• Published 5th Jun 2012
  • 4,870 Views, 41 Comments

Canterlot Wedding Remix - chronicLurker



A slightly less kid-friendly take on the Season 2 finale.

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Chapter Two: The Plot Thickens

The only occupant of the windowless office deep in the heart of the palace was a large and powerfully built white unicorn stallion in the decorative purple and gold dress armor of a Captain of the Royal Guard, the peytral marked with a six-pointed pink star. His multi-toned blue hair was a bit sweaty from being under the helmet that lay on the desk which dominated the room, and his eyes were tired. He looked up at Twilight’s entry and stepped away from the low cabinet he’d been all but leaning against, using his reddish magic to shove in the small drawer with a snap.

“Shining Armor,” Twilight said brightly, smiling as she trotted over and threw her forelegs around his neck for a hug. His barding was actually pretty uncomfortable from the outside, she discovered, but his familiar – if slightly pungent – scent was comforting.

“Hey,” he replied, patting her back stiffly once before easing her away from him and glancing up at the guard who’d brought her in.

“I’ll wait outside to escort her back to her room, sir,” the grey unicorn said, turning and walking back through the doorway to stand at attention in the hall.

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” Twilight apologized, blushing.

“You didn’t,” Shining Armor replied as he studied her face intently. “It’s been a while.”

“Too long,” she agreed, grinning up at him brightly. “I’ve missed you.” She chuckled nervously when he continued to stare at her as if studying an odd specimen of bug. “Um, but you don’t seem too happy to see me.”

His eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly. “I’m always happy to see my little sister.”

She wasn’t exactly convinced when he said it in such a grim way. Shifting uncomfortably, she decided to change the subject. “The shield that’s surrounding Canterlot,” she prompted, “that’s yours, isn’t it? You’re the only one I can think of who has such a powerful protection spell.” He said nothing, and she uncertainly tried to fill the silence by adding, “It must be a strain. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said grudgingly. “Other than exhaustion and the migraines, I’m great.”

That explained his attitude, she supposed. Sympathetically, she nodded and observed, “You look drained.”

He responded with a sharp, almost angry glare. “What did you say?”

She took an involuntary step back. He’d never spoken to her in such a harsh way before, and for an instant she hardly recognized him. Even his reaction to her surprise – slight remorse tempered by wariness – was odd. A writhing ball of uneasiness forming in her stomach, Twilight stammered, “I’m sorry, Shiny, I didn’t mean to- I just- Are you mad at me? Did I do something?”

Shining Armor looked like he was going to be sick all of a sudden as he raised one unshod blue hoof in her direction. He actually swayed a little in place, then slammed his eyes shut and raised the hoof to his head, wincing. “No,” he breathed, “I’m not mad at you, Twilight.”

She wasn’t so sure, but she had to give him the benefit of the doubt. Taking a deep breath, she pleadingly asked, “Shining Armor, what’s going on? The guards, your shield; it’s like everyone is on high alert, but no one will say what’s wrong. It can’t just be the wedding. Where are Princess Celestia and Princess Luna?"

Shining Armor swallowed, his gaze shifting from her to the floor and back before his face blanked and his eyes went flat and unreadable. “They’re away on royal business,” he said. “Look, can we talk later? I’m kind of busy.”

She tried not to be hurt, but it was hard when he was being so dismissive. “I’m sorry,” she told him a little stiffly. “I just thought that, since we haven’t seen much of each other, we could spend some time together while I’m here for the wedding.”

Shooting her a dark, intense look, he dropped his voice to a nearly inaudible growl and muttered, “You shouldn’t be here at all.”

Twilight flinched, her ears flattening, her eyes wide and startled. “What?”

A spasm of guilt crossed his expression, but it was quickly controlled and he settled on looking harried. Shining Armor rubbed a harsh hoof down his face and apologized, “Sorry, I didn’t... I didn’t mean that. Of course I want you at my wedding. It’s just this headache. It’s making me crazy. Twilight-”

“Pardon the interruption, Captain.” The guard in the doorway saluted and said, “Your presence is required in the throne room.”

Shining Armor’s jaw tightened. Picking up his helmet magically, he placed it on his head and started to walk out. He cast one last glance back at Twilight, looking like he wanted to say something, but he only nodded to her silently and left. A pair of soldiers fell in behind him as he strode off down the hall.

One guard remained to tell Twilight, “I will escort you back to your room.”


Five mares and a little dragon were chatting companionably in their joint sitting room as they lounged about on the comfortable pillows and furniture. The cheerful atmosphere quickly evaporated when Twilight entered with slow, dragging steps.

Spike toddled toward her, venturing, “Twilight?” The unicorn looked up but said nothing.

Hesitantly, Fluttershy asked, “Are you okay, Twilight?”

“Did you see your brother?” Applejack added.

Twilight nodded slowly, a hint of tears shimmering in her eyes. “I...I think something is really wrong,” she told them. “I’ve never seen him act like that! One second he was angry, then he was apologetic, and then he was lying to me and sending me away. He was like a stranger.” Sniffling, she plopped down onto her haunches and despaired, “He didn’t even call me Twiley.”

The others shared a wince – with the exception of Spike, who looked concerned. Hesitantly, AJ asked, “Twiley?”

“My nickname when I was little,” the unicorn explained. “Only he and Cadance ever used it, though. Dad and Mom usually called me Sparky.”

“Sparky,” Pinkie giggled.

“I don’t understand,” Twilight protested, tearing up a little. “Shining Armor was my Big Brother Best Friend Forever! We used to do everything together. He always had time for me, and he was never mean or dismissive. He taught me how to fly kites and helped me with my magic and-”

“Okay, so he was a great big brother,” Rainbow cut her off. “Maybe he grew out of it.”

“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity gave the pegasus a scathing look and said, “I’m sure that he is simply under a great deal of stress because of the wedding.”

“Rarity’s right,” Applejack agreed. “And even if your relationship is different now, you’ll always be his little sister, sugar cube. Nothing can change that.”

“But I don’t want it to be different!” Face crumpling into total despair, Twilight dropped her head and sobbed harshly, a quick scattering of tears darkening the floor in front of her miserable form. The other ponies were taken aback by their friend’s emotional collapse. Spike closed the remaining distance between himself and Twilight and began to helplessly pat her shoulder, looking to the others for assistance.

“Oh dear,” Fluttershy whimpered, hovering over to the unicorn and petting her like a frightened animal. “There there, it’ll be okay.”

Rarity nodded as she magically retrieved a hoofkerchief from her room and floated it to the other unicorn. “Darling, all siblings fight sometimes.”

“Yeah, Twilight,” Pinkie chimed in sympathetically. “It just means you get to make up!”

“No,” Twilight said darkly, wiping her eyes clear almost violently with the small cloth and propelling it back to Rarity. “Something is wrong. It has to be.” Shaking free of Fluttershy and Spike and leaping to her hooves, she resolved, “I have to get to the bottom of this!”

“Ooo-kay,” Applejack said cautiously. “We’re with you, sugar cube. What do you want to do?”

Twilight frowned as she thought for a moment. “We’ll start with searching the palace,” she decided. “Spike, I want you to stay in our suite. If we don’t make it back by midnight, send a letter to the princess.” The little dragon saluted crisply and ran off without a backward glance.

“Do you think that will be necessary, dear?”

“Better safe than sorry,” Twilight replied grimly. “I have a bad feeling about this whole situation.”

“What about the guards?” Dash asked. “It doesn’t seem like they’ll be okay with us poking around.”

“Oh, they shouldn’t be a problem,” Twilight replied with a confident grin. Gesturing for the others to follow her, she crept down the short hallway, her horn beginning to glow softly. Once the guards were in sight, she concentrated and fired a slow pulse of magic at them. As the wave rolled over the stallions, they yawned and swayed. Within seconds, they were curled up on the floor in a deep sleep.

“I didn’t know you knew a spell like that,” Applejack observed.

“I learned it after the Ursa Minor incident,” Twilight explained, carefully levitating the guards down the short hall and into the sitting room, where she laid them gently on the floor pillows. “It seemed like it might come in handy.” Turning back to her friends, she said, “Okay, I’m not sure what we’re looking for, so we’ll need to keep our eyes open.”


The six mares technically avoided detection as they sneaked through the palace, but there were an awful lot of guards snoring their shifts away in hidden alcoves or behind large potted plants. It was only a matter of time before a patrol discovered the trail of armored bread crumbs and raised the alarm. Twilight was becoming increasingly anxious, but the only thing obviously amiss was the fact that a handful of unarmed ponies could so easily bypass the cream of the Equestrian military.

Then they found the abandoned kitchens, ripe with the smell of rotting vegetables, and suddenly everyone was on board with Twilight’s suspicions.

“I don’t understand,” Fluttershy murmured nervously as she huddled near the door, periodically peering anxiously out at the hallway. “It looks like everypony just left in the middle of their work. They didn’t even turn the lights off.”

Rarity eyed a half-diced tomato on a cutting board, wrinkling her nose in distaste at the mold flourishing on it and the discarded knife. “Yes, several days ago, from the look of it.”

“The stuff in the fridge is still okay,” Pinkie reported, her body haloed in golden light as she rummaged through the appliance’s contents. “Ooh, cupcakes!”

“But where did they all go?” Twilight whispered, drawing a line through the dust on a counter with her magic. “I knew these ponies. Chef Fry Fiery would never leave his kitchen like this.”

“I dunno,” AJ said. “But it makes you wonder what the guards are eating, don’t it?”

“Let’s keep looking around,” Dash hissed. “This place gives me the creeps.”

But Fluttershy was scrambling away from the door, urgently squeaking, “Someone’s coming!” as she hid behind Rarity. Everypony faced the entrance, ready to fight if need be, but the door remained only half-open and no attackers emerged.

“Um, are you sure, Fluttershy?” Rainbow drifted toward the portal warily.

“I heard them coming down the hall,” the trembling pegasus whimpered.

Twilight tiptoed across the floor and cautiously peered out the crack in the door. Her hair moved in the breeze of Dash’s wings as the pegasus hovered above her to do the same. Together, they watched as Princess Cadance sauntered down the corridor flanked by a pair of grey unicorn guards. The princess didn’t even glance toward the kitchen as she passed and moved out of sight.

The two ponies eased away from the door and rejoined their friends further into the room.

“It was that fake princess and some guards,” Dash announced. “They went right past.”

Distracted, Twilight wondered aloud, “What would she be doing in the old archives? The only thing down there is three hundred year old tax records and dusty ledgers.”

“Should we follow her?” Applejack asked.

“...No. I’d rather see what she could have been doing down there.”