Fluttershy finds herself in a strange, but enjoyable situation when Rainbow Dash comes over... And she discovers some new feelings for her former best friend.
This premise never get old, really. And you're doing a decent job with it. Keep going, for the love of mercy. My only complaint is that Rainbow Dash didn't stay
I've got a question for the readers of Rainbow x Fluttershy How should Chapter 2 play out? Sexual or just stick with Romantic?
Like, obviously I'm going to have to make it sexual at some point since I left it at "I'm saving that for next time" but how should Chapter 2 play out?
It's cute, but I have a few tips as you go on for further chapters
1. You're using too many ellipsis. You can slow down the pacing of your story and infer pauses through words and descriptions, not ellipsis. It immerses the reader more. 2. Subtlety is your best friend. And this piece doesn't have too much. You can never have enough explaining of facial expressions. Lip Quivers. Eye movements. Eye movement. You had some tail and hip action, but I think you could show more of what their feeling rather than telling it through dialogue. 3. Your descriptions aren't very poetic. Consider trying using metaphors or similes to talk about -how- they moved. How they reacted. How they held hooves. etcetc.
There wasn't much build up or previous interaction between the characters before they dived into the deep end of lovey-dovey, but as far as a shipping piece goes, it's happy to see you put some love into it.
It's apparent that this is one of your first few pieces, and that's more than fine. I'm happy to see you're giving it some serious effort. Give it time and see if you can get a critiquer or editor to really look over your work. I'm sure they'll have even more in depth criticism than I have.
This premise never get old, really. And you're doing a decent job with it. Keep going, for the love of mercy. My only complaint is that Rainbow Dash didn't stay
7335638 Thank you so much! I really appreciate the "Favourite Readings" !
7336229 Hehe, thank you ^-^ Don't worry though, there's more to come.
7336688 Writing Chapter 2 right now.
I started working on it a few hours back but I had to go out with family, sorry for delay
I've got a question for the readers of Rainbow x Fluttershy
How should Chapter 2 play out? Sexual or just stick with Romantic?
Like, obviously I'm going to have to make it sexual at some point since I left it at "I'm saving that for next time" but how should Chapter 2 play out?
It's cute, but I have a few tips as you go on for further chapters
1. You're using too many ellipsis. You can slow down the pacing of your story and infer pauses through words and descriptions, not ellipsis. It immerses the reader more.
2. Subtlety is your best friend. And this piece doesn't have too much. You can never have enough explaining of facial expressions. Lip Quivers. Eye movements. Eye movement. You had some tail and hip action, but I think you could show more of what their feeling rather than telling it through dialogue.
3. Your descriptions aren't very poetic. Consider trying using metaphors or similes to talk about -how- they moved. How they reacted. How they held hooves. etcetc.
There wasn't much build up or previous interaction between the characters before they dived into the deep end of lovey-dovey, but as far as a shipping piece goes, it's happy to see you put some love into it.
It's apparent that this is one of your first few pieces, and that's more than fine. I'm happy to see you're giving it some serious effort. Give it time and see if you can get a critiquer or editor to really look over your work. I'm sure they'll have even more in depth criticism than I have.