Plugged In
"Why," Rainbow Dash asked, "am I not surprised that you farm ponies fail at electricity?"
Applejack scowled from under the brim of her (slightly scorched) hat. All she'd wanted was one of those new-fangled electric fans.
"But seriously, lovin' the hairdo. Who knew that 4,500 volts made such a great stylist?" the pegasus snickered.
The brim of the hat was five inches above Applejack's brow, supported by a new and voluminous afro.
"Remind me: why're we friends?" Applejack glared.
"Because you love me almost as much as I do. Duh."
Almost. But with Rainbow Dash, almost was more than enough.
Oh hey, these chapters are short enough that I can actually remember grammar mistakes, which means I can point them out!
Yes!
"Why," Rainbow Dash grinned, "Am I not surprised that you farm ponies fail at electricity?"
Those commas should be periods, which in turn means you need to capitalize the word 'am'. Rainbow grinning has nothing to do with her speech; it is a seperate action, so it is viewed as its own sentence. That's where the periods come in.
Anyway, yay fluff! These little passages look promising
554211 Therizzen
no actually your wrong, TheVulpineHero1 was correct
"Why am I not surprised that you farm ponies fail at electricity?"
is a single complete thought, which is interrupted by the speaker tag of " Rainbow Dash grinned, " so it set off by commas
um its a little short though um sorry I think ??????
ok well i'm done with this story soooo well i'll give thumbs up for some kind of effort