• Published 14th Feb 2015
  • 851 Views, 65 Comments

The Third Diary - Nameless Narrator



Gods play games with mortals and those who defy them are driven to insanity. What about those who help them though? As it turns out, their fate is no different as Blazing Light learns when he's once again forcefully thrown into the world of living.

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The Worst Enemy, The Greatest Ally

I was wrong once again.

I believed I would be able to resist, to deny Crowley the knowledge about Nightmare's power but now, after hearing Mistake scream through my mouth, I know I wouldn't. If I had to see somepony else suffer next to me, to have them look at me as my silence spelled lenghtening of their torment... I know I would never forgive myself.

Mistake spared me all that, the disfiguring and torturing scar in my mind.

The price, however, was him talking. I was correct, Mistake couldn't handle physical torture at all. Punching made him beg, breaking of talons on my eldritch arm made him howl in agony, cracking of bones as Crowley's soldiers pounded away at my legs with mallets made him pass out. One thing has to be said about him - even after all that he didn't relinquish control over my body. However, when he woke up and we got dragged into the torture chamber again I sensed his realization that the pain wouldn't end with one day. Without anypony even touching him he, unable to move the mangled limbs, told Crowley everything.

Thankfully, it wasn't that much considering we have access, albeit very restricted and uncontrollable, to infinite knowledge of all three gods. Unfortunately, it was more than enough.

Some of the information was about the mirror world, the limits of their technology and the power of their magic. Some of it was about my travels, about who I truly was, and about what happened during my long journey here. Mistake filled every detail, every spoken and unspoken question, and I got the feeling that at a certain point Crowley understood what his newfound power meant and where it would lead.

What he understood most of all and deemed necessary to share with me was that he had little time. His self-awareness shocked me when he offered Mistake a deal - Mistake would tap into my power and use it to subdue Crowley's own in order to make it manageable. As a reward we would be spared further torture, released after Crowley's coming to power, and Crowley himself would seek to negotiate with the princesses the price for Discord's assistance in stabilizing and balancing his power sort of like I did.

Mistake agreed without thinking about it too much just to escape the pain. Strangely enough, it made even me believe Crowley wasn't lying.

Two factors influenced what happened after that. Mistake's ability to manipulate divine power is about the same as normal unicorn's so... not great. Plus, he was running on fumes after being chewed up by Crowley's torture machines the day before. Simply put, he only managed to drain a little of Crowley's power before the raw force of destruction became too much for him to handle.

He... shattered? I can't put the feeling into words but the sensations of ripping sinews and creaking ribs would figure in there somewhere if I could.


As I watch Crowley gasp for breath I, despite my body's exhaustion, store the stolen power for later use.

"Feels-"

*COUGH*

The burning of my throat scratched through unending screaming stops me as the sensations of a battered body assault me in full force. It takes all my self control to stop the fit of coughing and gasping and retain at least a little of my dignity. Tears streaming down my face don't help.

"-not so good to be back."

Whether it's the tone of my voice or the expression of raw hatred that must be etched on my face Crowley takes the hint.

"Welcome back, mister Light. What happened to the helpful fellow?"

"Something I will make you regret doing, eventually," I whisper, "So, what are you going to do with all he said?"

"You assume your importance is far greater than it truly is. Anything besides the methods of controlling my power was merely my curiosity rather than anything else. My plan still takes precedence although I might need to move faster than I expected which is why we'll be leaving in a week for the Holy City. I wonder though, what do YOU think about the arrangement?"

"Mistake doesn't have enough understanding of how things feel. He doesn't know how strong the pressure of Nightmare breaking into your head is. You presume that if you give the princesses enough they'll allow you to, I don't know, siphon some of Discord's power to balance yours but it won't change the fact that the god will eventually get to you, break you, and corrupt you. I will prevent that."

Crowley frowns.

"Hrmph. Then I'll just have to wait until the more reasonable and approachable part of you recovers and try again."

With that he simply leaves the torture chamber. Two guards come in, carrying a stretcher, and a third one instructs them how to transport somepony with all legs broken in multiple places.

I don't have the time to curse when one of them screws up and touches me in the wrong way. The sharp spike of pain knocking me out might be a blessing.


"Owwwww," I wake up to the feeling of something soft draped over something really hard under my back. A pony shouldn't be sleeping like that but whatever, I like it.

What else shouldn't be happening is me standing up using my completely normal, unbroken, and, unfortunately one of them still deformed, legs. The greenish-brown fabric close to my face reveals this must be the tent inside of my head. Sighing in phantom pain of my real injuries, I open the tent flaps and walk outside to see why I'm here.

Oh right, because the real world isn't exactly the safest place right now.

The ruins of Manehattan tower around me and a thin ray of sunlight shines through the grey clouds. The small circle of my campsite is completely empty of all rubble and the clear space reveals it's located in one of many Manehattan's parks. Perhaps if I find some sense of stability and meaning in my life this place will become something other than a giant trash heap. I walk out of the circle of cobblestone and concrete onto a well-kept lawn and enjoy the coolness of the grass soothing the lingering pain of my legs broken in reality.

In contrast to the outside of my head being quite hostile, this place is still peaceful and boring.

"Thank heavens for that," my voice fills the eerie silence and my parched throat stings. A quick look around reveals, or possibly the memory of this place creates, a small water fountain on the corner of one of several streets leading into this tiny plaza.

One very thirsty minute later I'm shaking my wet muzzle and, all major bothers subdued, wondering what to do here. I've never been here before simply to 'admire' the scenery so I believe there's something for me to do here.

That something has to be connected to Mistake.

"Now, where would he run to if he knew I would be looking for him? The asylum?" I mumble, scratching my chin.

There's nothing making me feel threatened so I might have time to look around. Shrugging, I recall the look and feel of the asylum that protected me during my ressurrection and a sense of tugging in a certain direction is my answer.

A short trip through several cracked streets is as uneventful as expected aside from the need to jump over crevices and leads to a large walled-off area with the only access point being a steel gate.

"Open?"

One of the wings of the gate is slightly ajar. If Mistake was trying to hide after what he did I honestly doubt he would forget something as basic as locking the door behind himself. Possibly, he could be pretending he's not here or, of course, I guessed his location wrong.

No barrage of magic, no distortion of this fake world occurs as I walk inside the asylum gardens and follow the main gravel road leading straight to the entrance. The wooden door isn't closed either but the sight awaiting me tells me my guess was correct. The tiled floor is dusty but the thin grey veil is disrupted by dots and smudges reoccuring in sets of fours as if somepony was walking and sometimes dragging their hooves. The trail heads to the stairs leading up. A quick look around brings back a memory which is and isn't mine at the same time and I finally identify this place. This isn't just any asylum. When I woke up here for the first time I was too confused and angry to recognize what memory this place was but now I know where the steps would lead.

The Ponyville Mental Institution where I recovered under Chokey and Bright Eye's supervision after I fought off Sombra. The hoofsteps lead right where my cell would be. If Mistake intends to fight me for control there or something then he didn't drag me to the best memory for him. I like this place, I enjoyed my short time in Ponyville, I am strong here.

And so will he.

On the other ethereal hoof, I failed to trust him before and it almost led to my death. Granted, I would have welcomed it at the time but now... things have changed for both of us. I shouldn't jump to conclusions although being careful can't hurt.

The noise of a blade being pulled out of its sheath accompanies the summoning of my blackfrost wings and I walk up the stairs towards what used to be my cell. My cell where Chokey told me stories, where she came to rest after taking care of the weird patient lady who tried to hug potted plants, where she sacrificed her career, her reputation, and where she commited high treason just so I had another chance for a peaceful life.

As much as I love Cromach there's way too much I've been through with Chokey to be happy without her.

I will return home and I will make sure no evil threatens them ever again.

Time might tear us apart eventually but that's what I realized when I became an alicorn. For now I want to make the time we have together count and no damn griffon will take more of that time away. As soon as I get out of here Crowley dies, screw diplomacy.

The door to the padded cell is wide open and inside...

...inside there is a black body stinking of sweat, blood, and urine quietly sobbing on the floor. With limbs sticking out in unnatural angles, Mistake groans and his eyes go wide when he notices me and presumably the shape of my wings.

"-hurts," is the only thing I can make out of his quivering voice.

He is in no position to resist as the wounds suffered in the real world were so harsh he feels them here as well. I could get control over my body and my magic right here and now but what would await me out there if I did so? It's the same as with my other friends. Mistake's been by my side for far too long to let this little thing come between, especially if I understand his point of view way too well.

I lean down to him.

My wings melt and burn. The flames go almost pastel red and flow through my transformed arm into him. It seems that even with stealing only Nightmare's divine power I can summon Hope.

"It is just power, young one. It is up to you how you use it... and bear the consequences," says a sinister lingering whisper and dark mist pours into the cell through the open door.

I wish Mistake said it. I wish Crowley said it. Heck, I wish Sombra or Holy Light said it. Or possibly I wish I didn't recognize it the second I heard it.

Anypony else but him - he, who might not be Nightmare's oldest creation but without a doubt is the most powerful one. A creature so powerful even the god itself has to fear him.

The walls of the cell float away into darkness and both me and Mistake are hanging in the blackness between stars. The fire of my wings burns brighter as I assert my own power against the one ripping us out of my mindscape but here my light feels insignificant and my threats empty. The stars blink out, leaving us swimming in ink.

With surprising gentleness, we are lifted and moved while seeing nothing. Blue wisps of light flicker to life close to us, illuminating the inside of an obsidian temple. There, on the throne of black glass, sits a massive black alicorn whose golden eyes bore into me.

"Void..."

"In the flesh, as much as it can be said here," he says calmly.

Good, I'm not dead yet although that can rapidly change considering the circumstances we met under last time were less than pleasant.

"Indeed," he interrupts my internal monologue, small smile growing on his lips.

"How...?"

"This place is still inside your head. I have been looking for you ever since I noticed your soul once again failed to pass through my hooves into my realm," the alicorn of Death's expression turns questioning, "But a true hunter does not follow, he lies in wait."

"And you're here to change that, aren't you?" I bark but it feels weak and pointless. Void spreads his wings and starts walking towards me. Reflexively, I stand up between him and Mistake, "I know I screwed up last time but it was necessary. Well, it wasn't but I couldn't see another way at the time."

The death incarnate doesn't stop.

"I will fight you again if I have to!" I barely keep my voice from trembling and myself from internally adding 'and I will lose'.

Another step the pressure of which makes me step back as well. The second oldest alicorn is far too much for me to deal with at the moment.

"I'm not alone anymore! I have somewhere to return to! I won't... I CAN'T let you kill me here!" tears streak from my eyes when I realize how futile my resistance is.

If this is still my head then I'm not alone though. One by one they blink into existence as soon as I think of them and Void's progress slows down as they do so.

All those who made me who I am today, all those who kept me from hitting the complete bottom.

Searing Light, the brother to whom I looked up to.

Chokey, the hope of my life.

Sharp Biscuit, the one who taught me how to understand myself and others.

Heavy Hoof, the pony I hope one day to become.

Queen Chrysalis who showed me I can make a mare happy.

Betty, the Element showing me what my power truly was.

Guiding Light and her dreamlings, my family and responsibility.

Cromach, the griffon who loves me for who I am.

And one by one they disappear, leaving me and Mistake alone to face Void who leans down to me. Paralyzed with fear, I have barely enough strength to jump away but Void moves first anyway.

"You have serious trust issues, young one," his wings wrap around me with the soft touch of the finest silk, "I assure you I am not your enemy despite your lapse of judgement during our last encounter. Also believe me when I say I could not be happier you finally found a reason to live."

"Huuuuuh?" the embrace ends with Void smiling widely.

"You still tend to assume the worst, Blazing Light. At first I was looking for you to make sure we had one last talk before you passed away but when I became sure that somehow, somewhere you were still alive my goal became to see what happened. Unfortunately, your innate ability did not allow me to do so, leading to my rather clumsy approach during your revival for which I have to apologize."

Our surroundings change again and the three of us are back at my campsite where I levitate a soft mattress from the tent and carefully put Mistake on it.

"I was so worried you wanted to kill me for destroying your mortal body."

"It was merely a shell designed to hold my power at bay in the real world. If I was there at full force the encounter would have ended rather differently and spelled misery for both us and countless others. After you killed Holy Light I had time to gather information and understood what you were trying to do."

"A pretty dumb thing that could have been done much better if only I listened to somepony other than myself."

"Do not be so harsh on yourself. Your failure just brings experience. Speaking of experience, where will you be returning to after you wake up? Who was it that made you open your eyes? Miss Darkness, finally?"

"No, it was Cromach. Chokey is and always will be special but Crom... I feel I need him now in the same way I needed Chokey before. The lucky part is that it looks like he needs me as well. I choose not to think too hard about that."

"As well as I know you I can say that is a good decision."

"At least I can finally say I'm doing something right."

Void doesn't say anything and looks at Mistake.

"How come he is not gone like the other memories? He looks like you did when you visited my temple last time."

"Well, he's real and pretty badly hurt. He's a part of myself which got a taste the real world and liked it so I keep him around. He controls my magic and, apparently, my vision while I deal with the gods and divinity thing. We got into a little disagreement and the current bad guy had his way with him."

"Current bad guy?"

"You didn't really think that I would spend my free time inside my head instead of hanging out with Crom and Chokey, did you? I'm here because Crowley tortured Mistake and both of us passed out from the pain."

"How thoughtless of me. Can I help in any way?"

"Come here and kill Crowley. He somehow got hold of some frozen phoenix egg and Nightmare is trying to get access to the world through him after I locked it out by killing Holy, your physical body, and myself. Speaking of the egg, he said some old book linked you to it."

Void blinks and raises both eyebrows.

"I have no idea what it is. My only guess is that if it is Nightmare's power than it might feel similar to mine or yours. As for locking Nightmare away... I thought about it and believe it to be impossible."

"What? But I... I did it. Nightmare had no more powerful outlets, no avatars."

"There will always be broken souls listening to the voices of their fears. They might be weak but step by step Nightmare will attempt to come back. It might take centuries or millenia but unless stopped at every point it will eventually create similar circumstances as last time."

"So... what I fought for was... pointless?"

"It helped assure few more generations will have a chance to live. You are an immortal now as well, young alicorn. Happiness and stability are not gained, they are only held. If you wish to stay happy then you will have to keep working for it over and over."

Chokey will die. Crom will die. He knows. He knows I know.

"How-how would you deal with things if you didn't have Scream?"

"Before I met Scream I was alone. My aspect and, frankly, the personality of my young self were not the most interesting for mares or stallions. I must admit I got incredibly lucky and, realizing that, I have been by Scream's side whenever she needed it... almost. Well, you know the rest."

"Yeah. Gotta hope I find a nice alicorn for myself as well then one day. Or at least one who wouldn't throw rocks at me."

"Enjoy what you have and remember what you had, young one-"

"-Don't dwell on what will never be. I know," I interrupt him. It's something I told to both Chokey and Heavy when I apologized to them for killing Sharp Biscuit.

No reason to mull over it now.

"So, no coming here and killing Crowley?" I continue.

"No physical body yet. It takes me a long time to regrow one due to the limitations of my magic. My alicorn form would probably kill most living beings in the vicinity if I came."

"Meh. Any idea how to heal four broken limbs with only destructive divine power at my disposal?"

"As I said, it is simply power. Try what you tried here in the real world. Our aspects shape our abilities and since you steal power without it taking you over you might be able to reap the benefits."

"Thanks, Void."

"I am glad I found you, young one. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."

"Buried under Scream's tail?"

"Indeed," Void nods, unphased, "Be sure to remove your griffon lover's instrument from your throat before you do so though, it might be difficult to understand you otherwise."

"Damn."

"Scream loves to taunt me in a very similar fashion. I am used to it."

"Heh, I hope I see you soon under better circumstances, Void."

"Good luck, Blazing. May you return home safe and sound from your current trial."

Bowing to him, I'm surprised to find out he repays me the gesture. One smile later he burns away in his signature purple and black flames, leaving me and Mistake alone.

Feeling Mistake has suffered long enough during our talk, I focus my power and resume my attempt to heal him. With bones creaking, he groans and cries but after the final snap his twitching stops.

"-rry," he whispers.

"Go to sleep, idiot," I say, smiling.

Sudden shift in reality takes both of us back to the asylum, namely to the head psychiatrist's office where a cot made from clothes and a sleeping bag serves to accommodate the black unicorn. It seems that my little traitor worked hard to make a place for himself inside my head as well.

One last time I look into the big mirror. Yep, bronze coat, short light grey and blonde mane recovering from being burned, featherless wingbones slowly regrowing bronze fur as well, patches of fur falling out on my body, all still there.

What's new are the narrowed eyes of somepony determined to obliterate every obstacle between him and his goal.

"Harmony was right. If I want my peace I have to work for it."

I blink.

My eyes open to the familiar black and white world of reality.

Time to end this, guns blazing.