The day 23 people vanish
The day 23 people vanish.
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(Geo hikari)
Today was the day! My name is jack trans a black haired twenty year old man with electric blue eyes. But today I was dressed as the volt warframe from the mmo Warframe. It was the basic version. The armor was basically a light blue knight armor with the thighs and arms being brown. The knees were extended by about four inches. The helmet was hard to describe being pretty much looking like a fencing helmet with a solid face front with a crest on top looking like I had a dull sideways fin on my head. On the bottom where my mouth was supposed to be was a brown stubbed horn. Took me a long time to make the helmet as I had to use a special clear plastic I had to tint on one side to look like the 'face' of the warframe. Looped on my arms between the shoulders and elbows were three loops that made it look like I had Tesla coils attached. On my thighs were replicas of the kunai holsters from the warframe game. On my back in a sheath was a replica of the Paris mk 1 sword. Next to it was the Paris bow. I was taking the space ninja thing a bit seriously as one rule about ninja is that their silent. Guns are not silent. Oh right I bet your wondering about where I'm headed with this get up. I'm heading to e3 to Promote the game and as a joke I was bringing something I was working on on the side of my costume.
It was a silver robotic fox with nine tails. Took me three years to build and wire. The hardest was the tails. Had to find a nine point connector to connect the tails to one spot into the body. I gave the fox custom optics where when it's on the optics light up electric blue and can change to either amber or crimson depending on the mood. Amber is to signal that it's in the calm or serious mood while crimson symbolized the predator and hunter in each canine. Problem was that I sucked at programing so for now the fox was just a statue that can move and has no mind. I used light weight material to make it. I tried to make the kitsune as authentic to real foxes shape wise meaning fully jointed and the endo mimicked a fox's skeleton as much as possible. Yeah you can see why it took my three years to make this thing.
Well with that I gathered my things and sighed as I remembered the one thing about the costume I didn't have time to make for it. The greaves for the lower legs and feet. I pretty much had on a brown bodysuit with built in soles covering that part.
When I arrived at the convention center I was pretty much in awe. The place was packed with a gamers paradise. I had a fun time and played some demos of upcoming games though I steered clear of certain games. Then I found a interesting store in the center. The sign was pretty much a tao symbol. The classic yin and yang. Entering I smiled at the place. There was items from various franchises over the walls and isles. Manning the counter was a blonde woman like with her eyes colored white and wore a white dress that made me think of a holy person for some reason. Her entire presence felt innocent and calming. Next to her was a white kitten with a black bow around the neck. The fact the bow part was behind the head showed it was a girl. With her at the counter was a complete opposite of her owner. Black hair with demonic red eyes dressed in a black business suit with a black book in hand he felt like his presence was drowning out all light and made me on edge. Though the similar features made me think these two were siblings and I felt that they fit the sign of the shop to a t. Very much opposites of each other.
"Welcome to the balance twins emporium I'm yin and this is my twin brother yang, how may we help you" said the woman looking at me.
"Do you sell costume pieces? I'm kinda missing a part of my costume" I said motioning to my legs.
"Didn't have enough time?" asked yang raising a eyebrow inwardly making me cringe at his voice reminding me of that one person that always seem to have dark intentions even if he never means to act on them. Creepy as heck.
"Yeah between working on this and the costume I ran out of material to make the greaves of the costume. Just doesn't feel right that the costume is basically not complete. Not many people know about warframe after all" I said placing my robotic kitsune on the counter as I was carrying it in my arms.
"Nice craftsmanship. I can see you worked hard on this little cyber kitsune" said yin looking over the fox.
"Yeah though I'm not a programmer while it is functional I don't know how to code in a ai into it so it can move. I had to use my experience raising female foxes over at the animal shelter near big bear mountain to get the frame right. Guess that makes this a vixen took me three years to get this far" I said making yin whistle in a impressed tone.
"If you want we can see about the CPU for this. We may deal with various franchises but we also deal with electronics and with how much work went into this I want to see it finished. Can you open up the head so I can work on it. My brother can help you with your costume" said yin.
"That would be fine" I said reaching behind the head and flicked a small switch making the panels forming the head unfold revealing the electronics inside.
"This is very impressive that mechanism makes it easy to reassemble the frame once done working" said yin picking up the fox and was surprised how light 'she' was.
"Light weight material? There is some weight from the electronics it's making me think I'm holding a actual fox a couple of years old. You really went the extra mile on authentic detail" said yin.
I followed yang to where the leg and foot wear section was and looking at a picture I had of the full costume the twin pulled out the identical greaves of the warframe.
"Looks like your in luck someone built these about a week back but sold them to us because apparently they didn't fit the costume. The person was dressed as link from hyrule warriors" said yang making me raise a eyebrow. That was a surprise. Taking them we went back to the counter where yin returned with my kitsune back to full assembly.
"I have to admit this is one impressive fox robot I took a look at everything to make sure the CPU wasn't incapatable with the whole build. This was your first build right? You got some talent here" said yin handing me the fox and I noticed that there was some black decals making the fox look more realistic.
"Okay the CPU and the greaves together cost around thirty dollars that is with a 5% discount for such detailed work. It takes a lot to impress my sister here she prides herself on knowing her mechanics and to give you praise like that shows that you made it on a very rare good note with her" said yang tallying up everything.
"Got me there not many are as interested in robotics as me and to see such a impressive first build I just had to give you some major props. You were very through with the detail. I also like the optic system you had. Blue means a docile mood while amber and crimson are different moods. And they can have a wide range of expression. Now why don't you try on the greaves after paying I want to see the full set" said yin.
With a chuckle at the fact I impressed someone I played the amount and slid on the light blue greaves into place and picked up my fox in my arm as if I was cradling it to my chest.
"Nice so what are you going to name the cyber vixen?" Asked yang giving a rare interested look.
"I was thinking moonlight. The frame looks a bit like moonlight when light hits it" I said showing them what I meant.
"Wow the opposite of my little sunshine here" said yin petting her cat.
"I can feel the irony here a canine and feline having similar yet opposite names" said the cat with a purr making me stare.
"Did your cat just talk?" I asked blinking.
"Yes and good luck on your journey" said yang and it was then I realized my body was disintegrating into particles as if I was being transported somewhere else.
"I feel like I'm not going to like where this is headed" I said just before I vanished.
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(Illua)
It has been Two Years since I have dared enter any form of Convention, But I decided that has been enough time. Besides, It was E3! The Games, The Excitement, The Players! The Air was abuzz with the chatter of gamers and developers alike, While the sounds of gunfire and magic were blaring from multiple speakers from the numerous booths.
Let me Introduce myself. My name Is Jayson Averra, Twin Brother to the Missing Seinaru Averra, Gamer, and Craftsman. I stand at Six foot Two Inches, with a broad build for someone my height, With Snow white hair and Blue eyes. You wouldn't be able to tell that though currently with my Costume on. I am Cosplaying as Frost, The Warframe of Ice from the MMO, Warframe. I was wearing a Long, High collar coat, in which the collar attached to the Crab like helmet, concealing every inch of my body. My Black pants hung loosely around my legs, up until the Large and heavy boots. I had spent months and most of my excess funds on this project, ordering the carbon fiber and shaping the helmet and boots in just the right manner, allowing me to slip them on comfortably, and still be able to see out through a one way panel on the front of the helm.
I wandered E3, Rotating through the different presentations, from Fallout to Halo, and hearing the common complaint of 'where's Kingdom Hearts 3 Squeenix?' each time I would move to a different Presentation, I noticed an Inconspicuous Sign. A Tao, plain and simple, hanging over a Door to one of the Store rooms. I passed it once more, looking at it, feeling as If I was drawn to it. What the hell... Might as well see what they have. As I cracked the door Open, I immediately noticed how the store was evenly split between Black and White, with the goods on either side representing the good and Evil of varying franchises, while the more neutral items lined the racks in the Center.
"Welcome to the Balance Twin's Emporium." I turned to look at the counter, and saw a duo of merchants. The one on the White half of the store was a Fair skinned woman with waist length blonde hair, dressed much like a Greek goddess, with... White Eyes? Probably colored contacts.. "I'm Yin," The Female Spoke, her voice Soft and soothing, with a pleasing lilt, " And this is my Twin Brother, Yang. How may we Help you?" Compared to his Sister, Yang was a Tall man, with jet Black hair, his Crimson eyes glittering in the light. He wore a Buisness suit with off white pinstripes, with a Tome the color of midnight in his hands. The Light seemed to be dim around him, despite the lighting being excellent through the rest of the store.
"Just Taking a look around..." I Trailed off, looking along the Neutral racks.
"Eh. Seems like you're Missing a Piece of your Costume." The Male, Yang, Stated. His voice was Gravelly, with a dark overtone, that would set anyone on Edge.
"Honestly, This is the Complete outfit, But I did want to make the Syandana..." I spoke, rubbing my arm slightly as I attempted to dispel the chills Yang gave me. As per the game, I had chosen A Off-white color as the primary color on my Costume, with Deep Blue Highlights, and Made the Miscellaneous areas Black.
Yin giggled softly, Heading towards the White Walls, and sliding a panel back, pulling out a few scarf like objects, with an obvious collar like attachment at one end. "I believe These are what you are referring to?" I stared in wonder from beneath my Flat helmet. I looked over the set of them, Their names coming to mind near instantly. Rakta, Noru, Imperator, Harkonar... Ah! My Uru Syandana! I lifted up the Wide strip of cloth, taking a closer look at the lovingly crafted accesory. It Even matched my costume in color. "What is the Price on this one?"
"Hm... It Matches your outfit Flawlessly... Twenty Dollars." My eyes widened as my Jaw dropped. Only Twenty? The Craftsmanship would make it at least fifty... Thankful for my mask, I pulled out my wallet from beneath the heavy coat, and paid for the Syandana.
Despite being a Man, I nearly Squealed like a little girl in Excitement. I mean, Not only did I have my Prop Weapons, The AkVastos, Tiberon, and The Dakra Blade, I had the final piece that Replicated my In-game Frost. I clipped it on with ease, taking a quick Tug at it, Confirming it was secure.
Yang Finally Spoke again. "Ah, A fitting appearance for A Cold and Dangerous Journey." I nodded, containing my excitement to run out and Enjoy the Expo. "Have a Nice Trip." He Said, Waving.
I looked down as my Fingers and legs begin to dematerialize. I sighed as I looked up at the Twin Merchants. As My Vision turned Black, All I could think of was the Day my Sister disappeared in the same fashion, Two Years Ago.
(Theyellowninja13)
I whistled in surprise at the sight. Standing in front of me was a huge convention. I've finally saved enough money to go to the nearby gamer's convention. I should introduce myself first. My name's Blaise Flint, and I recently moved out on my own to live in the big city. I looked around at all the costumes, amazed at how in depth they were (when I could recognize them). I looked down at myself, noticing that I didn't wear a costume, due to not having enough money.
I sighed, and continued moving, looking through all the stalls. But finally, I found a stall with something that seriously interested me. In the stall there were an assortment of cool items from a game I can kinda remember. Warframe I think it was. The person running this stall had all kinds of things from that game. But what really struck my interest was the boa staff. It was colored red and yellow.
"Ah yes, I see you have noticed the staff." A voice said, and I looked up to notice that merchant running the stall was talking to me. He looked kinda creepy, as if he stepped out of a game himself.
"It is a well made staff." I replied, remembering my training that involves using boa staffs. I'm pretty good with them, as my parents let me get training for them ever since I was a child.
"Yes it is. I designed it after a character from Warframe." 'I wonder which character?'
I reach over and pick it up, slightly testing it out. "How much is this?"
"Ten dollars." He simply stated.
"Deal." I said with a smile. My previous boa staff broke when a friend incorrectly used it by banging it against stuff. So I needed a new staff and this one looked pretty good. I pulled out ten dollars, and gave them to the merchant.
"Then the deal is struck!" He snapped his fingers, and I noticed the world seemed to be slowly getting darker.
"Which character is this staff based on?" I asked, remembering hearing that someone on the news said they bought something from a merchant, and got sent as their character they dressed up as.
"Ember of course." The merchant said with a smile. 'Wait, Ember is a female.'
The world seemed to be getting darker and darker, but I quickly reached forward, and punched the Merchant in the face. Hard. "That's for doing what I think you're doing." Then, everything went dark, before a bright flash of white light almost blinded me.
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(Geo hikari)
My name is Kevin Russo I'm your average twenty five year old man. I'm one of those Hispanic Americans with slightly tanned skin and black hair. My eyes though were a light silver. I work as a mechanic and slight repair guy over in queens. But I'm also a gamer. My games range around my profession. So you can see I'm a fan of things like mass effect, dead space, portal anything related to tech I might have played it. But recently I got into a mmo I stumbled on steam that caught my interest. Warframe. It was like nothing I have ever saw. And right up my ally with the foundry. There was also everything about it that got me excited like I was ten years old again. There was a convention today here in new York that gave me a chance to take a break from my job. It was a convention based around all things sci fi. I forgot what it was called but it must have been similar to the star wars convention or star trek. Either way I was dressed as Vauban my warframe from the game.
It was a mainly blue armor with red as a secondary and there was white edges. My helmet was shaped a bit like the front of a train which was what I honestly thought it looked like from the image I saw. Equipped to my hip was a pistol I modified to resemble the one in the game and on my back was a staff. With it was a Paris mk 2 bow. Fully suited up I headed for the con with my wallet.
I was having a grand old time when I discovered a curious little booth. And on it next to what looked like a star trek com link was a data chip CPU with the image of a lotus on it. Curious I went up and looked at the vendor and noted he looked a lot like Hephaestus from the Percy Jackson books. Asking him how much for the chip he replied five dollars. I shrugged feeling it was fair and paid for it. As I was walking away I felt a bit dizzy before I suddenly started to fall not noticing the chip was softly glowing. I was out before I even hit the ground.
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(Theyellowninja13)
"That's quite a sight." I said to brother as I looked upon the imposing convention. We traveled across the entire country to get to this convention, as it's the most famous convention in the United States of America. My name's Nisha, and I was currently dressed up as my favorite character from the game Warframe, Mesa. My costume is hard to describe, but it's colored a bright yellow, a dull blue, grey, and black. My head looks like it is surrounded by a yellow wrap with a black spot around my right eye. I dressed up as Mesa because of a similarity between us. We're both good at firing guns. My father trained me how to accurately fire most weapons when I was really young, as my mother was killed by a crazy person when me and my older brother were really young.
My brother, Chuck, was with me, dressed up as his favorite Warframe, Rhino. He looked the part, as he was rather huge and bulky. His costume was mostly orange with some black mixed in. "Yes it is." He said simply, replying to my earlier comment.
"Think we'll find anything cool?" I asked Chuck.
"Most likely." And with that, we were off, looking at all the amazing costumes, and the stalls too.
Eventually, we found a stall that had something we both wanted, some weapons for our Warframes. I wasn't allowed to bring weapons with me, so I decided to buy the pair of fake pistols this merchant had. I didn't get a good look at what Rhino wanted to buy, as the stall's merchant came up to us. "I see you noticed these pistols. They're the same kind the Warframe your costume uses."
"How much?" I asked, completely forgetting about everything else, even my brother, as I was so focused on getting the guns.
"Twenty dollars for both." He simply stated.
I quickly grabbed my wallet from a secret pocket on my suit, and pulled out twenty dollars and gave it to him. "Deal." He handed me the two guns, as they were on the wall behind him, and I quickly tested them out as if they were real guns. "Wow, these are pretty realistic!"
"Yes they are. I hope you two enjoy! Oh, and do be careful, the first trip is always a doozy." 'What?' I asked myself, as I felt myself fall backwards, and I yelled, as everything turned white. I could vaguely hear my brother yell as well.
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(Dundredo)
I was in the Salt lake Comic Con. I had gone a few times before this, but the size of it always surprised me. Something that I was especially exited about this year was that I was cosplaying. I had never done this before, and I had put a lot of time, effort, and money into my costume. I was dressed as the Warframe Saryn. She was my favorite Warframe because of her organic nature. I was just drawn to things like that, like iron filings to a magnet. The only thing I was disappointed about was my lack of a weapon. In Warframe I always played with just a melee weapon, but my attempt at making a replica of Mire was still in progress.
I spotted a booth with a Ying-Yang symbol. I walked over to it, and was stunned by the merchandise. All of it was quality work. But what caught my attention the most was the meticulously crafted replica of Mire laying on the counter next to other swords. I rushed over to the counter.
"How much for that sword?" I blurted out. I had kept my eyes on Mire up until a unsettling voice spoke.
"Normally, several hundred dollars. But since it would be a shame if your costume went uncompleted, two hundred. I looked up to see a man with demonic looking red eyes looking at me in a calculating way. He had raven black hair, but it seemed almost darker than that. He also wore a business suit that seemed like it was absorbing the light around it. I was glad for the mask on my costume, as I could pretend to be returning his stare. In actuality, I was almost gibbering. Then a woman that was the polar opposite of him stepped toward him.
"Honestly Yang." She said. "Don't do that." She then turned toward me, and gave me a smile that made me feel like I was loved by the universe. "Sorry about that. My name is Ying. What's yours?"
"Aisha." I said. She nodded.
"Well, you can have the sword for fifty bucks. Just to say sorry for my brothers attitude." I whipped out my wallet, and handed her a fifty.
"Thank you so much!" I said as I picked Mire up.
"My pleasure." She said, patting me lovingly on the arm. "And have a nice trip. I would love to talk to you again someday." I nodded, smiling behind my mask.
"I would like to ta- wait, what trip?" I asked. I looked down just as a shock wave of particles disintegrated me. I only had time to feel slightly hurt by this betrayal before I blacked out.
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(Forgedheart)
As I got off the bus I threw up my hands and shouted “HELLO E3!!” some people look at me like I was crazy, others were just as excited as I was. My name is Kiyoshi Takenaka (but my friends call me Yoshi or Yosh) I’m a 20 year old half-Japanese guy from Washington (the state not the city.) and this is my first year at E3 and I was pumped, so pumped that I dressed up as a modified version of Banshee (technically banshee’s a girl but I don’t care) from one of my favorite MMO’s Warframe, The main color was black,the secondary color a dark purple, and the cloth parts covering my legs and some of the armor was a light lavender also as opposed to the standard helmet (which looks really stupid) I wore the Chorus version (it kinda looks like there’s a lyre on my head.)
I entered the convention center and it was as awesome as I thought it would be there were demos, panels, and shops every where I didn’t know where to start! that is until I noticed A door with a Yin-Yang symbol above it, curious I entered and found the shop was filled with various merch from many different games, at the counter was a dark-haired man with red eyes dressed in a black suit. He looked at me like I was covered in trash.
“get out we’re closed.” he said with disdain. I didn't appreciate the tone but I was adamant on buying something.
“then why was your door open pal?” I retorted sarcastically.
“doesn’t matter just get out!” he spat back. “I’m done for today.”
I was about to respond when I heard a voice from the back yell out “YANG! Don’t pester the customers!” A door near the back opened up and a girl in a white dress with blonde hair and...White eyes? They must really like those contacts if they’re wearing them when the shop is closed. she gave the man ,who I assume is Yang, a stern look then turned to me and smiled brightly.
“Welcome to the balance twins emporium I’m Yin and this grump is my twin brother Yang, How may I help you?” I turned towards Yang. “just wanted to buy something.” he turned away “hmph whatever.” she giggled a bit “don’t mind him have a look around.” I nodded
Almost immediately I saw it a perfect Nikana Replica (A katana in the game) and picked it up, and pulled the sword from its sheath It weighs as much as the ones my dad has at home. My dad’s from japan and growing he taught me kendo and I practiced often but lacked a real blade..until now that is. the blade gleamed in the light.
“how much for this?” I asked hoping I could afford it. Yin smiled and walked over “well nomally it’s about 400 dollars, but if you buy this Attica crossbow and these Hikou Throwing stars all together it’s only 325 dollars. I pulled out my wallet “deal.” I handed her the money and started putting on my new gear. I thanked her and as I turned to leave she said "your welcome, Good luck on your Journey and sorry about this.” I stopped “sorry about wha-” I was cut-off as I fell to the ground and blacked out.
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(Solarkness ; Limbo ; The Employer)
I was always interested in games where you had to kill others, from Assasin's Creed to Call of Duty, I played it all.
"You came late to the job again? Please tell me you're going to change that... they might fire you!"
So it came as no surprise, that I immediately jumped at the chance to play yet another game:
"Warframe! You gotta play it with me some time! You know how I never liked shooters? Well, this one's special!"
Seeing how I am the good friend I am, I played with him often.
"Com'on! Your mom always told you you shouldn't be that late to the job! You can't leave me hanging just because you didn't listen to her, can you?"
I should have worked harder to get a new job after I lost my last one. I never liked being a windowcleaner anyways...
I remember that day...
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It was a rainy day, clouds were hiding the whole sky. But I didn't care, I didn't care it was unlikely a firma in the upper half of the city would want me. I was happy... happy to have found work again, so I could earn my living again.
'Ecleston Street 24... Here it is', I thought to myself, looking upwards. I didn't know why there was a skyscraper next to the normal houses, and I didn't care. I didn't care... yeah, that was it. Not that I wished for something extraordinaire to happen...
As I entered the building, I realised how quiet, and empty it was. 'Where is the other personnel?', I wondered quietly. I didn't have time to ponder on that, I had a job interview ahead. I walked, feeling like an intruder with every step echoing.
As I reached the elevator, I was sweating everywhere, that just wasn't normal. I waited for the elevator to bring me to my destination, all while calming myself again.
I almost would have turned around back then... I should have.
"So, you are interested in my job-offer?", my employer asked.
"Yes, sir... I am", I replied, sweating nervously while sitting down on the chair, in front of the table. My employer was already sitting, as I looked around I couldn't help but feel dread...
The room was completely white. There were no windows, a lamp hanging from the ceiling being the only thing illuminating said room. There was nothing in here, no decorations, no wallpaper... Only the clean glasstable, and two oakwood chairs.
After I finished observing my surroundings, I redirected my attention to my potential employer.
He was tall, like, two meter tall. His face seemed pretty decent, his hair was slicked b(l)ack...
His eyes, they were my one of the greater signs something was wrong with him. Those cold, grey eyes... they seemed to stare right through me.
He wore an obviously, well tailored suit. It seemed like I really could have been being hired by a famous, huge company...
"Have you stared enough? Then we could maybe get started with our interview.", he told me, his eyes never leaving my face.
"YESSIR!", I quickly said, almost shouted.
He smiled, before speaking up again: "Well then, let's start with the important questions. What do you know about paralell matter-dimensions?"
My face turned dumbfounded, I couldn't understand. What kind of question is that? But my money-income was on the line, so I quickly regained my composure: "Well, unfortunately I don't know much about them. I know what paralell dimensions are, dimensions which are closely resembling ours, with only a few differences. Like Hitler won the second World War, or something like that."
"That is truly interesting. The next question is, did you ever wear any armour?"
What kind of job did he want to give me? Probably wants to find out if I am too smart or too strong and stuff like that...
"No, I never did.", I replied unsure.
"Hm... What did I expect? What is your favourite genre of games?"
"Well, shooters, assasinlike games... wherever I can kill stuff."
"That's good. I have got a job-offer for you", he told me, "You see, you would have to..."
"I ACCEPT!", I shouted, "I mean, I gladly accept." This somehow only brings him to smile, before telling me: "That is good. Have fun where you land..."
I remember suddenly feeling inexplainable sick, puking over the table... and everything dissolving around me.
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(Joshleb1098)
Have you ever wanted some kind of really cool power? Something only you could do? Well I got it, just not in the way I imagined. There was no special test by the military, no super drug or radioactive spiders. It all started with a merchant, and a convention.
It all started when me and my friends Zach, Alexis, and Kyle were planning to go to Comic-Con one year. We all agreed that we'd go together and we'd all dress up as our favorite video game character. At this time I was really into this game called Warframe. For anyone who doesn't know what the game is, it's space ninjas, that's all you need to know. Anyway my favorite Warframe in the game was the Hydroid. Complete control over water and multiple ways to make it deadly. I loved playing as him, which is why I used a bunch of my own money and some I got a loan on, to make my very own Hydroid suit. It took me about a month and a half, and more then just a few favors that a few people owed me to make it. It was glorious, completely perfect! Except for one thing, I didn't have gloves. I ran out of material, and I was already low on money. I decided to suck it up and hope that an opportunity would show up. Well, it did....in a way.
So, it's the day of the Con, around 6:00 AM and me and my friends all piled into Zach's car. Anyone who looked in would of been very confused by the sight. In the back seat was me in my Hydroid suit, trying not to hit my head off the ceiling with every bump on the road. Sitting next to me was Kyle, dressed as Chris 'Punching Boulder's Redfield from Resident Evil Five. In the passenger seat was Alexis, dressed as Alice from Alice: Madness Returns, the scary part is that she had every single dress Alice had in the game. What's even creepier was that she could act adorable while in a blood covered dress. Finally, driving the car was my friend Zach, who was dressed as everyone's favorite orange eating pirate Gangplank from League of Legends.
After about eight hours of driving, and a headache which may or may not of been caused by Zach picking the bumpiest roads he could find, we arrived. We quickly bought a hotel room and dropped our things off, and let Alexis change her dress before we walked to the actual Con itself. We walked in together and were instantly sucked into a massive crowd of people and we got separated, luckily we had planned out beforehand that if we got separated we would meet back by the main entrance by 3:00 PM, so I wasn't worried. I was wandering around, too excited to really notice where I was going. It was only until that I heard someone clear their throat that I turned around. What greeted me was a guy dressed as the Merchant from Resident Evil 4.
"Hehehe, Good afternoon stranger, looking for something to buy?" he asked, and I swear to god he sounded exactly like the Merchant.
"Depends on what your selling, I don't think Leon would be too happy if i accidentally bought his new weapon." I replied as i crossed my arms, which only caused the Merchant to laugh.
"Ha! I'd be rich if he were here, however I'm not selling weapons, it's illegal you see. No what i got here are things of all shapes and sizes, though I think I got something you'll greatly enjoy." He then opened his trench coat and revealed that instead of having a small army's worth of weapons inside his coat, he had everything you could ever ask for, and more. However what caught my eyes were the Hydroid gloves resting smack in the middle of his coat.
"Are those...?" I ask as i point towards the gloves, which he laughs and replies with a nod. "How much?" I reach into the 'ammo' pouch at my leg and pull out my wallet.
He scratches his chin in thought for a moment before holding out his hand, "Twenty bucks sound good?" In a flash a twenty dollar bill was in his hand and I putting the gloves on. They felt...weird, like they weren't made out of any material i ever felt before. My whole body suddenly felt very wet and my vision started to blur. The last thing I saw before blacking out was the Merchant waving at me, then darkness took me.
ΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔ
(FrostTheWolf)
So, here I was. E3. The Freaking mother of all video game conventions. Honestly, how I got here in the first place was because I was a lucky winner in a charity drawing at a potluck on Easter earlier this year, but I was glad to be here. Oh and before I continue, my name is Varen by the way. Varen Luko. Your typical eighteen year old who just graduated out of high school a few weeks before. E3 was my way of celebrating my achievements, unlike my friends who decided to hold a Bonfire at the beach.
In addition to going to E3, I was all dressed up for E3. You see, I like doing different costumes and making certain props for them and today was no exception. I spent almost a few months working on this project based off of Oberon from the online third person action game; Warframe. I personally liked him because it reminded me of the good old days where I watched my father play a Draenei Paladin on World of Warcraft and use light based spells to smite villains and Horde alike. Oberon was basically the Paladin of Warframe and was represented in his abilities.
Besides my suit, I had a few other items on me. A pair of Dual Cestra’s that I did off of some Nerf Dart Blasters with a upgraded Paintjob and lighting were holstered on my sides and I had two swords that replicated the blades known as “Dex Dakra”, an exclusive set of weapons that were given out during the week that Warframe celebrated its two year anniversary. My main weapon, which I was mostly holding for the hell of it, was Latron. It was a burst rifle in game and it had a good feel to one of the weapons I liked when playing Destiny.
Anyhow, things were going quite alright until I came across some kind of merchant booth, where I was greeted by a pair of twins. “Hello, stranger! Welcome to the balance twins emporium!! I’m Yin and this is Yang, my twin brother. How can we help you?”
“Well…” I said, thinking a little before speaking again. “I was wondering if you two have anything on Warframe. Sometimes, the Warframes in game have alternative pieces of armor; so do you have anything for Oberon?”
The two twins looked at each other for a moment before Yin was looking back at me and Yang went behind the booth. “I believe we might have something back in stock. Yang is checking right now, but I believe we might have something for you in the meantime.”
“Hold on, we?”
“My little ‘assistant’ and I,” Yin said as a cat perched itself up on the counter. “Besides, we might be waiting a little while before Yang comes back. Like five minutes at most.” Five minutes later, Yang comes back; whispering to his brother for a moment before they speak again.
“It seems like we do have something, but we’ll need you to come to the back room with us. But first… Are you interested in a Immortal Skin for your Frame?”
“Oh… how much are you offering for it?” I ask them.
“It’s a simple add on, so 15 dollars should be sufficient.” Yin says.
“Sounds too good to be true. I’ll take it.” I told them, handing a ten and a five that I kept in the “ammo” clip of my Latron as I went into the back room. The two of them helped me apply the skin on like it was a sticker for a car. But as they were beginning to finish up, I was beginning to feel dizzy. The last thing I remembered before passing out was hearing Yin tell me something.
“You will be a perfect guiding light for the journey ahead. May the light be with you, Tenno.”
(Geo Hikari)
People all over the world stared at the TV screens as a international emergency broadcast was started. The news caster cleared her throat and looked to the camera visibly shaken up.
"This just in a repeat of two years ago where a young woman had vanished during a convention happened not three hours ago. Only this time it's on a larger scale. All around the world during different conventions a total of twenty three people have vanished. Amount them was the elder brother of the victim two years ago and the daughter of ambassador honodai from japan. A investigation has been launched to determine how this is possible and if the victims can ever be found. There is a lead right now that connects all twenty three missing people. They were all seen wearing costumes from the computer or video game Warframe. Police in each area has ruled in that it might be possible that someone was trying to recreate the game in real life and kidnapped the ones with accurate suits of the protagonists. As the investigation continues more details will be shown if they can be found. Here is a list and profile of the missing people. If anyone has any information of the missing people call this number as soon as possible"
For the sake of the other countries there were subtitles in their native language so they can understand the report.
Next to the profiles of the missing people was a image of their costumes. Next to the ambassador's daughter was a pic of the mag warframe.
For a long time after that report any other convention was closed down until it was deemed safe to prevent a repeat. In the emporium yin shared a look with her twin.
"Looks like discord asked more then us for help I bet he asked the others for this. But for all twenty three warframes? That must be some crisis" said yin.
"Their section of my tome is definitely big" agreed yang.
Yang's tome known as the tome of displacement is able to record the stories of the people it's owner displaces and with this they can keep tabs on their displaced.
Sunshine hopped into Yin's shoulder.
"I hope that they can handle the journey from what discord explained it was severe enough to warrant this nya" said sunshine.
"I'm confident they can especially with the modifications I made to moonlight! When she unlocks it I'm sure she will be a great help there" said yin before losing herself to thinking up more robotic designs making sunshine and yang sigh. Why did Hephaestus have to teach her mechanics as a hobby and skuld didn't help there.
(End chapter)
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That's not the total number of Displaced people, right?
Because that friggin' Solarkness part not only rubs me wrong, but also is against this:
Well, I just got through the first chapter. It took me a hour and forty-five minutes, because I was writing down all my thoughts about the story as I was reading it. This is going to be a doosy, so hold on tight, and just read what uncle Scruffy has to say about this little Displaced story.
Pros, and things I liked so far in the story.
1: The two Merchants Yin and Yang where a interesting twist on the whole Merchant trope of the Displaced lore. I liked how they were described, and how they bantered off each other.
2: Illua's character being related to a person who got Displaced before. That, if done correctly. Can lead to an interesting plot point to the story as it progresses.
3: FrostTheWolf is the best writer out of all the Displaced writers I have seen. He puts detail in his stories, that most Displaced writers fail to do.
Cons, and things I didn't like about this story so far.
1: The grammar throughout this entire chapter is not very good, which is what I was kinda expecting from a Displaced story.
I constantly had to re-read lines, and correct grammar errors in my head. Be it missing commas, No capitalization, or missing words.
2: This chapter was extremely rushed, and that's being modest. Every Writer in this collab didn't put enough detail into the backstory of there characters. I feel like the writers got lazy, and used copy and paste ideas from other Displaced, and used them to make a short, and un-fulfilling backstory.
3: Every single Displaced was to easy going about blacking out, or being turned into particles. If I found myself being turned into particles, I would be screaming bloody murder, but these guys just shrug it off like Raiden from Metal Gear Rising Revengence loosing his arm to Jet Stream Sam.
4:The God damn Merchant thing is something I never liked. It is just a way to get the protagonist from point A to point B, in order to jump start the plot.
5:Because of the amount of people working on this, there are to many narratives, and it ultimately leaves the reader confused, and uninterested in each and every character.
6:The different level of writing skills between all of you are dramatic in some areas. I find it interesting to read one guys backstory, but only for it to be overshadowed by the less than appealing writing of an others backstory.
7:Starting with YellowNinja, there is a different Merchant. Why? It makes no sense to me for there to be another Merchant. Especially one that is so bland.
8:YellowNinja's character conveniently already knows how to use the weapon he is going to be soon using in Equestria.
9: Quote from the story.
A- How did they know this when no one seems to notice the guys getting Displaced disappear.
B- Did they go with them and come back, because they knew they became the character they were cosplaying.
10: Having Authors have multiple Displaced in this story makes the plot even more jumbled.
11: Lack of cover art makes the story less likely to get viewed.
12: Must really like Sci Fi if you forget the convention name Kevin. In other words lazy writing.
13: Kevin's backstory was super short, and lazy. Needs way more details.
14: I hate the fact the Merchants conveniently have the costume pieces are heroes need.
15: Yin and Yang at two conventions. E3 and SDCC. please give details on the times of these events, and why they attended both.
16: Forgedheart. Why use parentheses, were dashes would have sufficed.
17: Solarkness character is Stereo-typically broody.
18: Josh's Merchant is the Merchant from Resident Evil four... That's so lazy and overused.
Well that about covers all of what I have to say about this fanfic. I don't like it from what I have read, but I won't just yell profanity at it, because that would just be rude. I hope you guys think about what I have said, and use it to improve your writing abilities.
P.S In response to Illua's characters helmet.
6143637 why thank you. I'm flattered.
6143637
Yeaaah...
I try to get away from stereotypical etc. and give my characters a real personality, it is just so hard for me. Usually at one point of the story I go 'Fuck this', and make them do random stuff and ruin the story.
Sorry, personalities are not my strong suit...
But hey, atleast Con 14 does not describe my part:
Yaaaay!!!
Just a heads-up: I'm halfway through reviewing this chapter, and it's not too positive opinion in the end...
Two of you write really good stuff, the rest? Missing commas, missing periods, too many periods, too many commas, Capital letters In Weird places In The Sentences, no capital letters for names and proper nouns...
This fic is very uneven. Some sections are shit-tier and painful to read, some are really nice and I like them.
More in-depth comment coming tomorrow. Maybe. Probably.
As promised, a thorough comment about this story.
Prepare to be judged.
I wouldn't exactly call Warframe a Massively Multiplayer Online, but from the lack of better term, I guess it's alright. Shouldn't it be written in capital letters, though? MMO being an abbreviation and all...
Both Kunai and Warframe are proper nouns here, and as such, should be capitalized.
1. Swords in Warframe have no sheathes
2. There's no "Paris mk 1 sword"
3. The proper convention of naming would be "MK-1 Something sword"
They're. It's an abbreviation of "they are"
"Their" means "one that belongs to them", it's a possessive.
A comma after "Oh right" would be good
"You're", because of "you are".
"Your" means "one that belongs to you", it's a possessive.
E3 should be capitalized. There's no need to start "promote" with a capital letter, though.
Oh, would you look at that, it's only the first paragraph so far!
Comma before "while"
Comma before "so"
Lightweight is a single word
Shouldn't Kitsune be capitalized, as a proper noun? Unless it's replacing "fox" with "kitsune" because weaboo.
1. It's "shape-wise", with a dash
2. A comma before "meaning"
Comma after "Well"
Makes little to no sense. Didn't you mean "This place was a gamer's paradise" or "This place was packed with (something)"?
Comma before "though"
The sentences here. Are to short. It's painful. To read. Rephrase. It.
Was - singular
Were - plural
"Items" is in plural, so I believe you meant "were".
This sentence is a train wreck.
1. What is that "like" supposed to do there?
2. Who wore that dress? The eyes?
3. I won't even say a thing about commas, because it needs rephrasing ASAP.
Put "that" between "fact" and "the"
img.4plebs.org/boards/tg/image/1396/05/1396052784876.jpg
Names are usually capitalized, y'know.
Besides that, it needs something about "emporium", prefferably an exclamation mark or a period.
Comma after "yeah"
Should I be pointing out such petty things as missing commas? There's so many of them, I feel like I'm wasting space in my comment. Oh well, I'll do it for this chapter.
I expect you to revisit other chapters by yourself, though,
1. Commas after "Yeah", "programmer"
2. "so" before "while"
3. "AI" should be all capital letters
4. "an AI", not "a AI". If the word begins with a vovel you use "an", if it begins with a consonant you use "a".
1. "in" after "experience"
2. Why only female foxes?
3. Big Bear is a proper noun, it should be capitalized
Makes no sense at all. Rephrase it.
Comma before "but". A;ways.
"They deal with "how much work went into it"? Whoah!
You see where I'm going?
A comma! Yes, the key that's apparently missing from your keyboard. Here, have one: , and put it after "electronics" and "this".
Questions usually require a question mark at the end, y'know.
Just pointing it out again, names should be capitalized.
It occurs many, many times earlier as well. Just reminding you to fix it.
You-know-what after "impressive"
Once what done working?
Again, it should be asingle word.
Comma before "it's"
*scrolls down*
Oh Celestia almighty! There's so much of this chapter left to read!
Okay, let me brew some coffe, 'cause it's gonna be a loooooong night reviewing it...
"Legwear" and "footwear"
Commas after "was" and "costume"
"You're"
Sorry to be rude, but learn the basics before you start writing. Or at least get an editor.
Oh, and a comma after "luck". And later between "back" and "but"
Should I mention that Link and Hyrule Warriors should be capitalized?
Comma after "admit", period or exclamation mark after "robot".
"Incapatable? Is that a new word? Never head of it. Neither did Google.
Comma after "Okay"
You know what? It's gonna take ages for me to point out every missing comma. I'll just make a list of all the comma-less fragments at the end and go figure it out yourself. I have faith in you. You can follow the basic rules when I point them out.
"in", not "on"
"for her" before "to give"
Scratch that. This whole sentence
needs work.
Robotics as him? Is he a robotic?
Should be "as much as me" or "as much as I am".
"an"
Question mark after "greaves"
Didn't you mean "paid"?
Proper noun.
Seeing as it's the end of your section, have a list of missing commas:
________________________________________
Oh, do I see a different author here? I sure do hope you did better than your friend before you.
Oh sweet Celestia's mighty plot... From one extremum to another. The guy before you forgot he had a shift button on his keyboard, you are abusing the privilledge of capitalization...
*sigh*
It's gonna be a loooooooong read...
These periods. Make. No goddamn. Sense. Whats. Oev. E. R.
Replace them with commas.
Well, there's some progress at least. You are using some sort of a punctuation mark, unlike your friend before.
"Crab-like"
Comma.
What, a missing one?
You got used to missing commas, didn't you?
Nah, this time there shouldn't be a comma in there.
"Twin's" is a possessive form of a singular "Twin"
Possessive form of plural "Twins" would be Twins', with an apostrophe after "s".
"waist-long"
No, really, it still baffles me, why would you capitalize Names that Do Not need Any Capitalization WhaTsoEVeR?
"collar-like"
I think more like five hundred. Cosplay's an expensive shit. But I digress.
Okay, overall your writing is better, though painful because of your overcapitalization. But at least you use punctuation marks, so props for that. Not everyone masterded the arcane art of using them.
_____________________________________________
Next section, new author. Awe me.
Short sentences. Are not a way to go. Like, at all. Join them. Merge them. Use commas instead of periods. Do. Something.
I know of a Boa snake. Are those staffs made of dried snakes?
Or do you mean "Bo staff"?
No, there's no error here. I just wanted to thank you. Thenk you for using "you're" correctly...
Okay, that was the best writing so far. Congrats and +10 kudos to you, my friend.
_____________________________________________
Oh. Your section again. Sigh...
So, missing commas at the end of the section again? 'Kay?
Your eyes thought that? Wow, you have sentient eyes! You have special eyes!
Borrow some capital letters from your friend two sections back. He has too many of them, you have too little. It'll even out somehow.
You can't stumble on. You can stumble upon, however.
Alley.
"as if I were ten years"
There are no MK-2 weapons.
"noted, that he looked"
Disaster in a sentence form. Lemme rephrase that for you:
"When I asked him how much for the chip, he said it was five dollars"
And your list of missing commas:
_____________________________________________
Oh, you are the one that can actually write decently? Cool, I was waiting for your section to come up.
To whose brother?
Do I smell a Borderlands fan in here..?
Not much to fix here, really. Good job. I like you. You can write.
____________________________________________
Oh, a new author appears! Welcome, welcome, I don't bite! My words, sometimes, but not me!
First thing I noiced, and can't quite quote, is that your formatting is different. You use indentation. That's cool but either you or your friends have to change the formatting. Let's keep things consistent.
Umm...
Whoah...
I am baffled... Not a thing to point out. Like, at all!
Great job, mate, keep it up! You and that other guy definitely increase the quality of this fic!
_____________________________________________
Another new author? Sorry if I'm wrong and you appeared before, but there's like fifty of you, so it's hard to keep up with it.
"looked"
Okay, the whole paragraph... Because of the amount of parentheses you used it got tangled up a bit, and it requires to be broken down in few sentences, instead of using commas everywhere.
Missing space after a comma.
Oh.
Oh no.
The Missing Comma Symptome strikes again! Is it contagious? Your friend has it, and I don;t want to catch it over the intrnet as well!
Oh no...
Overcapitalization Syndrome struck you as well?
Or Undercapitalization Syndrome? Or BOTH!?
We have a rhyme in my nativa language:
"Stawiał spację przed przecinkiem, bo był głupim sk*rwysynkiem"
Which roughlytranslates to:
"He put space before a comma, because he was a dumb son of a whore"
Don;t take it personally, though. I just thought of it as a funny piece of trivia. I understand, that you just made a simple typo.
Proper noun and possessive form of plural form.
A comma after "it". And in many places before that. And punctuation marks in general.
I thought the thing with your first paragraph was just a one time-only thing because of the parethesis. But looks like it was not, and you are, indeed, missing many punctuation marks.
I won't point them out, though. Get on a Skype cal with Mister Missing Comma here, and look for them by yourselves. You both could use some training.
No need to capitalize "throwing"
*sigh*
"You're"
No need for a dash here.
Missing punctuation marks everywhere. Commas, periods, everything. Sometimes they appear, sometimes they don't.
Your writing is like RNG in Warframe. Sometimes you get what you need each run, sometimes you can burn 50 keys and get nothing but disappointment.
____________________________________________
Well I'll be damned. I spend a couple hours reviewing this already, and I'm barely halfway through... Guess I'm going to hit the hay and continue writing this comment tomorrow.
____________________________________________
Okay, I had a nice sleep, checked my e-mail, my Facebook, now back to the review...
Damn this chapter is long...
____________________________________________
New author again? Alrighty then, let's take a look at your creation...
Should be either "Come on!" or "C'mon!".
I applaud you for correct usage of "your", though.
Something's wrong with this sentence...
Also, "firma"? That's what we call it in Polish. Shouldn't it be "firm"?
"Extraordinary". "Extraordinaire" is always used with a title, position, something like that. Like, dunno, "The Great and Powerful Trixie, magician extraordinaire!", to add some flair.
Umm... Is that a pun..?
41.media.tumblr.com/94f111f95313f91554758dfe48de7c57/tumblr_nmne480mSK1qmdr40o1_250.jpg
Weren't his eyes "tru darrrrrrrk demonic red 3edgy5me"?
Okay, that was a good section. That makes you a third good author in this bunch. Congratulations!
____________________________________________
Is that another new name..? I can't tell. There are so many of you...
Oh well, prepare to be judged nontheless.
The comma is unnecessary here.
No!
No!
Bad boy!
You NEVER use "would of"! It's incorrect and based on mishearing!
The one and only correct form is "would have"!
I know, that "would've" and "would of" sound similar, but you are writing, not talking.
Missing closing quotation mark.
"YOU'RE" for Luna's sake...
Generally speaking, not a bad performance. Few minor mistakes here and there, but the ones that grind my gears the most (incorrect usage of "your", "would of" abomination)
Good job. And it was readable, so kudos for that as well.
___________________________________________
Another new... Sigh...
Let's get it over with, shall we?
Unnecessary capitalization of "freaking".
Comma after "Oh".
Should the bonfire really be capitalized?
Semicolon looks like an odd choice here. I think that dash would've been better.
Comma after "days", and "when" instead of "where. You are talking about days - a time period, not a place.
Comma after "Warcraft"
Cestra's what?
-'s suffix is a possesive form. Plural form is created by using -s suffix, no apostrophe whatsoever.
"Made", not "did".
And "out of", not "off of".
"an". "Upgraded" begins with a vovel, so "an" is the correct word to use.
No need to capitalize it.
Comma after "sides"
> Latron
> Burst rifle
Yeah... Did you ever use Latron? Like, at all?
Makes little to no sense. Change it to:
"good feel, similar to that of one of the weapons"
1. Capitalization, it's a proper noun
2. Balance Twins' Emporium - use possessive form
3. You use either one exclamation mark or three. Three is frowned upon, one is the standard. Never use two, or more than three, though.
Out of place semicolon strikes back. I'd trather use a comma.
Wouldn't that, basically, mean a whole new paintjob for the costume? Kinda out of place proposition.
"But as they began finishing it up, I started to feel dizzy"
Overall not tragic, unlike few sections I've read before. Pretty decent job you did there, but there's still a lot to work on.
__________________________________________
Oh. Geo "Missing Comma" Hikari again. Woo. Hurray.
Another list of missing commas is in order, I believe?
"their" instead of "the".
"The" implies, that someting is one and only, so it doesn't exactly go well with something as miundane as TV screens.
"an international"
Makes no sense. I can't even think of what message did you want to convey through this sentence.
Scratch that. This whole sentence is a disaster.
"Amount" means a number of something. Like "amounts of errors you've made so far", or "amount of commas you missed".
I think you meant "Amongst"
"The victim from two years ago"
Here:
QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM
Have some capital letters to copy and paste, because apparently your shift key is malfunctioning.
"An investigation"
"how is this possible"
"computer" is unnecessary. "Video game" would be sufficient.
"profiles". I assume each missing person has own profile, right? Or do they all look the same?
"The" is unnecessary
"Could". I think you are writing it in past tense, not present tense?
"an image"
Proper nouns. Scroll up to copy and paste some capital letters in here.
See above. Discord is a name, like Jack, Bob, Diana.
"Than".
"Than" serves to compare two things, "This thing is bigger, than the other one".
"Then" is used to show an order of things happening in time. "He went to a store, and then he came back home"
Full stop after "help". No need for it to be a single sentence.
"was able to". Don't forget you are writing in past tense.
"Into"? Like, she jumped inside of it? Was his shoulder empty?
Shouldn't you use "onto"?
Full stop after "courney".
Oh Gods above... "nya"...
Rephrase it.
And your list of missing commas:
__________________________________________
My general opinion I'll put in a separate comment. This one here is too long already.
Okay, let's begin:
__________________________________________________
Generally speaking, this story is extremely uneven, that's one thing. One section is a pleasure to read, another is a pain. In one place we have Yin and Yang, somewhere else we have other people. For the majority of sections displacement occurs by buying something, in one place a guy being employed sticks out like a sore thumb. I feel like I'm reading a few different fics jumbled together, and because of that I can't like or dislike your story.
The next thing is the sheer amount of characters. 23? Plus ponies (oh I am sure that you'll put at least half a dozen of OCs there), plus merchants, plus Celestia knows who else.
You think I care about them? That I got attached to any of them? I did not. And I won't. There are too many of them.
Four Tenno? That's fine and dandy, every reader can keep up with that. Up to eight, and it may be a tad chaotic. But twenty three? Seriously? Like, really? The hell?
The last thing is that I know where this is going. Some of you will write good parts, but at least few of you will write "Mai OC went to ekuestrya and he was sooooo brave and manly and butiful and dark and edgy and twalat sparke feled in lov wit him and dey got merried and had kids" self insertion.
Or a story about a stereotypical emo kid, that nobody understands, and he is darrrrrrrrk, and broody, and what not. Additional points if he's an orphan or a half-orphan, or if he lost love of his life.
Yeah, I can already see self-insertions everywhere.
_______________________________________________________
Okay, now few words to each author separately:
Geo "Missing Comma" Hikari - You should know what I have to say by now. Commas and capital letters. Capital letters and commas. Commas and commas. Capital letters and capital letters. Basics. Basics rules of English language. First try to get a hold on this, then get back to writing.
Maybe Elnglish is not your native tongue. Frankly, I don't care. It's not my native tongue either. But I am yet to see a language, where you do not capitalize names and proper nouns, there's no excuse for that.
Illua "Capitalizing Guy" - Seriously, do you Need To capitalize Random words In Your Sentences all the Time? What purpose Does it Serve? Makes no Sense and makes Me Seasick, because I Feel Like I'm reading Waves. It's painful
Seriously, stop it.
Other than that, no major complaints. Besides a few mistakes I pojnted out already.
Theyellowninja13 "Decent One" - Besides that one thing with. Short sentences. That made. No sense. The rest is pretty good, no complaints there. You are one of the competent authors in this bunch.
Dundredo "The One That Can Actually Write" - Kudos to you, sir. You wrote something not only readable, but enjoyable, with proper grammar, proper punctuation, and proper capitalization. I don't have much to say besides to congratulate you a job well done.
Forgedheart "Minor Complaints" - Few errors here and there, but nothing detrimental, and nothing that would be repeated over and over, like not using commas at all, or not using capital letters anywhere. A good job, though you should read your stuff after you finish writing it.
Solarkness "Misused" - A couple of misused words, and nothing major besides that. A job well done, nothing more to say.
But use a dictionary if you are not sure of a meaning of a word. It doesn't take a lot of time, it's no dishonor, do it.
Oh, and your section looked extremely out of place. All other took place at conventions, and people were being displaced by buying something, so your section sticks out like a sore thumb.
Joshleb1098 "Gears Grinding" - A good performance, but you had luck bad enough, that you made all the mistakes that rustle my jimmies the most. If not for that - it would've been a rather good one.
FrostTheWolf "Semicolon" - A lot of minor mistakes summed up. Misplaced comma here, misused capitalization there, lore error somewhere else, but no precedents, so that's cool.
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That's eight authors. I sure do hope there are no more of you.
I mean, 23 characters, written by 8 different authors, a chaos and a disaster in it's purest form. This fic can't turn out good, unfortunately.
Dundredo's or Yellowninja's parts will be good, and a pleasure to read, but then Hikari's or Illua's parts will come, and will destroy the pleasant feeling.
Separate sections can be good, and I have no doubts that at least some of them will be, but the fic as a whole? There's no way it'll be successful. Sorry, that's the honest truth.