Window Shopping

by Parallel Black

2 - Applejack Obtém uma Ressaca (Applejack Gets a Hangover)

Applejack woke up. Almost. She held her eyes shut as tightly as she could, as if the light of the morning sun was trying to gouge them out of her skull. That was what it felt like at least. The farmer let out a heavy groan that shifted to one of pain as she finally sat up. The light was indeed blinding, even with the curtains drawn. Her vision and her every thought was swimming about, causing everything in the room to continuously melt into a blurred slurry, before blinking back into position and repeating the mind-numbing process.

Applejack felt something hit her back, and after a full three minutes of having no idea what was going on, realized she had fallen out of bed. “Dur… D-Dis… cord?” she called in her dreary haze. What… happened… last… night…? She tried to think of what had taken place, but couldn’t come up with anything other than the colour yellow. The word “banana” came to mind. Then again, and again, her own inner voice telling her everything about what little she could recall.

“Discord…” she spoke again, this time with a strained tone of annoyance to the word. She remembered the visit, the feelings of aggravation and anger, and then the blitz of yellow nothing as soon as she took that first bite.

What sounded like a sliding door grating against a rack of chains came from the other side of the room, and a wobbling, fizzled voice quivered through the mess Applejack was experiencing. A new shape appeared in her vision; a tall figure. She still couldn’t make out any colours or details through the sea of distortions, but her vision was gradually stabilizing.

“Are you… M-Macintosh? Or Granny?” Applejack asked as the figure pulled her up off the floor. The words slipped limply from her tongue on the way out of her mouth. She frowned as yellows began to congregate over the shape. “... Is that you, Braeburn?”

The figure shook its elongated head. “I’m sorry, I’m Nurse Noguera. I’ve been taking care of you since you got here.” The voice was slowly becoming more clear. It was still fuzzy, but it was clearly female and quite young.

Applejack rubbed her eyes and let out another groan as she was raised back onto the hospital bed. The covers were quickly replaced next, with Applejack’s stetson put back on the bedside table. “Where am I?” the farmer asked, hooves covering her aching eyes.

“You’re at Tierno Corazón, Miss. You were brought in by your friend early this morning in a pretty bad state, I’m afraid. How are you feeling now?”

“Like I’m… like I’ve just had the worst night of my entire life.” Applejack took her hooves away again. Her vision had returned for the most part. Shapes were staying mostly the same, and colours were no longer bleeding into one another. She looked over at the mare standing at her bedside and screamed at the top of her lungs.

The giant, walking banana screamed as well and looked behind her for what her patient was looking at. Applejack clambered up onto the windowsill, bringing the bed covers with her for protection against the monster. “M-Miss, I’m not here to hurt you! Please calm down!” Noguera exclaimed, waving her fruit limbs at Applejack, which only prompted more screaming.

“WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU GET AWAY FROM ME!!” Applejack shouted as she waved the covers in front of her. “DISCORD!! THIS THING IS GOING TO EAT ME!!!”

“Security! I need help in here!” said the banana as it rushed out into the hallway.

Now on her own, Applejack looked about for an escape route. Naturally with this being a hospital bedroom, there was only one door out of the room. She felt the smooth glass of the window behind her and briefly considered the only other option available to her, before she saw the three-story drop into the street below. I don’t remember Ponyville Hospital bein’ that tall! she thought. Applejack looked out at the town beyond the window. It was still a blurred mess of colours, but the pale, sandstone yellow of the houses and the glinting colours of decorations didn’t match Ponyville or Canterlot.

Just then, the door opened and a complete stranger wandered in, garbed in a wizard’s costume and sporting a silly-sized white mustache. His red and yellow eyes met hers. “Oh, Applejack!” Discord exclaimed upon seeing her. He may have been walking on all fours, but it was clear as day who it was, what with the ear-piercingly aggravating tone of gleeful sarcasm spewing from his mouth. “Wonderful to see that you’re feeling better! What with you screaming in terror, and standing ready to flop those sheets at anything that comes near.”

Applejack scowled at him. “Discord, what the hell is going on?! What in Tartarus was that thing?”

“Phew, you’re certainly a potty mouth when you’re scared, aren’t you?” Discord commented, coming to a stop next to the window. With a flash of light he returned to his normal form. He now wore a fruit hat on his head, made up of all sorts of produce from across the world, some of which Applejack had never even seen before. Another banana materialized in his hand. “Here, eat this and I’ll explain everything.”

Applejack stared at the thing for a few moments, then glared, the terror fading away into suspicion. “What the hell did you do to me?” she asked with a tone as ripe as a poisoned apple. Without any warning, Discord shoved the thing into her mouth. Applejack gagged and quickly spewed it back up, falling back onto the bed in a fit of coughing and swearing.

“I’ve enchanted that banana to remove all of the effects you’ve been experiencing so far,” Discord explained. He couldn’t help but grin as Applejack let out a loud groan and flopped onto the floor. “It tastes like the armpits of Tartarus, but it’ll do the job.”

The nurse rushed back into the room, now taking the form of a normal earth-pony wearing the standard scrubs of a hospital worker. She was a very pale shade of orange, with an equally pale purple in her tied mane interlaced with a far more vibrant pink. Doración Noguera skidded to a halt as she saw Discord, and let out a squeal of terror as she saw what he’d done to her patient. She backed up to the doorway, only to feel a solid wall behind her.

“Oh god no…” she whimpered, shuffling down to the floor in fear.

“Oh good, everyone is exactly where they should be!” Discord suddenly exclaimed. As he said this, the small group of security guards Noguera had been leading galloped right past them, unaware that the hallway was now missing a room. Without waiting around to explain anything, he grabbed Applejack under one arm and the unfourtunate nurse with the other, and phased through the window…

-----

A few minutes later. Applejack and Discord were sat in the main courtyard outside of Tierno Corazón, both unrecognized by security thanks to a thin magical disguise from the draconequus. They had been watching the other ponies go past for a short while now, Applejack taking note of how many other races were intermingled amongst them. While the majority of the crowd were ponies, Dogs were a fairly common sight, and there were even a few ponies bearing sparkling coats dotted by crystals, all of whom bore sharp, gem-encrusted wings.

“So… I’m really not in Equestria anymore, am I?” Applejack asked.

“Nope,” Discord responded simply. “This is an island called Una Magna, meaning ‘Large One’ in Dvautiam.”

“Well that doesn’t really help me. I’m not exactly a geography buff.”

While to everyone else the two of them looked like perfectly normal ponies, they could see their respective normal selves just fine. Discord was sat hunched over in order to fit into the same space his disguise would. “It’s a large island off the coast of Cabérico. Great holiday destination, not that you’d know of that sort of thing given your ‘apple till I die’ work ethic.” Applejack scowled at him, but Discord ignored her. “We’re currently in the small city of Pezulma, the first stop on our trip.”

“Trip?” Applejack asked. Her eyes went wide all of a sudden. “Wait, Cabérico?! I’m pretty darn sure that that’s someplace halfway round the world!”

Discord clasped his hands together in sarcastic joy. “Correct, Applejack!” He patted her on the head. “We’re exactly six-thousand, one-hundred and eighty-two kilometers from Sweet Apple Acres!”

For a moment, Applejack froze in horror. She thought to snap back at Discord for this and all sorts of other reasons which were quickly starting to build up, but instead, she didn’t. Applejack grit her teeth and let out a pained sigh; she knew it would be utterly pointless to demand anything at this point if Discord had really brought her so far from home. “Ok. What’re we doin’ here, you twisted pile of body parts?”

Discord grinned. “Surprisingly relaxed for somepony who was freaking out at the sight of Dogs just a few minutes ago.”

“Just get on with it…”

“Alright, then I suppose I’ll head right back to the beginning with my explanation; why I was even in Sweet Apple Acres yesterday. You see, the reason I find your farm so boring is because of the sheer lack of variation in the things that are grown there. Yes, there may be a fair number of vegetables on offer, and the apples may hold the title of ‘the best in Equestria’, but that isn’t enough to make a truly excellent farm.” Invisible to everyone else, a ball of rich, fertile dirt materialized above his lion paw. “This is what the ground beneath Sweet Apple Acres looks like right now; nice, soft, rich soil, very well suited to all sorts of traditional Equestrian produce.”

The lump floated over to Applejack, coming to a stop a short distance from her. “Now then… there are a few places in the world that grow all kinds of produce from all across the planet. Ranging from seeds that only germinate within clouds, to peppers that are watered with the broiling Maga beneath the crust.” Above Discord’s talon formed a ball of glowing, blue dirt. Mixed with powerful liquid magic, its texture was almost semi-solid. “There is only one such place on Epona that can grow anything in the world, and it is the very fact that the farmers there spread their wings far and wide, trying out every kind of produce they can possibly get their hooves on.”

The lumps of dirt lowered themselves into Applejack’s waiting forehooves. She eyed them both closely, finding herself interested in the sheer difference between them. “So what you’re tellin’ me is… more different kinds of produce cause the soil to turn out like… that?”

Discord nodded with a smile. “Each new spark of variety makes the ground a little more fertile and flexible in what can grow there. Eventually, the soil itself becomes a delicacy and a highly sought-after material. Understandably, the owners of said dirt are reluctant to give it away for any price that isn’t within the range of the royal treasury.”

“And the reason you’ve dragged me all the way out here is to find new things for the farm, back home?”

“Correct.” Discord lifted his lion paw, palm open. Within it, a point of light rapidly grew into a small sphere, about the size of one of the Cakes’ cupcakes. Applejack’s eyes went wide as she saw what floated within; the unconscious form of the nurse. “And it all starts with her.”

Comments

[CommisarSilver]

Its entertaining, I'm just curious as to why aj had such a reaction to bananas. Did discord put poison in them or something?

[Parallel Black]

6162973 Nope! The only lie Discord told in that first scene was how much money he had. Applejack literally just has a super-low resistance to their strange effects - and as an explanation for my choice of fruit, not all horses like bananas, but from what I've seen the ones who do, love them. I took that and combined it with the fact that eating too many apples is intoxicating for horses, and thought "What about other fruit? Do they have similar effects?". So bananas are like pony drugs now.

[CommisarSilver]

6163425 fair enough! I just had the funny image of aj selling bananas under the table to some pony. She has to keep it hidden lest she be disowned from the APPLE family.

[Parallel Black]

6163435 XD That's a funny idea for a picture. I might try drawing that.