Beesechurger
Joined 19th Jun, 2016 ·
Offline
Stats
Page generated in 0.13 seconds
Total duration
651 users online
962,252 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This premise never get old, really. And you're doing a decent job with it. Keep going, for the love of mercy. My only complaint is that Rainbow Dash didn't stay
7335638 Thank you so much! I really appreciate the "Favourite Readings" !
7336229 Hehe, thank you ^-^ Don't worry though, there's more to come.
7336688 Writing Chapter 2 right now.
I started working on it a few hours back but I had to go out with family, sorry for delay
I've got a question for the readers of Rainbow x Fluttershy
How should Chapter 2 play out? Sexual or just stick with Romantic?
Like, obviously I'm going to have to make it sexual at some point since I left it at "I'm saving that for next time" but how should Chapter 2 play out?
7337524 Sooo, you liked it?
(\
7337565 Hehehe
I'm going to be making a Chapter 3, just might not be so quick to come out as I'm going through a bit of an emotional time right now.
But depending on the reaction I get from Chapter 3, I'll make a chapter 4, maximum would be up to Chapter 8 though.
7337582 Thank you for being so understanding <3
7337614 Anyway, I've gotta go.
Thank you for your kind words!
7337614 I hope you're enjoying reading the series as much as I am writing it!
It's cute, but I have a few tips as you go on for further chapters
1. You're using too many ellipsis. You can slow down the pacing of your story and infer pauses through words and descriptions, not ellipsis. It immerses the reader more.
2. Subtlety is your best friend. And this piece doesn't have too much. You can never have enough explaining of facial expressions. Lip Quivers. Eye movements. Eye movement. You had some tail and hip action, but I think you could show more of what their feeling rather than telling it through dialogue.
3. Your descriptions aren't very poetic. Consider trying using metaphors or similes to talk about -how- they moved. How they reacted. How they held hooves. etcetc.
There wasn't much build up or previous interaction between the characters before they dived into the deep end of lovey-dovey, but as far as a shipping piece goes, it's happy to see you put some love into it.
It's apparent that this is one of your first few pieces, and that's more than fine. I'm happy to see you're giving it some serious effort. Give it time and see if you can get a critiquer or editor to really look over your work. I'm sure they'll have even more in depth criticism than I have.
Yknow you won't that author's note twice...right
BTW great story
7356869 Yeah, I thought most people don't read authors notes so I just put it in the actual story to make it easier to read (Also I'm working on Chapter 4 again now, nearly at the end)
7357375 Haha, I'm British sooooo I can't either
Thank you for the kind words though!
7357379 I noticed an error in Chapter 4
"She slammed a handful on bits down onto the table, mumbling something inaudible, she was drunk."
I've fixed it, hehe.
7357386 BRB, sorry
I'll be 10 minutes or so.
7357392 I'm back
7357410 I'll start an Eeyup war with you
7357419 Let's do this then
7357430 Oh ;-;
7357441 http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Mother+of+god&view=detailv2&&id=9CBAC7BDF7BE9703F25243ECCC181036AEEA9F4E&selectedIndex=12&ccid=hiDCrmFM&simid=608011149319406072&thid=OIP.M8620c2ae614c17b639031995f6636266o0
7357485 Sorry I wasn't able to reply sooner, I wasn't on my laptop (I was watching Family Guy, hehe)
7360082 Bah-Bah-Bah-Bird, Bird, Bah-Bird's the word!
Such a catchy song.
This gives me mixed feelings. The sex almost seemed forced on Fluttershy
7400766 that was the aim, partially, I've got something planned but I need a better laptop to do so, so stories will have to wait for now.
7346606 I don't think I ever actually replied to you - So I just wanted to say thank you for actually taking the time to read it c: