It has what I assume to be VinylTavia so I'll take that thumbs up away.
In all seriousness, you need help on this badly. Work on coherency and... English in general. You've got dialogue pretty okay, but sitting down and thinking about the five senses will get you far. I liked the pun for the title though.
Spell check everything before you post. If the little red marks come up, re-read the sentence and word very carefully before you post. When reading a story description causes me mental anguish, you have failed in your editing.
I came here because of the general wow factor I just experienced.
No, seriously. I saw the 'scrip and I was like, 'what the fuck is that?'
Just from that, I can tell that reading this will be painful.
So!... Author, I am a hardcore Grammar Nazi (Heil Grammatik) And I am here to fix your fuckedupness. If you have an editor, fire them. You now have an Editor.
Cower and tremble, brief mortals, for thou hast trespass'd upon the sanctum of thy Destroyer, and the Destroyer wishes to feast upon thy horsewords' flesh.
hears a tip if you come straight out being an ass like artl you get blocked im not perfict my editors not perfict but at the moment we are the only ones who and invested in this story so yea there will be mistakes but we are human so deal with it. i dont mind the criticism i got from punished and devdack in fact im encouraging it, so ye just a warning.
It has Octavia so I guess you get a thumbs up.
It has what I assume to be VinylTavia so I'll take that thumbs up away.
In all seriousness, you need help on this badly. Work on coherency and... English in general. You've got dialogue pretty okay, but sitting down and thinking about the five senses will get you far. I liked the pun for the title though.
I'm going to be as nice as possible.
Spell check everything before you post. If the little red marks come up, re-read the sentence and word very carefully before you post. When reading a story description causes me mental anguish, you have failed in your editing.
7178826 ok thank you for that will do
7178821 thank you but y the thumbs down for vinyl tavi
7179566 It is not my favorite.
I came here because of the general wow factor I just experienced.
No, seriously. I saw the 'scrip and I was like, 'what the fuck is that?'
Just from that, I can tell that reading this will be painful.
So!... Author, I am a hardcore Grammar Nazi (Heil Grammatik) And I am here to fix your fuckedupness. If you have an editor, fire them. You now have an Editor.
Cower and tremble, brief mortals, for thou hast trespass'd upon the sanctum of thy Destroyer, and the Destroyer wishes to feast upon thy horsewords' flesh.
7179721 OK understandable well at least your giving me something i can work to instead of being an ass like artl
hears a tip if you come straight out being an ass like artl you get blocked im not perfict my editors not perfict but at the moment we are the only ones who and invested in this story so yea there will be mistakes but we are human so deal with it. i dont mind the criticism i got from punished and devdack in fact im encouraging it, so ye just a warning.
7183209 thats what inspired it