The Eternal Pursuit of Academia

by artimus

Memories

There are two locations inside Canterlot castle in which I spent more time than I could ever account for: The Princess’ office where I learned everything she had to teach and the library. Well, I suppose I could account for them, but that’s irrelevant! Maybe later.

When, as a filly, I first arrived at the vast repository of knowledge, I was astounded. After the incident in the dining hall, the Princess took me there as the last stop of our tour. In retrospect, she probably knew I wouldn’t have wanted to leave after only a teasing glance at the knowledge one of the finest libraries in Equestria. Massive bookshelves sat on three different floors. Decorating the room were a globe, a telescope, and most strikingly, a gigantic hourglass in front of a window stretching up to the third floor. We retreated to the lounge in the corner, sitting by the fireplace where above hung a painting of a pony I didn’t recognize dressed in a blue hat and cape, both lined with bells. Upon the cape were stars and crescent moons. As we sat, the Princess’ eyes flicked toward the painting for a few moments before they darted back to me.

“I do hope you will be able to find whatever you need for your studies, my student.” Her confident smile betrayed her false modesty. She knew full well that if there was anything that couldn’t be answered here, even I wouldn’t be able to read enough books here to find out anytime soon.

“Thanks, Princess,” I shyly replied, my nervous attitude was only exacerbated by the grand archive. She could have kicked off her royal garb, lay down on the couch and filled a cup of mead and I still would have felt intimidated by her presence. A part of me wanted to be around her more, but another part would rather have just had time to me to adjust. I chose to remain silent and simply watch the Princess, her face as unreadable as always. I’m certain that she spent hours practicing that poker face of hers. Sensing my trepidation, the Princess let that expression relax, however. Even as a young filly I noticed a new sense of apprehension.

“I understand how you feel, Twilight. Every pony in your position before you has had the same reaction. You’re completely unprepared and unaware of what’s coming and you’re afraid of disappointing me. Of course, I’m sure going from a small Canterlot domicile to an expansive castle is a bit of a culture shock as well,” she tittered. “But I assure you; nothing short of single-hoofedly causing some sort of catastrophe could ever cause me to be even slightly disappointed.

“Truth be told, my faithful student,” she leaned her face in closer to mine, urging me to follow her example so I would better hear her now-low voice, “It is I who should be afraid of disappointing you. You have so much potential in you, I would be aghast to see it squandered. I’ve taken it upon myself to help you grow and become better than even myself so that you can do those things even I can’t.” At this, Princess Celestia’s gaze turned wistful, as if in remembrance. As instantly as it had darkened, her mood brightened and she tittered, “you see, Twilight, we both have cause to be a bit nervous, don’t you think?”

As the Princess left me alone in the library to become more acquainted with what we both knew would be my favorite room for the next several years, I felt comforted. The anxiousness still lingered in my heart, but I tried to enjoy it as something different than a fear of failure, but an excitement at the opportunities before me. The mere idea of becoming as powerful as the Princess of the sun herself! Such wonderful, seductive hubris!

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As I lay by the fireplace in the library, holding in front of me a first-edition copy of An Advanced Guide to Neurological Magic, many thoughts swam through my head. The same thoughts that had been nagging at me as I read for the past three hours. Finally, their insistence built to a crescendo as I went through the list once more. Would Spike be okay? Will he be upset with me for leaving him behind? What if he insists on coming with me? What would happen to the Ponyville library, then? In fact, what would happen to all Ponyville in my absence? For that matter, is it selfish or arrogant to think anything could happen to Ponyville just because I’m not there? And what about here? What if I can’t improve my spell? Will I be here forever? Why does that sound so exciting? What if I disappoint the Princess?

I was so lost in my thoughts; I didn’t notice my magic, which was levitating the book in front of me, was running a bit wild, causing the book to bend back. As the spine cracked and the front and back cover nearly touched, I felt a warm glow wash over my horn. The feeling drew all of my attention away from my concerns as I suddenly became aware of my own heartbeat. From behind me, I heard a gentle voice.

“You should be more careful, my student. I know you’d never forgive yourself if you damaged any book, let alone such a rare one.” I moved my eyes down to the tome in front of me, now glowing with a golden luminescence, touched with a hint of my own purple aura, a reminder of just how much the Princess’ magic dwarfed my own. I let my grasp on the book fade as the pages inched closer together until the book was safely shut tight. As she set the book on the table, I hovered over it, frantically inspecting the spine as the book lay on its side. “No harm done, Twilight. Not to the book anyway. You know, I realize that you have a tendency to study hard, but I didn't realize your habits could be so destructive,” she chuckled.

I flushed at her teasing, my eyes staring at the floor, still embarrassed by my mistake. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t even paying attention to the book. I guess I’m a bit distracted.” The princess nodded at this. She picked up the book in her magical glow, her eyes resting on it.

“Always so afraid to disappoint, my dear student.” She moved across from me, lying down a couple feet away from where I lay. “Everyone constantly kneels before me, presenting me with gifts and favors. I can’t attend a simple party without enough tension to make even myself nervous. It’s as if everybody believes that I’ll banish them or lock them up for the simple crime of not being perfect. Understand, Twilight, there’s a difference between betraying the entire country of Equestria and taking a cupcake out of my grasp.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory of the cakes fawning over the Princess, while Pinkie Pie treated her like every other pony. At the time, I was shocked that she could treat royalty so casually, but in retrospect I was and still am a bit envious at her ability to see the Princess as a friend and not just a distant authority figure. “You don’t understand, Princess.” Even after what she said, I still felt a bit antsy about questioning the Princess, “we don’t treat you in such a way because we’re afraid of you. It’s because we respect you. Ponies treat you like the Princess you are because you deserve it. You are our protector and provider. We only want you to have the best the same way you want us to have the best. I,” I hesitated, “we love you.”

Her eyes glistened in warmth at my words and she set the book down in front of her. As she made eye contact with me, I felt my cheeks become warm. “Thank you, Twilight. I love you too, of course.” I couldn’t help but find myself wondering later if she was referring to me personally or all of us ponies. Her tone spoke as if it were such a basic fact, I allowed myself a joyful feeling but moved on as she opened her mouth to speak again. “Still, if you really want me to feel comfortable, then try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Or else you might end up making a mistake or two. You know better than anyone in this castle how dire a simple mathematical error can be, right?”

I instantly knew what she was hinting at. My hair stood up in reflex to the memory. “Oh, goodness, Princess. That was,” I tried to remember how far back it was. Unfortunately, I remembered, “not that long ago actually.” I grinned, embarrassed.

“Oh, it could have happened to anyone. Still, I’ll always remember Professor Beaker’s expression when he looked in that mirror.” I did, too. It was like someone walked into Rarity’s boutique wearing a dress made of garbage bags and paper clips. If looks could kill, we all would have died laughing.

Suddenly, i came to realize just how often those mistakes actually did tend to happen. “Ah! The entire lab team must hate me, I was a complete nuisance! Remember when I blew up the lab a few days before I left for Ponyville? I couldn’t even face them. I’m sure they’ll never forgive me.” I buried my face in my hooves, feeling tears welling up. I heard the Princess laugh loudly.

“Oh, that was you who managed to burn the lab down? They told me they couldn’t figure out how it started. Easily the most impressive mistake I’ve ever seen, my student.” She laughed heartily.

Oh, so she didn’t know. Great. Wait, she didn’t know? I took my face out of my hooves, revealing my watery eyes, brows bent in confusion. “But, Princess, they knew it was me. I wrote an entire report on it for the chief technician!

“That’s funny,” she said, rubbing a hoof to her chin in pondering, “They never told me. Of course, I trust the professor that they investigated the incident to the best of their ability. I suppose they didn’t want you to get in trouble with me. Destroying an entire laboratory and several important records would be cause for expulsion, after all.”

I felt a heat rise in my chest. I liked my colleagues well enough, but before my studies in friendship, I never really considered any sort of connection with them. “They lied so you wouldn’t expel me?”

“Twilight, it seems we both have much to learn about how we view the ponies around us.” With that, Princess Celestia stood, picking up the book and guiding it to a nearby cart for the librarian to reshelf. It somewhat reminded me of Spike picking up after me following one of my usual study nights. “You can think about that in your own room, however. At last, it is prepared.” I stood and followed the Princess out of the doors and into the hallways, decorated as elegantly as the rest of the castle. We travelled along the wings of the castle in silence, my mind being kept company by my own thoughts. I can’t believe they lied to the Princess for my sake! What’d I ever do to get them to like me so much? Those guys…

“It’s because they respect you. You’re their friend, Twilight.” I gasped in shock. Was she reading my mind? She seemed to notice my concern and laughed it off. “Oh, Twilight, you always wear your concerns all over your face. You know, your leaving for Ponyville was actually in a bit of bad timing for this particular incident, in retrospect. Once I announced to the team that you were staying, they assumed I had banished you there for your occasional bouts of clumsiness. Pepper could barely hide his indignation. I thought he would raise his voice at one point! They missed you Twilight. I’m surprised to hear that you never received any letters. I’m sure they’ve sent plenty.”

“Well,” I considered the amount of time I’d received the wrong mail or missed expected packages altogether, “of all the great things about Ponyville, their mail system isn’t among them.” I groaned.

“It’s alright, you’ll get to see them soon enough. I took the liberty of asking each member of your old team to lend you a hand. I’m sure they’ll be delighted to see you again.”

As we descended a spiral staircase, I thought of each of my old colleagues with a newfound warmth in my heart at their faces, “I’ll be glad to see them too. Thank you, Princess.”

“Think nothing of it, my student. Ah!” The Princess stopped in front of a small wooden door, about the height of the Princess but no taller. I looked around us and realized that the area seemed especially familiar. The Princess levitated a key from her mane and unlocked the door. As it swung open, I realized with a jump that I did recognize this place. When the Princess said she would prepare my room, she really did mean it. It was, indeed, my old room!

I trotted inside, overcome by nostalgia. The old room seemed to be in the same condition as I last saw it. The bedroom itself was in a tower so it was circular. The bed was against the left wall from where I entered, with a 5-tier shelf at the foot. To the right of the room was a desk, adorn with a picture of my friends in Ponyville, no doubt prepared by the Princess to help my inevitable homesickness, and quills and an inkwell sitting on top of a stack of papers. Above the desk was a window, the evening sky illuminating our surroundings. The Princess moved over to the desk. “I hope things are to your liking, Twilight. There is paper here so you may write as many letters to your friends as you need. Find me in my throne room once you’re done and I’ll deliver them posthaste. Until then, get comfortable. “The Princess began to walk by me as I stood dumbstruck. She stopped and leaned down to nuzzle my neck, whispering my ear, her warm breath sending shivers down my spine, “and thank you for coming back. It’s wonderful having you here again.”

Before I could gather my thoughts and respond, the Princess closed the door behind her. I brought a hoof to my neck, noticing how warm it felt. I tried to reflect on what just happened, but I found myself unable to think. Shaking my head, I simply walked to the desk, picking up a quill with my magic. As I stared out the window in thought, I saw something I had forgotten about. Across my room, about 70 feet away, was a balcony leading to what I knew was the Princess’ room. Suddenly, memories staying up all night to watch her admiringly as she raised the sun came back. I touched my neck with my hoof again, feeling an intense smile rise on my face. I began wondering the same things I used to while staring out at my mentor. Do you really understand how much we respect you? How much I respect you? Do you truly believe in me so much? Do you really care that much about me? Do you know how much I care for you? The warmth on my neck faded under the cool evening breeze. Do you understand how much I truly love you? I sat lost in these old thoughts until the sun fell behind the mountains. When I could no longer see the balcony, I finally forgot those questions and set about writing my letters. I would send them in the morning.

Comments

[Antor]

I like the way this story is told, I want to know where this is going though

[Mossflower]

had to re-read the entire thing, which normally ain't really that big, but as the amount i read each day has gone down significantly; that took a few days.

anyways, great chapter!

[emeraldpage]

Great chapter. I really like how this story is progressing. This story deserves more attention than it has received.