Of Lonely Hearts and Objectum Sexuality

by Electronic Pony

Twilight Sparkle

Twilight Sparkle rushed around the base of her library, searching for anything that could teach her more on the power of love.

It was Hearts and Hooves Day, and Twilight was busy working. Princess Cadence had realized Twilight's confusion on the power of love when she had used it to defeat the Changeling Queen at her wedding, so she had sent a special order down at the beginning of the week for Twilight's reports that week to be on the magic of love, rather than the magic of friendship. Cadence must not know Twilight as well as she thinks though, as she had expected her to do some field research, observing couples and maybe even flirting for herself, but Twilight had other ideas.

"Y'know, Twilight, I'm pretty sure you're not gonna learn much on love from old books written by ponies who probably never experienced it for themselves," Spike commented as he watched Twilight raid the books in the library.

"Oh, what do you know Spike? I've never even seen you try to read any of the books here. In fact I've never seen you read anything other than comics," Twilight retorted.

"Yeah, they can't write about love either, and they're supposed to be the good ones," Spike joked. Twilight didn't notice.

"Just help me look for the right book, will you?" Twilight finished.

"Whatever you say, Ms. 'Love Expert'," Spike grumbled as he made his way to the bookshelves.

Book after book went flying by Twilight's face, being placed in two neat stacks at the end if it looked either promising or completely irrelevant.

"Potion Brewing Guide, no. Equestrian History in 100 Pages, maybe. The Life of Leon Trotsky, no. Tropical Tea Blends? I've asked Celestia not to leave her books around here..." Twilight briefly took a look at the covers and decided whether or not it would be a worthwhile read. By the end of all her sorting and organization, she had deemed that about one third of the books in her whole library could contain some valuable information on love.

Spike peeked around one of the corners of the large pile of books Twilight was getting ready to read and cast her a questionable look. "How are you gonna read all these books, Twilight? This is gonna take a lot longer than seven days!"

Twilight settled down on a cushion and lifted her first book off of the top of the pile with her magic. "I know I can't read them all in seven days, but that doesn't mean I can't read enough to fill a good report. Besides, it's only for this one week, I won't need to know that much right away."

Spike looked over the entire pile of books, then back at his guardian. "What if I told you there's a way to do all this research," he gestured to the massive pyramid beside him, "in just one day?"

"I'd say you're crazy," Twilight responded, not looking up from the book.

"Oh, but that's where you're so wrong," Spike said vaguely.

"Oh really?" Twilight said indignantly. "Prove it."

"Only with a question. What day is it?" he asked.

"February fourteenth," Twilight said after thinking about it briefly.

"No, no, no, what day is it?" Spike repeated.

"Saturday?" Twilight replied, slightly confused.

Spike's hand quickly made a polite acquaintance with his face, and stayed for a quick chat before it had to leave again, after which Spike revealed, "It's Hearts and Hooves Day Twilight! The day of love! When ponies are outside! Showing affection!"

Twilight's eyes widened at the realization. "You're right! I'd been so busy trying to learn about love, I didn't stop to think about how I should do so!" She grabbed Spike in a strong hug, and said happily, "Oh, thank you Spike, you're the greatest assistant ever!"

"Aw, just doin' my job," Spike said, feeling slightly embarrassed.

Twilight quickly gathered a fountain quill and a notebook, bid Spike adieu as she opened the door, and stepped outside to observe the magic of love being put on display in Ponyville. Standing just outside her door, she debated the best places for romantic environments in town, and decided to check on the population at the fountain in the town square first. As she was starting to head in that direction though, she spotted a notebook not unlike her own lying open on a bush near her house. Thinking it in a strange position, she approached it to take a closer look.

Three words were written on the first page that read 'You are beautiful', each on a separate line in rather large font. Twilight picked up the notebook to look at it more, though she held no interest in the three words there. Finding it was in good condition, she took it with her and continued her journey to town square.

Twilight arrived at the fountain and discovered her assumptions were correct, as three different couples were seated around the edge of the fountain, looking wistfully into each other's eyes and smiling slightly. She took a seat meant for customers at a nearby cafe, and non-schalontly pretended to be observing a menu, while also keeping a watchful eye on the first couple, a handsome yellow stallion and a pretty light-blue mare.

Twilight angled her ears in order to catch more of their conversation over the gentle splashing of the fountain behind them.

"Oh, Ivy," the stallion said warmly. "You're the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life."

The mare smiled upon hearing this, and the two ponies hugged tightly for several moments. Twilight took notes nearby.

"Compliments equals affection," she wrote, and drew a quick sketch of the stallion expressing love, and the two hugging afterwards. She then moved to a different table, and started to observe the second couple, a maroon stallion and a deep-green mare.

The couple had already been hugging, and when they broke away, the mare said, "I can't imagine ever being with anypony else," after which the two nuzzled each other. Twilight was mildly surprised by this display of affection being much greater than the last from a seemingly similar compliment. She labeled this particular situation as 'Level 2 Affection', and labeled the first as level one, then inconspicuously moved to a table closer to the third and final couple around the fountain.

A mint-green mare and a golden stallion sat there, eyelids slightly closed as they stared at each other. "You are beautiful," the stallion said passionately, to which the mare replied, "I love you," and brought him in for a long kiss.

Meanwhile, nearby, Twilight sat up, shocked by this new find. How could the same basic level of compliment create such varying levels of affection? Twilight scribbled the three different compliments in her notebook, and tried to see how they were different, but they all just seemed so similar!

Except for one.

The last one stood out to Twilight. Where had she heard this before? She doubted anypony had ever said it to her, otherwise she would have reacted in the same way that mare had. She flipped through the pages in her notebook, from front to back, to the front again, and it hit her when she reached the first page. Twilight reached over and grabbed the notebook she had found earlier, opened the cover to the front, and there it was, written in large font all on separate lines.

'You are beautiful'

But what was this? This wasn't a pony. It was a notebook! An inanimate object!

And it was complimenting her?

Twilight wasn't sure exactly what to do. Were the conditions different because this wasn't a pony? Or when objects complimented you, did the same rules apply?

Utterly confused by the situation, Twilight stuck with what she knew. "I love you," she said, imitating the mare she had just seen, and kissed the cover of the notebook for several moments, closing her eyes as she did so.

When she opened her eyes and brought the book away from her lips, she felt a strange sensation stirring inside of her, something she had never felt before.

"Is this love?" she thought to herself. Surely there was no way.

But when she looked back at the notebook, she felt the same feeling, and as she brought it closer, the feeling grew stronger.

"Is this what love does to ponies?" Twilight wondered out loud. "How can something be so strong and so strange," she looked at the notebook, "and yet so logical?"

Twilight decided to ignore every sense in her body telling her this was strange and unnatural, succumbing to the power of love which only now did she fully understand. She hugged and kissed the notebook for several minutes, pausing only to stare at his cover and smile.

"Oh, Note," she decided to call him, "You've taught me so much today." She kissed him once more, and said, "And I have a feeling this is only the beginning."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight opened the door to her library, carrying Note carefully in the crook of her foreleg and the rest of her supplies above her head with magic. Spike greeted her at the door, and immediately noticed she had doubled the amount of notebooks she had left with.

"Wow, Twilight, you must have learned a lot if you had to go and buy another notebook," he commented innocently.

"Oh you have no idea," she replied, staring affectionately at Note as she did so.

Spike looked between her and the notebook, but thought nothing of it. "Well, you sure were gone a long time," he yawn'd. "I think I'll be off to bed now."

Twilight yawned as well, and came to the same conclusion. She waited for Spike to make his way fully upstairs, then put her original notebook and quill away, sneaking Note upstairs with her. As per usual, Spike was already fast asleep, and he never woke up easily.

Twilight climbed into her bed, pulled up her covers, and placed Note on the pillow next to her. "I am truly glad to have met you, Note," she told him affectionately. "I'll see you in the morning, and remember, you are beautiful."

She giggled, gave Note one last kiss, then drifted off to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flash Sentry fluttered outside of Twilight Sparkle's window, watching her sleeping peacefully with his notebook lying on her pillow beside her. His plan had failed horribly.

Flash had gotten that notebook earlier that day and had written the words inside it, then placed it on a bush outside of Twilight's front door with a string attached to it on a a fishing pole. However, Twilight had not come out of her house all day, and he had grown bored waiting, so he had fallen asleep. When he finally woke up, the book was gone, and when he found it again, it was in the loving arms of Twilight.

"I knew I should have tied that string tighter!" he cursed himself as he slowly lowered from the window to the ground below. Soon his anger turned to despair, and he cried out in the night, "How am I ever going to find her love now?"

Author's Note:

Looks like Pinkie's not the only one who needs to learn how to tie knots.

Also I regret nothing.

Comments

[Hazel Sparks]

These are so nice! It's nice to know I'm not the only objectum MLP fan.