the bowl. On the platter there was a single spoon, she looked at her right wing and pursed her lips. She reached out with her wing and grasped the spoon, then thought better of it. She put the spoon down and folded her wing back to her side, then carefully lifted the bowl of soup with her hooves and brought it to her mouth.
Spike did a double take as Twilight quickly downed half the contents of the bowl, then lowered it to take a breath. "You uh... feeling alright?" Spike asked. Twilight smiled at him sideways, and Spike covered his mouth with a claw to stifle his laughter, seeing Twilight with a line of soup both under and above her mouth. Twilight rolled her eyes at him and then resumed draining her soup. After she finished it, she sat the bowl back down and scooted the platter away from her. "Want any more?" Spike asked.
Twilight shook her head. "No, thank you. That was good, Spike... Thanks."
"No problem," Spike replied coolly with a wave of his claw. "Just... ask if you want anything else, alright? You don't need to stay in your room all day, you know."
Twilight sighed and absently bobbed her head. "I know," she replied. "I just... I don't have anything to do... I'm sorry..."
Spike swallowed back the pain he felt at seeing Twilight so sad again. "Twilight, it's... it's alright, okay?" He jumped up on the chair beside her and hugged her, eliciting a smile from her. "You know, you can always find something else to do. Maybe something new? Or you could go out and spend some time with your friends," he suggested.
Twilight grimaced and shook her head. "I don't think I'm well enough to spend any amount of time outside and walking... or flying... Besides, everypony is probably busy..." Twilight trailed off. Silence hung in the air for a few seconds before Twilight looked up and scanned the room, then frowned. "Where's... Starlight?" she asked, only now noticing the unicorn's absence.
"Oh!" Spike lit up, then slumped back down, "uh... She's... out helping Fluttershy with one of her animals, I think."
"Oh..." Twilight said sadly, remembering her failure to stay awake with Fluttershy. Had she not fallen asleep, she could have helped Fluttershy instead of forcing Starlight too. She sighed and hung her head again.
Twilight slid one of her feathers between the two next pages in the book, separating them, and then flipped the page and resumed reading. She frowned, not understanding the transition from the previous page to the next page. She read on for a bit, trying to remember if the story had been like that the first time, but it didn't look right. She glanced at the page number to make sure she was on the right page, then grimaced and slid another feather between the two previous pages in an attempt to separate them.
After a few seconds, she fixed her problem and continued reading from the proper page. She sighed and nudged the book away from her with her hoof, then laid her head down on her bed. She frowned, having a hard time reading because of the angle. She extended her wings and slid them under the book, then propped it up enough so that she could read. Several of the pages slowly fought gravity and bulged upwards.
She fought to ignore it while reading the next page, but she kept finding her gaze drawn to the bulge. She wouldn't have had to deal with that if she had her magic. She bit her lip to give herself something else to think about, then slid out a hoof from under her chest and pressed against the page, then ran her hoof over it, hoping to make the paper's affinity for the previous pages high enough to resist the urge to fold up because of the binding.
She smiled, satisfied with her work. Half a minute later, she finished with her page and turned to the next one using a single feather, then ran her hoof over both pages, then continued reading. Minutes passed, and with each one that passed, she found her throat and mouth feeling dryer than the last. Eventually, she pried her eyes away from the book and turned the page while she looked over at her nightstand. She grimaced, missing her magic.
It would have been a simple task to levitate the glass over to the bathroom sink and fill it up, though she might have spilled some of it, but at least she wouldn't have had to get up. She looked back at the book and made sure she was on the right page and made a note of what page she was on, then she pulled her wings out from under the book, retracted them and scooted off the bed.
She sighed as she stood up and turned towards the empty glass. She stared at it for a few seconds, then shook her head and walked over to it. She leaned against the nightstand and pressed her two hooves against the glass, then lifted it up and put a wing beneath the glass, then replaced one of her hooves with her other wing and angled the glass so that it was lying against that wing. Finally, she pulled her other hoof away, then paused.
She mentally scolded herself, then reached back up with her hooves and pressed against the glass, freeing up her wings. She flapped her wings lightly, testing their responsiveness. She grimaced and flapped them harder, then carefully flew into the bathroom and landed on her hind legs, resting the bulk of her weight against the sink.
She turned on the faucet with her wing, then quickly slid the glass beneath the clear stream of water. She mentally facehoofed and winced as water ran down the side because she turned on the faucet first. She groaned, then felt more water run over the side of the glass and nearly dropped it in surprise. She quickly turned off the stream of water with her wing, then grimaced as she moved the glass of water, causing more of it's contents to spill over the top.
She slowly leaned in with her muzzle and pressed her lips to the cold glass, then closed her eyes and tilted the glass ever so slightly. The cold water running passed her lips felt wonderful, and she felt the cold liquid run down her throat as she swallowed. She tilted the glass up more, then continued to drink until she halfway emptied the glass. She pulled her muzzle back from the glass, then placed it under the faucet and turned it on. When the glass was about three-fourths full, she turned the water off, then beat her wings until she hovered a foot off the ground, then she flew back into her bedroom, sat the glass of water down on her nightstand, and then landed on her bed, bouncing lightly.
She glanced out the window, looking at the evening sun, then sighed as she turned back to her Daring Do book and resumed reading.
Twilight tossed and turned in her bed. She groaned and threw the covers off of her with her wings, then laid still for several seconds while the warmth left her. As soon as the heat left, she found herself cold. She grimaced and reached out with her magic to pull the covers back over her, then shot up in bed and huffed before pulling the covers back to herself with her hooves. She fell back onto her pillow, pulling the blanket out from under the mattress.
She groaned as her legs were uncovered, then she laid there in silence for several minutes, struggling with what to do. Eventually, she decided she needed to make her bed. She huffed, then rolled over and slid out of bed. As she gracefully slid over and off the side of the bed, her legs caught in the blanket. Her eyes widened in fear for a brief second before she fell out of bed. She tried to stop her fall with her wings, but the blanket refused to grant her any mercy.
She winced, feeling like she hurt her wing, then groaned as she hit the solid crystal floor and felt the wind knocked out of her. She sucked in, refilling her lungs before panic could take hold, then stayed completely still for several seconds, going over what just happened. She was glad nopony was around to see her failure, even if it meant she was alone, that none of her friends were with her, and that Rainbow Dash wasn't around. 'Will she... come by tonight?' she wondered.
She shook the thought out of her mind, then spent the next minute untangling herself from the blanket. Once she regained her bearings and felt steady enough, she bit down on the blanket and walked around the end of her bed, then stopped and looked at the bed, trying to figure out how to efficiently fix the blanket.
She tilted her head to the side and let go of the blanket, then licked her lips. She stepped closer to her bed, then glanced up at her missing horn. She sighed, then leaned against the bedframe and lifted the mattress with her hooves. For a few seconds she held the mattress up, then she put it down and stepped back. She looked at the blanket, then walked back over to the side of the bed and bit down on the blanket. She flapped her wings and flew to the other side of the bed, then let the blanket go.
She walked around to the other side of the bed and grabbed the blanket in her mouth again, then pulled it over the mattress and let it go. She walked around the bed and surveyed the blanket, making sure it looked even. It didn't look even. She spent five minutes straightening the blanket as much as she could, then returned to the end of the bed.
She reached down and lifted the mattress, then used her wings to tuck the blanket under it, and let the mattress down. She ran her wing underneath the blanket and mattress, making sure it was tucked nicely beneath the bed, then yawned and flapped her wings. She landed on the bed, then quickly pulled the blanket back and slid beneath it, then clutched it close to her neck with her hooves.
She stared at the ceiling for several minutes, just thinking, before she eventually fell asleep.
Twilight jerked awake, breathing heavily. She opened her eyes and then shut them tightly, reeling from her sudden awakening. She tentatively opened her eyes and squinted around the room. In the darkness, she couldn't make out much of anything. Something had awoken her, but she couldn't remember what. She took a deep breath, then sat up. She immediately pressed a hoof against her stomach as queasiness flooded her body. Her muzzle contorted in discomfort as the feeling peaked, then she relaxed as the queasiness quickly subsided.
'Why did that happen..?' she wondered. After a few seconds, she pushed the thought aside and slowly slid out of bed. If it wasn't for her bed and knowing that she was home, she almost could have been fooled that she was back at the hospital, but the room was wrong. She slid the thought aside and picked up the glass of water on her nightstand with her wing, then drank all of the warm water and then put the empty glass back down.
The sound that had awoken her repeated itself. She squinted at the balcony door, not sure why it would be making a sound akin to a pony trying to wake her up. She thought it over for a few seconds, then decided to investigate. She casually walked over to the door, and with each step, she found herself more awake. 'Rainbow... Dash?' she wondered. At the thought, a smile filled her face and she quickened her pace. She reached out with her magic to open the door and then walked right into the still-closed door.
She fell to the floor, landing on her haunches. She groaned and reeled from the pain, grasping her muzzle. The jarring impact jumpstarted her mind, and now she was wide awake, though she doubted how long it would last. 'Stupid...' She took a deep breath and lifted her head up. She pulled a hoof away and looked at it. 'Well, at least I'm not bleeding...'
"Twilight? Are you okay? It sounded like you hit something," Rainbow's voice called from the other side of the door, and though her voice was muffled by the solid crystal, she could hear her concern. Despite Twilight's rude awakening from running into the door, she smiled again.
She slowly and methodically stood up, then grasped the handle of the door and pressed down on the latch, then gently pushed the door open with a hoof. Rainbow looked at her with a worried expression. "I... sort of ran into the door..." she trailed off sheepishly and looked away from Rainbow, feeling embarrassed.
"You ran into the door!?" Rainbow asked incredulously. "What, were you really that happy to see me?" she asked lightly. Twilight opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. She looked down at the floor guiltily, unsure how to answer her question. She thought she felt heat building in her cheeks, and she wouldn't have been surprised if somepony told her she was blushing. Rainbow mentally slapped herself for asking that. "Are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself or anything right?" she asked more seriously.
Twilight looked back up at Rainbow and smiled softly, happy that she cared about her well-being and glad that Rainbow wasn't pressing her question any further. "I-I'm fine... At least I think I'm fine..." she trailed off.
"That's good..." Rainbow trailed off. They both stood there for in silence for a few seconds, looking at each other, but neither of them met the other's gaze. Rainbow shifted her weight and looked up at the sky, then trailed down the crystalline castle, then settled on looking at the floor. "I um... Can I... come in?" she asked at length.
Twilight nodded quickly, "Y-yes, of course..." she said as she stepped to the side, granting her friend entrance to her room. Rainbow hesitated for a second, then walked into her bedroom, not once looking at Twilight. Twilight quickly pulled the door shut and walked back over to her bed and sat down on it. Rainbow tentatively followed her and came to a stop at the base of the bed.
Rainbow lifted her hoof from the floor, then paused. After a second of thinking, she slowly put her hoof back down on the floor. "So uh... how was today?" she asked.
Twilight sighed. "It..." she shook her head. "It's not important," she brushed it aside with a wave of her hoof. "I'm... fine..." she lied, seeing Rainbow's unconvinced expression. Twilight forced a smile, hoping to make her lie more convincing so that Rainbow wouldn't push the issue. Rainbow tilted her head to the side and looked at her sharply, not buying it. Twilight opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. She closed her mouth and then swallowed. She slowly averted her gaze from the pegasus and looked at the floor. "I... can't... do anything..." she finally admitted in a soft voice. "I'm still recovering, and I... I can't do anything without my magic..." She sounded pathetic to herself, so she knew she must have sounded even worse to Rainbow. She clenched her eyes shut, not wanting to see Rainbow's reaction.
Rainbow bit her lip. She stood there, unsure what to do. Part of her wanted to groan at how Twilight was acting, and another part wanted to reassure her. After a few seconds of Twilight refusing to look up, she sighed and pulled herself up onto the bed and sat down beside Twilight. She looked at her sideways, raking her mind to figure out what to do. "It's... It'll be... fine..." she said. 'What if her horn never grows back?' she wondered. 'Will it really be fine if you never recover?' She licked her lip and extended her left wing and draped it around Twilight's back, then pulled on her until she was leaning against her. Rainbow felt awkward but knew Twilight would appreciate it. Twilight's body tensed up at the contact, then relaxed, although she kept her head off of Rainbow's shoulder. "Do you... want to talk about it?" she asked gently.
Twilight opened her eyes and stared at the floor. 'Do I want to talk about it..?' she wondered. 'I... don't want to... It's not important, I don't need to concern you with it. You have enough to worry about...' She sighed and shook her head. "No..."
'We need to talk, Twilight...' Rainbow said in her mind, gauging how it sounded and how Twilight might react. It felt wrong. 'Listen, Twilight... about you asking me on a date...' She grimaced and felt her heart beat a little harder. She pushed the thought aside, it wasn't the right time to bring it up, and while she wanted to know more about why Twilight asked her, she wasn't ready to talk about it, not to mention Twilight might take it the wrong way, and she didn't want Twilight to get her hopes up. 'Sh... Should I even be doing this?' she asked herself. She sighed internally, 'No, I want to help you, and I will. I promised I would, and I'll keep that promise... But... I don't want to hurt you by doing this...' She suppressed a groan. "Do you need anything?" she asked. Twilight quickly shook her head. Rainbow wrapped her arm around Twilight and gently rubbed her side in a reassuring manner. "You sure?"
Twilight nodded, "Y-yes. I'm... fine..." It was a lie, and she knew it. 'Rainbow can probably tell that's a lie... I... I shouldn't lie to my friends... but...' She closed her eyes and sighed at the thought.
"Please talk to me, Twilight," Rainbow nearly pleaded.
Twilight swallowed and felt her heart beat faster. She slowly laid her head against Rainbow's shoulder. She sighed contently at the contact, then froze as her mind wrapped around what she just did. For a few seconds, the silence felt oppressive, condemning, even. She quickly pulled away from Rainbow and sat up rigidly. She felt Rainbow resist her motion, but paid it no mind. "I-I'm sorry, please don't hate me!" she pleaded.
Rainbow looked at the bed and sighed. Her ears fell to the sides of her head, but she didn't care. "Twilight," she said firmly, yet kindly. She pulled her head up and looked at Twilight, who had her head pointed directly away from Rainbow. Rainbow let her gaze trail over Twilight's mane, neck, and shoulders, then looked back at her ears, which were pressed against her head. "I... Twilight, listen to me. I already told you once before," Twilight clenched her eyes shut and lowered her head in shame, she knew what Rainbow was going to say, and she knew she was going to cry again when she heard it. She didn't want Rainbow to see her crying, but she knew that she was going to. She took a deep breath and braced herself for what Rainbow was going to say. "I don't hate you, and things aren't... awkward between us, okay?" Rainbow continued.
Twilight waited for the inevitable 'but,' but it never came. She slowly lifted her head up, then rubbed her eyes with her hooves. She still refused to turn around and look at Rainbow, though, she couldn't. It hurt, and it would hurt worse to look at her. "Promise me that we'll always be friends, Rainbow... p-please... I... I don't..." 'I don't want to lose you...' she finished in her mind. 'And here I am, still being selfish... wanting her to promise to be my friend, despite...'
Rainbow folded her wing back to her side and removed her arm from around Twilight, then shifted her body so that she faced Twilight. "Twilight, look at me," she commanded, breaking Twilight's line of thought.
Twilight swallowed. She wanted to just keep sitting there, watching the clock as time rolled away until Rainbow was forced to leave. 'I... I don't want to waste your time...' She swallowed and forced a brief smile, then it left and she turned her head to look back at Rainbow. She was smiling at her, it was a soft, gentle, and warm smile that was reassuring. She felt her heart soar like it had wings of its own, but in the back of her mind, fear was launching a volley of spells at it, attempting to shoot her heart out of the sky.
"I promise I'll always be your friend." Rainbow lifted her hoof over her chest, "Cross my heart," she made an 'X' motion with her hoof over her heart, "hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," she finished with putting a hoof over one of her eyes and smiled meaningfully at Twilight.
Twilight closed her eyes and let herself slump forwards. She felt a flood of relief fill her mind, fear was vanquished, and the dark storm clouds were annihilated by a Sonic Rainboom. She half smiled, then looked at the bed. For a few seconds, she was content to sit there and let Rainbow's promise replay itself in her mind, then the inevitable question invaded her mind. "Why?" she asked emptily. She looked up and met Rainbow's gaze.
"Because we're friends, and I don't like seeing my friends hurting," Rainbow answered in a meaningful tone. "How many times am I going to have to keep telling you that?" she asked with a chuckle.
Twilight sighed and looked down at her hooves. She felt emotionally drained at hearing that. 'How many times has she said that to me?' she wondered. 'She's still my friend, despite how horrible I am to her...' "I'm sorry," she said.
Rainbow groaned, "Ugh, Twilight... Don't be. I'll keep saying it as many times as I need to." Twilight was still despondent despite her assurance. With each passing second, the silence grew heavier, or at least it felt that way to Rainbow. 'How... would she react if I...' She took a deep breath and hoped Twilight wouldn't take it the wrong way. 'Should I do this..?' she asked herself. 'I don't want to hurt her...' she argued, unsure which side the thought was on. 'It'll help her feel better... I think... I hope...' She tentatively reached out with her arms and wrapped them around Twilight's body. 'Am I really... considering this?' She felt her heart beat a little faster. She took another deep breath to calm her nerves. 'Yes, I am.' The mare looked at her quizzically, then panicked as Rainbow tugged on her and shifted her own weight.
On instinct, Twilight tried to flare her wings out to stop herself from falling over, but Rainbow's arms prevented her wings from opening. She braced herself for a jarring impact, only to gently land on Rainbow's soft chest. The pegasus for her part made no sound from Twilight's weight falling on her. "Rainbow!" Twilight shouted furiously. She angled her head so that she looked up across Rainbow's chest so that she could look the pegasus in the eye. "Why did..." she trailed off, seeing her smirking at her. Twilight's expression shifted from anger to curiosity, to fear, and then settled between curiosity and panic. Despite feeling frantic at the realization that she was laying on Rainbow's chest, she didn't have the will to leave the position that she was in. 'I'm... I'm a terrible friend! Rainbow, please, I-' she thought, then remembered that Rainbow was the one who pulled her onto her. She blinked, attempting to process what just happened.
"You need to relax a little, Twilight!" Rainbow implored. "Just... chillax, please. Trust me..."
Twilight opened her mouth to argue, but not a single word escaped her muzzle. She closed her mouth, then opened it again, then half closed it, then opened it and closed it several times over the next few seconds. After a few more seconds, she finally recovered from her shock, but her mind was still short-circuiting. 'I-I'm lying on Rainbow...' She felt her jaw muscles relax and her mouth opened slightly at the realization, then it quivered. 'She's... She's... holding me...' She felt a shiver run down her spine. She looked back up at Rainbow, running her cheek across Rainbow's chest in the process. The sensation sent another shiver down her spine, and her heart leaped out of joy, despite her fear. "Rainbow, I-"
Rainbow rolled her eyes and pulled one of her hooves over to Twilight's muzzle, silencing her. Twilight just laid there looking at her curiously. "Just. Relax," she commanded. 'I hope that this helps her... and that... nopony finds out about this...' she grimaced at the thought of anypony seeing her like that.
'Just relax,' Twilight repeated in her mind. She closed her eyes and nestled against Rainbow's chest, then froze again and opened her eyes, feeling the familiar sensation of dread and fear welling up inside her. "Rainbow, I'm... I'm sor-"
"Twilight, just... just stop, okay?" Rainbow groaned. "You want this, don't you?" she asked. Twilight clenched her jaw and felt her heart stuttering. She quickly nodded a second later. Feeling on the verge of tears, Twilight clenched her eyes shut as tight as she could and angled her head so that she couldn't look up and see Rainbow looking at her. "Look, Twilight, I..." Rainbow sighed. 'Please, please, be the right thing to say...' She took a deep breath and watched Twilight rise on her chest, then she slowly exhaled and watched as Twilight fell a little. "Twilight, I..." she trailed off, unable to bring herself to say it, it would have hurt Twilight too much to hear it again. "I'm doing this for you, okay?" she said quickly. "I want you to be happy and I want you to feel better, and if this helps, then I'm willing to... to do this, for you." She blinked and stared at Twilight.
Twilight looked back up at Rainbow painfully slow, then met her gaze and stared into her eyes. She swallowed and marshaled her courage, "To d-do this..?" she guardedly asked. Rainbow hesitated for a second and then nodded. "I... I mean... what... do you mean by... this?" she implored.
Rainbow shifted her weight and pulled herself further up onto the bed so that she could lay her head on Twilight's pillow. Twilight watched her with a mixture of curiosity and fear. She wrapped her arms under Twilight's arms and pulled her up on her more so that her head was laying over her heart, then wrapped her hooves around her back. Rainbow opened her mouth to answer her question but found herself unable to bring herself to say it. She groaned and pressed her head into Twilight's pillow. "I... this, you know. Holding... you..." she trailed off, cringing and feeling subtle heat building in her cheeks. 'Never in a gazillion years would I have thought I would have said that,' Rainbow deadpanned in her mind. 'Least of all to her...'
Twilight shuddered at Rainbow's answer. She closed her eyes, feeling calm and at peace. She let herself relax, though questions still plagued her mind. She decided to push them aside momentarily. She decided to focus on Rainbow. Her body heat and how it warmed her own body, her steady heartbeat, unlike her own erratic heartbeat, her gentle breathing. The feeling of her arms wrapped around her back, her chest lying against hers, her breath flowing through her mane and tickling her ears. The sensations were overwhelming, and her body started to remember that she had been sleeping before Rainbow woke her up. She stifled a yawn, then rubbed her cheek against Rainbow's chest and looked up at her. She swallowed and decided to take a chance, "C-can you um... wrap your wings... around me?" she asked, feeling smaller than she did the first time she met Princess Celestia for a magic lesson after the elder alicorn took her on as her student.
Rainbow blinked as she processed Twilight's request. She looked down at Twilight and half-forced a smile, as she slowly pulled her wings from her side and draped them over Twilight's back. Twilight cooed at the sensation of Rainbow wrapping her soft wings around her back, her left wing covered her upper back and Rainbow's arms, and her right wing was draped over her lower back. Rainbow's feathers were soft, comforting, and reassuring. She felt safe and protected with Rainbow's wings around her back, like nothing in the world could hurt her. It felt right. It wasn't long before she yawned again and nuzzled Rainbow's chest, causing the pegasus to ponder the unfamiliar sensation. 'I... can't believe I'm doing this... If Rarity ever finds out...' she looked up at the ceiling and her expression was replaced with a look of horror. 'If Spitfire ever finds out...' she shuddered at the thought.
Twilight smiled as she felt the call of sleep, and she tucked her hind legs under Rainbow's body, one on each side of her back and she pulled her arms closer to her head. She let her wings go limp and sighed contently. 'Wait... Rainbow...' She sighed sadly, then looked back up at her. "You... You have... important things to do... tomorrow..." she said sadly. "You shouldn't... stay here..." 'She... she would have stayed with me... all night?' She found her mouth dry at the thought. It was such a tempting thought, something she badly wanted, but Rainbow Dash was more important than her own happiness.
Rainbow grimaced, then looked at Twilight sheepishly. "I um... well... hehe..."
Twilight tried to push herself off Rainbow's chest, but the pegasus refused to let her go. Under different circumstances, she would have relished the sensation, but she was too concerned for that. "Rainbow, you have important things to do! Just..." she trailed off sadly, know that she needed to say it, but not wanting to. "Just go, please... I don't want you to get in trouble for my sake..." she pleaded while looking at her with a pouting face.
Rainbow sighed. "No, It'll be fine... I'll just say that you needed my help for something and that I was late because of that." She tilted her head and looked at Twilight with a sharp playful expression, "If I'm late," she corrected. Twilight smiled.
"Y-you're going to... stay here with me all night?" Twilight asked.
Rainbow nodded, "Yeah, I will." Rainbow blinked then looked up at the ceiling. 'Did I really just... promise to stay with her all night?' She licked her lips. She looked down at Twilight. The alicorn looked comfortable and at peace, and she struggled to fight back another yawn. Rainbow halfway smiled at the sight. 'I... guess I can give it a shot... I did wonder what this would be like, after all...'
Twilight looked down at Rainbow's chest. Her sky-blue fur was even more inviting than her night blue bed. "What um... What time do you need to be up at?" she asked.
"I'll... just... deal with tomorrow when it gets here, I guess," Rainbow replied, still halfway pondering her earlier thought and the feeling of Twilight lying on her. "So don't worry about it," she said calmly, "just relax."
Twilight shook her head vigorously and tried to sit up again, only for Rainbow to tighten her grip on the alicorn and hold her down, preventing her from sitting up. Twilight grunted and looked sharply at Rainbow, who smirked back at her. Twilight yielded and stopped fighting her, then pinned her ears back against her head and looked at Rainbow sadly. "I don't want you to get in trouble, Rainbow. Please..." she pleaded.
"Twilight, it'll be fine... I'll be okay. You really think Spitfire will make a big deal out of it if I tell her you needed me?" She smiled reassuringly at Twilight.
Twilight wasn't completely convinced, but she relented and sighed, then buried her head in Rainbow's chest. She felt anxiety return, feeling Rainbow's warm body and soft coat pressed up against her muzzle. She closed her eyes and inhaled, then exhaled and smiled. Rainbow's scent was comforting to her, it was like the smell after a rainstorm, combined with a light spring-like smell, reminding her of flowers. It was a sweet smell, but on top of it, she could smell the thick scent of a shampoo she was unfamiliar with that attempted to mask her natural smell. She mulled over the scents in her mind, then found her heart beating faster, realizing what she did. Her eyes shot open and she looked up at Rainbow, who looked in distress. 'I just... made things more awkward between us... didn't I... I can't believe... I just... did that... Stupid! I... really can't do anything right, can I?'
'Twilight just...' Rainbow found herself unsure how to process what Twilight did, but her nervousness escalated. Twilight looked at her in fear. 'We... really need to talk...' she thought. With what Twilight just did, however, she wanted to talk about that even less. Rainbow opened her mouth to say something, then she stopped herself. 'No, I can't... say that...' She swallowed. 'What am I supposed to say now?' She held back a groan. 'If I reassure her, will she think that...'
"I'm sorry," Twilight finally whispered.
Rainbow shoved her thoughts aside and smiled down at her. She was sure Twilight saw through it and could see how she felt about it, but she forced herself to hold the smile. "Let's just..." she trailed off. "Just... relax and go to sleep, okay?" she finally said, hoping Twilight didn't see her irritation at her. Twilight was taken aback by Rainbow's words so much so that she didn't notice the pegasus's annoyance. "I'm... pretty tired myself," she added with a nervous chuckle.
Twilight's mouth slowly turned upwards into a smile, then she laid her head on its side on top of Rainbow's chest and looked at the green crystal window. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Rainbow holding her, and listened to Rainbow's heartbeat. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes. "I... I'm being selfish," she said absently.
Rainbow shook her head. "No, you're not, Twilight. I'm doing this because I want you to feel better, not because I have to or because you're making me to."
Twilight opened her mouth to argue with her but decided not to. "Th-thank you, Rainbow... You... you have no idea how much this means to me..." she trailed off, blushing. "You... you're comfortable, right? You'll be able to sleep?" she asked. 'Rainbow's... sleeping with me again...' she felt her breath catch in her throat at the realization, then she smiled, hoping that it was a sign of things to come. 'No, she doesn't feel that way!' she shouted in her mind. 'She just wants... me to be happy...' she sighed at that realization, not knowing how to take it.
"Yeah, don't worry about it..." she trailed off. 'This isn't half as bad as I thought it was going to be...' she mused. She looked back down at Twilight. 'It's actually kind of nice...' Twilight's warm body felt pleasant, lying on her own, and every time Twilight nuzzled her chest, she felt the urge to smile. 'Do I... How do I feel about her?' she wondered. 'She's my friend, I care about her, but... Should I ask her on a date?' She expected the thought to evoke some response from her body or to stir a thought in her mind, but it didn't. 'Should that thought do something?' She didn't know.
She pushed the thoughts aside and stared up at the ceiling. For a few minutes, she laid there, feeling tiredness creep into her body and mind. The whole time, she focused on Twilight's heartbeat and breathing. Both had slowed and calmed, and she was sure that the alicorn was asleep. 'Is she dreaming?' she wondered. 'What is she dreaming about?' She yawned deeply. 'What will I dream about?' She wondered if her dreams would include the alicorn she was holding.
'I'm sleeping with Twilight again...' She winced at the thought and felt anxiety return. For a few seconds, she struggled with the thought, then she claimed victory and calmed down again. 'No. I was right, this is nice... I do enjoy this...' She licked her lips and looked down at Twilight. 'Is... this going to become a habit...?' She wasn't sure how she felt about that. She yawned, then smiled as she felt Twilight unconsciously nuzzle her chest again. "Night, Twilight..." she whispered as she closed her eyes.
Remember back when I said, "I really don't want to write something that's constantly depressing?" That still holds true. This is still depressing. Or at least the first parts are. And I am also starting to think this needs a Slice of Life tag...
I really don't know how to write breakdown scenes with somepony talking while they are crying. Feedback on how I handled that is appreciated.
I... think I've done a good job showing Twilight struggling! And it's only been two days since she's been released... Er, wow... Two chapters cover a period of two days, while the previous two chapters cover four weeks... Don't worry! I'll... something.
Also, cuddles! 
Yay! Right? That's a good thing, right? That's what you came here for, right? What were you expecting? Wasn't this inevitable? Do you want more?
I enjoyed writing that scene with Twilight and Rainbow... And going back and revising it... My only concern about it is it may feel rushed when you look at Rainbow's perspective. Although there's been... fifty thousand words of buildup... sort of... it's focused mainly on Twilight, and what I have shown of Rainbow is... not particularly against the idea, but not... for it... Yet at the same time, maybe it doesn't feel rushed...
Phew, this chapter feels like a rollercoaster now that I've written it and go back over it. 'Twas all over the place...
It took me three hours to re-read and edit this... 
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I love this so much. I hate how invested I get in a story cause I always feel into it so much. This chapter had me on a roller coaster of emotion from sad to slightly happy to sad to happy to really sad to slightly happy and then at the end I don't even know. You are doing so well with this and I continue to love every chapter that gets released. Keep it up!
I wouldn't worry too much about how much time the chapters cover, you say what's important to the story. You're showing us the reasons why things are how they are. It's working fine. In that light Rainbow has had - and we've seen this - all that time to mull over her feelings, so it really doesn't feel rushed to me.
That being said, I wouldn't mind if it gets a little less of seeing every part of every day.I also feel like Starlight and Spike need to let everypony else know how Twilight is feeling mentally, about being a burden, and get them to be more active in helping her feel better about herself. Sure they have their own lives, but there are enough of them that they should be able to work something out so she isn't always alone spiraling further into her depression.
I had to re-read the last section with Rainbow like three times, it was heeecka cute.
I love the pacing of this story so much, it was perfect in the latest chapter.
Thank you so much for writing this. Looking forward to more!
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I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy re-reading that part myself, so spending three hours proofreading and editing wasn't really all that bad...
Thank you for saying this, reading you saying you had to re-read it because it was cute made me smile.
This story is officially in my top 5 favorites.
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And it's not even finished yet! Which... may or may not be a good thing... I hope I continue to entertain you!
7696779 It's great so far, besides all the grammar mistakes. Those can be a bit tedious to read through, but the premise of the story doesn't falter in the slightest. I still have to try and make sense of it sometimes and mentally place commas where there are too many "ands." Still, like I said, it's a great story overall. 9/10, give or take.
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Can you give me a few more examples of the grammar mistakes so I know what to look out for?
7696935 Well, for one thing, try to not make scenes last so long. Certain scenarios can get quite boring if you drag them on for too long, and can be a bother to read through. Try to get to the point, but also try to take your time getting there. Here's a recommendation: have a close friend of yours read it over and tell you if a scene gets boring or not. It will help a lot with your final product. I'm a pretty decent writer myself, so take it from someone who enjoys scrutinizing every little detail about a story and how every character interacts with each other. I hope this helps.
That last section was so adorable
very nice story so far, though I have to say this. people like twilight who don't ask for help because they don't want to be a burden I believe are more of a burden than the ones who ask. when they don't ask for help the people around them have to try and anticipate what they need, and it hurts that the disabled person won't ask for help when they need it. the people around them want to help and feel useless and unwanted when they are never asked to. granted, that's just what I believe, I've never had someone close to me in this type of scenario before
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=lyrics+ruby+don%27t+take+your+love+to+town&&view=detail&mid=E881E89C4464200583EBE881E89C4464200583EB&FORM=VRDGAR
Not completely on point, but parts are close. Hard to believe, but 50 years ago he was an anti war activist.
Now, I'm not a crying person, few things can make me cry, My Little Dashie did it, Undertale did it, but no other stories have made me cry.
And then chapter 4 comes along and hits me like a truck. The first part of this chapter was really, really sad.
It was nice to see that happy exchange between Twilight and Spike though.
I had wanted to get to Chapter 5 today, but if I keep reading then I'll be missing the ND.
Your story is accurate in many ways, that includes the tone and events. It may be depressing at times. But you do have good times in there, they may be small right now. But that's how it feels at the start, things get better, it just takes time.
why don't Twilight go and stay with Sunset Shimmer?😕🤔and is Rainbow worming up to Twilight to date her?🤔
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I generally tend to avoid Equestria Girls stuff. I've not watched it and I don't intend to... so I tend to ignore or pretend that it doesn't exist in my writing.