“Finally I’ve got one that works” the man thought as he happily loaded his newly made shell into his gun. It had been 2 years since he landed in this strange place but finally things were coming together. The animals feared him due to him being a skilled hunter as well as having an intimating armor. Hell, it had gotten to the point were all he would have to do is play his flute and most creatures would cower in fear and now he had found a way to make more ammo for his gun albeit crudely.
"Now all it needs is a field test" So once again he set out into the forest to find some prey. As he walked he couldn't help but feel thankful that his father had taught him so many skills from how to survive in unfamiliar circumstances. Mostly making his own weapons from scratch "God bless ya dad... And God bless the marines too for teaching you all that stuff. Lord knows without it I’d be dead" he smiled as he continued to wander for a few hours being careful to remember the way back to the base of the large oak tree that he had been using as his home.
Suddenly a loud roar echoed from a few yards away calling the man’s attention as he quickly rushed over to see what could make such a roar and then he saw it, a Manticore advancing on two ponies. Now the man had always been fond of the ponies that he had seen from the edge of the forest, and they seemed peaceful and the man didn't want to see any violence or fear among the pony folk so for the most part he had stayed hidden but this was an emergency. The lives of those ponies rested on him and he'd be damned if some over-sized furball was gonna kill them here.
Still probably best not to shoot if he didn't have to at least not with the ponies around, so he played his flute as a warning. At first it seemed to work as the Manticore was certainly frightened. Though he readied his shot just in case the thing tried something, and low and behold it did. “You stupid bastard I was gonna letcha go but oh well..." as the beast lunged for the ponies the man let loose his bullet and took the beast down "Whelp. I guess now I know it works but... what the hell do I do now? If I leave it there I’ll be wasting a meal that could keep me fed for a while, but if I get it they'll know I’m here." he thought.
The growling of his stomach quickly turned the tide of the argument and he fetched his prize, stopping only to look at the ponies he had saved before rushing off. “Smooth." he thought "Very smooth."
as you can tell this chapter is just kind of a buffer between segments of twi's and pinkies story so yeah hope you like it.
Is this a trollfic? Or just your ''Best'' attempt to write?
630230 sadly i am trying to make the story enjoyable i'm just not thinking very clearly what with me beng sick and all if you have suggestions on how i can improve please tell me i do want this to be good and please remeber that this is my first shot and i willstrive to do better i'm sorry that you don't like it so far
630240 Jesus, cut the waterworks man. i saw much errors. The names ALLWAYS have a big letter t.ex ''Jimmy say Tom sitting next to Jerry'' and dont make walls of text my eyes still bleed. Don't forget grammar and other shits.
630245 thanks i'll work on that also thanks for being my first comenter
630250 No problem. you may wanna get a pre-reader or a ''Proof-reader''. But not me, i suck at that stuff.
630256 thats not a bad idea do you have anyone you can suggest?
630258 No, but look in the ''Groups'' and type in '' pre-read'' or ''Proof-read'' and hope you get someting
630259 awsome ill try that thank you sooo much
630262 No problem.
Yes there is a lot of grammar and spelling errors but its still an enjoyable story
Like SomeBrony and alphex said, it needs some proofreading work, but don't give up!
630330thank you very much
630330thank you very much630337 i'm happy for the encoruagement X3
630467 alright then (salutes)
It looks like you've rushed this out. take your time to check to see if there is any errors, which there is hundreds of them!
630751 alight i will i'm sorry about it being rushed its just i'm alittle sick at the moment so i wanted to ge it out before i thew up on my keyboard but i will improve i pinkie promise
630807 i'm sorry about the errors i'm trying to fix them i am glad you like the story though
I like this story, but like many else I think you need a proof reader. If you got one then it would be 20% cooler
630811 dude, chill you don't need to promise anything
630840 i'm acctualy in the process of getting one so don't worry i'll get this cleared up in ten seconds flat
630841i know i just really want to make people happy
630849 make your self happy first because you won't write anything good when unhappy. Making people happy comes with you enjoying writing, not you feeling forced to pump out some magnificent story...
630841i know i just really want to make people happy
630865 ya your right
630872 so take the time to fix it up and make it a great piece of writing!
Well I like the setting lone survivor in the everfree I kinda imagine settings like that. So ill keep a look out for this. Oh longer chapters listen to the other comments well so far and have fun.
633684 thank you i'm glad you like it
638610 oh i didn't know that thank you