Change in Perspectives

by Animated Rarity

Chapter 2

Dark. Darkness. Dark. Darkness. Left? Dark. Right? Dark. Up? Darkness. Down? Darkness. This officially sucks. When someone tells you that you're gonna take a five year nap.....I expect a nap. With dreams sunshine sparkles all that jazz but what do I get.......a void. A stupid black motionless void. Why couldn't I get visions? Or maybe even some ancient draconic prophecy about how I'm gonna become this great awesome hero. Yup that would've been sweet. This just sucks I would rather be reshelving with twi......scratch that this isn't that bad. Hmmmm how long have I been here sitting? Floating? Falling? I don't know I guess just being stationary in this super awesome DARKNESS! I lost count after a thousand and........ughhhhh this sucks. I blame Twilight...yup she is somehow at fault here....somehow. Booooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrreeeeddd. I at least wanna sleep in this darkness. Wait. Five years...utter darkness? Haha. Funny girls. Rainbow? Pinkie? Twilight? You girls got me now drop the spell. How stupid dragons only take hundred year naps not five. Funny joke girls.

silence

Girls?

silence

Haha come on now...your freaking me out.

.........

Ok Twilight I'm sorry for reading your diary........Twi?

Great. I'm going insane. Five years in total darkness makes you insane. Oh Celestia...if I was here for a hundred or a thousand years.....well I can see how King Sombra stayed insane. Well I might as well think......again since there is nothing else to do. I wonder if I'll be as powerful as Celestia or even Twilight. That'll be sweet and with my newly grown wings I can literally sweep Rarity off her hooves and give her the world. Wings. I'll need help learning how to fly first.....I'm counting on Rainbow Dash for that. No offense to Fluttershy but she's basically a earth pony with wings.......that felt mean to say about her. Hmmm and if I do get magic I'll need a teacher........preferably someone not prone to magical breakdowns. Maybe Zecora? She'll be a good teacher........plus it helps that she's a natural beauty with those amazing curves, those enchanting eyes, that glorious mane, and that plump but fit flank. Ha....look at me couple years in a dark void I suddenly sound like a horny stallion.

zzzzzzzzzz...

There goes that aggravating buzzing again. Where is it even coming from? Maybe its here to keep me company? Or just to torture me more....but at least it something. I wish I could just cover my ears and ignore it...but my limbs are numb. Just adding insult to injury. I wish this would all end already. Wait. What the? Ow? Owwwwww. Yup definitely ow. Well the bright side I can feel things again. The bad side the first thing I feel is pain in my back. Wait. In my back? Maybe my wings are finally coming.....in....wait all this time AND THEY'RE JUST NOW COMING IN? This sucks so bad I'm never sleeping again. Well that may be a little drastic but my point stands. Ok the pain is subsiding that's goo..........AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH buck this hurts so bad. This is the Worst. Possible. Pain. Ok I've been around Rarity to much but this still hurts badly. Did...did something just rip? Ok...now I can't feel anything....again.

zzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzz

"....."

zzzzzzzzzz

Ok I'm starting to miss the pain already. At least it took my mind off the buzzing. I wish I could use my arms at least then maybe I could punch the darkness away...yeah call me Spike the darknes.....I'm not even gonna finish that lame thought. Is....is that a light? Omg yes yes yes yes yes a light finally. Its getting bigger and wider? Why is it so blurry? Almost as if my eyes are clo........oh well let me open my eyes then.

"......"

"Well I know what that buzzing was now." Spike stated staring at the glowing light purple barrier around him and his hoard. Come on wings tell me I have wings. Yes score I finally have wings but why are the just hanging limp on my back. Maybe I can flap them?

".....ow"

Not a good idea there still sore and numb. Ooh maybe I have magic now let's see...maybe levitation. If I remember Twilight always said concentrate and will it to move. Lets see I just need a boulder to move......
"Aha....now just will it to move....annnnnnddd"

Crash

Spike stared dumbfounded as the boulder crush into tiny pebbles on the ceiling of the cave before falling down around him. Spike started to grin and chuckle like a filly on her birthday as he wondered exactly how powerful he was.

"Holy guacamole I'm amazing. What else can I do?"

I wonder can I teleport or fire out powerful beams. Ok lets calm down Spike don't want to go to crazy. I'll have to study a lot more on spells then before...... Ok just one more spell attempt. I gotta see if I can teleport. Ok think of a distance and envision yourself there.

*Poof*

"No way. *poof* This....poof....is.....poof...awe.....poof...some....poof." Exclaimed Spike before suddenly getting drowsy.

Ok so maybe constantly teleporting wasn't a good thing if *Yawn* if it makes you this tired. Well since the barrier is still up that means the girls haven't arrived yet. Hopefully they won't mind if *yawn* I get a few more hours of sleep. Spike slowly climbed back on top of his hoard of gems and coins. He circled in on himself while resting his head on his tail slowly driftng off to sleep while thinking......

"I'm totally gonna be a badass!"

Comments

[Eonflare]

Errr, that was confusing. Was he dreaming or something? It sounds like he's asleep, but still aware or something like that.
Oh well, assuming he's not delirious, good to see he's grown a pair.

[Animated Rarity]

5601889 ehhhh not my best.....well I don't really have a best but just like last time I wrote this at like 4 a.m so if its weird or confusing I'm not surprised but still no idea what I'm doing

[Destia Blaze]

I found this amusing, I could literally see spike doing this, even the spamming of teleportation, even though Twi would have probably lectured him about it had she caught him. lol

[Frazzled Pony]

You need to be much, much more thorough in your grammar. You have some fun ideas and the characters sound a lot like themselves. For that reason, you need to work on the narrative, because it is too fragmented and unpolished, which unfortunately drags the story down.

Also, why does he have magic? He is a dragon. Why does everyone insist on giving dragons magic? They are dangerous, often huge, almost invulnerable and generally pretty awesome. And if they have wings, also flying. Giving someone toughness, strength, flight AND magic is just setting yourself up for the cries of GARY STU.

Also, that flashback in the previous chapter. Get rid of the "flashback" at the start and the end. You need to write your segue. Marking it with flashback and flashback end is so terribly lazy and something you need to avoid. If you need to tell the reader like that, then you are not working hard enough at making the narrative proper.

Still, despite my rant, you have some good points, mostly the characters' voice and speaking patterns and Spike's humorous narration. I am cautiously optimistic. Just put some effort into the whole narrative and do some proofreading and you'll do fine.

Happy writing.

[Animated Rarity]

5640951 thanks for the input since this is my first story I written your criticism is very appreciated

[Midna Diane Pie]

You need to be more consistent with your grammar. While I didn't find it extremely distracting, it was still clearly inconsistent.

[Starlight Nova]

Why did you favorite a story you wrote?

[Animated Rarity]

5650385 cuze I wanted to see if I could considering I wrote it I thought it wouldn't let me

[Animated Rarity]

Sorry for the update delay. I just been struggling with being descriptive. As I looked back through this story I like my concept as most do but I noticed I'm not doing a good job describing things/the environment better. Like if you were to give me a painting of a rose in a garden some people would say some crap about the beauty of life or describe the stem and leaves and colors and yada yada me I would just say its a rose and that's what I wanna change. So try to be patient with me and I'll try to have something out soon

[Karzox]

Ok, first off, you switched to first person. Bad move; at least in my opinion. A story needs to keep a good flow; by being as accessible and easy to read as possible; so the reader can focus on the story and nothing more. Yes the grammer dosen't help, but that's easily overlooked; switching perspectives isn't. It's jarring and causes the reader to take a second to focus on the stories structure; a second they should be spending getting invested in what you write, rather than how you write it.

And then there was the bad habit you NEED to stamp out...

IDK

NO, NO, NO!
(*Raps knuckles with ruler*)

For startes, abbreviations should NEVER be used in stories; unless it's someone talking on the computer or phone; and only then if it's being transcribed from the source. I'm not going to say why it's bad - I'm not going to patronise you, you're intelligent - but I AM going to tell you to stop it right now! Sory if I sound unusually harsh, but this is a bad habit that can become commonplace if not called on; I want to make sure you improve as a writer and this is something that could affect that.

Other than that, the major problem was the conext of things. Is he dreaming? In a coma? Did he forget how his eyes worked? It's not really clear; and while that might have been the intent, it didn't really work. Still, one more chapter to go. Still interested!