Regret
I smiled at Adagio as she sat in the little, empty room she called an office. She worked tirelessly nowadays, always researching a way to harvest some sort of magic, any kind of magic so we could sustain ourselves. But she won't find a way. Both me and Aria know that, I'm sure even Adagio knows it herself, deep down. But I tried to keep things cheerful. I would bring her whatever bits of food I could find, even if it did nothing for any of us. I would help Aria around, her using a large portion of her magic in a previous attempt to find a new source of magic, she was now the weakest of us all.
But we rarely spoke with each other anymore, Adagio's excuse was, "a waste of energy". But I knew she was just sad. Very, sad and disappointed. She blamed herself for this, I knew she couldn't blame us. Or at least Aria. They could both blame me sometimes, but that's okay. I knew I deserved it.
With Aria tucked in in her room and Adagio fed and watered, I sighed as I sat down and began my letter, my tiny hands shaking as I tried to write neatly.
Dear Adagio and Aria,
Ever since we became sirens, I've never had a choice. Because, unlike you two, I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to be lustful for power and greedy. I didn't want to ruin lives and relationships; to feed off of everything I hate in the world. All my life it seems, everyone has been ordering me around, telling me I'm stupid, telling me what to do—even if I hate doing it. Even if doing it just breaks my heart.
I know you two are looking for a way to get that back, but ever since our medallions broke I've been able to think clearly again. I've been able to make my own choice.
I realize that without our medallions we can't eat or sustain ourselves. I'm not the idiot you think I—Well I am, but I'm not that stupid. My choice is selfish and I know I'm going to hurt you both, or at least some part of me hopes it will hurt you at least a little. Not because I hate you! Because I love both of you and... Sometimes I'm not sure you two do. Sometimes it feels like you both hate me; that you think I'm a waste of time and air. So... Deep in my heart, I want this to hurt you, just so if I ever find out, I'll know you two truly did care about me. And I'm so, so sorry if it does hurt. That isn't what I want.
What I want: Is the ability to live without hurting others. I hate hurting people and ponies so much I can't even tell you. I can't even imagine putting that into words. But I can't ever have that, so I'm making a different choice for roughly the same outcome.
Goodbye, I love you both so much, please forgive me.
~Sonata
«♦»
My breath was broken and ragged as I slid down the wall, everything—including my blurred, teary vision—shaking. Oh god I'm so hungry. My stomach felt like someone had been stomping on it, it took all I had not to just curl up and clutch it in agony. But I had to do this, while I had the chance. I couldn't go on hurting people anymore, I just couldn't take it now that I could decide; now that the medallion wasn't tainting my view of the world.
I winced as I brought up the cold, grey pistol. In my weakened grasp, I could barely hold it without it tumbling through my frail, bony fingers. "Oh god..." I muttered under my breath. "Oh god, oh god oh god..." I started to chant it as I thought more and more about what I was about to do. My every instinct was pleading; begging me not to. But I couldn't stop, I couldn't live like this anymore. My time had come and gone a long, long time ago. "Everyone has their time..."
"Sonata!" I flinched, my eyes closing as I heard Adagio slamming against the locked door. I had hoped I could be done before they found the letter. "Sonata stop it! Don't do what I think you're going to!"
"Yeah! Don't be an idiot! We do love you, we do care about you! Please!" Aria joined in. They were making this so much harder.
"Adagio, Aria..." My voice threatened to break into a sob as I leaned further into the corner. "I have to do this. I'm sorry, but I have to!"
"No you don't!" Adagio bangs against the door with her fragile hands again, small and tiny sounds compared to what she wants I imagine. "Please, we'll find another way!"
As I heard them fumbling with keys against the handle I lifted the pistol back up, checking that the safety is off. "I'm sorry..."
The door flew open as I brought the gun to my temple and closed my eyes. "No!" I pulled the trigger.
Click!
My breathes grew deeper as I inched my eye open, bringing the gun around to view. It had jammed. I shifted my gaze to Adagio and Aria, staring in just as much shock as me, then shifted it back to the gun as I reached and yanked the slide back. "Not again!" Adagio ran over, Aria stumbling over into the floor as our sister tried to yank the loaded gun from my hands.
"No! You won't do this to me, you won't take away my choice! No!" I squeezed my eyes shut, pulling with every ounce of energy I had left and pulling the trigger.
The sound of a gun being fired inches from your ear is literally deafening. I could only hear ringing as I opened my eyes and looked down at my lap in another bout of shock. I had no idea where the gun was anymore, no idea where I was anymore. It felt like I'd awoken into a world of dark silence.
"Adagio!"
I blinked and blinked as my vision slowly returned, the blinding flash from the muzzle temporarily blinding me in the already dark room. As tid bits of my hearing returned I heard sobbing. "Aria?" Even my own voice was tinier and meeker than usual. As my vision returned however, my shock and confused twisted and morphed into horror. "Adagio!" Everything was shoved into crystal clarity as I dragged myself across the now very wet and sticky floor to her.
Drip... Drip... ...Drip...
Every little noise, every breath; even my own heart beat thumped loudly in my ears as I pulled myself to her. "This isn't fair!" I shouted as I grabbed her still form and pulled myself onto her sobbing loudly as my warm tears mixed with the searing, sticky fluids dripping from her. "It was supposed to be me! Don't do this to me!" I screamed as I pressed my face into the crook of her mangled neck in a completely different kind of agony than I was in before. This hurt all the more worse than I ever could have imagined.
"I'm sorry...!"
«♦»
“ 'If only.' Those must be the two saddest words in the world. ”
― Mercedes Lackey
Written due to writers block with my other story Letters. I couldn't really get into the mood of the story because I've been spending so much time on a comedy, so I thought I'd write something sad to balance things out.
...
Okay it makes sense in my head at least.
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7051270 But there was zero suicide in this fic. But I mainly just wrote it to kill writers block over the course of an hour and figured I'd post it.
I'm seriously expecting the worse.
7051288 Hm... Alright. Revoking submission. I'll see what I can do.
7051320 Oops... I'm a spontaneous and drastic fellow who takes criticism to heart! If somethings bad, my first thought it to burn it and make it better without any hesitation, then feel horrible about it later!
7051288 Better ish? I'm not sure by what you really meant by building it up.
7051367 Well they're on Earth. I don't believe in god, but still use the phrase "oh god" because of what it means and is used for. I suspect that over all that time the terminology would seep into their words.
But the whole point of this was trying to get more into the mindset for a different fic. I just couldn't get into the right mindset for it, and wrote this as an attempt to get into it. Figured I'd publish it but now I wish I'd never even started writing today.
Gah, this entire thing has been a roller coaster, curse my inability to make a bloody decision!
7051379 Isn't Equestria Girls earth just a Earth? I always saw it as such so...
7051392 I dunno, maybe a slightly different Earth? Okay, well you got me there. I've never really given it much more thought than, "Oh well they seem to have all of Equestria in two high schools, so I guess the rest of the state/province is just their planet? The rest of that must be actual Earth."
7051423 Hm. I suppose that's a difference in opinions though, not an actual issue with the story.
Can we get alternate endings? 1 with Sonata the one dead and another with Aria dead?
7051529 You can if you write it! If you want to copy the rest and just rewrite the end, I wouldn't mind posting it on here after editing it, but that's entirely on you.
7051540 Maybe.
7051584
Spike: The true best kisser in Equestria, approves of this comment.
7051574 But I'm not a writer though
7051620 Anyone who can read a story and understand it can be a writer. Anyone who ever thought, "I wish this had happened instead" is writing a small story in their brain, all you have to do is put it on (metaphorical) paper. All it takes is that one first step. Always listen to critiques if they're actual critiques, never fall victim to flames or utter hatred. To write is to give the world a piece of yourself, and like any other thing in the world, it will hurt most of the time. But when it doesn't, it's beautiful.
Beyond anything of what I just said, to be a writer you just write. If you ever pause it loses it's luster and you have to find it again. It's not a very easy thing, but it builds and displays amazing things when done correctly. Please, if you at least try to write one of the scenarios, I'll personally write my own version of the one you pick and post both on here, or you can post yours on your account. Please, just try.
7051628 I'll try but the hardest part for me is how to put an idea together(Exhibit A: Rewriting code more then once before getting other code started).
7051663 Just try your hardest, okay? I believe in you.
Woah. I see what you mean. Holy crow.
Fantastic work, seriously. Man, I think it's even more heartwrenching than mine, dang...
7276747 Nah. Yours is better.
7276753
Nah. Yours adds in the element of accidentally killing someone else that you loved instead of yourself... That's more heartwrenching.
7276762 I suppose... But I still really liked yours.