Paradox

by CCC

Time Turner

“Come in!” called Time Turner. He turned to greet the potential customer, and his smile broadened at the sight of the local royalty. “Princess Sparkle! What can I do for you today?”

“Who mustn't I tell?” asked Twilight, marching into the clock shop.

Time Turner frowned.

“Who mustn't I tell?” Twilight marched into the shop, forcing Time Turner to back away. “Who mustn't I tell?”

“Ummm...” Time Turner pointed at Twilight's muzzle. “You've got some... looks like hoof polish...”

“WHO MUSTN'T I TELL?” Twilight's voice echoed through the shop, making the clocks rattle and vibrate; a grandfather clock trembled, a cuckoo popped out of another clock a full ten minutes early, and the brass watch on the windowsill slid a little closer to the edge.

Time Turner took a deep breath. “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!” he yelled back. The cuckoo clock went off again, the grandfather clock missed another tick, and the brass watch balanced precariously on the edge of the windowsill.

“Oh,” said Twilight, rocking back slightly on her heels. “Um. Of... of course you wouldn't. I... um. I... I don't actually know if you can help me, but I don't know whether I can even talk about this to anypony else, so...”

TimeTurner raised an eyebrow at that. “Princess Twilight Sparkle,” he said. “You're the Princess of Friendship. You have a group of close friends – legendarily close friends – whose friendship is so strong that it has quite literally saved Equestria on numerous occasions. And now you – you of all ponies – are telling me – who you hardly know – that there's something you can't discuss with them but you can discuss with me?”

Twilight looked down at her hooves. “Um,” she said. “When you put it like that it sounds really stupid.”

“Not in the least,” said Time Turner. “But it's certainly piqued my curiousity. Tell you what, how about I make some tea, and I'm sure I've got some crumpets somewhere, and then we can discuss, well, whatever this is?”

“Um. Sure. Thanks.” Twilight smiled slightly, and sat down.

Time Turner trotted into the back room, and there was shortly the sounds of tea being prepared. “I should warn you, though,” he called out, “I'm not much into saving the world, myself. Personal peril I prefer to avoid, where possible.”

“Heh,” said Twilight. “What about saving the world when you're not putting yourself in peril?”

“Oh, I'm fully in favour of that,” he called out. “I mean, the world's where I keep my shop, after all. I don't exactly go looking for opportunities, and I'm not sure I wouldn't panic and run when the time comes, but I'm sure I can at least make a go at it if the opportunity falls in front of me.”

“What about time travel?” asked Twilight.

There was a crash of a dropped teacup, and Time Turner poked his head out of the back room. “Have you been reading my diary?” he asked.

“What?” said Twilight. “No!”

“Hmmmm.” Time Turner retreated back into the back room, and began to sweep up the teacup. “It's all science fiction, anyway. Time travel, daleks, cybermen, Shakespeare, humanity... I mean, it's ridiculous, that's what it is. Imagine, a race without any magic at all, making machines that can think for them!”

“I don't know about the rest of what you said,” said Twilight, “but time travel is possible. I mean, not for a race without magic; but there are such things as time spells.”

“Ridiculous,” insisted Time Turner. “What would happen if you went back and killed your own grandfather? Before your father was born, I mean.”

“You can't,” said Twilight, promptly. “You can go back maybe a week. Once.”

“You can still trigger a paradox with that.” Time Turner trotted back into the shop, carrying a tea tray on his back. “What if you go back and prevent whatever caused you to want to go back in the first place? Then you wouldn't go back, so you wouldn't prevent it, so you would go back, and so...” He paused to put the tea tray on a table. “You see what I mean?” he asked. “The only reasonable course of action is that you go back and fail to prevent whatever you went back to prevent in the first place.” He picked up a pair of sugar tongs in his mouth and asked “One lump or two?”

“Two, please,” said Twilight. “Thank you. Well... one other possibility is that you go back in time and end up causing yourself to want to... oh dear...”

“I suppose that is also a theoretical possibility,” admitted Time Turner. “A loop that causes itself, the one end joining seamlessly onto the other. But then what could cause such a loop? It happens because it happens; there is no original cause, so to speak. I doubt it could ever happen in practice. Crumpet?”

“Thank you. It... that's what happened the first time I had anything to do with time travel I came back – to try to warn myself about something – but never quite got the warning out before the spell wore off. I spent an entire – very stressful – week trying to prevent any possible disaster; and then, when a disaster failed to materialise, I went back to try to tell myself not to worry about potential future disasters... but didn't get the warning out before the spell ran out.”

“And there was absolutely no disaster at all in that period?” asked Time Turner.

“Well, it later turned out that Tirek had taken the opportunity to break out of Tartarus during that week,” admitted Twilight. “But I didn't find out about that for months.”

“I see,” said Time Turner. “But if that happened months ago, then surely it's not why you burst into my shop this morning?”

“No,” said Twilight, taking a sip of tea. “This morning, I met another time traveller.”

“Your future self again?” asked Time Turner.

“No,” said Twilight. “You.”

There was a long silence. Then Time Turner put down his teacup. “I see,” he said. “I'm an Earth pony. How could I have cast the spell?”

“I don't know,” admitted Twilight. “Maybe somepony cast the spell on you? Maybe I did – I mean, will. It's not exactly designed to be cast on somepony else, but maybe I can figure out a way...”

“That hoof polish on your muzzle,” said Time Turner.

“Yes?” asked Twilight.

“It's the same colour as my hooves. Was that the future me? Holding a hoof over your mouth to get you to keep quiet, perhaps?”

Twilight nodded. “Yes!” she said.

“I don't wear hoof polish,” said Time Turner, firmly. He handed her a napkin. “You might want to wipe it off, by the way.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“You say the spell wears off?” asked Time Turner. “Catapulting whoever back to the future, I'm guessing?”

“Yes,” said Twilight, nodding again as she wiped her muzzle.

“Then why did the hoof polish stay?” asked Time Turner.

Twilight blinked, and stared at the brown stain on the napkin. “Um,” she said. “I... don't know. Time magic is a terribly underexplored branch of magical theory...”

“Hmmm,” said Time Turner.

“I can tell you what future you said,” offers Twilight.

“Better not,” insisted Time Turner. “If you tell me, then I'm obliged to repeat the same words if I ever go back, even if it's just meaningless noises. If you actually want what future me told you to mean anything, then I shouldn't know what I have to say in advance.”

“So... future you wore hoof polish because you saw hoof polish on my muzzle now?” asked Twilight.

“It's possible,” mused Time Turner. “It's like your original time travel – a loop with no external cause. Ugh, I hate hoof polish.” He shuddered.

And twelve-o'clock hit.

Every clock bonged, chimed, rang, or cuckooed. The grandfather clock was a moment late, the malfunctioning cuckoo clock cuckooed thirteen times. The entire shop vibrated slightly; the tea sloshed in the cups, a crumpet fell from the top of the pile, and the brass watch on the windowsill finally fell off the edge.

Twilight caught it in her magic, and passed it to Time Turner. “Here you go,” she said.

“Thanks,” said Time Turner, placing it on the table. “Wouldn't have mattered if you didn't catch it, anyway,” he added. “That watch hasn't worked in years.”

Twilight blinked, and stared. “You repair clocks and watches for a living,” she said.

“Yes?” said Time Turner.

“And a hobby.”

“Yes...”

“I've known you to repair Rarity's clock after Sweetie Belle managed to gum up the insides with tree sap and then tried to get a cutie mark in clock repair.”

“Well, I had to replace most of the insides, but...”

“It took you two weeks,” said Twilight.

“Um, yes?”

“And you've had that handsome brass watch for years and you've never quite got around to replacing the mechanism?”

“Hmmm.” Time Turner looked at the watch. “Well, when you put it like that,” he admitted, “it does sound a little odd.”

Time Turner opened the watch and looked inside.

Comments

[CCC]

5512542

I can certainly manage peculiar, This is a story where I'm actually having to keep notes about what's been happening off-stage - and about what's going to happen that's going to affect what's currently happening. Time travel can get convoluted.

5512914

Chapter lengths may be highly variable. I've got a certain amount of things I want to happen in each chapter, and when it's all happened, the chapter ends... this chapter, for example, had to end with Time Turner opening the watch.

[FanOfMostEverything]

(Checks for "Crossover" tag)
Ah, well then. That certainly explains Mr. Turner's authorial predilections.

I don't know about that "maybe a week" limitation. After all, Twilight specifically targeted that time to tell herself not to worry (and thus closing the time loop.) Still, that's in a more general sense. This is your story, so you're free to declare that the maximum range.

Definitely looking forward to more.

[FaceDeer]

Heh! Should have caught up before commenting, Time Turner noticed the oddity about the hoof polish remaining behind too. :)

[MLP Fangirl]

“I should warn you, though,” he called out, “I'm not much into saving the world, myself. Personal peril I prefer to avoid, where possible.”

After reading the next chapter. this statement is ironic.