The Princess and The Human

by Pride of the core

First Contact

Chapter 1: First Contact

Luna groaned as she started to wake from her slumber, she couldn't remember the events that happened last night, all she could do is open her eyes and stretch on the soft grass. Her eyes widen as she jumps up, she wasn't supposed to be laying on grass. "Where...where am I, why can't I remember any of my activities last night?..."

Luna started to panic, she didn't know where she was, she trotted back and forth. "This isn't good, this isn't good at all." She then could here talking near her position, it sounded like a male figure, maybe it was a pony, or a Gryphon, whatever it was, it was coming her way.

"Stupid school and their god damn school board!" Luna ran behind a tree to hide from whatever was coming. She could hear hoofsteps and soon some kind of creature came out of the bushes, it looked like a hairless ape, it wore some kind of clothing and it had hair on its head, it sat down and started to cry.

Luna was shocked at the appearance, but she was more shocked to see that it was crying. 'What in my sister's name is that thing, and what has made it so upset?' She couldn't quite figure out what the creature is but she decided to trot over and comfort it.

"H-Hello there." Luna said with a small smile on her face. The creature turned and looked at her, its eyes widen and its mouth opens in shock.

"No...no way...Princess Luna?..." The creature said in shock.

Luna looks at him in confusion. "How do you know my name, also, who and what are you?" She asks in curiosity.

"M-My name is Jake, a-and how are you real?" Now it was time for Luna to get really curious.

"Who am I?" She then asks "What do you mean by that, you are in Equestria, shouldn't you know that I am real?"

Jake then said "This is Earth, not Equestria."

Luna rolled her eyes "You are joking, right, EARTH, is the ground we are standing on." Luna said in annoyance.

"No, this is the planet Earth, in the Milky Way galaxy." Jake said as he crossed his arms.

Luna's eyes widen in shock "Oh no, this can't be, I-I can't be on some other planet!" She started to freak out.

"Hey, calm down." Jake said in a calm and gentle tone.

"Calm down, calm down, how can I calm down when I'm not on my home planet!?" Luna yelled as she starts to cry. She was then hugged by Jake.

"Hey, how about you come with me to my house, maybe I can help you find your way home." Jake said with a comforting smile.

"Th-Thank you Jake, y-you are very kind." Luna said as she wipes her tears away, she smiles softly.

"You are welcome your highness, my house isn't very far away, my parents are rarely home, probably gambling or spending time at a hotel, fucking assholes..." Jake then sighs "But lets not worry about that, and hey, maybe I can explain some things to you on why I know you, sound cool?" Luna then nods with a smile.

"Alright, follow me your highness." Jake said with a smile as he started to walk away. Luna followed him, she couldn't put her hoof on it, but being with Jake at the moment seems nice, he is very kind and he doesn't seem to have the intention of harming her. Luna looked around at her surroundings, she was in a forest. The forest was quiet, just the way she likes it, it reminded her of how quiet it was during her banishment, but she decided to stop thinking about that subject.

Soon they make it out of the forest and into a nice opening, since the trees in the forest covered the sky, she couldn't see it, but now she could, not a single cloud was seen. They see a house, it was a two story house, it was a beautiful looking house that was dark blue with a black roof, it also had a small trail behind it. Luna could also see some kind of large metal device that stood on four wheels. "Say, what is that contraption Jake?" Luna asks in curiosity.

Jake then smiles "That is a car, one of many transportation devises of this world." Jake liked it when people asked questions that he could answer.

"Like a train?" Luna asks with curiosity.

"Indeed, just like a train but it only caries 5 people, but some cars can hold more then, or less then 5 people." Jake said, earning an 'amazing' from Luna.

Jake walks up to the door and opens it for Luna. "My, what a gentle colt." Luna giggled as she trots inside, she then looks in wonder of the inside of the house. "It's beautiful in here Jake." Luna said in amazement.

Jake then said. "Thank you your highness, all of this is my handiwork, I practically own the house since...well never mind that."

Luna looks at his changed expression. "Is something wrong Jake, are you alright?" She asked in concern.

"Yes, I'm fine, nothing is wrong, trust me, now let me show you how I know you." Jake said as he smiled softly; he moved to the long black rectangle on the wall.

"What is that thing?" Luna asks in curiosity.

"That your highness, is a tv, they are a means of entertainment for people." He pulls out a thin box that had a picture of Twilight and her friends on it.

"Is that...Twilight and her friends?..." Luna asks in a little shock.

Jake then said. "Yes, and I'm going to show you a few episodes of My little pony, which will explain how I know you."

Luna nods and sits down while Jake puts a slim circle in a black metal box. Jake then turned on the tv and words appeared on the screen, then a picture with music appeared, it was the same picture of twilight and her friends. Jake picked up a small device and the word 'play all' glowed. Luna then could here Twilight reading the story about the two royal sisters, her and her sister.

~To be continued~

Comments

[Firestar463]

A few tips for your writing.

It's not a good idea to use both past and present tense inter-changably in your writing (EG your first paragraph: " she couldn't remember the events that happened last night, all she could do is open her eyes and stretch on the soft grass. Her eyes widen as she jumps up"). Chose to write your story in either past or presence tense and stick with it throughout.

You should also be more descriptive. You told me what happened in this first chapter. What Jake did, what Luna said, etc. But there's no substance. What does Jake's house look like? What is he thinking? What is Luna thinking? Does Jake live in a suburb? In the inner city? Out in the country? Be descriptive, be eloquent with your words. Paint a picture with your story in the reader's head. Show, don't tell.

This is a concept that has been done many times, to varying degrees of success. I'll be brutally honest, this is one of the worse starts I've seen. It's more of a rough outline of a first chapter than an actual first chapter ready for publishing. And it feels like you had to stretch and put in filler words to meet the minimum word-count for the story - not a good start. I'd recommend reading some of the other stories on the site and seeing how their authors type, maybe read a couple of guides on writing both on the site and elsewhere on the web, and come back when you've got a bit more knowledge under your belt.

[gamer91]

Don't let the dislikes discourage you. You are off to a good start there are just a bunch of people that hate HiE and PoE fics

[Pride of the core]

Alright, and thanks for looking at my story and giving me some tips you two, I really appreciate it, and I will look at other stories so I can see how they are typed and what not.

[BananasRCoool]

I have a feeling that this is going to get good. Especially since its Luna and Luna is best pony.

[DAemonCayuse]

Great so far, looking forward to more!

[Pride of the core]

Just to make a point out, I don't care what kind of insults people say about my story.

[Blue Cultist]

Its rough, but its clear this is your first try. Still, better than my first attempt (I started writing on another site years ago.) so be proud you wrote something intelligible on the first try.

I felt you rushed through several phases of 'the displaced pony' trope, but that's excusable. We all begin as newbies. =3

My suggestion is to read other fanfics like this one and try and pick apart their scenes. Ask yourself why you really liked reading it. Try stretching out your scenes a little and give detail.

Keep going, it doesn't matter if you write poorly at the start. If you like writing then you'll only get better as you go.

[Pride of the core]

Hey guys and or gals, I haven't been able to post a new chapter since school has been getting in the way, tests have been a cancer to me and I have been through depression, but I'm out of depression and hopefully I will be able to start a new chapter. So I do apologize for not posting a new chapter, which I will try to make if school isn't going to hold me back.