Hero of War

by Teal

Chapter 5: Funerals and Nightmares

The coffin was slowly lowered into the ground and after a few moments Sgt. Sky Storm was finally laid down into his final resting place. Watching as the ceremony finally came to an end; Rainbow Dash sat there and wondered if he was finally happy.

Now he was gone to eternal peace, with no more worries and no more troubles. There, he would no longer think about the things he did nor would he stress over the title other ponies gave him. He would now be with his buddies, those who left before him, those whom he wanted to see again so much.

Just like her, he felt that guilt of living.

So many friends have passed because of the war that ponies like her and him felt alone and guilty for living. Guilt was always the thing in her mind and whenever ponies praised her for her deeds, she couldn’t help but feel that guilt rise to levels that she could not control.

It wasn’t just me who did it… She had thought. …it was me and my team. It was me and my friends.

Taking another look at the spot which was now Sky Storm’s grave, Rainbow Dash wondered if she would be able to bring death upon herself and achieve the eternal peace this pony has gotten. Many times before, she had attempted to reach this goal, doing different attempts to take her life. But before she could deliver that fatal blow, she always felt a slight hesitation that stopped her from continuing.

There was always this small voice in her head telling her she can’t do it and that she shouldn’t do it. This voice told her that she wasn’t worthy of killing herself and taking the easy way out to receive her peace. She was left here on this earth to suffer for her failure. She must suffer for her inability to protect them and get them through the war alive. If she took her life, then she would just be evading her punishment.

So many times she had tied ignoring the voice to but no avail. This voice was the thing that kept her alive and yet at the same time it cursed her to suffer the life she had now. Thinking of Sky Storm right now, she wondered if he too had that voice inside of him and if he did, how did he overcome it.

Somehow he did it and it had led to his death. But that death to him was a happy one for it lead him to the joyful life any veteran wanted, a life with their long lost buddies.

But if he was happy in the afterlife, those whom he left behind were certainly not.

Turning her head down to her right and at the young filly beside her, Rainbow Dash could feel Scootaloo press against her body, as she let her tears soak both her face and Rainbow Dash’s fur. Her mother Lemon Drops, who sat further right from her, also let loose her grief, but she opted to do it alone and allowed nopony to come near and comfort her.

Both were devastated, and Rainbow Dash felt bad for not being able to do anything to help them.

The news of Sky Storm’s passing hit them hard and Rainbow Dash knew that nothing she can say can help them in their grief. Loosing somepony was always difficult, and knew that from personal experience. The only thing that can help them is time and even then the pain would not heal. It would only lessen, but it would always be there, a constant reminder of what one has lost.

So instead of saying anything to both of them, she just remained silent. The only comfort she could give right now was to the filly, who she allowed to cry on her as the ceremony ended.

Once it was over and once they all stood up to leave, Lemon Drops stood in front of Rainbow Dash and, with tired tear soaked eyes, thanked her.

“I would like to thank you for telling us the news, no matter how sad it was.” She had told me. “To have it come from a hero like you…makes it more meaningful.”

A pang of pain hit Rainbow Dash as she heard that, and she wanted to tell Lemon Drops that she was no hero. But instead, she kept silent and allowed her to continue.

“I would also like to thank you for being with him in his last moment…” Then, without continuing, she moved forward and gave Rainbow Dash a hug.

Shocked by this, Rainbow Dash did not know how to react at first, But slowly, and hesitantly, she placed a hoof around Lemon Drops and returned the hug until it was over. As she did this though, one sad thought entered her mind. You wouldn’t be thanking me like this if you knew that I could have saved him.

Soon, Rainbow Dash found herself almost alone by the grave, as everypony else began leaving the sight of such sadness. She herself was about to leave and sleep off all the emotion that was building up inside of her when she suddenly saw a familiar looking face standing and looking at her.

“Lt. Sparkle…” She said, approaching the pony who gave her a smart salute. “…it’s a surprise to see you here. So, what brings you to this tiny town? Don’t tell me he was a friend of yours?”

Knowing Lt. Twilight Sparkle’s background history, she knew that the staff officer had never set a single hoof on the front lines. Lt. Twilight Sparkle was a part of the Ministry of War’s Propaganda Department and Rainbow Dash knew that the only battle this egghead has fought was the one fought in cozy offices against paperwork. And with Sky Storm being a front line soldier who barely spent time at cushy desk jobs, it made Rainbow Dash wonder why the staff officer was visiting this ceremony.

“No, no, nothing of that sort. I’m just here for official Ministry of War business.” Twilight Sparkle replied, answering Rainbow Dash’s question.

“Oh?” Rainbow Dash asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes.” Twilight Sparkle said. “Cause as you would know, Sgt. Sky Storm died under unpleasant circumstances… Circumstances which the War Ministry doesn’t want to be leaked out into the public. What can be worse than news of a war hero dying through suicide? It would make the War Ministry look bad and make it appear that we don’t do anything to care for our veterans. So I was sent here to make sure that no major news company, or any news company at all, covers this funeral and if there is one I am ordered to terminate their reports as soon as possible.”

Rainbow Dash felt anger felt inside her as she heard this. Were they planning to cover this up? She thought with rage, as she fought back the urge to suddenly tackle and attack Twilight Sparkle. No, don’t. She told herself as she tried to calm her anger down. She wasn’t the one who planned this, but only a soldier following orders.

For no matter how much she disliked Twilight Sparkle for being a desk jockey who never felt the pain like she and other front line soldiers experienced, she knew that she was still a soldier. And although what she was doing didn't seem right, Rainbow Dash knew that she was like any other soldier who was merely following orders.

So instead of retaliation with physical assaults or insulting words, she just turned around and walked away. Not looking back, she trotted away from the cemetery and back towards her home here.

---

That night, Rainbow Dash sat by the window of her tree home, looking out at the sky line of Ponyville as it created a peaceful and gently scenery before her. Leaning against the glass and staring at the world outside, she tried to home in with the gentleness of the night, doing her best to bring its calmness into her mind.

But no matter how hard she tried, the stillness of the night could night fight off the turbulence in her head. As if there was a raging storm within her, she felt a clash of emotion and memories rake her head, as she was helpless to stop them.

The nightmares were coming back and they were getting worst. Each new nightmare brought more pain, as the memories were shoved and forced at her, giving her no time to prepare. Memories she would be happy to forget and never remember again always remerged during her nightmares and she cursed her mind for doing such things while she was trying to get sleep.

Stressing her and slowly breaking her down, these nightmares never seemed to cease. She wished that she could have simply ignored these nightmares and move on with it, but the nightmares she received always kept her thinking.

It could be minutes or it could be hours, no matter how long it was, she always sat at one corner and contemplated the nightmares she received. Some the nightmare were just too realistic and with most of them being memories of the terrible times in the past, then it felt as if she was reliving things which she wish she never had to experience.

Memories like the war, her friends, and how they died, these seemed to always be the focus of her nightmares as they kept laughing her dreams. For once, she wished that she had a pleasant dream or no dream at all, but such a thing never seemed to happen as she was forced to receive these terrible mind tortures.

Despite being provided medicine that ensured a dreamless sleep, she found that none of them worked for her. In fact, it seemed that none of the medicine given to her worked, as they failed to give her the relief and stress free experience they promised.

Cursing the doctors who gave her all the pills, she looked up at the sky and see nothing but the open night sky that was illuminated by the full moon. Knowing that she wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight, she moved a hoof to open the wide window and extended her wings.

Although the medicine she was given didn’t help her nightmares, she at least knew something that would temporarily help her forget about them.

So with a powerful push and a great flap of both wings, she hurtled herself out and up into the night sky, heading off to wherever her wings would bring her. Despite having one mechanical wing, the metal and machinery that made it work and kept her flying felt as a part of her as her remaining biological wing.

The mechanics sure did a good job to make it feel real. She thought to herself as she moved to gain altitude. Then again, they were unicorns and they probably used some kind of magical spell to make it feel real.

After gaining a decent height and still seeing not a single cloud nearby, Rainbow Dash began banking to the right before going into a steep dive that head straight for the ground below her. Looking straight down, she could see that ground fast approaching as the world below drew nearer and nearer.

At one point in this fast dive, she felt the urge to just fold her wings and let gravity pull her down to her death. Why pull up, when staying in this course would lead her back to her friends. Just like Sky Storm, she could end her troubles now and be gone from this world of pain and misery.

But the usual voice on her head told her not to do it, reminding her that she wasn’t worthy of an easy death and that she must suffer the pain of her failure.

So, instead of keeping a straight course for the ground, she pulled up, missing the ground by a couple of feet, Soon, she was soaring up in the air again, flapping her wings to give her more speed to boost her up.

Frustrated that she was ruining her plans for a relaxing flight by stressing over her problems, she decided to just concentrate on flying by doing aerial maneuvers. Hopefully, with her head too bust calculating the proper angles and speed she needed to do the maneuvers, the thoughts of memories and nightmares would just go away.

In the air, she did all the maneuvers she knew, from simple banks to the left and right, to elaborate loops and dives. Anything that she could do to get her mind off of her troubles, she did them, and she did them with grace and style.

Having the wind under her wings and the air blow through her face as she flew fast and moved through the air soon managed to relax her. After the first few moves, the thought of any past memories were gone from her head, as she challenge herself to perform more and more maneuvers.

Once in the air, she was in her element, and she knew that she was at her best here. She can be as free as she can be up in the air and she can move up there with grace and prowess. Letting out a small grin as she stabilized from her most recent loop, she wondered if she should just request a transfer apply for the Wonderbolts. She knew she was good at flying and she was confident that she can pass any test the flying time can give her. Besides, with the war over and the aerobatic team reorganizing themselves, they can surely need an experienced flyer like her.

But a frown soon formed on her faced as she thought more about this.

Once this war is over, I’m sending an application for the Wonderbolts!

Lightning Dust’s voice echoed inside her head, as she remembered those words. She planned on being a Wonderbolt… Rainbow Dash thought to herself.

Then, turning her head towards her side, she imagined the ghostly image of Lightning Dust flying beside her, the teal pegasus grinning at her as she flew in this imaginary formation. Suddenly, her head added two more ghostly figures beside her, Thunderlane and Cloud Chaser, so that the four of them flew in formation as if it were the old days.

Feeling no more appetite for flying as a feeling off depressing hit her, Rainbow Dash began descending from the skies, allowing the ghostly images behind her to stay up there until they disappeared. Making a slow glide to the ground, she soon set foot on the dirt, leaving out a long sigh as she did.

Flying was supposed to be the only way she can forget the hurt, but now, it was going to be something that would remind her of the pains. Another thing that I love gone… She thought mournfully.

Looking around to where she was, she saw that she managed to land herself at Ponyville’s central park. With it being the middle of the night, the park seemed to be empty, with nothing but distant fireflies flying around and occupying the area.

Seeing that he could do nothing here and that there was no point staying, Rainbow Dash decided that it was time to go back home and try to get some rest. She had been out flying for at least an hour and maybe the exhausting maneuvers she did were enough to tire her out so that once back home, she would just plot herself on the bed and fall asleep.

But just as she was about to follow the path that led towards her tree home, Rainbow Dash noticed that just by a nearby bench, a young orange filly was silently watching her. Turning her head towards that direction, Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow.

“Scootaloo?”

“Oh, uh hi there, Major Rainbow Dash.” Scotaloo said, seeing that she was now in the mare’s attention.

“Please, just call me Rainbow Dash.” She said, as she approached the filly. “Anyways, what are you doing out here in the middle of the night?”

Studying the young pegasus, Rainbow Dash noticed that the fur by her cheeks were quite damp and that her eyes were red and sore from what seemed like constant crying. This gave her a small idea on what she was doing here and a pang of sympathy surged through her.

“Oh, you know, just trying to be alone…” She said, in a tone that was painted in sadness. “I’ve been having a hard time getting sleep, it’s been like that since…” A quick sniffle. “…since dad passed away. I never usually stay here past my bedtime, but ever since the funeral this morning, everything seems like it’s just falling apart, so I decided stay here a little longer.”

Staring at the filly, Rainbow Dash could that she had already broken down and was now starting to cry uncontrollably. Deciding to do something, she sat beside her on the bench and placed a comforting wing on her back.

“Just let it out, just let it all out…” Rainbow Dash told her, knowing that if you cry enough, then soon there would be nothing left to cry. So for now, she let the filly cry as much as she needed, comforting her once in a while till the filly had calmed down.

“You know, I saw you fly up there earlier…” Scootaloo said. “It was amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it before.” Despite the sniffles and the tears still streaming from her eyes, it was obvious that Scotaloo could not hide the excitement in her voice as she spoke.

But then her voice changed to full sadness once more, as she looked down onto the ground. “I wish I could fly too… It would be a great stress relief to all this emotion overload I’m feeling right now…”

“Wait, can’t you fly?” Rainbow Dash asked, not meaning it to be as insulting as it sounded.

“Well, it's not that I can’t fly…” Scootaloo said hesitantly. “…it’s just that I don’t know how to fly. You see, mom is always too busy with work and has no time to teach me on how to fly. Dad promised to teach me once he returned from the war but… like I said before he never really was himself when he returned, and then he was sent off to the hospital before…you know…”

“Ah, I see.” Rainbow Dash said, placing a hoof on the young pegasus shoulder in an effort to comfort her once more. “Well, you know, I can help you and teach you how to fly.”

“Wait, really?” Scootaloo said, her head swiveling to face Rainbow Dash as she tried to figure out if she was kidding or not.

Seeing that this could be a good destruction for Scootloo, and maybe for herself also, Rainbow Dash nodded her head. A distraction to our troubles would do both of us some good. She thought. Concentrating on flying lessons would probably help Scootaloo find less time to be depressed, and that would be a great benefit for her. Meanwhile, focusing on teaching the filly would at least momentarily take Rainbow Dash’s thoughts away from the plaguing horrors of her memories and reduce the stress she always felt.

“Thank you!” Scootaloo said, moving up so that she could wrap her fore hooves around Rainbow Dash, as she tried to do a tight hug. “You don’t know how much this means to me. To be thought by a pony as great as you. This is probably the only good news I’ve had this week.”

“Oh, it’s nothing kid.” Rainbow Dash said, returning the hug by wrapping gentle hooves around her. “Now, let’s get you back home. Your mother is probably worried about you by now.”

Author's Note:

Hey, did you know that Twilight actually appeared earlier in this story? Although, she was never mentioned by name. :P

Comments

[Boop-Happy Lass]

Hey, did you know that Twilight actually appeared earlier in this story? Although, she was never mentioned by name. :P

Wait, really?! *Rereads the story.*

[Teal]

7851059 Its a very subtle appearance, but its there.

[Boop-Happy Lass]

7851629 Oh... I see where it is.

[Teal]

7851637

[The Bricklayer]

And so the sisterly relationship between the two deepens just a little. Rainbow may not admit it, but she's still got a heart underneath that cold exterior as these last few chapters have shown.