Prologue: A Leopard Can Change His Spots
"A new horizon, and the force that guides us to it. Nova Initium."
The Conversion Bureau: Project Vanguard
Prologue: A Leopard Can Change His Spots
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Sunday, February 26th, 2052
Dear Journal,
If Humanity has come this far, why haven’t we learned to think before we act? Why haven't we learned to understand something before we go and blow it up? Why do we hate things that are full of righteousness and benevolence: things that offer peace and harmony, love and guidance... but we decline? We refuse such things in favor of our ignorant ways of the past, the ways that led us to three world wars. As Chaplin put it, "Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much, and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life would be violent, and all would be lost."
Greed, hatred, intolerance, and ignorance. These four qualities have poisoned the souls of men, and have wrought violence which in turn has spread throughout the world. Everyone, or in my case, everypony knows that good things give birth to hatred. There are beings who wish to rid the world of those who experience and benefit from these gifts, and wish to destroy their happiness. Why? They are only afraid. Change is one of the most destructive beings in the universe, and it unintentionally brings harm to us all. It must be hard for the being Change; wishing to only bring a new and refreshing twist to our lives, but only causes harm when he tries to give us his gifts. What a saddening existence that must be.
I suppose that it was a gift, in all actuality. It was really half a gift, because I didn’t get to go to Equestria, but to me it’s more of a curse. It’s only been three days since I left that place, and tomorrow I go back to school. I’m dreading school more than I ever have in my entire life now, and I only hope that it somehow works out. My friends, teachers, and classmates are in for one big surprise, I suppose. What if my friends hate me? What if my teachers, especially Mr. Montag, hate me now because of what I’ve become? These past few days haven’t been easy, especially dealing with the hooves and all, but from what I’ve experienced so far, it won’t be anything short of one of the worst days of my life.
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I spat the pencil out of my mouth in disgust, and I watched intently as it rolled lazily across the desk. I looked down at my journal, and a single teardrop landed on the page, blurring my penmanship. I screwed my eyes shut and wiped them dry with my foreleg, the fur now a darker shade of blue where the tears were. Leaning back in my desk chair, I gazed up at the slowly rotating ceiling fan. My head was aching again: the ache that always came when I got like this. It always started at my head, traveled down the length of my spine, into my chest and stomach, and then finally down my legs to my hooves. And then the ghost pain of my missing fingers that still lingered traveled back up to my aching skull.
I think it was a way of reminding me of just what, exactly, I was. I usually really don’t like to think about it, but whenever I start thinking, it always comes back. I love to think; I love to imagine, to fantasize, and to dream. It was how I coped with things before, really. School, bullying, when my parents fought, and just the world itself all seemed to slip away when I lost myself in my own imagination. As a product of my thinking and fantasies, I wrote quite a lot, and it always helped. If my big dreams never worked out, I could always write. Although, I wasn’t going to allow that to happen easily. I was pretty determined before, when I was human, to pursue my dreams.
But… It did happen easily. Quite. I fought, I tried to change my parent’s minds, but they were set on it. When the conversion movement began, my mother and father became active participants. We live in what is now called, “The Last Bastion”, or “Freedom’s Progress” by some, but I always just liked the title of New Roanoke, or just Roanoke. My parents grew up in the city, and watched it grow into the Human Megatropolis it is now. All through their lives, they were activists that preached the protection of the small, old city, and fought against the corporate presence that had moved in and taken over. They supported Animal rights, environmental protection, the conservation of the historical landmarks of the city, et cetera... They evoked a righteous cause that I supported, but it never did any good.
Despite their efforts, the city grew and toppled everything they tried to protect. They fought valiantly, but it apparently wasn’t enough. Especially if they were in the way of Human progress.
Then along came the barrier, and with it the Ponies and the Conversion Bureaus. This entire situation granted my parents another opportunity to promote something greater than themselves. For a time, everything was as fine as it possibly could've been. My parents supported the cause heavily, and I just kind of laid low. At the time, I really didn’t have an honest opinion. They offered Humans the gift of knowledge; the knowledge of ultimate peace. Their dominant country, Equestria, had prevented war for over a thousand years under the rule of an absolute Monarch. Therefore, I had no reason to dislike them, and I had every reason to admire them. So helpful, so kind… In the face of the expanding Singularity, they invented a way for every man, woman, and child to be safe from the violent radiation the barrier excreted.
The barrier was said to eventually expand, and when it reached about one third of Earth's mass, multiple scenarios were presented: The first was that the Earth would violently implode, the second scenario depicted the moon crashing into Earth, and the third being that all of this would happen, and eventually, the Singularity would collapse and create a black hole, causing the entire Solar System to be violently eradicated. Celestia and Luna, the co-rulers of Equestria… They wouldn’t do this, would they? Yes, I was convinced that they had no part in it. Still, nobody knows whether or not they created it. Yes, they had invaded our world, but they saved us all, or are at least trying.
My parents, seeing a new opportunity to promote a "good" cause, joined up with the ERD, or Equestrian Rights Division. The ERD teamed up with the Unified Earth Government to promote peace and harmony between the Equestrians and Humans, which gave birth to the Vanguard project. Basically, all of the members of the ERD were to undergo Conversion.
My parents decided they should participate in the project, so along with them, I had to get ponified. The Vanguard Project was invented to basically encourage others into joining them or supporting the Equestrians. I only hope that my contribution wasn’t in vain.
When my parents told me about Vanguard, I flipped.
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“Nathan! Can you come here for a minute? We need to talk to you.” I was reluctant to put my controller down, but I convinced myself that whatever they wanted would be quick and I’d be back to playing in no time. I paused my video game and walked downstairs into the living room.
“What’s up?” I plopped myself down on the couch adjacent to them, and waited for a response. My dad looked stern, and very firm, like something heavily was weighing on his mind. As for my mom, she fidgeted a little.
“We have some news. This might be a bit unexpected, but-“ I cut her off,
“What happened? Is it grandpa? Is he okay?” She smiled awkwardly and continued to hold my dad’s hand tighter.
“Yes, he’s fine. That’s not what I was going to say…” She searched for her words, but couldn’t find them. My father broke in,
“See, son, we’ve agreed to participate in a certain project, called Vanguard. As members of the ERD, we will be undergoing conversion with the rest of the members. It’s like a mass protest in order to help out with the Bureaus getting more participants. Hopefully, by doing this, we’ll be viewed as pioneers, and hopefully more will be encouraged to sign up. We need your help.” I had sunken into the deep couch, the blood drained from my face and my inner peace all but gone. My parents were going to get converted? And what did they mean by ‘help’?
“We need you to get converted with us. It will show that people of all ages are up to the cause. Not a lot of the New Roanoke ERD district has any children, so we need all the help we can get… I-“ I cut her off,
“So… You want me to get converted… With you? I… Um… No… No, I can’t…” I was sitting on the edge of the couch now, deep in thought.
“Nathan, it’s for a good cause. Please, this means a lot to us.” Well, they were right about the unexpected part. I knew that they supported Equestria and all, but… Was this really happening? Right here and now? I knew that it would have to happen someday, but I really thought that I would have more time to prepare. More time…
“I can’t… Not yet, anyways. What if they find a way to close the Portal, you know? Or if they finish terraforming Mars before the last day? What if-“ Jittery now, I began to think about all of the possibilities. What if we all got converted and then a week later it turned out that they figured out how to close the portal? Or if we somehow found a way to escape to Mars? I didn’t want this, not at all.
“Nate, you know that they won’t finish the terraforming for a long, long time... As for the portal itself, we have no idea. For now, it’s safest we take the necessary precautions. Besides, I’ve heard it’s beautiful over there! Once we get on the other side of that Portal, there will be no regrets. Only the future!” They were beginning to sound like fanatics, and they were.
“But what about MY dreams?! MY goals for the future, and MY friends? There’s no place there for me, you know that. There, it's… BORING! Boring, day after hum-drum day! Besides, conversion takes away any of my lingering dreams and careers. They won’t let a Pony within 10 miles of a Human starship! So, no!” I was stomping about the living room, preaching like a madman. To my furthered frustration, my mother and father only chuckled lightly, “What? Why are you laughing?”
“It’s required. All family members of ERD representatives have to comply. We don’t really understand why, but it’s being enforced by the UEG, so… When we first signed on, we didn’t know that you would have to come as well. We were originally going to just give you the option, and leave you out of it if we could. We were afraid you were going to respond this way… We already asked, and it’s final. I’m so, so sorry Nathan... Look, it really isn’t that bad. I… Nathan?” I was already gone. I slammed my bedroom door shut, and slowly lowered myself onto my bed. I stared blankly at the wall, unblinking.
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Over the next week, we didn’t speak much. I argued again with them, pleaded for them to leave me be, but apparently it was the rules. When the ERD partnered with the government, they all of the sudden gained the authority to do whatever they wanted. Apparently, for Vanguard to work more effectively, the ERD automatically made all children and siblings of existing members participate in Vanguard with little to no consent with the individuals themselves. That’s the government for you, always turning their back to this kind of thing. Apparently it was in the contract that all ERD members signed, and many failed to notice that particular portion of it.
Once inside the bureau, I found myself confined to my room, too depressed to go anywhere besides meals and classes. I was one of the first to get converted out of the ERD, before my parents.
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The heavy metal door of one of the many conversion rooms slid open with a hiss, and I found myself being led inside by a Bright orange unicorn. I had met her before, her name was Amber Sky. She was nice enough, I suppose. We met her on the first day of our arrival, as she was the overseer of A wing. The Bureau building itself was huge, consisting of 5 different wings. They built these places large for a reason; eventually, they would house thousands of people in the waning days of the Portal. As of now, it was considerably empty.
Before coming here, Ponies were a foreign sight to me. They’re rare in Roanoke, and they rarely ever come out in public. It was saddening, really; The thought of being cooped up inside all the time and not being able to show your face in public without being ridiculed. At least in Equestria there wouldn’t be any of that. I wouldn’t have to worry about crazy terrorists forcing me to be a hermit.
Even though I had the promise of a better life there, I wasn’t certain. I cried the first night that I came here, wanting to continue the life I had on Earth, but my parents were committed. I was committed and I hadn’t even known it. I thought about going to them, the ERD, to give them a piece of my mind. In the end though, it was my parents who stopped me. They did look sorry, they really did, but… They also looked so happy. They were happy about abandoning their life here; abandoning their careers, and starting a new life without any regard of me. They knew rightly well that I would not be happy in Equestria, and that I would resent the new life that I was going to be forced to live, but they didn’t care.
That’s what made me cry that night. The fact that they didn’t care sent me over the edge. I cared about them, I cared about all of them. Every single human soul in this building would be surrendering their lives at the promise of paradise. It was the easy way out.
And now I was trapped inside of my gleaming white tomb screaming to get out. This was the place where I was going to die. Right there, on that table, my life would be over with. The simplicity, the swiftness… It made me angry to just give up like that. Except, in my mind, I really didn’t have much of a choice.
After taking my clothes off, I waited anxiously atop of the sophisticated looking white table. Everything in the bureau was white: the floors, walls, ceilings, furniture, appliances, beds... you name it. The lack of color, or rather the presence of all colors, soothed me somehow. I gripped the edges of the table, my hands trembling along with every other part of my body. The mare trotted back with a silver case lodged within her jaw, which she promptly laid upon another table. With a click and hiss, the case popped open, revealing a swirling purple fluid contained inside of a translucent half-metal cylinder.
"Now, Nate, Would you like an I.V. drip, or do you want it orally? Some like the drip, but personally, I recommend taking it orally. It's a lot faster." She continued to smile wide eyed at me, which was saying something for a pony.
"I guess I'll go with the drink..." Nodding, she returned with the same translucent half-metal cylinder, only now there was a spot at the top to drink out of.
“Alright! Here you go, Nathaniel, bottoms up!” She was only trying to be nice, but her cheerful demeanor greatly contrasted my inner thoughts. With a quaking hand, I grasped hold of the warm cylinder and held it in front of my face. The glimmering purple liquid refracted light off of its metallic surface. A combination of the finest human technology and Equestrian magic leaded to this: suicide. Well, at least that’s what it was to me. To some it was a new beginning, to me, it was my death sentence.
“Well,” I took one last glance at the strange high-tech cylindrical vial, “Let’s get this over with.” I tilted it up, and allowed the violent liquid a quick descent into my throat. Only then, I realized what exactly I had just done. I finally did it. After all the waiting and delaying, there was no turning back. The empty vial slipped out of my hand and clattered on the floor below. As my senses began to fail, so did my sanity. I sent messages to my legs to run; to escape something that was inescapable. I tried to grasp hold of the table, but I only pawed at the edge.
I wanted to scream, to curse myself for my actions, but no sound came from my mouth. Nor did sound come from anywhere. Only a distinctive ringing. I couldn’t tell what was going on anymore, as my vision was beyond the point of practical perceptibility, and as the last traces of my consciousness slipped away, I felt a numb trickle on my cheek.
A ringing. Not the same as before, but still as distinctive. Only this time, instead of just hearing, I felt it throughout my body. I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t move an inch, really. You know that feeling you get when you don’t move for a while? You kind of lose track of where your parts are. Like now, I couldn’t tell where in the world my arms or legs were. The ringing came again, more intense this time. Suddenly, I felt my ears give way to ambiance, and the ringing was gone, replaced by an annoying snapping. I felt an odd sensation on both sides of my head, but I was oblivious to what was going on.
“Auditory and Somatosensory response normal.” A low murmur came from somewhere, and my gravitational orientation was still developing so I couldn’t pinpoint the direction the voice came from.
“Nathan? Can you hear me?” I let out a low groan.
“Erm… Yes.”
“Can you open your eyes for me?” My mind still a blur, I followed her orders blindly. Realizing that I had gained control of my eyelids, I slowly lifted them open. I instantly recoiled from the brightness of the room, but allowed them adjustment.
“Wait… What happened? What… Oh…” As my eyesight reached nominal perception, I gained a grip upon the situation. At first, I thought it was just my nose, but as my vision became increasingly vivid, I began to doubt my judgment. It was blue; it was a light blue, bright cyan, at that. Long, obscuring… That wasn’t a nose at all! Well, it was a nose, but not my nose. Well, it was my nose, but… Whatever. The more I stared at it, cross eyed, the more I realized.
“Y-Yeah I c-can see... Am… Did it work? Am I a… A…” I didn’t want to say what I was thinking, and I really didn’t want to think about it either. That cheery mare laughed, and came into view, blocking out the blinding overhead lights.
“A Pony? Of course, silly! What else would you be?” She giggled again, but I only remained contempt. I would be a Human, not a Pony, that’s what I’d be. Like I said, a new life. She acted like I had never even been anything different, and it depressed the hell out of me. I felt the table lowering. Soon enough, I was at ground level, lying on my side.
“Can you move?” I curled my fingers, only they didn’t move. I felt something curl, but it wasn’t my fingers. I shifted my head to get a better view, and a lock of purple hair threatened to obscure my vision. Purple… Hair? Jesus, this was getting extremely weird. My mind being used to a human body, it startled me quite a bit. When I moved my neck, it felt longer, and dexterous. Everything felt numb; my body encased in that same cyan fur that covered that thing in front of my face. The first thing that I really noticed was the tail. Oh mother of god, the tail just threw me off entirely. Not that it hadn’t been expected or anything, but just its mere presence sent me reeling. I looked over myself: four hoofed legs, long body, and the tail… The goddam tail. My brow furrowed again as I realized that I was still completely naked, only protected from my bare skin by my suit of furry isolation.
I lifted my left arm, and in response, the left leg of the creature I saw before me lifted. I took note of how everything moved. Elbow kind of high up, but at least it still moved the same way. I moved my wrist, and a little below the halfway mark on the leg, the end of it moved. It was kind of like having an extended hand or something. Curling my fingers, the end of it curled. It bent further than fingers could previously. I gently planted both hoofed appendages on the ground, raising myself up. It was quite easy to lift myself, but it was definitely harder to get accustomed to the position my forelegs were relative to everything else. They were technically in the same place relative to a human skeleton, but everything was all stretched and rearranged. God, it was weird.
My back legs were more of a challenge; my knees felt higher than they were supposed to be, and everything just felt extremely compressed, and my foot had been extended beyond what I thought possible. When I finally achieved standing, it felt like I was standing on my fingers and toes. Albeit a bit wobbly, I managed to stay standing, even if I was frozen in place by my fear of moving again. Every move I made though sickened me. I didn’t want this; I never wanted this.
I was kind of expecting Amber Sky to comment on my ill mood, but she didn’t. Normally, I would think that whoever went through this process willingly would be completely ecstatic and satisfied. I, however, definitely was not in a state of celebration. I honestly didn’t know what to think. I mean, it happened, the thing that I was dreading, but now that it had past, I just really didn’t know what to do with myself. I had no predictions, courses of action, or any ideas of what I would do after I got out of this death chamber. I only followed the mare’s orders, and anxiously awaited my departure.
Was it so easy? I mean, how was I going to do this? I didn’t want to do this. I wanted to go back to sleep. To go back to sleep and never wake up, ever, ever again. You know that feeling you get when you’re playing a video game, and when you die, you have to go back to the start of the level? All of the sudden, you lose interest in the game. You still want to beat it, but you don’t want to go back through the level again. It was so depressing, really. Thinking about video games at a time like this, I mean.
“Imagine walking as a Human again. Your bipedal walking cycle. Before, you didn’t have to really think about walking, you just knew. Now, with that knowledge of the process of walking, your body does the work for you. Soon you’ll be able to do it manually, but for now you’re stuck in automatic.” I wanted to scream at her, or to tell her to shut up, as my thoughts were beginning to gnaw at me. I didn’t want to think about walking right now, I didn’t want to think at all! But, I did what I was told, and took a few steps. I did fall, but the second time I tried, I was a bit more successful.
“Alright. That should be good enough for now. I’ve checked your vitals and the conversion went swimmingly. One problem, however. Are you feeling alright, Nathan? Your serotonin levels are below normal. Is something wrong?” At last, someone or somepony ventures to ask about my troublesome state of mind. But now, I just wanted to be left alone. I needed to think. To lie down and think… So many things were hitting me all at once, and it was difficult to even ponder my situation.
“May I go lay down? I… Want to think. I need to. Surely you understand, Amber Sky. I won’t be participating in my own big reveal tonight.” She frowned at this, but nodded in understanding.
“Conversion takes a lot out of people, especially those like you. You’re a thinker, Nathan, and that’s a good thing. Most just come through here, so excited and all, and are so anxious to go and tell everypony about it… Look, I’ll sign you up for your classes and have your new schedule sent over to your room tomorrow morning. If you haven’t already noticed, you’re an Earth Pony, so you’ll be given some optional classes. I hear your group plans on staying here, so you can visit this Bureau anytime if you want some extra education.” Staying… Here? I thought we were going to Equestria… That’s what my parents told me…
“Wait… Where’d you hear that from? That we’re staying?” She looked surprised, as if I should’ve known.
“Honey… The Vanguard applicants have all been signed up for Basic Conversion. The ERD surely can’t just go sending all the members to Equestria, because then they’d be without a purpose. The ERD is an organization that promotes Conversion, and they wouldn’t be able to do any good on the other side. They… They never told you?” Oh, well that just changes everything now, doesn’t it? I was beginning to feel light headed.
“I really think I need to go lay down… Thank you Amber.” That last part I croaked out, on the verge of tears. She left me alone, and respected my decision, but I could tell that it was torturing her. She wasn’t exactly the bureau counselor, but she was still a caring individual. Struggling to pull myself down the hall, the more everything bothered me. I was short now, only just about 4 feet. Feet, I didn’t have those anymore either. I had hooves; flat rounded things that made a horrible noise when walking. Every time I took a step, it only reminded me of the exact thing that I didn’t want to become. Knowing that those hoofsteps were my own was all the more terrifying. As I passed by a mirror wall, I froze. It confirmed everything: Huge purple eyes, pointy ears, cyan fur, purple mane and tail, four legs, hooves, pony…
When I got to my room, I was practically sobbing. The more I thought about my future, I came to realize that I didn’t have one. What Amber told me shattered any hope I had left in my life, and now I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself.
I’d been given a single room the day I arrived here, per request. Rooming with a conversion obsessed idiot would’ve driven me insane if I wasn’t already on the brink of it. My lights were off, and I didn’t bother turning them on as I lumbered over to my bed and crawled in.
Okay, so I’m a convert now. A newfoal. I wasn’t exactly open to the idea, but I wasn’t completely resentful of it either. Ever since the Bureau’s opened, I had been fascinated by it all, but I still had my own future to think about. Ever since I was little, I’ve had a big dream: To be a captain of a Starship. A bit ambitious, I know, but that is what I truly dreamt of. As a kid, I used to go out on top of this big hill near my house and watch as ships undocked at the spaceport and shot up into the endless blue sky. As of now, we’ve only settled our own Solar System, but what does the future hold? I wanted to see the binary star system of Alpha Centauri, or the orange sun Epsilon Eridani. To visit new worlds and colonize them, and to grow as a species.
I’m still a kid, I suppose, being 15. But I grew logical, and realized that it was a fat chance. But I still had dreams. The mere possibility of it gave me hope, but now, seeing as what I’ve become, destroys it all. It wouldn’t be my species anymore, it would be theirs. I would be participating in something that wasn’t rightfully mine. Besides, they wouldn’t let a Pony within 100 meters of an interplanetary vessel, much less an interstellar one. There was so much left for me to do as a Human, and now that I’m a Pony, my life has all of the sudden become extremely limited, and it hurts.
I curled my fingers, and the same sensation that occurred in the conversion room came back. One big finger. Should I have found peace or distress in the fact that we were staying on Earth? I mean, I would be a social outcast, but I’d at least still have the extranet, television, video games, and so on. I’d be able to continue my Earthly education up until the Portal apex date, where we’d be forced into Equestria. All of the Humans will either have to leave, die, or get converted. That was the thing about all of this; we could leave. We could all hop on a spaceship and just leave. It would be a pretty sucky existence, living on some moon or Mars until the interstellar drive was invented, and even then who knows whether or not there’s another Earth on our doorstep? That was the thing for me. I didn’t have to get converted. No one has to in order to survive. It’s just for the people who want to live in harmony, I suppose. For the people who want to live without a care in the world. A simpler existence. I, for one, was not one of them.
I did want to be something greater. I wanted to care, to not give up on existence and progress. I wanted to have problems to solve. Does that make me weird? I wanted to take the hard way, and avoid the easy way altogether.
I mean, being a Pony… Just the mention of the word makes me cringe, is like being reduced to an animal, especially in this world. Sure, Ponies were sapient creatures who evolved despite being quadrupeds, and they’ve developed quite a lot, but they definitely aren’t respected as such here. I wouldn’t be respected as a sapient being, but as an animal.
“An animal…” I croaked. I was crying again, now harder than before. I was a goddam freak, a cyan pastel horse. Every time I moved, every time I tried to grasp something, it reminded me of my lost life. My death, in other words. I started to think about the things that I wouldn’t be able to do anymore. I was an Earth Pony, the one without really anything special. Now, a native might argue, but as for me, this was probably the worst possible outcome.
Before, I was a video game enthusiast, I guess you could say. Name it, I’ve played it. They were something I could really find myself in, and they were my absolute passion. But now, they were out of the question. Come to think of it, all of my hobbies involved hands. I loved to play guitar, the piano, and the saxophone. I was actually first chair sax in my high school band, come to think of it. I loved to play the saxophone, I really did. Something about it just made me feel at peace with myself. Only now, though, I wouldn’t be able to feel that anymore. For the extranet, Martin Industries was developing some kind of neural link for Ponies to be able to use it with ease, but the fact that I had to use some sort of device to use the extranet made me angrier than it should have.
“Goddammit!” I cried into my pillow. I wanted to get out. To escape from this body. I was disgusted with every movement I made. I could feel having that plume of hair at the lower end of my back. I could feel my contorted legs and the effects that the fur had on my body. It made everything softer, and more comfortable, but in my mind it felt like millions of needles poking every inch of my body. I could feel my lack of hands. That was what made me who I was. My hands were everything to me, and now they were gone, never to come back.
“Nathan?” A familiar female voice invaded my distressed mind and darkened room. I tried to stop myself from crying, but I couldn’t, “Oh, honey…” I felt her move closer. At this, I lashed out.
“G-go away, m-mom!” I was shivering now, not from the cold, but my own despair. I didn’t want her to go, I don’t know why I said that, but I guess I was just overwhelmed with emotion. I felt her weight displace the bed, and a hand was laid upon my covered back, “Why d-didn’t you t-tell me? That we’re staying here?” She sighed at this, and thought about it for moment.
“Honestly, I’m not sure anymore. We planned to tell you sooner, but we thought it would be kind of a surprise. Aren’t you happy that you’ll see your friends again? Besides, we wouldn’t leave Grandpa, you know that.”
“Yes, t-that would be good…” I smiled briefly, “But here… We’ll be f-freaks... I’m a freak…” God, I was a mess. I felt a torrent of tears descend down my furry cheeks as my mom began to stroke my mane. It felt pleasant, for some reason that I can’t describe, but at the time it only made everything worse.
“Everything’s going to be fine, Nate. We’ll get out of here, live our lives the best we can, and then we’ll move to Equestria when our work with the ERD is over with. Nathan, I need you to be okay, for us. For Dad and I. Everything will get better, you have to trust me.” I didn’t know what to say. My Mom, she was trying. She knew how upset I was; she knew that I thought my future was over with. She probably didn’t really know what to do, to be honest, with a case like mine.
“We’ll see…” I began to cry harder, and dug my muzzle into my soaked pillow.
__________
That night was pretty bad for me. Conversion just obliterated my mind, I think. Put everything into perspective. I ended up leaving five days later, and Vanguard was over with. I still want to go rant outside the ERD building downtown, but it would be in vain. Nothing to do now I suppose. We left on Thursday, three days ago. It was a pretty rough day for me. In all actuality, it was a pretty rough day for everyone there.
__________
“All set to go, Nate?” My mother trotted into my dimly lit room with a beaming smile on her muzzle. She was converted soon after me, and the fact that she was a Pegasus frustrated me a bit. Not as much as my dad though, as he turned out as a Unicorn. Lucky bastard. Ever since the other day, I’ve felt like a loner. Everypony was so happy about it all, and it almost sickened me. They weren’t even going to Equestria, and they were ecstatic.
I sat alone at the lunch tables in the cafeteria, alone in the classrooms, and especially alone in my room. Even before the conversion, I’ve always been, to some degree, a reclusive person. I liked to be alone; to be alone with myself and my thoughts, alone with my video games and musical artistry. The only place where I felt like I could do anything against my reclusive nature was on the Extranet. On the Extranet, anyone can be anyone, and everyone can be someone, if you catch my drift.
When they finally told me the ‘surprise’ my parents gave me my Datapad back, along with my wallet and other belongings. When you went to Equestria, you had to give up all of your Electronics and Earthly possessions like Datapads and such. They let you keep pictures and memories and stuff, but nothing advanced or directly relating to Earth. I was happy to have it all back, but I was still at a loss on how to use the thing with hooves. I found out that I could use the tip of my hoof or nose to use it, but anything that involved more than three operations at once was pretty much off limits.
I still managed to cry every night just thinking about it all. Ever since I was really young, I’ve always been very emotional. I’m able to control my feelings well, but that doesn’t affect how much I actually feel. A couple of nights ago, I just kind of stared at myself in my bathroom mirror for an hour. I don’t remember why exactly, or what propelled me to do it, but I did. It almost drove me insane, really, but I somehow held onto reality long enough until today, when we left to go home.
That was one of the worst parts about it too, the fact that we were just going home. I mean, I would’ve been happy, but after going through all of this, virtually for nothing now, is fairly angering. They make us do all of this, and then we have to go back into the world and live horrible lives until they tell us when we can leave. It was supposed to be for a better cause and all of that, but I found the sacrifice hard to make.
“Yeah, I guess so.” I was sitting on the edge of the bed, not unlike how a Human would sit. I’d been told that laying down flat was the preferred sitting position for newfoals, and I had tried it, but it only made me half disgusted with myself. I sort of had this inner conflict going on, whether or not I should embrace the new ideals and behaviorisms or reject them was a big thing for me. For the most part, I was rejecting most things, like sitting comfortably. Whenever I would say a ponyism, I would instantly try to correct myself, but soon enough it was getting extremely hard to control. It really drove me mad, too.
“Alright, everypony ready to go? We’re all gathering in the main day room.” My father strolled in, levitating several objects with his blasted horn. I almost hated him for that, but I was still thankful one of us got a horn, at least. Things may have turned out harder if he wasn’t a Unicorn. “I got something for you Nate, by the way. I know how difficult this has been for you, so I got something to cheer you up!” One of the objects contained in his green hued magical aura departed from the rest of the items and sailed towards me. I reached out to grab it with my hoof, and a strange sensation passed through me as he released it from his supernatural grasp. Grasping it with my adjacent hoof I stretched the piece of grey cloth out in front of me.
“A hoodie, huh? I didn’t think ponies wore hoodies…” My father only chuckled with that annoyingly loud laugh of his.
“I didn’t either, who would’ve known? Turns out they have a thing for clothes over there.” I gave a brief smile and nod, but I was too interested in the slightly distorted looking hoodie. It looked somewhat human in design, although it was clearly designed for the anatomy of one such as myself. The arms were longer and placed a bit higher up and facing downwards, while the hood itself was longer and more spacious. I quickly tried to put it on, but ended up with it halfway on before I became stuck, and my dad had to pull it the rest of the way with his magic.
For some reason, I felt whole again. This insignificant grey hoodie made me feel powerful and confident for some reason. I think I felt home again for the first time, feeling something familiar like clothes. At that moment, I vowed to never again take the damn thing off, and to keep it on for as long as I lived. I’m insane, I know, but that’s what was going through my mind.
“I like it dad, thanks. It feels… Good. I don’t know if I can explain it.” The two pastel ponies only smiled lovingly and hopefully as I admired my new piece of attire.
“Get your saddle bag and everything and let’s get down to the day room. We’re almost home free!
By the time we reached the day room, Amber Sky was already speaking to the crowd of nearly twenty five newly converted ponies, all gathered around her.
“Ahh, look, new arrivals! Midnight Shimmer, Autumn Gale, and Nathan Frost. Still haven’t picked a name yet, sweetie? You can always change it later on if you aren’t too good at making new names for yourself.” I quietly shook my head. I hadn’t planned on giving the last part of myself away like that. No, I was keeping my name.
“Alright then! You three, you’re with Chaser’s group. Ponies, listen up! I-“ An exhausted looking man burst through the sliding doors on the far side of the room, adorned in the distinctive black and blue armor worn by ConSec.
“Ma’am, we have a problem. May I speak to you in private?” The mare looked dazed, but she hesitantly nodded at the panting soldier and followed him through the parting crowd. Bewildered, everypony just stood with blank expressions crossing their snouts.
“EVERYPONY! IF YOU COULD MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE MAGLEV PLATFORM ON FLOOR 2B, I’LL BE THERE SHORTLY! DO NOT BOARD UNTIL IT HAS BEEN DEEMED SAFE FOR TRANSPORT!” Safe for transport? What was going on? Right after that, a voice crackled overhead.
“ATTENTION ALL NEW ROANOKE CONVERSION BUREAU PARTICIPANTS AND STAFF, WE ARE SORRY TO INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE GONE INTO LOCKDOWN DUE TO THREATS TO PUBLIC SAFETY. ALL VANGUARD CONVERTEES ARE TO REPORT TO MAGLEV PLATFORM 2.” After that, the monotone male voice repeated the same thing over and over again. Rushing over to the windows, I set my gaze upon the raging crowd of humans outside of the gates. Hundreds- No, thousands of people were chanting, thrusting signs into the air, and assaulting the bureau itself with anything they had. My limbs became light, and my breathing became ragged.
“Nathan!” My mom grasped me with a wing, “We have to go.” Nodding, I wearily followed her along with the others to the rows of elevators. Once we arrived on floor 2b, I was nearly hyperventilating when we exited. What if they got past the guards? Somehow broke into the building and killed us all? What if they got into the MagLev station and were just waiting to kill us once we blindly walked into their trap? The scenarios played over and over in my mind, and by the time Amber Sky got to us, I was on the verge of tears.
“Alright Vanguard, we’re going to get you out of here safely. The MagLev lines are free of the rioters, and lead away from the building. This particular train will take you underground and your next stop will be Campbell station, which is in the old city. From there, you’ll be handed over to the police, and they'll get you home safe.” On all sides, we were surrounded by the ConSec soldiers, part of the elite security division of the Conversion Bureaus, and the UEG. When the MagLev arrived, they escorted us aboard, and rode with us all the way to Campbell station.
“What’s wrong, sweetie? We’ll be fine!” My mom tried to reassure me, but it didn’t work the way she wanted.
“You don’t know that, and that’s not all… Are we going to be treated like this until we leave? Are we going to be living targets until we finally move out? If so, I’m not sure if I can live that kind of life.”
“That was just a regular riot, Nathan. We hear about them all the time. Besides, no one in their right mind would just walk up in broad daylight and kill you! Everything’s going to be fine, Nathan. You need to stop worrying so much.” I hated her right then. Everything she said was a lie. She knew very well that that riot was aimed at us, the ERD. She was so happy too, like she didn’t even care. None of them cared about anything, they were just happy to be ponies. The little pastel horses that just didn’t give a damn.
__________
When we got home, everything was right where we had left it. Before we left, my mother had stated that the Bureau would take care of all of it, but in reality it had been a lie. My room was exactly how I left it; Bed unkempt and messy, video game controller lazily thrown to the ground, drawers partially open, and my wireless earphones strewn about my desk. My computer was off, its transparent screen allowing me to see the blank wall behind it. It all made me very sad actually, but I tried to shut it out of my mind. Instead, I managed to open the bottom drawer on my desk and pull out my journal. I hadn’t written in it for a very long time, and I honestly didn’t understand why I did what I did, but I began writing with my mouth like they showed me back at the bureau. It was easy enough, but my mouth writing was pretty horrendous.
I sat there the rest of the night, just writing things. Eventually I passed out at my desk, pencil still in my mouth and everything, and when I woke up, there was a huge puddle of drool on my desk. I guess you could say that that would be a pretty memorable moment.
As of now though, I was doing the very same thing that I was doing three nights ago: writing in my old journal that I hadn’t written in since I was 8. Only now though, I was crying again like I did every night. I never pinpointed what exactly brought it on, but I could only assume that it was all from the accumulated experiences of my few days as a Pony. I slid off the chair, landing wobbly on my hooves, and turned my lamp off. Lazily, I hopped in my bed, and slid in. I haven’t really gotten used to the entire fur thing yet, so it always felt so odd doing that.
Being 1:00 in the morning, my body was tired, but my mind was more alive than ever. Tomorrow would be unpredictable, and my mind constantly ran simulations of events that could possibly play out. Sadly, I didn’t get any sleep, due to my overactive mind and worry that plagued me. As the night drifted on, so did my thoughts, jumping from one thing to another, never halting, never allowing me rest.
__________
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What is The Conservation Bureau
542287. It is John Coner and he's come to save us all DDDAAAHHAHAHHAA GET DOWN!!!!!!!
Now this is interesting. I like it.
hmmm.... interesting, it's different from other TCB stories and the ERD is worst Pony-related group.
and why do I feel like I saw those names in another fic...: Midnight Shimmer, Autumn Gale
Forcing family members into something like this is a great way to induce those affected into either running away or joining factions aligned against them. People don't like being told what to do, and they especially are willing to fight for their dreams. I could just as easily have seen Nate give himself to a life of resistance upon hearing the news from his parents—him and thousands like him. If I had to offer one piece of criticism, it's that the ratio of flashback to plot progression was a bit skewed. Flashbacks let you get through vital plot elements quickly, but if a lot of flashing back is needed to get the reader oriented, you may want to consider just starting the story closer to the beginning.
It's very refreshing to see a character have powerful regrets and resentment post-conversion. Too often getting converted instantly Makes Everything Okay™ for a character, or at the very least it puts them immediately on the road to recovery. Bitterness is awesome; it's a trait I call upon often in my writing, so I'm sort of biased to it, but I really want to see it fester in Nate, see where it takes him. I like the story so far! Keep it up.
542287
In a nutshell?
Humans are bastards, it's all our fault the Earth is fucked, and ponies are better than us and they can fix the world and blah, blah, blah.
Most of them are pretty much a big Humanity, Fuck No!
There's one or two that are aren't like that, but good luck finding them.
543756 well humans are bastards
Author, I thoroughly enjoyed the setting. The main conflict that the main character Nathan Frost is felt genuine and I loved how you forced him to undergo conversion against his will. Question, in your universe have the people that have been ponified are they lobotomized like the newfoals in the Chatoyance universe, (i.e. incapable of feeling evil and performing violence), or is the main character's situation unique due to not having a choice in being converted? If this trait is common I saw awesome much like 543621 said, it's quite a refreshing take on the whole conversion bureau universe. thank you for writing and please continue the story, I eagerly look forward to more.
543778
To answer your question, the converts of my universe are a bit in between. As I explained in my other story set within the same universe, the ponies have a higher negative emotion threshold, which means that negative emotions aren't as easily produced as humans are able to, and it depends on the situation they're in. Nathan, having to go through what he did, reaches this breaking point fairly easily. Gore, bloodshed, and violence are also hard on the newfoal brain as their mental state is rather complex at that point. Their previous Human consciousness which is transferred into the pony brain is basically overwhelmed at the change of setting. As a result of this, emotions can be overwhelming for them, and anything extremely mentally scarring can harm their fragile minds. After a while, they are capable of experiencing all emotions, but the threshold still exists. Besides, the majority that get converted want to rid themselves of their human nature, so most of them build up a secondary emotional barrier that prevents them from feeling the worst of human emotion. Going back to Nathan's case, he never really wanted to do any of it, so he kind of stays in the melancholy state that he's currently in. His mind doesn't want to accept its new existence as a pony, and the overwhelming emotion he's feeling is the rejection of what he is.
Also, another thing is that the Serum is made to alter the brain in this manner. It's a good idea, because it's not extreme, but it's also poisonous to someone like Nathan. The system isn't perfect in this respect, but it works the best in many cases besides the one such as his. They don't want greed and hatred in Equestria. This also explains why newfoals can't control their ponyisms because it's build into the serum. Hope that explains everything to anyone who might be wondering, and I hope that it isn't that confusing...
Hmm, this is good. A few goofs with grammar and narrative but nothing substantial. You even have the world building aspect of the story presented pretty well, though it still could be better. World building alone gets very boring very fast, a close call, but I think you just evaded that.
There are a couple of moments where you can feel, almost taste, Nathan's self-pity. Like this for example: "I still managed to cry every night just thinking about it all." --> In all honesty, that's a great line.
Jesus H Christ, may I please have some more.
543758
Easy enough to say casually but when it comes to work work of fiction the sheer level of misanthropy most TCB fics excrete can make you queasy. This one seems pretty good so far. It's not over the top in being either for or against either of the 'sides', one being for the conversions and complete annihilation of mankind with fics about how amazing it is to be a perfect pony and not an evil and heartless monkey, and the other side being disgusted by that idea and writing about them in parody.
I'd settle for the later but if this fics can find the balance between the two I'll be satisfied. No telling where it's going as far as I can see now.
557898 Im not talking about in the fic in real life humans are bastard coated bastards with a bastard filling
558022
Well then you should love this fic series and be a big fan of authors like Chatyance. But for the rest of us who are not so pessimistic, so misanthropic, and so very negatively focused to see the good in the world as much as the bad, such assertions as yours are only ever made lightly. So have fun with that.
558148 haven't read this fic don't think i will
I am pessimistic am misanthropic but i have built those on a past of evidence and that evidence shows that humans are evil little creachers that will stop at nothing till they are the only one left.
It is not enough that i should succeed it is that others should fail.
558162
I used to think the same as you but when I was in middle school and stupid. I hope you succeed then, though not at the expense of others.
558177 Im a senior in high school these kids will be the next generation of adults then i pray for the future because they are BASTARDS
Good, but... Frost? Grrr...
599812
Ha. Yes, I have bestowed him with the surname of Frost. I rather like that name.
This is interesting i like seeing it from a kids POV differentiation from his/her parents
One of the few TCB fics that I actually enjoy reading, despite it not being pro human in nature. Unlike the Chayotance fics (which showcase the lives of -most of the time- willing converts), it shows what (at least in my opinion) what people who didn't want to convert would go through when forced. Good job.
I would have left and ran for my life if I was him