The Equestrian War

by ponyhailey

Chapter One

PLEASE NOTE FIRST STORY (SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE NICE)

Luna stood out her balcony gazing up into the night sky before her. She stared at newly risen moon. The night was missing something. She concentrated her magic to her horn. Suddenly the sky was alive with falling stars. She grinned up at her masterpiece. Then she ran to the edge of the railing peering down upon the glowing city to see if anypony had seen her starry show. Her grin slowly faded, her ears drooping, as she stared at the city below only seeing few snobby citizens wandering the streets with there noses in the air, not stopping to notice her night. You’d think they see the sky with their noses in the air all the time, Luna thought to herself. They must get awful cricks in their neck from looking up. She sighed and exited the balcony.

She looked around her room. Her bed stood off in the corner. The nightstand sat next to it. A small jar glowing with fireflies sat on the nightstand. A dresser stood across the room with a vanity next to it. A fireplace leaned against the wall. A red rug lay in front of the hearth. She walked over to the rug and sat. There was painting of her moon hanging above the mantle. She stared at painting and began to frown at it sadly.

During these event, a dark force was at work. From outside a purle mist collected around the door leading out to the balcony. It slipped in and swirled around behind her. It began to take the shape of a pony. A dark ghostly alicorn appeared behind Luna.

“Hello again,” said the alicorn in a raspy voice.

Luna, startled, turned to see the alicorn.

Luna gasped in both shook and reorganization.

“What?” asked the alicorn.

Luna stared “No, you were destroyed by the Elements, you can‘t exist.”

“Please,” the alicorn replied smugly, “Their magic can not compare to mine.”

“No,” Luna said, ”You’re not welcome here.”

“Not welcome here?” The alicorn asked in mock shook, “Please, I helped you.”

“That was a mistake!” Luna yelled, “I should have never gone along with you! I broke many of my friends trust that day.”

“Who needs friendships, when you had me?” said the alicorn.

“You are no friend of mine,“ Luna retorted, “In fact you’re an enemy!”

“In that case,” said the alicorn, “I shall take my revenge on my enemy.”

And with that the misty alicorn’s horn lit up gripping Luna’s neck lifted her up. Luna struggled wildly against the alicorn’s magic calling desperately for help but the attempt was futile. The alicorn moved closer strengthening her magic. The aura surrounding Luna’s neck spread around her body encasing her. The magic surrounding her tightened casing her to shink in size in tll she was the size of a butterfly. The alicorn chuckled at the shrunken pony’s helplessness. She grabbed a jar on Luna’s nightstand, shaking out the fireflies inside, and replacing them with Luna instead. Screwing on the top, she smiled as the small pony thashed about inside. The alicorn grinned evilly at Luna. Gripping the jar, the alicorn walked out on to the balcony, over to the railing.

“Farewell,” she said throwing the jar off the balcony.

She watched it plummet to the ground. She didn’t wait for the crash. The alicorn, which hopefully you now know is none other than Nightmare Moon, knew that Luna was done for. The moon mare gazed into the night sky. She smiled, thinking about her vengeful plans.

That night many things happened. A powerful spell was cast on the sun and moon causing them to be immobilized in suspended animation. Nightmare Moon’s newly brainwashed soldiers were placed in Cloudsdale and in other major cities about Equestria. A deal was made between a couple of jewel hungry diamond dogs. A couple of dragons were informed of possible raidings. Leader of the buffalo tribe was replaced by a coupled of rebellious buffalos who weren’t willing to compromise with ponies so easily. And an ancient kingdom returned with a corrupted leader. Many key pieces were in place for a saga of epic proportions.

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Twilight woke up. She stretched and yawned. And peered out the window. How strange, she thought to herself. It was still dark outside. I must have woken up real early for it still to be dark out, she thought. Twilight looked over at her clock which hung on the wall near her bed. Her eyes widened. Her clock read nine A.M. That can’t be right, Twilight thought to herself, I must have forgotten to wind it. She thought back to the events of the previous day. Buying parchment to write letters to the princess with, Pinkie’s pinkie sence warning of frog storm, Rainbow coming over to return and check out Daring Do books, Reading late into the night, winding her clock before bed. Yep, she thought, I wound it, but why is it still dark out. Did the Princess over sleep? Was she okay? What was happening?!

“SPIKE!’ Twilght yelled.

“Whaaa, ohff." Spike yelld as jumped up and fell out of bed.

“Spike, Please take a note to the Princess, I believe that something is very wrong.”

“What Twilight?" asked spike armed with a quill and paper.

“Look outside.” said Twilight gesturing with her horn.

“It still dark outside?” he asked, “Oh, well I’m going back to bed.”

He tried to climb backing, but he was pulled out by Twilight’s magic.

“Spike, this is serious, it’s at least nine in morning.”

“Alright,” Spike grumbled, “But I don’t the princess will be very happy about being woken up this early.”

But before he could start writing, That all to familiar feeling came over him. His cheeks expanded with air as he belched out a letter enveloped in green fire. Twilight snatched it from the air.

“Ah hah!“ She exclaimed, “This should give us some answers.”

She unrolled the letter and read aloud:

Dear Twilight,

If you are reading this, you and your friends must come to Cantorlot immediately.

It is of great importance.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

“What?!” Twilight yelled, “This leaves me as confused as I was before!”

“You better hurry Twilight,” said Spike, “Don’t worry about me Twilight, I’ll stay here
and go back to sleep - I mean guard the library from - uh - book thieves, yeah that’s what I’ll
do.”

Twilight rolled her eyes as she darted outside into the night. Ponies were standing aroung outside looking up for the sun. Twilight heard a filly ask, “Mommy, where’s the sun?“ and the filly’s mother answer “I don’t know dear, I don’t know.“ Something is very wrong, Twilight thought. She stopped at Sugar Cube Corners first. She knocked rapidly on the door. Mr. Cake answered.

“Why hello Twilight, what a surprise to see you.”

“Is Pinkie here?” she asked.

“Why yes, She’s right up-”

“Hi Twilight!” Pinkie Pie greeted eagerly, startling Mr. Cake, ‘Wow, it still dark out, did
Celestia forget to raise the sun?”

“Pinkie, We need to go to Cantorlot immediately, The Princess said it was urgent.”

“Okay-Dokay-Lokay, then let’s go.”

And with that Pinkie bounced out the door, off towards Rarity’s house with Twilight galloping after leaving a bewildered Mr. Cake at the door. The two reached Rarity’s house Pinkie had already burst into the house and was tugging Rarity along by the hoof.

“Pinkie!” Rarity screamed, “Do you know how rude it is to enter one’s house without permission?”

“Come on.” said Pinkie, “ Twilight says the Princess wants us and fast so lets go.”

“She’s right Rarity, we must hurry.”

“Oh all right,” Rarity grumbled, “Shall we go?”

And so they left rounding up Applejack, Fluttershy, and a very resentful Rainbow Dash, who figured that if it was still night, then you should be sleeping.

They raced to Cantorlot as fast as possible. Well, as fast as it is run in the dark. The six burst into the grand entrance of the castle where Celestia was waiting.

“Princess!” Twilight said, “What’s going on? How come the sun hasn’t been raised yet?"

Princess Celestia held up a hoof to quiet her questions.

“Come with me,” said the solar princess.

“Wow, this scene looks a lot like it did before we had to battle Discord.” remarked Pinkie.

“Hush now, Pinkie.” said Applejack.

Princess Celestia lead the ponies down a long corridor as she told them what she knew.

‘You see, I woke up when it was time to raise the sun, I realized that a powerful spell had been cast upon it as well as the moon. I only know of one other pony who can cast such a spell, my sister Luna.”

The six gasped at this shocking news.

“But I thought she was good now.” said Twilight

“I thought so too, but when I went up to her room she was gone and her firefly lantern was missing. I believe she cast the spell and ran away.”

“But that can’t be true, Luna is a good pony, and I know it.” argued Applejack

“I know that, but what other possibility could there be, unless…”

“Unless what?’ Twilight asked

“Well, it’s very unlikely, but possible that well… Nightmare Moon could have returned.”

“WHAT?!” the six shouted.

End of Chapter One

Comments

[Cloud Wander]

I like this story. It has possibilities. The relationship between Luna and Nightmare Moon is ripe for exploration.

The spelling and syntactical errors, however, are brutal. Every time these errors occur, I'm pushed out of the story. I'd love to see a properly edited version of this story.

Be confident! You are a good writer. You just need a little editing, I think.

[SosukeRyou]

the story concept is oversused, though I still like the story itself, and you picked an awesome pic to go with it, so...
3.bp.blogspot.com/-hETbm7HSG2M/TukYwU852SI/AAAAAAAAAOQ/9VcHhc-GfxY/s1600/chuck-norris-approved.png

[Codexwriter476]

It was an ok read, you do have a good idea though, but could be built up a bit more.
Just saying.

It was the map that caught my attention really.

[ponyhailey]

jasperz0r Thanks for the support

[ponyhailey]

651069 Cloud Wander I'm sorry, I'm just awful with spelling.

[TheRainbowDash]

Hmm, I am not so sure that I like this. The story concept needs to show more originality, the spelling, capitalization, and grammatical errors hurt the concept of this, and not enough detail was given in between the walls of dialogue. Needs some improvement, but this story has the potential to be good. Not amazing, but not too bad. (Chapter Rating: 6/10)