And I saw the eight offerings cut open before the Gods; and in them rose eight daemons.
And a wretch came and stood at the altar came and stood at the altar, having a blighted torch; and there was given unto him much blood, that he should offer it with the incantations of the scum and deceived upon the eight-pointed altar which was before the throne of brass.
And the streams of blood, which came with the incantations of the doomed, ascended up before the God of Blood out of the wretch's hand.
And the wretch took the torch, and bathed it in the blood of the altar, and cast it to the earth; and there were voices, thunderings, and lightnings, an an earthquake.
And the seven angels of the God which had seven trumpets of brass prepared themselves to sound.
And madness descended upon the world.
The defence forces tried to stop it, as the sky turned red and the howls of the damned rose from Hive Delask, but they could do nothing in the face of the masses of the God of Blood. Some turned to the darkness; others whimpered and died without conviction. A few were stalwart and burned in their righteousness, and theirs was the only salvation to be found on Lorn III in its last days.
Well, that's quite Johannine.
This will definitely be interesting. Keep up the good work!
7274476 I definitely considered taking the story down that path. The next few chapters are already written, but I really thought about the effect Thess has on the story - and ultimately Barley's development - if she dies as you describe or if she manages to live on. At least for these next few chapters, my line of thinking is that Thess is Barley's anchor in this new world and while killing her off in an undignified way would effectively get the theme of '40k' across to Barley, this story is ultimately a crossover in the sense that viewpoints from Equestria and 40k mix and something new is created. Thess will still show Barley the darkness at the heart of living in 40k, but in a more gradual way, and not by her immediate death, Thess's optimistic "I'm myself when I'm around you" confession at the end of Ch. 1 isn't completely true and isn't how Thess will act, willingly or not.
You know, this is a good line of thinking, so I'll continue it here even if it's a mite spoilery. One of the core themes of this story is the friendship that Barley really desperately clings to not only as part of her heritage as an Equestrian but also intrinsically as a pony. While killing Thess and absolutely smashing the friendship that Barley uses to try and keep sane would be excellent if my goal is to harden Barley and optimistically grow her personality by overcoming depression/insanity, it's not really my goal. My goal is more twisting and changing how Barley considers friendships and relationships and exploring how an Equestrian tries to cling to what they know even in a completely unfamiliar and almost totally hostile setting, and how they themselves change doing so. It's 1:34 in the morning and I can flesh these thoughts out a little more when I'm more rested, but basically keeping Thess around for the first few chapters at least better fits my vision for the story. Don't worry about the grimdark of 40k being poorly represented in this story, though. There's plenty to come, and the relationship I talked about will be twisted.
If grimdark here is poorly presented... well, I wont do anything bad to anyone, but for me it's hell of a proper darkness here. :D And I ve got a feeling it is going to be a great story if you ll continue it on the same level. Madness, hopelessness, violence... and a pony character who actually can understand them somehow, that's promising. I'm even starting to imagine this in a manner of McCarthy's The Road, where the two are crossing the fallen Hive and see its inhabitants ways of damnation.
Anyway, I will wait for more, keep up good job :)
7279744 Cool! I eagerly await new chapters.
Take your time though. Please don't feel rushed by anyone. Oh and if I might ask, please give the Imperial Guard a bit of glory. Doesn't have to be much. People bash the Guard too much in my opinion.