Cupid Discord

by NintendoGal55

Arrows Left and Right

Discord jumped with fear as he shot the arrow straight into the roof. He almost fell over as he spun around in shock to see none other than the Princess of the Sun herself, “Tia?! What are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you the same thing, Discord,” Celestia crossed her arms, “What in the world is going on here?”

Twilight turned from the wall, “Princess Celestia! Look, it’s just… we’re trying to conduct an experiment.”

“Yeah, it only looks and sounds like a willing suicide slash homicide,” Discord defended before catching on to the oddity of his own words, “... What I meant to say was ‘Hi, I’m training to be the new Cupid!’ So, how are you?”

“What?! The new Cupid?” Celestia looked at him oddly, before narrowing her eyes slightly, “Oh, I see what you’re doing… It’s no wonder you completely stood me up!”

“You stood her up?!” Spike exclaimed with shock.

“I stood you up?!” Discord mimicked with confusion, blinking a few times, “Uh, how and when did I do that?”

“That’s what I’d like to know,” Twilight looked between the two.

Celestia sighed, looking a mix of hurt and angry, “Two nights ago. You said you would come to see me after I set the sun. You never showed up. You didn’t even contact me with a reason why not. And you didn’t contact me anytime afterward. I… know you’re unpredictable, but I never expected you to actually stand me up.”

“Celestia, I said I might, as in, if I have time,” Discord said blandly, “I don’t recall making any promises, but okay… I’m sorry for forgetting to tell you that I found my life calling recently and have been pursuing it for the past few days and have sent away for Cadance to verify me as Cupid so I might be able to help everyone with my magical shafts and chaotic love. Again, sorry I didn’t call.”

“What?” Celestia uttered, a mix of annoyed and confused.

“What he means is,” Spike said, stepping in between the two, “he’s trying to be Cupid because it worked with Fluttershy and he gets to do something good with his magic!”

“Yep!” Discord grinned at her with glee, “I’m so good at it, everyone’s been so supportive of my new day job! And to think, I could have been doing this years ago!”

Once more, Celestia’s countenance was a mix of emotions for a few seconds. She then shook her head, “This is unbelievable. I cannot even fathom you right now. You’re even bringing my niece into this! She would never authorize such a thing right on the spot. Not without the proper training! I can’t believe you’re doing this. And I certainly can’t believe you’re now bringing Twilight into this! What were you thinking?”

“Ouch, that’s harsh,” Discord cringed a little, “But I’ve wondered how she was niece in the first place. Is she like the daughter of your second cousin’s uncle twice removed or no? Because that would make perfect sense if you ask me. Besides, you don’t know if she gave me the title or not! I’ll have you know that she and I are on very good terms as of lately. So, it could happen! I mean, you could show a bit more support with my life choices...”

“I would, if you weren’t making insane choices and overplaying it.” Celestia said sternly, stepping toward him, “You think this is some kind of game? The role of Cupid is not something you can take lightly. You may have had one success, but there’s much more ground for you to cover. I would be supportive if I knew you were taking it seriously and weren’t throwing it out of proportion.”

Discord smiled a bit at her, trying to lighten the mood, “Tia, if I was treating this like a game, we’d be at my house playing D and D on a huge board, throwing dice around like there’s no tomorrow. I’m taking this pretty serious for me! I’ve been practicing shooting, watching ponies interact, and heck, I’m even willing to go all out for this. This is kinda my serious tone, y’know? But come on, if I didn’t have any fun with this, I wouldn’t want to do it in the first place!”

Celestia stepped forward again, “I’m unhappy with you right now, and I would rather discuss this under better circumstances. Aside from that, hand over those arrows. Until you have proper authorization to use them, I can’t have you shooting my subjects with them.”

“Oh, okay. I guess I’ll have to- WHAT!?” Discord shouted at lung top so loud, it was almost at the point it could have echoed throughout the entire castle, “You- I- these- NO! These are my creation, intellectual property of Discord, damn it! I made these with my blood, sweat, tears, love, and magic! You have no right to take ‘em from me!”

“That wasn’t a request. I’m confiscating them until further notice!” Celestia stated sternly.

Discord shook his head, “No way, Sunbutt! These are mine!”

“Give them to me this instant!” Celestia used her magic to remove the quiver from his back, and took hold of it.

Spike nudged Twilight lightly, “Where’s the popcorn?”

“Spike, this isn’t the time!” Twilight scolded him.

“No way in this lifetime, Tia!” Discord shot back, grabbing at the bottom of the quiver, “These are mine and mine alone! I worked really hard creating them and I’ve been doing a great job! You’re not taking this away from me!”

“You’re still unauthorized to pull off such work!” Celestia grabbed the top of the quiver tighter, tugging it toward herself, “Unhand them at once!”

“Over my undead body!” Discord retorted with almost a bark, “This is theft! You’re stealing from me!”

“I am doing no such thing! You’re essentially performing illegal work!” Celestia snarled. “Give it to me!”

Discord pulled back even more on the quiver, “But I made them! You can’t possibly take this from me!”

“I’m aware of that!” Celestia tugged it back, “But I am still confiscating them until you’re authorized!”

“You can’t do that! That’s like me taking your crown! It’s not cool!” Discord pulled back yet again trying to reclaim it.

“And now you’re just being petulant!” Celestia pulled it back to herself, “Do you have any other unauthorized items I should know about?!”

“I have a snake in my pants, but I don’t see why that’s any of your business!” Discord shot back, “And don’t get me started on the rubber chicken!”

“Let go!” Celestia yelled, “You’re trying my patience!”

Discord shook his head, “And you think you’re not trying mine?! YOU let go!”

“You let go this instant!” Celestia bit back, “I’m warning you!”

Spike’s eyes went wide, his nose wrinkling. He scooted over to Twilight, shivering slightly, “Oh boy, this is intense…”

"I know..." Twilight mumbled.

“Make me, you insane pony of the Sun!” Discord called back, tugging on it back as hard as he could.

“Name-calling?!” Celestia snarled, tugging harder. This only succeeded in bringing them closer, “How mature of you! You’re not getting away with this!”

“YOU’RE the one trying to steal my stuff! I’ll take you to court!” Discord called back with his tone raising.

“And you’re the one trying to be Cupid behind my back!” Celestia yelled back.

“How is this behind your back?!” Discord complained with a shocked expression, “You’re being crazy!”

“Did you even think to wait until you were authorized before starting your work?” Celestia shot back.

With a snarl, Discord gave another tug, “Why are you being such a brat!?”

“Look who’s talking!” Celestia snarled, tugging it back as well.

Spike nudged Twilight, whispering, “Is this the part where they have a stare off and then make out furiously?”

“No,” Twilight shook her head, “... It’s usually either sooner in most stories I’ve read or it takes a lot of build up.”

“Let- GO!” Discord gave one last shout as he tried one last powerful pull, but completely lost his grip as the tumbled onto his his back as the Celestia had seemingly won their game of tug-of-war… only to have the entirety of the quiver and it’s arrows be dumped on her as she tried to keep her footing and failed at it.

“Princess!” Twilight cried in surprise, running toward her, but Spike held her back.

The Princess stumbled back a little as some of the arrows tapped and poked her several times the content of the quiver was completely empty. Her hands even slipped as she left go of the very item she had been fighting over.

“O-Oh… my…” Celestia grabbed hold of a nearby bookshelf, trying to steady herself. She looked down to see that some of the arrows were stuck to her arms. With a light sigh, she extracted them.

Rubbing his head, Discord finally noticed what happened and somewhat to the surprise of the others, he got up rather quickly and started to brush some of the arrows away, “Shoot! Tia, are you all right? You should have just let me keep my stuff… Are you still with us? Please don’t pass out. How the heck am I supposed to apologize to you if you fall asleep?!”

“I’m all right,” Celestia’s voice was calm, a lot less terse than earlier, “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“But you just got poked by shafts multiple times here! Are you sure you’re okay?” Discord said back to her very worried tone, “I mean, I don’t even know if you’d be immune to this stuff.”

“I’m sure!” Celestia nodded, taking a few deep breaths, “I didn’t think I was immune. But whatever the effects, I’ll take care of them and without exposing it to anyone else. Now, I’d better go back to the castle!" Her voice was becoming slightly less of a soothing lilt and more gleeful. "I suppose I was far too driven by my emotional responses, and I’m sorry for that! To all of you. But, once we’ve calmed down, I’m sure we’ll be able to discuss all of this further.” She then gave a bright smile, bringing her arms behind her back.

“Uh… So, you’re just gonna leave?” Discord blinked a few times, a wave of shock came over him, “Wow, I uh… Great, now I feel bad.”

“I’ll see you later!” Celestia headed to the door, “And please don’t use your arrows until further notice? I'd appreciate that a lot!”

Without another word, she left the room, presumably teleporting from the castle. Spike and Twilight then turned to Discord again, both of them unsure of what to say.

“And why, pray tell, do you feel bad, now?” Twilight finally asked, raising an eyebrow, “You seemed perfectly content with antagonizing her.”

“Why does everyone think that?” Discord looked back to Twilight oddly, “Tia’s a sweet girl and I really don’t mind her company. She’s just so hard headed when she thinks she’s right and is actually wrong… for once. I didn’t mean for her to get all that stuff dumped on her, I just wanted to keep my stuff! Why is it you ponies always try to villainize anyone who’s not a pony?”

“That’s not what I’m doing and you know it,” Twilight said firmly, “Look, even I’ll admit she was out of line. But she seemed really stressed and frustrated. Sometimes we all lash out because of it. As for the arrows business, she was right to put in the reigns, but maybe not to take them from you.”

“But that’s… stupid,” Discord said bluntly, “She’s the princess and as such, she’s gotta be more in control of herself! Not only that, but if she was wrong, she should have just left it be! And I can be doing this because I’m not hurting anyone. There’s no lethal effects of this.”

“Still,” Twilight held her hands up, “rules are rules, that’s all. If you want to keep doing this, you just have to… go through the channels. I-oh! I forgot about Pinkie! I have to go check on her! Spike, we should get some food to her right away!”

“But what about me?!” Discord shouted at the two, “I’m having an issue here.”

Spike just backed away, “I’ll go make Pinkie some food, you stay here, Twilight! You can check on her later!” He then left the room.

Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed, “Okay, all right. What is it that you need?”

Discord blinked a few times in surprise, “Oh. Wow… I wasn’t sure you’d actually consider listening to me. Uh, I don’t know, really. I guess it’s just you call me up and then I have this ‘fight’ with Tia and now, guh… It’s just kinda weird.”

“Well, friends do have arguments and can be… going through tough times with each other,” Twilight reasoned, “It’s not a matter of who’s right or wrong. It’s being able to compromise with each other.”

“Uh, no. That’s not what I’m talking about,” Discord said flatly, “She got stuck with several arrows. Stuck in several places! I think I’m worried again. My God, that’s twice in the same week!”

“Are you forgetting who you’re talking to?” Twilight said incredulously, “Look, it’s Princess Celestia. She’s going to find a way to counter the effects of your magic arrows. Either that or to alleviate the effects in some way. Don’t worry about her. She’s going to be fine.”

“But my feelings are very seldom wrong,” Discord said seriously, “This could be very bad or very… weird. So don’t saying things you’re not sure of around or else karma will show up and destroy us both.”

“I’m not saying you should ignore your gut instinct,” Twilight assured, “I’m just saying to have faith in her. You know what she’s capable of. But if it makes you feel better, you can go see her tonight or tomorrow, and see how she’s doing. At least by then you two can talk it all out and see if there’s a solution.”

“I guess…” Discord sighed, “Great, now my mood is totally ruined. I’m going to go bother Fluttershy to make myself better. Take care. Oh! And keep an eye on your friend, Pinkie. I’m not sure why she passed out or anything, so something could be up with her that’s different than what I had in mind.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” Twilight sighed, “Well, anyway, just be careful, okay? I know we have our spats, but you’re still my friend. I’m sorry if I… ever make it hard for you to remember that.” She looked up at him with a light smile, reaching over to pat his arm.

“Eh, it’s okay,” Discord said with a grin, “Give me a call if ya need me. I’m gonna go now and try not to mope. Later!” And with that, he decided to simply walk out of the door. An odd choice for him.

Twilight watched him go for a few moments, a little surprised at that. Nonetheless, she shrugged and left the library as well, going off down the hall to Pinkie’s room.

Spike called over to her, “I’m just gonna us all something to eat, okay? Anything you want?”

“Honestly? I’m in the mood for a stir-fry!” Twilight called back to him.

“You got it, Twi!” Spike replied to her before heading to the kitchen once more.

Twilight made it back to Pinkie’s room, and surprisingly found her...reading a book. Intently. It was the same book she herself had been reading earlier.

“Hi, Pinkie,” she said softly, “How are you feeling?”

Pinkie looked up from the book in question and flashed a smile at her, “Hiya, Twi-Twi! I’m the same what I said before: I’m better than ever! I just wanted to see what you were reading, that’s all.”

“Oh! Well, do you like it?” Twilight sat back down on the chair near the bed.

“It’s pretty interesting,” Pinkie said setting the book down and- surprisingly- decided to place her head against the wall and flip upside down. Standing on her head and taking a zen pose as she did so, “But no offense, the writer was a little self absorbed for my taste! I mean, I get it, you have to be detailed, but he’s adding way too much attention to boring stuff! I don’t want to read three pages of someone brushing their teeth or tying their shoes when they could be out doing more interesting stuff!”

“Yeah… the pacing is a bit slow,” Twilight admitted with a sweat drop, “But it’s good when you get to the actual interesting elements.”

“True, but I think it could use a little revision,” Pinkie said, motioning with a hand the shrinking metaphor, “But it’s fun once it starts going! I really like the personality they gave the dragon character! She’s a lot of fun.”

“She’s my favourite character,” Twilight smiled, “So, anyway… I managed to finally talk to Discord about all of this. Apparently, the arrows are supposed to… make you feel less inhibited and more driven to pursue the one you love.”

“Huh, weird,” Pinkie just shrugged in her usual position, then giggled a bit, “I don’t feel that much different! But my hair is still flat which is kinda weird. Otherwise, I feel fine!”

“Well, okay… at least you feel fine,” Twilight murmured with a nod, “And I won’t pry, either! However you feel about somepony, it’s okay! That is, if you do!”

“You know saying you won’t pry when I didn’t even acknowledge that kinda makes you look like you want to pry but don’t wanna make it feel like you’re being insensitive,” Pinkie giggled again as she kicked her legs out towards the ceiling.

Twilight sweat dropped and let her head fall to the mattress, “Sorry… Forget I said anything.”

“Why?” Pinkie questioned her with a grin.

“Just forget it…” Twilight pouted.

“But what if the situation begged for an answer?” Pinkie asked her again, “Like, if these arrow things do stuff like that, wouldn’t be important for you to know just to help me and/or stop me from doing something that would be bad or if you get jealous for whatever reason?”

“I… huh? Jealous?” Twilight looked up now, “W-Why would I be jealous? Wait, don’t you mean envious?”

“Uh, no. I mean jealous,” Pinkie grinned with glee, “As in not liking the idea of me dating someone.”

“That’s… That’s not true!” Twilight blushed, “I wouldn’t be!”

“Then why are you blushing~?” Pinkie gigged at her.

“I’m not!” Twilight looked away.

“You are a lying liar who lies a lot,” Pinkie snickered at her friend, “I saw the blush so admit it!”

“Would it even matter?” Twilight mumbled.

“Depends on your answer and the context of it,” Pinkie said back to her, “Plus we could a lot fun with the setup! So, are you gonna admit it?”

“...Fine, maybe I am! Happy, now?” Twilight pouted and blushed.

“... I knew it,” Pinkie said with a smile, falling onto the bed and landing on her knees. From there, she pounced on her friend and into a hug, “You’re such a goof, Twi! It’s a lot more easy when you just admit things!”

Twilight blushed heavily, managing to return the hug a little bit, “Yeah, sure… whatever you say, Pinkie…”

Pinkie cuddled her a bit more, pulling back with a smile, “So, did you want to know?”

“...Yes?”

“Well, I love everyone!” Pinkie replied as she giggled, “It’s not like I hate anyone, so I love everyone pretty much! Buuuuuuut if I had pick someone to be in a relationship with, I’d have to say you.”

Twilight looked at her with surprise, her cheeks flushed, “...Really? You would?”

Pinkie nodded, which just seemed to act as her cuddling her more, “Sure, why not? I mean, I’m not really sure how dating and stuff works, plus I never thought you’d be into me like that. But yeah, if I was going to ask anyone out for a date, I’d ask you. If you like to.”

“Well I… um… sure…” Twilight blushed, “I never thought of dating very much, but… I think it’d be nice if we went out together…”

“But what about all that stuff with the arrows?” Pinkie asked her, “I mean, isn’t that important or something?”

“What do you mean?” Twilight looked up at her now.

“You said those arrows make ponies lose their inhibitions and be more relaxed, what’s it gonna do to me?” Pinkie questioned her friend, “I’m pretty low on those already and if I’m trying to get you, couldn’t that be bad for you if you didn’t want to date or if something else also like you or even in the off chance you don’t like me?”

“I… oh, yeah…” Twilight realized. She leaned back in her chair, thinking this over, “Maybe I should get struck, too?”

“Why?” Pinkie questioned her again, blinking a few times, “If the magic affects you and you’re not into me at the current time, then you’d be creating a love triangle with me pursuing you, you pursuing someone else, and whatever their perception of the situation could be. This might backfire in a horrible way if that was the case, however if both of us were infected, it could simply turn into endless loop with no real emotion between us other than the affects of magic and as such, that could be even worse. It might be wiser to just stay in control of the situation by staying open to the possibilities that could arise from the idea of a relation.”

“Uh… but all it does is make you more confident, it’s not like it… you know, affects you all that much… right? I mean, you said you feel fine…” Twilight mumbled, trying to make sense of what Pinkie was saying.

“But Twilight, this is Discord’s magic we’re dealing with,” Pinkie said calmly, “Since Chaotic magic is so hard to tell what it could do, it might have adverse effects that not even Discord is aware of! So, it might not be safe.”

“I know, it’s just… Oh! That means we have to see Fluttershy about it, since she was, well, ‘infected’ first,” Twilight said thoughtfully.

“Theoretically speaking, yeah. That would make sense, “ Pinkie smiled at her friend, “However since it might not affect me the same way it goes her or anyone else for that matter, so it’s possible that might not work. Still, it could be worth looking into! But first, I have only one more pressing issue.”

“What is it?” Twilight asked.

Pinkie giggled at her, holding up her flat hair, “We gotta figure out what’s up with my hair or at least what to do with it!”

Author's Note:

So, not much to say here except I'm sorry it took a bit to update. XP But fear not! We shall see this through no matter what happens! :D

Comments

[NintendoGal55]

7132399 Hello! Sorry I haven't responded, I've been a bit busy and it kept slipping my mind. XP But I still wanted to answer your questions!

On your previous post, I did think the premiere was interesting! I was always a mix of indifferent when it came to Starlight, but it was neat to see her interacting with Sunburst. Overall, I did like it! A very interesting way to start the season, for sure.

As for this question, this was written before "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" XD Soooo, yeah.

[Eddy13]

Oh man, things are getting intense. Somehow, I get the feeling this story has reached its halfway point or something. I can only imagine how that many arrows will affect Celestia. I'm looking forward to more!