Written's "Story" Story

by Git_Tirekt_m8

Chapter 1/2-ish Maybe?

Dear reader, contrary to what I mentioned at the end of the first chapter, I have lost faith in help. I am writing this through my thoughts, which conveniently appear in the sky of this story’s setting. If I never return to the non-fiction world, tell Twinkleshine it’s all her fault. No wait... scratch that last sentence, it’s partially her fault. Yeah, that sounds better-what do you think? Also, to the characters peeking at the narrative in the blue expanse, stop being nosey or I’ll be forced to use the most pointless and annoying format for an entire paragraph.

“What are you even going on about?” Viridian Leaf asked.

“I’m on the same page as Viridian,” Fluffy Eyes spoke, “what could be so bad about it?”

“It’s a little thing I call... THE ALMIGHTY CAPS LOCK!” I said dramatically, without there needing a reason to do so.

“Pfft, it can’t be that annoying, am I right Viridian?” Fluffy said, nudging Viridian Leaf with his foreleg.

IT WAS THEN THAT I NOTICED FLUFFY EYES, WHO, BY THE WAY, HAS THE MOST AWKWARDLY HILARIOUS NAME IN NAME GENERATOR HISTORY, SMUGLY GESTURING TO VIRIDIAN LEAF. I LOVE THIS FORMAT, DON’T YOU? THINK OF ALL THE INTENSE EMOTIONS I COULD CONVEY THIS WAY! I MEAN, I WOULDN’ T HAVE TO TRY AT ALL AND-

“OKAY, YOU’VE MADE YOUR POINT,” VIRIDIAN BROKE IN, “OH GODDESS, NOW I’M SPEAKING IN CAPS LOCK, NO!”

“Please, make it stop!” Fluffy Eyes exclaimed, covering his eyes, “It’s so jarring it-it’s over... t-thank you!”

While this warning of pointlessly exaggerated proportions was happening, the stallion from the chapter before started speaking.

“Hmm, this story looks cool and all but...” the pony trailed off, “If I add a few additions, maybe I could finally impress Raindrops. Too bad my awesomeness isn’t enough on its own...”

Who the heck is this guy, and why is his issue entangling itself into the plotline? We don’t need it to get needlessly complicated than it already is! We have my problem, being stuck inside this story, isn’t that enough for one day? Obviously, without a shred of doubt the answer is predictably: No, no it is not.

“I know!” the pony continued, still awkwardly having conversations with himself, “If I have a character just as amazing as I am, she’ll finally take notice of me!”

As creepy as he started to sound, I could barely keep a straight face. I hid it away from Viridian and Fluffy’s prying eyes, as I knew I hadn’t written them to get my sense of humor. They were just frozen in place, taking all of this strangeness in.

“Looks like I’ll have to get the white-out for this...” the stallion said under his breath.

“Ahahaha... you serious?” I stopped and turned to Viridian, “What happens if he uses white-out?”

“I-I’m not sure, you’ve never used it before on your stories,” Viridian replied, becoming increasingly nervous, “but it might mean... uh, never mind.”

“Tell me damnit!” I grabbed him in confused rage, “If he uses white-out, will I die!? Answer me, Viridian!”

I released him and paced around, unsure of what to do. There was nothing I could do as we waited for the inevitable.

“Oh, there it is!” the voice came, “Now let’s see, there’s a character called Viridian Leaf. He doesn’t sound very important, time to create a better one!”

I could hear him later the papers with what I knew to be the white-out. I hesitantly looked over at Viridian, who was trembling. His eyes were wide and a bead of sweat ran down his forehead.

“Viridian, it’ll be alright, just take a deep breath and relax,” Fluffy Eyes said, trying to comfort a character he would barely know until the third chapter.

Viridian wanted to reply, but he shook his head instead. He shut his eyes tight, waiting for something to happen. Suddenly, the colors in his mane and coat were... dripping? Like running paint, the vivid defining colors from Viridian were slowly flowing onto the ground in a puddle. It left behind a blank white shell of his body that didn’t move. I cringed in shock as the last of his coat had bled off of him. He did not make a single sound throughout the process, which disturbed me even further.

I called out his name, but there was no answer from the now statuesque pony. Fluffy Eyes backed away in horror of what he witnessed.

“Written, is that going to happen to me next?” Fluffy cried out.

Before I had a chance to speak, there came the sound of a quill writing.

“I’ll have my character be a Pegasus, just like myself,” I could hear him say, “he can have my slick gray coat, and a cool blue mane. And, his name shall be Thunderlane!”

“No! Please, not a self-insert character! Oh and Thunderlane... IF I GET OUT OF THIS STORY, I WILL LEARN THE CLOUD-WALKING SPELL JUST SO I CAN BEAT YOUR PLOT!”

“Written, now’s not the time for using ‘THE ALMIGHTY CAPS LOCK’,” Fluffy pleaded, “Viridian just... he...”

Fluffy was right, I’ll save my frustrations for later. Poor Viridian, I felt a bit of guilt for being harsh earlier. Now I had to deal with whatever Thunderlane’s character would be. Why would he even try writing? Not to be rude or anything, but I never saw him as the literate type. He was always more of a sporty, outdoors kind of pony.

“Just to set him apart,” Thunderlane continued, “I’ll make him the fastest Pegasus who ever lived! Oh, and I’ll give him the ability to summon tornadoes and storms, this is going to be the best OC ever!”

“Dear Celestia, the OP-ness!” I shouted, “Also, it’s not an OC if you’re using yourself!”

I peered back over at what used to be Viridian. Were his colors... returning? No, that’s not right, he’s not Viridian at all. The white remnants started to begin turning gray, then sprouted a pair of wings from the Earth Pony shell of Viridian Leaf. Thankfully, that’s the only feature he sprouted or else he was going to be one of those OCs. The remainder of his features came into existence, eventually becoming an exact replica of Thunderlane.

“Sweet,” The Thunderlane character said, checking out his body, “got to give myself credit for making me, heh.”

“Thunderlane, what are you doing to my story!?” I demanded.

“Written, is that you?” The Thunderlane character replied, “My creator, Thunderlane, didn’t see you in the papers at all, how are you in his new story?”

“That’s not important now, so just take the papers back to Raindrops and Twinkleshine!”

“No can do, pal,” he shook his head in defiance, “my creator’s got plans to impress Raindrops, and that’s what I plan on doing for him, you see. Besides, you’re talking to the character, not the awesome author behind him.”

Thunderlane’s character seemed pretty self-aware of his identity, but still pursued the intention of his creator. During all of this, Fluffy Eyes kept silent, only watching from a small distance away. I didn’t want to continuously refer to him as Thunderlane’s character, so I guess I’ll just call him TOCEF. If you’re lost on why I’m using that, it stands for “Thunderlane’s Original Character of Epic Failure”. The “of” is not used, by the way, because I didn’t want his name to resemble “Taco” in any vague sense. Yes, I don’t know why I did it either.

“Whoa, I can see your entire narration in the sky!” TOCEF said, amazed, “I’m not sure on the name, though, I think it should be more better.”

“Dude, do you even grammar?” I says.

Before the structure of the English language could be broken any further, TOCEF and I listened to the voice of Thunderlane. Even though he hadn’t spoken a single line of dialogue yet, I knew that within those next set of quotation marks was going to be unpleasant.

“Now that I have myself, he’ll need a companion to make him look even better!” Thunderlane rambled, “Fluffy Eyes, that’s a pretty sweet name but I know how to improve it!”

The sounds of the white-out smudging the papers were very unsettling. I looked over at Fluffy Eyes, who fainted at the thought of being rewritten. I’d use a Revive but, because they don’t exist in Equestria, I was out of luck. The quill’s scribbling ensued afterwards.

“And his name shall be...” Thunderlane paused for no real reason other than to be dramatic, which would be fine if it added any importance, but in actuality, it just made me want to slam him in the face with my hoof. But anyway, this interruption in his dialogue is getting excessive so... yeah... “Red Blue!”

Fluffy Eyes began undergoing the same process Viridian went through earlier, his coat and mane started to spill off of him. Fluffy struggled, but the petrification-like effect soon overtook his motor functions. His eyes flowed out of their sockets the same way his coat did, leaving them empty and hollow. Once it was complete, what remained of Fluffy Eyes was a nameless statue with the forever look of terror in their expression. While I was appalled, TOCEF wasn’t fazed in the slightest. He even smirked a little.

The empty shell of a character who had little to no dialogue then received coloring, much the same as Viridian. Just as Thunderlane had exclaimed about a paragraph ago, his colors were indeed red and blue. Pfft, ahahaha, no that would make too much sense now would it? He was actually black, not in a racist way, but seriously... he was pitch freaking black!

“Sup, Red Blue,” TOCEF greeted, “seems like you’ve become my companion!”

Red Blue didn’t reply, eyeing TOCEF in confusion. Red Blue then nodded seconds after, but retained his silent demeanor. My story has fallen apart, and it appears that I have to go along with whatever Thunderlane’s comes up with. I walked off, trying to leave until the story was over with. Because it was then I thought loudly, “If I wait out the entire story’s conflict, maybe I’ll be released?” Why didn’t I think of that earlier?

“Yo, Written, wait a second!” TOCEF called out.

“What!?” I shouted, annoyed.

“Where are you going?” he said, “The story’s over here.”

“Yeah, Thunderlane’s story...” I muttered, “I didn’t ask for my writing to be tampered with, nor my characters replaced with... you two.”

“Whatever, man,” he spat, “it’s not like you could do anything anyway...”

A mental spark just flashed inside my brain. I CAN do something; I can change the format of the story anytime I want. Best to have fun while I wait, am I right? Sorry about this readers out there, all one of you, but this is where you could get annoyed, just saying. It’ll only be for a short while, though I don’t make any promises.

“?to talking you are Who” ,asked TOCEF “?on going is heck the What”

“.you understand barely can I” ,said I “?TOCEF that was What”

“!Written ,out it Cut” .yelled He

Little did he know, I fixed it soon after his last line of dialogue, but he could probably see it in the sky soon after. I noticed that I used “soon after” too much in that previous sentence.

“Eh, I guess the rest of the story looks fine,” Thunderlane interrupted, “as long as Raindrops sees how cool I am through this character.”

These pauses for external voices seemed like clockwork: meet a character, have a conversation, be interrupted, etcetera. But in all seriousness, he added two characters and did nothing to the unfinished plot, and he’s calling this a finished product!? Well at least he’s done metaphorically murdering what used to be my story. It’s already bad enough having self-insert character number two hundred and sixty-five thousand, and pony-with-obviously-conflicting-name guy.

“Aw, I didn’t even get a chance to show off my abilities yet!” TOCEF whined, “What happened to the tornadoes and thunderstorms!?”

“Probably because nopony wants to see somepony show off their skills with no point to it,” I said.

“Hah, what do you mean,” he defended, “everypony loves a show!”

“When there’s a reason... and an audience...”

TOCEF reacted with a pouty expression. Red Blue tapped TOCEF’s shoulder then shook his head, which seemed to calm his apprehensive outburst. Red Blue hadn’t even spoken any words, what was his problem? Did Thunderlane forget to fill the blanks that were supposed to be his character traits? For that matter, how did TOCEF even understand him?

“Whelp,” Thunderlane announced, “time to show Raindrops my hard work.”

His wings began fluttering from what I could hear. Maybe if he brings this to Raindrops and Twinkleshine, they’ll realize that it’s the story I’m stuck in. But I’m sure you already came to that conclusion as well, eh reader? Now I wouldn’t be stating the obvious just for word count, would I? Because word count is the most important thing in writing, correct...? Not if those thousands of words are nothing but a pile of unfiltered pony crap, am I right? I wittingly nudged the air as if there was a pony next to me who got that joke, but I probably would have only received a well-deserved annoyed leer...

Okay, I’ll stop now...

I waited patiently, listening to Thunderlane’s flapping. I thought back to my physical body, I hope it’s doing well. At the least, I hope it didn’t starve to death. If that were the case, I would have nothing to go back to... However, I trust Twinkleshine wouldn’t let me die like this. I noticed TOCEF excitedly pacing around, waiting for a chance to impress the reader, presumably Raindrops, with his “abilities”. And dang it, I’ve left one too many innuendos in this paragraph... and one more ellipses for good measure...

After some time, it sounded as if Thunderlane finally landed. I heard voices from all over mixed with wind and other background noises. There was an occasional greeting, to which he replied hastily, trying to get somewhere in a hurry.

“Raindrops, hold up!” he shouted, nearly deafening my hearing, “I have something I want to show you.”

“What is it Thunderlane? I’m pretty busy right now,” Raindrops replied, “I’m trying to find some papers that disappeared from my home.”

“Uh, why?” Thunderlane said, concerned, “What’s so important about a silly pile of papers?”

“Twinkleshine’s friend, Written Script, got... well, magic happened.” she explained, “Let’s just say nothing ever goes right when magic is involved. Twinkleshine found a spell to help him out of the problem, so I need those papers now. What did you want, by chance?”

“N-nothing,” he recoiled, “I was just leaving... wanna see a movie later?”

“Umm, sure-wait a second, Thunderlane, what do you have there!?”

“Just a story I wrote is all.”

No, just no... He did not write it! I’m so close to getting out of this story, I can feel it already!

“May I take a closer look?” she asked, curiously.

“Uh, no!” He jumped.

DAMNIT THUNDERLANE, GIVE THE FREAKING PAPERS TO HER ALREADY!

“Thunderlane, let me see or the movie’s off!”

“Fine...”

I heard Raindrops flip through the pages. I didn’t care that the sound hurt badly, I was going to be free soon! She stopped here and there, flipping back and forth.

“Awesome character, huh?” Thunderlane added under his breath.

“You just copied and pasted yourself into the narrative... poor Written, I hope he’s doing alright.”

No, I’m not... and the faster you wrap up this conversation, the quicker this issue can be over with! I hear them walk a little, showing some progression in my release. Why not fly? I mean it would take less time to get to wherever Twinklehine is. Unless... don’t you dare!

“So how have you been lately?” Thunderlane asked.

Don’t you do it, I swear!

“Fine, the weather’s been warm and all,” Raindrops replied, “Twinkleshine should be waiting at Written’s house when we arrive.”

You will not have small talk for the entire walk to my house!

“So what movie did you think about seeing later?” Thunderlane asked.

Nope that’s it’s it, chapter over!

“Well, there’s always-”

I SAID CHAPTER OVER!

Author's Note:

Also, if anyone's wondering why I didn't tag Thunderlane or Raindrops under characters, I didn't want to make them seem important in any way. Someone might mistake this for actual good literature after all.