• Published 4th Feb 2015
  • 4,737 Views, 145 Comments

Keep Calm and Chaos On - Azure129

Discord calls out Celestia on the details of his initial reform. He has some interesting demands, which she gives into (but not without a few challenges of her own.) By the time Discord’s final reform comes, they're as close as two friends can be.

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Midquel 2: The One with the Royal Bathroom

It was early evening in the Canterlot castle, a usually peaceful time…except that this particular evening had featured Princess Luna banging with her hoof on the door of the large bathroom she shared with her sister for the last twenty minutes, a pout and a scowl clearly present upon her face. “Celestia! By the stars, you’ve been locked in there for over an hour! I want to wash up so that I can get started on my nightly duties. I pray thee, come out already!”

Suddenly, the sound of a yawn met Luna’s ears from behind her. “Luna? What in Equestria? Has that been you making that knocking sound for so long? I fell asleep in my study and wanted to wash up before heading to bed.”

Luna turned in a great deal of surprise to see her (somewhat sleepy-eyed) sister behind her. “But…Celestia?” She blinked in perplexity. “I thought…and you…that…I’ve thought that you were in the bathroom for the last hour.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow at this information, growing more alert. “No, not at all, Luna. I’ve been in my study ever since dinner ended.” She approached her sister and the bathroom door.

Luna gestured to the door with her hoof. “But the water’s running in our bathroom and there’s steam coming out from underneath the door, and I swear can hear someone in there though no one has answered my calls.”

Celestia blinked then smiled. “But Luna, if no one’s answered you then maybe it’s just a problem with the pipes or something.” She turned to the door again and knocked with her hoof. “Hello? Is anyone in there? This is the private bathroom of the princesses.”

“Oh great, now you’re out there too? Celestia, I’ll just be five more minutes, I swear.” These words (of course said in Discord’s voice) followed by a low chuckle suddenly sounded from behind the locked bathroom door.

Celestia smiled. “Oh, very well,” she replied. The she yawned and turned to Luna. “Discord will only be five more minutes in our bathroom, Lu—” Suddenly, her eyes shot open wide and Celestia finally fully woke up. “Discord!” She looked back to the door. “What are you doing in there?”

“Training parasprites and baking a soufflé,” he replied. “What do you think I’m doing in here, Celestia? Sheesh, you’re not the only one who prides themselves on looking stunningly gorgeous all the time.” He chuckled again.

“Discord!” Luna yelled at the door, scowling. “Such behavior is unacceptable! Thou hast a perfectly good bathroom right next to thine own bedroom. We will not allow this invasion of our privacy.”

Discord sighed. “Luna, we’ve really got to start looking into some speech lessons for you. Lesson one: you are the only person left in Equestria who uses the word ‘thou’—consider dropping it.” Discord laughed more and now he could be heard gargling.

“Discord,” Celestia’s tone became a bit firmer. “I’m sure you’re enjoying yourself, but I have to insist that you open this door. Luna and I have work to do, and we need full access to this bathroom so that we can transition between our daily and nightly tasks smoothly. It’s a private space for us, and as our friend you should have asked before using it. Now please, be our friend and return it to us.”

There was silence for a moment (except for the continued sound of running water), and then Discord sighed deeply. “Pulling the friendship card… You know, one day that tune is going to get old, Celestia. But fine, fine…I’m almost done anyway.” There was quiet for another moment, and then finally the lock unbolted and the door opened. There stood Discord, leaning against the doorframe with a towel over his shoulders and wearing a pale green facemask and spritzing himself with the contents of a dark blue perfume bottle. “Come on in, ladies—this bathroom of yours is practically Olympic-sized. There’s plenty of room for everyone.”

Luna just looked at him with wide eyes, and her jaw suddenly dropped. “Discord…tell me that is not my Midnight Zest Eau de Cologne you are spraying upon yourself without a care in the world. My favorite scent, and only bottle I have left since they stopped producing it during my banishment…”

Celestia held up a hoof to stop Luna just as her sister scowled darkly and took a step to approach Discord. The sun princess let out a deep breath and did her best to smile at Discord and speak calmly. “Thank you for coming out, Discord. But in the future, as I said, we would appreciate if you would come to us before you make use of our personal spaces or our personal items for that matter, like Luna’s perfume or…” She blinked a couple of times and it was her turn to have her eyes go wide now. “Discord, is that my daylily face mask you’re wearing…?”

“Hmm…” Luna couldn’t help but smirk a little, giving her sister a sideways glance. “Oh dear, isn’t that the mask that Starswirl specially prepared for you for your first birthday as a princess, sister? And aren’t you almost out of it and only now use it for the most special of occasions?”

Celestia pouted for just a moment and gave Luna a slight nudge but then cleared her throat and managed to remain at ease (while Discord just continued grinning away casually as could be at the two princesses). “Yes, well…as I said, Discord, please do not make use of our personal items without consulting us first from now on. All right?”

Discord chuckled and nodded as he stepped aside and gestured forward. “Oh, of course, of course, you’ve got it, ladies. Sorry, I’m still working on the finer points of ‘sharing’ as part of friendship. Now, I know it’s getting late for both of you, so please come on in.” He lingered in the doorway as the sisters went past him. “I was just finishing polishing my horns and giving myself a final rinsing off, and then I’m sure I’ll be out of your ethereal hair. Ugh, and I must say, I know me being in here bothered you, but it was sort of worth it—this is the most luxurious bathroom in the kingdom, I swear.” And indeed, it was a rather stately room with marble floors, a large silver and gold accented bath at the center, silk curtains in pinks and teals, two crystal sinks, and a large mirror in a gilded frame along the wall above the sinks.

Celestia just sighed, her poise returning more and more. “Yes, we enjoy it very much, Discord. And it helps having a space like this to go to after our busy days and nights.”

“Yes, that is why we keep it as our private bathroom,” Luna made sure to emphasize as she and her sister took their usual respective places in front of their separate side-by-side sinks in front of the large mirror.

Discord just chuckled as he shut the door behind all three of them and floated up into the air. “Oh stop acting so miffed, you two. This is hardly the worst thing I’ve put you through since I got here. Besides, I really did just want to take part in true sharing in action as part of my reform and friendship studies, especially since neither of you (particularly uptight Celestia) will let me practice it by having me as your roommate. I’ve never had to share before, you know.” He shrugged, smiling smugly.

“And you’re still not sharing now,” replied Luna, making a fresh towel appear over her shoulder as she sat down on the floor. “Sharing implies you relinquishing some control to others over something that is personally yours. Celestia and I have shared just now by having you in our bathroom and continuing to tolerate your presence here for the moment. You, on the other hand, have just simply…barged in.”

“Luna, at least he’s trying,” Celestia had to encourage with a small smile, making a towel appear for herself over her shoulder and likewise sitting down. She glanced over her shoulder at their still aerially suspended draconequus friend. “Discord, we appreciate you putting some thought and some friendly intentions into the matter, but maybe next time we’ll discuss the best way to go about sharing before you actually try it, all right?”

Discord sighed dramatically and rested his head on his paw. “Oh, all of these intricacies of friendly relations—however shall I keep them all in mind?” He chuckled to himself in amusement.

Luna sighed deeply in response, and Celestia just smiled a little and rolled her eyes, then looked to her mirror. She magically removed her crown as Luna did hers, both sisters setting them aside.

“Discord,” Celestia sighed, magically setting the water in the large tub behind to run, which quickly started filling the room with thick steam, “Luna and I are going to take a hot bath now, I think, to unwind. We’ll see you at breakfast in the morning, and then I’m sure we can talk more about the ‘intricacies of friendship’ you seem to be having trouble with.” There was no response to her words however (except for the sound of a snap), which made Celestia blink and look behind her and then over to the bathroom door. “Discord?” She peered through the rising steam as best she could—however, Discord no longer appeared to be in the room.

“Good, he has left us alone,” Luna announced with a deep sigh, holding her head up high as she looked to the mirror and brushed aside some of her hair with her hoof. “Honestly, I’m getting used to his shenanigans, but not at this hour when I have a full night’s work ahead of me.” She stood up and removed her yoke and shoes and wrapped up her mane in her towel. Then she turned and approached the tub, climbed over the edge, and lowered herself into it with a relieved sigh.

Celestia smiled, glancing over her shoulder toward the tub and her sister (though she could barely exactly make out either, the steam was growing so thick). “He’s just pushing his boundaries, Luna.” She removed her yoke and shoes too, likewise wrapped her mane in her towel, and walked over to the large tub as well. Celestia then entered the water and set herself resting against the edge of the tub a few feet away from Luna. “Try thinking about him like he’s a colt we’re foalsitting. There may be a lot to put up with, but I think we’ll be rewarded with a good friend in the end for our efforts.”

Luna inhaled and exhaled the relaxing steam deeply. “Perhaps you’re right.” She smiled. “And at least we staked our claim to this space well. That’s a small victory.” She sunk just a little more into the tub. “Will you pass the bath salts, sister?”

Celestia nodded and used her magic to pass the vial of pink salts to Luna. Then she too settled in to just enjoy the soothing steam as well. “Sister, do we have anymore of those lovely herbal oils the traders from Saddle Arabia gave us?”

Luna nodded. “Of course, Celestia. Here you go.” Luna floated the oils over to Celestia.

Celestia let her magic guide them to the rim on her side of the tub and smiled more. “Oh Luna I know we’re both busy, but we should really do this more often. It’s really so peaceful in here.” She closed her eyes.

“Indeed,” Luna sighed, closing her eyes now as well. “I am getting far too old to keep myself under the stress of our duties without taking time for relaxation and pampering.”

Celestia almost scoffed, her chuckle was so great. “You think you’re getting old? Sometimes these days when I raise the sun I get such a crick in my neck and wings.” She stretched her neck to the side. “Honestly, that’s why I take the chariot whenever I go travelling these days—flying long distances is just too much.”

Luna nodded. “Flying is still fine for me, but when I head out over the Everfree forest, wrangling manticores and timberwolves to keep them away from the pony populated areas is not as easy as I remember it being in the past.”

Celestia smiled a little, inhaling the steam deeply, her eyes still closed. “Maybe we should retire? Sell the castle and buy a nice bungalow in Acapulcolt—what do you say?”

A scoff and a chuckle left Luna at the same time. “With Discord as an arguable heir apparent considering his residence in our castle and his magical ability? I think not.” She grinned a little, her eyes still closed as well. “And who says we’d go to Acapulcolt anyway? That’s far too warm and sunny, sister. I was thinking of a place with a little nightlife. Perhaps Manehatten? Or Paris, Prance?”

Celestia laughed softly. “For now, I’ll settle for the peace and quiet of this bathroom.”

“Indeed,” Luna agreed with a nod.

“Luna, will you pass the bath salts back?”

“If you will pass the bath oils back.”

Celestia reached to the side with her hoof and poured some of the oil into the tub as Luna reached out with her own hoof to take out some salts for herself. And then both sisters (eyes still peacefully closed) went to pass each item to each other.

Something at the backs of both of their minds found it odd that as they handed off each item, they did not touch each other’s hooves. Yet, they were both so relaxed at the moment that they chose to barely notice the slight strangeness.

“Say, could I take some of those salts and oils from you ladies when you get a chance? I’m sure you’d be more than happy to share with me since I’ve asked so nicely this time. And besides, I haven’t been able to do a thing with my coat ever since spending that millennium in a stone body suit.”

Discord speaking in their bathroom and right near them, though, followed by one of his signature chuckles…yeah, that got their attention pretty quickly.

Celestia and Luna’s eyes popped open wide, and then the sisters made their horns glow, effectively dissipating some of the steam. And lo and behold, there sat Discord in the tub between them, leaning back against its edge with a shower cap on and a bath brush in one hand and a rubber ducky in the other. He grinned. “And by the way, ladies, you really did have the right idea—a good soak is just what I needed too.” He chuckled lightly, looking to Luna, his eyes narrowing playfully and his grin picking up considerably on one side. “Now, thou hast thyself in a precarious position, fair Luna. Thou clearly must want to chastise me in thine firmest Royal Canterlot Voice, but what wouldst that do to the structural integrity of thine precious bathroom? Thine voice truly is a weapon, after all.” He laughed (while Luna just looked back at him first with eyes full of shock and then a gaze full of rage that she couldn’t even begin to articulate yet). Discord yawned and stretched, turning away from her and using his brush to scratch his back a little. “Yes sir, nothing like three close pals bonding over a good steam. A bath with the pony sisters—definitely not something either one of you (or even I) ever saw coming, I’m sure.” He grinned and turned to the sun princess. “And as long as we’re sharing, want to play with my rubber ducky, Celestia? It was a present from Fluttershy, you know.” Discord held up the duck and gave it a squeeze.

But then Discord blinked and his smile fell away.

In all the years he had known her, in all of the battles he had faced her in…Discord had never seen Celestia look back at him so seriously or so grimly (which was an accomplishment considering how unintimidating a pony could look with her mane wrapped up in a towel). He actually felt a little overwhelmed.

Celestia spoke, her voice calm but low. And despite the ‘please’ her words ended with, she was clearly giving an order to him in the ‘friendliest’ possible terms. “Get out. Now, please.”

Discord raised an eyebrow and hesitated. “But I just thought—”

“Out. Now. Please.”

Discord blinked and gulped but then managed to fake a grin again. “Okay, okay, sheesh…I-I’m going.” Discord went to snap his fingers, actually fumbled for a moment, but then finally managed to snap them and disappeared in a burst of bubbles.

As soon as he was out of sight, Celestia let out a deep sigh, smiled peacefully again, and settled back deep into the water again.

“Wow…” This remark of exclamation from Luna caused Celestia to raise an eyebrow at her sister. Luna looked back at her in pleasant surprise. “Sister, that was incredibly effective. And you did not even use your Royal Canterlot Voice. I cannot believe he actually listened to you—I’ve never seen him respond so quickly to an order.”

Celestia just laughed softly and shrugged. “Oh Luna, it wasn’t an order. It was just a very, very firm friendly suggestion. And besides, I’m willing to grant him some leeway in his actions while he gets used to his reform, but not about this. As I said, I love the privacy of this space for us. And either way,” she blushed lightly, “he really shouldn’t be here bathing with us. His joke went a little too far, Luna. I just drew a line in the sand. But it’s only because he values our friendship so much that he’s willing to respect that line, and that’s progress.”

Luna nodded to herself. “I suppose you’re right. And I’m glad you took care of the situation, sister. I really was about to use my Royal Canterlot Voice on him no matter what it might have done to our bathroom. Though I know such yelling would not have been nearly as effective as your approach. He always does love to get a rise out of me, after all.” She grinned. “But at least considering his response to how you handled things, I doubt we’ll hear a peep out of him until breakfast tomorrow.”

Celestia nodded. “Let’s hope so. And let’s hope this incident shows Discord that friendship is just as much about healthy boundaries as it is about compromises.”

Suddenly there was a knocking at the bathroom door. And then Discord’s muffled (and dramatically miffed) voice followed. “Just so you two know, kicking me out when all I was trying to do was find a little relaxation with my two princess pals was very unfriendly. I’m quite disappointed in the both of you.”

Celestia just sighed and rolled her eyes. Then Luna’s eyes brightened and she leaned over and whispered to her sister. Celestia giggled, then she cleared her throat and addressed the door. “Oh Discord, this has nothing to do with friendliness. It’s just a matter of simple social policy.”

“Oh yeah—how do you figure, princess?” Discord retorted.

Celestia tried not to laugh. “This is a mares only bathroom. Simple as that.”

Then Luna used her horn to make some magic.

Outside of the bathroom, Discord (still with his bathroom paraphernalia) blinked as suddenly a sign written up in blue ink on a scroll reading, ‘Mares only! No stallions or boys of any kind! Thou hast been warned!’ (along with a little cartoon picture of Luna sticking out her tongue) appeared hanging on the door.

Discord pouted at the sign and then held his head up high. “Gender discrimination, that’s what it is! Hmph!” he announced, crossing his arms over his chest and turning away. “No respect in this gynocracy for the hard working male friend, none at all! I swear, I have half a mind to lead a patriarchal revolution of some kind!”

He heard laughter from within the bathroom. Then Celestia sighed distinctly.

Suddenly there was another burst of magic, and this time a scroll appeared in Discord’s hands. He looked down at it. ‘A peace offering from Celestia and Luna,’ it read on the outside. Discord unfurled up the scroll and read it out loud. “It is decreed by the princess pony sisters that the bathroom in the hallway near Discord’s room shall be for his private use only and deemed a ‘males only’ bathroom. This gift is a symbol of our friendship and our desire to have him share equally in the benefits of our home.”

Discord grinned. He actually found himself turning around and possibly about to heartily thank the pony sisters…but then he cleared his throat and resumed his casual demeanor as he addressed them through the door again. “Yes, well…I suppose a bathroom exclusively for my own use is an acceptable arrangement. But don’t think this is the last time I’m going to knock on yours requesting some of that night princess Eau de Cologne or Celestia’s face mask—you two aren’t the only ones who like to feel pretty. By the way, can I request the installation of a sauna and a jacuzzi in my new bathroom?” He grinned.

“Do not push it, Discord,” Luna offered dryly, which was quickly followed by more laughter between the two sisters.

Discord just rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine, I’ll make do with whatever’s up there for now. Come along, rubber ducky, we have a bathroom to explore and make chaotic.” And with that he snapped himself (and his rubber duck) away upstairs while the sisters laughed and continued to enjoy their relaxing time together.

And thus Discord’s place in the castle became just a little more permanent.

Author's Note:

That's all for now, and I hope you guys enjoyed the first two midquels :twilightsmile: I'll probably be posting them one at a time from now on, but just in case I can manage two at a time, here are the titles for the next two midquel stories.

Midquel 3: The One after 'Magical Mystery Cure'
(In which we get to watch Celestia breaking the news to Discord about Twilight becoming a princess.)
Midquel 4: The One after 'Princess Twilight Sparkle'
(In which we get to see the princesses responding to that whole plunder seeds/evil magic vines/kidnapping thing Discord let happen (Luna goes for a death threat, and personally I do not blame her lol).)

For more upcoming chapter titles, please check out my blog! Thank you all for reading and for all of your support and encouragement! :twilightsmile: