Broken Colt

by Minecraftzero1

Broken Colt Part 1

“Do this list of chores by 12:00 or you’re going to be punished.” Said the colts mother, handing him a piece of paper with the things he was to do. Air Glider was a 6 year old colt; the tasks his Mother gave him usually were beyond what a normal colt his age should be expected to do. He started to work at 11:00, this being when his mother gave him the list, he had been working for about half an hour before his father interrupted him, telling him to go play, which he obliged with a smile.
Air Glider was an athletic pony; he loved to fly as fast as he could. Most of the time flying was spent racing his two brothers. His sister loved to read, she would read just about anything. All his siblings were older than him and treated him like family but his Mother treated him like shit. It was only 10 minutes before his Mom saw him and yelled, “Air Glider Get your ass in here!” His reply was a whispered “ok”, him being scared about what his Mother would do.
“You know you’re not allowed to do anything till your chores are done!” She said with a bitter tone in her voice, “But Dad said I could go out.” Air Glider replied, angering his mother and without hesitation she slapped him “Don't blame your father for slacking off.”
“But he did!” Air Glider protested, now crying from the sting of his mother's slap, her only reply being a harsh threat; “Go to your room before I beat the shit out of you!”
He didn’t say another word as he rushed upstairs into his room, still crying and now hoping his mother wouldn't hurt him.
A few minutes passed before his sister knocked on the door “Air Glider it’s me Light Star.”
“C..Come in.” He replied, wiping tears of his face, the door opened and Light Star came in
“Air Glider what happened?” She asked worried about her brother
“D..Dad said I could go outside, after a bit Mom called me inside and yelled at me for slacking off, but I was really taking a break. I told her Dad said I could but she slapped me right in the face and said not to blame him for slacking off.” Air Glider explained tears now running down his face
“None of us get why it’s you she is most hard on, but at least you still have the rest of us that love and care for you.” She said hugging Air Glider
“Y..Yeah but not my own mother” he tearfully replied

This was becoming a daily occurrence for Air Glider. Every day he would talk to Light Star and every day he kept getting quieter. His father had not seen these changes but his siblings did. Usually his sister would cheer him up while his brothers played. Nopony really understood why their mother hated him, their mother would always complain about how she never wanted a fourth foal and every time Air Glider heard it his heart was broken. He considered running away, he wished he could but who would care for him? He loved his siblings and father, and it would break their hearts if he left.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Air Glider was woken late that night by a nightmare, he went downstairs to use the bathroom, and after he was done he went to get a quick drink before going back to bed, but then he heard somepony coming down the stairs. He was hoping it wasn’t his mother, but it was,
“What the FUCK are you doing up.” She demanded, starting to raise her voice
He mumbled.
“SPEAK THE FUCK UP!” The noise had disturbed the house and his father came downstairs, asking “What’s with the yelling?”
“This little fuck is still up.” She said her voice full of anger
“He probably needed to use the bathroom.”
“Then why the fuck is he in the kitchen?” She said raising her voice again, this time directed at her husband.
Air Glider was shaking in fear, he wanted to tell her, to explain, but the words wouldn’t come out, turning towards the stairs he saw his siblings.
“What’s with the yelling?” Light Star asked, repeating her fathers’ question.
“None of your god damn business now get your ass upstairs and in bed!” Mother said, this was the first time she ever yelled at the other three.
“THEY DON’T FUCKING HAVE TO!” The children were silent at the unexpected rage coming from their father, but their mother returned the violence with a harsh “FUCK YOU.”

*Thump*

Their father was on the floor, having been hit in the face. Hard. He was knocked unconscious, the sudden event shocked Air Glider, who instinctively sprung up and flew out the room via the open window
“AIR GLIDER COME BACK!” his sister yelled to him, running up to the window he had flown from. She was crying; scared for her brothers’ safety but also out of anger.
“YOU FUCKING BITCH!” Light Star yelled at her mother as she flown off for Air Glider, a first for her, having never in her entire life used that kind of language to anypony.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Light Star was out for two hours looking for Air Glider. She ended up passing by a stray cloud, she was going to pass it by when she heard crying
“Air Glider is that you?” She whispered, the concealed pony perked their ears up and flew over and hugged her
“Light Star it’s you! I missed you!” he cried, tears flowing down his face
“I couldn't just leave you Air Glider, I love you.” She said, her own tears forming around her eyes before returning the hug
“What about Dad is he ok?”
“I don't know I really don’t know what’s gone wrong with this family.”
“What did Mom do to him.”
“He was knocked out,” she explained, “I know this shocked you but I really want you to know that he will be ok and I want you to stay near me you'll be safer.”
“Ok.”
“Moms probably going to go hard on the both of us.” Light Star said with a tear running down her face
“B..Bu...But why?”
“It was really sudden but I had said some really bad things to her, now she might ground me.”
“But Light Star do we really have to go back?”
“I don’t know what to do or what we should do, I don’t even know if we should go back.” She was now crying, tears flowing freely down her face as she sat beside her youngest brother.
“Light Star we shouldn’t go back it would be safer for the two of us.”
“B...bu...”
“I don’t know about our brothers, but I know you got in trouble and Mothers probably going to be very angry, she already hates me. What’s the point of staying at that house anymore.”
“I guess it would be a good idea to just stay away from that house, but where do we go?”
The colt was thinking of places they could seek refuge, he thought they could go to the nearest house to ask if they could stay the night. He saw a cottage in the distance
“Hey Light Star maybe we can ask the pony at that cottage if they will let us stay a day.” Air Glider said pointing at a cottage, her response was a simple “guess so”.
The two flew over to the cottage, hoping they would be accepted in to the home and when they got there Light Star knocked on the door. It was cautiously opened be a Yellow and Pink pony who has seemingly just woken up

“Hello” The pony asked “who are you?”
“I’m Light Star and this is my little brother Air Glider, we ran away from our homes because of our mother.”
“What about your mother?” She asked
“She hates me.” Air Glider,
“And she probably hates me now.” Light Star explained
“Here, come in out of the cold” She said, opening the door wider, introducing herself as Fluttershy
“Thanks for letting us in Fluttershy.” Light Star said
The yellow pony lead the foals into the building before asking the circumstances which lead them to her home.
“We really don’t know why she hates my brother but I said pretty terrible things to her for something she did terribly wrong.” The filly explained.
“What did she do?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Light Star hesitantly said, not wishing to appear rude but not wanting to relive the argument.
“Oh I'm sorry, so you two need a place to sleep?”
“Yeah.”
“Here follow me I'll let you two use my bed I’ll sleep on my couch over here.”
“Thank you.” Air Glider said, his sister quickly repeating him.
Fluttershy lead them upstairs and to her bed where they could sleep in comfort. For once Air Glider felt safe to go to bed, every night he would wish that he knew the next day would be perfect and everyone would be like a normal family but it never happened. When Air Glider got in the bed he smiled, actual comfort at last, on the day he thought would never happen.
“Good night you two I’ll find you a good home tomorrow.” Fluttershy said
“Thank you for your kindness.” Light Star said
Fluttershy went downstairs, Light Star looked to the side and saw Air Glider laying down smiling, the sight of him being happy for the first time in years made her tear up. It was heart-warming to see her little brother happy rather than the fear usually found in his expression afraid. But now he was safe, and had someone who loved him with him.

Comments

[Fragile Wings]

A filly is a female, a colt is a male.

[Sorren]

Um, this speaking in such ways isn't really too common for ponies. It kind of just sounds like somone replaying childhood events in pony form.

But on a side now, grammar. After a speaking sentence, such as. "Blehbleh blah." when you say "she siad after that. Break it with a comma. so it looks like this. > "Bleh blehblah," she said. If there is an exlaimation or question mark, jsut pretend it's a comma.

[Minecraftzero1]

635258 Thanks i was always confused on that ill change that

[Fragile Wings]

So I thought after I had criticized this i might as well read it, I read the first paragraph.

“Do this list of chores by 12:00 or your (should be you're) going to be punished.” his Mother said handing him a list of things to do. Air Glider was a 6 year old colt, the tasks his Mother gave him usually were beyond what a normal colt (his age) should do. Air Glider (too repetitive, use 'he'started to work at 11:00 (comma, maybe put 'this being') the time his mother gave (had given) him the list, he worked for about 30 minutes till his father came to him and said

“Air Glider take a break go out and play.” (Going to change all of this, too much speech is bad, this isn't a transcript. Try put 'It had been half an hour before his father interrupted him, telling him to go and play'

Do you have/want a proofreader? :P

[Fragile Wings]

Skimming it you're very... liberal with your profanities, there are a few other spelling or grammatical errors and again, very repetitive.

[Minecraftzero1]

635677 I could probably use a proofreader