Do you know what it’s like to live forever? No of course not. The frailty of humanity is a weakness that exists so that our strengths can shine. Strengths like our endurance or our insight into the nature of things. We might not be as fast or as strong as the others that exist on this plane of existence, but we can last longer and fight smarter compared to them, they can’t use the abilities that our human limbs and height provide for battle. For sure they are a smart bunch, but save for a few they don’t even know what to do in most situations.
Bah! Who am I to contemplate the differences between humanity and them, after all compared to the races of equestria we humans are a very small bunch, 26 humans surrounded by beings that existed in our myths. Stories come to life and each and everyone has both a story to tell and a life to give.
Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you my name didn’t I, well excuse me for forgetting. My name is Se.. S... s..? What is my name? I’ve forgotten, it’s been so long since I’ve heard it. I’m afraid I won’t be able to give you my name, so I suppose you can call me by my title, Scholar of the Dream or Scholar for short.
So why am I talking about the strength’s and weakness’s of humanity compared to the others. Well that my friend is a rather long story, one I would be happy to share with you of course, that is if you have the time for it. Your still here, good. This is the tale of how humanity came to equestrian.
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A unicorn with a tan coat and dishevelled grey mane was running down the hall of the castle looking like Cerberus himself was coming to take the pony to Tartarus. Dodging the slow walking servants and guards alike, the unicorn named dusty pages was galloping like his life depended upon it and in a way it was. Coming up to the royal court chamber he flashed the guards his emergency signal and rushed past the scrambling guards and into the audience room.
Looking upon the meeting between blue blood and both princesses Dusty Pages gulped when three sets of eyes turned to his awaiting for his explanation for his disturbance. While trying to gather his nerves, dusty pages watched has blue blood opened his mouth to speak, no doubt to insult him in some way, when princesses Celestia stopped him with a look.
“Why did you disturb our meeting subject?” asked Princess Luna.
“One of the alarms sounded princess, I had to come and warn you.” He said while bowing.
“Please settle down, tell us your warning.” Asked princess Celestia.
“The seal to the dream realm is breaking.” answered dusty pages.
The two princesses, Celestia and Luna, both gained grave looks upon their faces. They turned to look at each other, somehow able to communicate to each other through facial expressions. Seeming to come to a conclusion, Princess Luna shouted in the royal canterlot voice.
“CAPTAIN OF THE GUARDS!” shouted Luna.
While Luna was shouting for the guards princesses Celestia started to write several letters. While looking at the letters dusty was only able to glimpse a few names. Simon, Marshall, Eileen and Scholar. When princess Celestia was finished she used a spell he had never seen before on the letters. As the letters faded from existence, the captain of the guard, shining armour arrived.
“Your majesty.” Saluted shining armour.
“Gather the guards, lockdown the castle and send the servants here, at once!” ordered princesses Luna. It was at this moment princess Celestia spoke in a grave tone to the captain.
“If you at any moment hear the ringing of a bell, run back here, warn the others to do the same.” She finished gravely.
“Why?” inquired shining armour.
“The bell is a warning that something is coming, something dangerous, now go quickly.” She said.
As soon as the princess Celestia had finished speaking, shining armour turned and flew straight out of the doors. But Dusty Pages wasn’t looking at the door; no he was looking at the bubbling mass with creepy white figures with top hats holding a bell on the floor.
“Dusty Pages, what’s wrong” Celestia asked?
“W-what are those things?” He yelped.
“Oh, these little ones are called messengers.” Answered Luna as Celestia levitated the bell from the newly named messengers. As soon as she had grabbed the bell with her magic they had sunk into the ground and had disappeared.
As the three ponies were talking a large amount of sound was heard in the direction of the door. It was muffled at first, but as soon as the door opened the three could see a huge crowd of ponies, from nobles who had came to have audience with the princesses, ambassadors from other countries, to the servants of the castle. It seems that shining armour had quickly gathered all of the castles occupants. The three could hear lots of gossiping.
“Why were we called into the audience room?”
“Didn’t the captain look kind of spooked?”
“What danger is it this time?”
“Hey does anyone hear that sound?”
“What sound?”
“Can’t you hear the bell?”
“No, what are you on abo...wait a minute, I can hear it.”
At that moment did princess Celestia for the first time in hundreds of years use the royal canterlot voice.
“QUIET!!!”
Everyone fell silent at that. And with that silence sounded a horrible sound to the royal sister. BRING BRING....BRING BRING. As soon as the ominous bell rang did Celestia ring her own bell, a far more pleasant sound, Ching Ching...Ching Ching.
With everyone silent, they could easily hear the sound of a peculiar stride. The sounds of the footsteps indicated that the monster or being was tall and it had two legs. The sounds stopped at the other side of the closed door. It was then that the people in the room smelt the horrible smell of a coppery iron, something that the princesses hadn't smelt in a long time. Blood.
The door was starting to open. When the door fully opened, it revealed the monster behind it. It, for what else could the occupants call it, stood taller then Celestia herself, wore the hide of its kill like a beast and smelled strongly of blood. Its hands were like claws of a dragon without scales or fur, holding a rusted mace of such cruelty, a lanky build covered in blood. It was such a horrifying sight. Too bad it didn’t stay longer.
“PPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG AAAAATTTTTTTTTAAAAAACCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
And with that, the monster was split in two, straight down the middle. Princess Luna and Princess Celestia were the only ones who could proudly say they didn’t faint.
you spark my interest
Okay, so it seems to start off with a tiny amount of world building, which, done in moderation is good for any story. I'm assuming that the one who cut the dlc hunter was either Simon or one of the titular characters. It seems that the dream seal is a plot device to explain why things happen now. I do wonder though why everyone can see the messengers, considering that they seem to be only capable of being seen by inhabitants of the dream. So your going with 26 hunters, one for each weapon I presume, but does the story hinge on it? Do you need 26 people in different places? If not, maybe you could combine some hunters and their weapons into 13, to both cut down on reader confusion and to help you write. Finally, it's important to remember that you have to stop power creep in this story. I would suggest that you make the charchters completely ineffective with the weapons at first, in order to show how they are simple people put into this world. Also, a tip. Keep the princesses on top. You can't make a good story if you just abolish the top scale in power level. Also; another final tip. Don't use human logic to solve the pony problems. Not a large amount of people like a displaced doc where the main charchters just say " oh just eat grass" and "oh the sun moves on its own!"
One thing, please don't use questions like "Why did I have to scare the ponies for life?" as chapter names.
One, It should be 'scar' not 'scare'.
And two, It makes your main character look so misanthropic, which to be honest I think we've all seen enough of. It was funny at first but now it's so overused.
Now that's out of the way, let's have a look at the positives! This is great for your first story! The writing quality's not quite as good as I would've liked it to be, but when it can only get better as it goes along, this is a great starting point. There's enough world building to get everything started smoothly. Though some more detail in the situation would've been nice, how Celestia and Luna are aware of the Beckoning Bell would be pretty cool to know.
Finally, someone who can portray Celestia with some forcefulness...
I'm not quite sure what that noise is supposed to be. Meh, what can I say, I've never heard someone be split in half before.
"The seal to the dream realm is breaking." Answered Dusty Pages.
Make sure you're capitalising nouns and keep an eye out for Sentence openers in need of capitals too. Not a major issue, but people do pick up on it.
This also implies the 'dream realm' as they call it, is somewhat connected to the world in Bloodborne through the same realm. The 'Nightmare' as Hunters refer to it is a manifestation of the Great One's powers, and from what we can observe in it at the Nightmare Frontier and the Fishing Hamlet, they are layered. Yharnam in the Hunter's Nightmare is at the bottom, the Fishing Hamlet is on top of that, and the Nightmare of Mensis floats above that. We can also assume the Hunter's Dream is on the mountains which surround this area, judging by it's location.
So I think that the realm they are referring to in this story must exist in the same realm if Hunter's are breaking through it. Which means Equestria exists somewhere in the 'Nightmare', probably far away from everything else if the Great One's don't take much notice of it. Either that or Celestia and Luna both count as Great Ones. They are alicorns who have 'ascended' in a similar way to the Great Ones, so maybe they do. Which would explain things.
So far, promising. I look forward to the next chapter to find out which hunter is on the prowl here.
Never played blood born but I am still interested in this story.
Well, this'll be a fun ride.
Loved it. 8//10 would plunge
6738288 Plung is the way to go