Pony Stories: Season 5

by lunabrony

5.6 - Bonnie and Clydesdale - Adventure; No Spoilers

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, all three of them, sat Lyra-style on a cold metal bench in a jail cell somewhere far west of Ponyville. Sitting this way made an uncomfortable situation even worse, but it was the only way to fit all three of them on the bench, and none of them wanted to make one of the others lay on the floor. Who knew where that floor had been?

All three of them had been in this cell for some unknown length of time, bored out of their minds. They had watched the sun rise and fall several times outside of the barred windows, causing their shadows to warp, elongate, shrink and then stretch out again. Scootaloo was tossing a harmonica she'd found back and forth in her hooves, before trying to blow an off key note.

"Where'd you get that?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Found it."

"It was probably smuggled in here by the last prisoner... you... do know how they smuggle things in jails, right?"

Scootaloo looked blank, so Apple Bloom leaned over and whispered in her ear. Scootaloo shrieked and threw the harmonica across the room.

"Why don't we tell a story? Maybe that'll pass the time until we get out."

"But what if we can't get out? What if we've been in here so long that society has moved on without us? We'll never adjust to the outside!" Scootaloo pleaded.

"That's more ridiculous than a three legged rattlesnake," Apple Bloom said. The other two just stared at her. "What? We initiated the Night Mare Society, didn't we? Surely we can come up with at least ONE good story."

"Like Bonnie and Clydesdale!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed, and this time it was her turn to be looked at.

"You don't know about them?! The famously daring, criminal escapades? They ravaged the west years ago, everypony feared them and nopony could stop them!"

"Whoa," Scootaloo whispered.

"Well, we coulda stopped 'em," Apple Bloom huffed. "They just got lucky they didn't have to deal with us."

"We'll see," Sweetie Belle said, and attempted a hypothetical series of events.

---

"You ain't never gonna stop us, Coppers!" Bonnie yelled, as she and her partner in crime bolted from the saloon with jugs of cider and pouches of bits they'd stolen from the back. Inside, tables were overturned, and unfortunate patrons were nursing headaches from Clydesdale's preferred weapon of choice, miniature iron horseshoes. A few ponies, still standing, attempted to give chase, but Clyde, as he was sometimes known, threw his horseshoes with deadly accuracy and knocked them out.

The two ran down the center of the small town through the road, kicking up dust, and hollering for any to dare challenge their dastardly reputation. None appeared to try, and the two made what appeared to be a clean break for the town border.

They had almost reached it, when three very small children, especially compared to Clydesdale's massive bulk, emerged from the last building and blocked the center of the road.

"Stop right there!" the unicorn demanded.

The two actually did stop, more out of amusement and confusion than fear, however.

"Who the hay are you?" Bonnie demanded, lips peeling back with a sneer.

"We're the Sheriff's of this town!" the pegasus said. "And we're taking you in!"

Bonnie and Clyde exchanged a glance, and broke into roaring laughter. "You HAVE to be kidding," Clyde rumbled in his deep, drawling voice. "This dinky little town has not one, but three sheriffs... and they're all children? I'm sorry, I can only handle so much stupidity at once."

"We're not scared of nothin'!" The country filly in the middle said. "You're under arrest!"

"Alright," Bonnie said simply. "You got us."

"Don't make this difficult on yersel- wait, what?"

Clyde grinned. "Like the lady said. You got us." he held out his forelegs. The three fillies exchanged a nervous glance, but eventually came forward. The nefarious criminals stood silently still while the three children wrapped their legs in thick rope. The kids high-hooved in an adorable little team congratulations, and turned back to their captives.

"There's just one little problem," Clyde said. "You forgot to read us our rights, so our capture is voided."

The unicorn spoke up. "You have the right to-"

"Too late!" Clyde grinned, and snapped the ropes by spreading his forelegs apart, and the rope frayed, then broke with a snapping twang. Bonnie, who was smaller, merely stepped out of hers as if she was slipping a greased up spigot out of a barrel. The two looked wickedly amused, and the three self-proclaimed sheriffs gulped loudly before making a run for it.

Bonnie picked up the remnants of her rope and lasso'd the back leg of the unicorn, while Clyde threw his horseshoes and knocked the earth pony and the pegasus in the back of the head, sending them sprawling. All three of the children were knocked aside, and scooped up by the criminals, squirming and wriggling.

"You three really should have picked a more appropriate career path," Clyde said, and assisted his associate with the shamefully easy task of binding the fillies with the pieces of rope. None of the three, fortunately, knew how to tie a decent knot. Bonnie and Clyde carried the three over to the railroad track leading away from town, every town had a train track in western parts, and tied them to it.

The three squirmed ferociously, but it did no good, and in the distance, the horn of an incoming train blared.

"Sayonara, Sheriff's!" Bonnie and Clyde laughed as they walked away, and all three of the fillies screamed as the train roared closer.

---

The three Crusaders sat silently for a moment in their cell, brooding unhappily at how their own story had turned out.

"Well that escalated quickly," Scootaloo pouted. "We really suck at this."

It was at this moment that Applejack rounded the corner and appeared on the other side of the bars. "Ya'll ready to go?" She asked.

Apple Bloom fell to the floor, no longer caring about its filthy origins, and dragged herself towards her sibling, eyes rolling back in her head. "App-le-jack?" she whispered weakly. "Is that... you? It's been so long..."

Applejack narrowed her eyes. "Y've been in here fer fifteen minutes," she said. "

Scootaloo started at this. "But... the sun... it's been days..."

"Sun's been a little wonky today. Celestia has the hiccups, and when that happens the solar schedule get's fussier than a fox at a huntin' dog convention."

Sweetie Belle blinked. "Why would a fox go to a-"

"Don't question it!"

Applejack unlocked the cell. "Maybe now next time y'all will think b'fore ruinin' mah perfectly good hat by pourin' water in it. Never had t'ground all three of ya b'fore, and don't fancy doin' it again."

"Oh yeah, that was us," Sweetie Belle lamented. "But I mean, I don't get why they'd call it a ten gallon hat if it can't hold ten gallons," she said.

"So?" Apple Bloom asked. "We still call Scootaloo a pegasus even though she can't fly."

Scootaloo gasped. "I'll kill you!" she exclaimed, and bolted after Apple Bloom, who made a run for it.

Sweetie Belle sighed, and exited the cell by herself, wondering if she was the only one out of the three of them who had any sense at all. Sometimes it felt like it.

Comments

[Neko Majin C]

"That's more ridiculous than a three legged rattlesnake," Apple Bloom said.

That is quite ridiculous. On more than one level.

"You ain't never gonna stop us, Coppers!"

Sickening idiolect aside, "coppers" does not need to be capitalized, unless it is an actual name. Truthfully, I have not gotten that far yet. If it has not become painfully obvious by now, I type these out as I read.

"Y've been in here fer fifteen minutes," she said. "

A wild quotation mark appears!

Celestia has the hiccups, and when that happens the solar schedule get's fussier than a fox at a huntin' dog convention.

You cannot just put random words together and call it a colloquialism.

Whoa, déjà vu.

"We still call Scootaloo a pegasus even though she can't fly."

Damn, that was harsh.

Funny and cute.

~KBO.

[lunabrony]

5932458 Literally the only reason I put that colloquialism in there at all was because of you and that video last time, I'm playing Portal 2 in my spare time and wanted to use you as a test subject to see if I could prompt you to link the video again.

You have succeeded spectacularly.

For science.

[Neko Majin C]

5932499 That would explain all the wires attached to my head and the machine that goes DING! every few seconds... Although every time it dings I salivate and get hungry. I wonder why?