Cadence's eyes opened and closed and eventually opened fully, finally a huge open space with shiny surfaces that looked as if they were mirrors came into view.
"Hello?" Cadence flapped her wings which were useless and covered in dirt.
She tried to activate her magic but failed, all that came out was a little blue spark. "How long have I been down here?" thought Cadence.
Just then a identical Cadence was on a stone.
"Hello, Welcome to the Canterlot Gem Caves I have you imprisoned here because well, im a Changeling queen to be exact, and im going to feed of all your love for your little Shining Armor, is it?" "I can't possibly let you die or else I cant feed off your love for him." "So I will be sending down food to keep you alive and when the deed is done I will kill you, so here is your food and please enjoy your stay."
"Wait! You Monster!" But the identical had left the stone.
Cadence began to sob, "What will happen to Shining?" Why Me?" Cadence thought to herself.
Just then a tiny blue tray with a piece of crusty bread and a glass of water with a note.
A meal fit for royalty. Signed Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.
Cadence laid down and sobbed for hours it seemed but then she realized that there was still hope Princess Celestia had always said
When the evil is rising, good will happen.
She was never wrong. thought Cadence.
"Best dinner, Best sunset." " And Mom, best moon, But was imprisoned and now i feel her pain. I may have been with my niece for 1000 years but Moms here with me now and always will be she wasnt this weak I Bet, I must stay strong!"
Please tell me how you like it! All criticism is allowed and this is my first fic.
I think its pretty good, I've read fanfics about MLP quite alot and I just started writing them too! Good Luck I hope this one turns out well!
757503 Thanks I will read your fics too!
Hope they turn out well
I've send you a google doc where I went through some of the problems in your fic. There are a lot of them. You need to read up on the correct use of punctuation and capital letters right away; it is clear you have no grasp on those right now. Make sure to also check into the use of punctuation in dialogue, as you are likewise lacking in this regard.
I can't say much good about the style either, it's incredibly dull, annoying to read due to run-on sentences and lots of repetition... Please excuse me if I'm wrong, but I think you're either young, or pretty new to the English language. Your first priority now should be to learn the rules, because right now you're not able to go even one sentence without a mistake, and it truly cramps your style.
The story line isn't exciting or original either, which is good because honestly, you need practice now, and it'd be a shame to waste a good idea by going at it with your current quality of writing.
This may all sound very negative, but I am doing this for your good: this is what you need to hear to get better. If nobody tells you this, you'll just stay at your current level. Don't despair, we all suck at writing stories at first. What is important is not how many mistakes you made this time, but how many of those mistakes you DON'T make next time. And the time after that. And the time after that. Eventually you'll work your way up there with the best, but it will take a lot of time and effort. Years, probably. I roleplayed and wrote small stories ages before I even thought of submitting anything to anywhere, and even then I wasn't perfect.
Buck, even NOW I'm far from perfect!
Don't lose hope, and keep practising.
757659 Thanks