Survivor's Gorge

by Withoutwords

One Dark Dawn

The sky was just beginning to lighten with the coming dawn when Silverflame finally reached the compound walls. She paused outside the gate to catch her breath. Her pale silver coat was dark with sweat, her sky-blue mane and tail a sorry tangle of hair and vegetation. She'd been running for so long without stopping, and all four legs trembled under her, but she refused to lie down. Instead, she pulled on the last of her strength, touching her horn to the massive gates and stumbling inside the barricade as soon as there was room to squeeze between them.

“I need to see Scars,” she panted to the first pony she saw, willing herself forward another step. One hoof in front of the other. If she concentrated on that, she could make it.

“I'm here. What happened, Silverflame?” Scars had a rather distinct voice, deep and cold but oddly comforting to the ponies under his protection.

“Yume,” Silverflame said, trying to get her message out before she collapsed. “Yume, the outpost- the griffins came.”

“How bad?” There was no emotion in his voice. There never was.

“I gave Tornado and Red Dawn mercy. The rest should live. They carried off most of the food.”

Scars nodded, tossing his ragged red mane out of his flat gray eyes. “Someone get Silverflame to bed, and wake up the scouts. We have a trip to make.”

Silverflame stood where she was, head hanging and sides still heaving, until someone gently nosed her toward the inn. Her house, her sister, her own bed, they were back at the outpost. She wanted to go back, but she knew she'd never make it. She let herself be herded, too exhausted to do otherwise, thinking longingly of sleep.

~*~

“Are you going with them?”

Scars paused in the act of buckling on his saddlebags, glancing up. Lantern was probably the only pony he'd accept that tone from; the delicate cream-colored mare was like a daughter to him. A stubborn, strong-willed, opinionated daughter, but a daughter nonetheless.

“I'm the best fighter we have,” he pointed out, going back to readying himself. “The griffins might come back.”

Lantern snorted softly in derision, tossing her head. Her customary black lace veil fluttered upward before settling once more over her head, doing nothing to obscure her expression. “Yes, they may,” she agreed. “And they may also choose to drown themselves. The sun may rise in the north tomorrow. The mountain may decide to swallow us all. Best fighter or not, you're needed here.”

“You can take care of yourselves for a day,”

“And if your thirst for vengeance gets you killed? You're all that holds Survivor's Gorge together, Scars.”

Scars flared his nostrils, battling down the urge to yell at her. Better to ignore her bait than rise to it.

“We've all lost loved ones to the griffins,” she continued relentlessly, stepping closer, crowding him against the wall despite being much smaller than him. “We all want revenge. You're the one who told me we couldn't make decisions that way.”

“You hadn't even gotten your mark yet,” Scars snapped. “A single griffin would have torn you to pieces without even trying,”

“And because you're a big strong stallion, the same can't happen to you?”

“I've fought griffins before,” Scars reminded her, shoving his flank against her side, pushing her back. The raking scars of griffin claws and beaks along his sides stood out starkly against his dark brown coat, thick and numerous. His mark was lost under the mess, so long gone that few could remember what it had once been.

“I will not let you orphan me again, Scars!” Lantern exclaimed, shoving him back. “The griffins took one father from me already, and they will not have you, too!”

Scars stared down at her for a long moment before he sighed in defeat. “That was low, Lantern,” he said quietly, unbuckling his saddlebags and letting them slide to the ground.

Lantern said nothing, just watched him as he turned and headed back toward the square. She worried him at times.

~*~

Yume knew she shouldn't be standing. Her right foreleg was heavily bandaged, and her right hind leg twinged and complained at the weight it was being forced to bear. Her head throbbed, but she kept her eyes fixed on the looming peaks of the nearby mountains and the bright rays of the sun sliding over them. Griffins were fond of dawn and sunset attacks; the blinding sun and confusing shadows made excellent cover for the airborne beasts. They'd caught her off guard yesterday- it wasn't going to happen again.

Silverflame should have reached the main compound by now. Hopefully help was on its way. With so many dead and wounded, the outpost had no hope of holding the pass against a hostile force.

“Captain?”

“What is it, Shadowheart?” Yume asked without looking behind her.

“I'm here to relieve you,” Shadowheart said, stepping up next to her. He was a slight stallion, even smaller than Yume, but he was a demon in battle- quick, precise, and ruthless. Not even having his horn snapped in half would stop him, as one unfortunate griffin had learned the hard way. “You need to rest.”

“We don't have enough ponies to mount a guard without me,”

“Yes we do,” Shadowheart disagreed. “I'm rested enough to take over for you; go sleep. You're useless if you're too exhausted to keep your head up.”

Yume shook her head, jerking it back up. She hadn't even noticed she was drooping. “Fine. But don't try and fight off a threat by yourself, got me?”

Shadowheart nodded, nudging her toward the ramp back inside, then planted himself like a statue of black stone, outlined by the morning sun.

~*~

The sun had passed zenith by the time the scout party reached the outpost. The wide swath of bare rock around the walls was littered with the bodies of griffins- some scored by arrows, some skewered on javelins and spears, some scorched by fire both mundane and magical. Here and there among the feathers was the bright, blood-streaked coat of a pony; the outpost must lack the ponypower to mount a watch and retrieve the dead.

Polly dropped from her vantage point, folding her wings neatly against her sides.

“Unicorns, gather the fallen,” she ordered. “Starchaser, take Heavensent and do a sweep of the area. The rest of you, with me.”

Starchaser and Heavensent launched themselves into the sky, and the five unicorns in the group peeled off to begin the unenviable task of moving the dead back into the outpost for proper rites and burial. Polly led the remaining ponies to the gates, which swung open in a haze of light blue. Polly stepped to the side, and the others followed suit, forming a column to each side of the gate, waiting respectfully for the unicorns and their somber burdens to enter.

The survivors inside didn't cheer. There were no smiles. They were greeted only with silent relief; Polly watched more than one pony simply fold their legs where they stood and immediately drop into exhausted sleep. She could hardly blame them, having survived a few outpost attacks herself.

She stepped carefully around the sleepers, lowering her head in respect to the wounded. They could rest now- she was here. She was no great warrior, but she knew how to protect. While she was here, no one and nothing would harm these ponies. She would see to that.

Comments

[abandoned2123]

Please, please get a cover image for this. I know it's petty, but you need a picture in order to garner an audience. People tend the glaze over stories that don't have a cover image, and it would be a crime to have your prose ignored.

You're writing is well done, and I didn't see any glaring mistakes.

[Withoutwords]

693333
I'm working on a cover image, but I'm not nearly as good an artist as I am a writer, so it's slow going. ^^;

I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter, though- thank you for your readership.

[Artisan]

Agreed with GingerNutGin. Grammatically sound and the reader is instantly hit with a "harsher world" feel. Should be interesting to read as more updates appear. I kinda like it so far.

If I may make a few suggestions: finishing a chapter with a cliffhanger would give the reader a sense of curiosity to come back to the story. Maybe I missed it, but I didn't find one here. Also, take some time to flesh out the world. Describe the surroundings, is it a frozen waste or a scorching desert? Detail what the buildings/dwellings of the compound look like? The gates: are they a "piled on mishmash of everything but the kitchen sink" as Hoity Toity would put it or are they solid and tough looking? How does the world look in your mind and describe the various sensations. I know it may slow down the pace of the story but it helps the reader form a better image of the story in their minds.

Hope I'm not being a jerk because of this, just some friendly suggestions. Either way have fun!

[Withoutwords]

698121

Don't worry- I don't mind constructive criticism at all. You probably won't see many cliffhangers from me, though- they make me . Can't stand them, especially on stories with more than a day between updates. ^^;

I will definitely taake your suggestions under advisement. Thank you for your input; it's very much appreciated.

[Beeker Atom]

“I gave Tornado and Red Dawn mercy. The rest will live."

That line in the opening paragraph gave me chills, I can see big things in this already, onto the next chapter!