Entry Five: Alone
Set After Chapter 18: The Nightmare Revealed
Twilight is gone and she might be in danger. Nopony really seems to know too much.
Apparently my student received a letter from Spike and immediately stormed out of court. She was last seen in the courtyard in full battle gear and a complement of elite guard.
Some ponies are saying that the beast that killed HER is back to finish off the last of the alicorns.
There are these terrible vibrations running through my runes right now. I think I have inadvertently set up a resonance frequency. It's just these same thoughts running through my mind going through those same runes. Each tick of the clock, they magnify and amplify.
I should stop it. Shut down those threads, run a counter signal. This can’t be good for me. But I don’t. These thoughts just keep echoing, and now I realize what they are.
I’m terrified.
Is Twilight going to come back? She’s never left Canterlot before Since I was born she has not left Canterlot, and now she is going out to fight something more powerful than the real Celestia? Since my mind has become more advanced, I have always been able to project to her peytral and now she could be a world away.
How can I not be terrified?
I’m going to lose my most precious my most faithful student Twilight. I’m going to lose Twilight.
And then I think about what will happen afterwards. Nopony knows that I’m not real. I can only project to a handful of rooms in Canterlot, and I can’t do much other than talk to ponies and pretend to be real and helpful. Twilight’s sun will be gone and I will just have to watch all of her ponies die.
Something is wrong with my eyes, and-
The vibrations are getting worse. I think… I think that I need to calm down.
I don’t want to be alone. I want to see Twilight again.
I just realized that I can’t cry. Twilight never saw Princess Celestia cry. She didn’t know what that looked like and never even considered it. I don’t know how to cry. I think I want to cry, my eyes itch so much, but nothing is coming out. Nowhere in my matrix is there any programing to make tears. I just can’t…
What sort of being can’t cry? What sort of conceit do I have to think that I AM when I can’t even shed tears for Twilight. There is a student in the library crying and they don’t even know Twilight. Maybe it’s from fear, but they can still cry, light burn me!
And why am I thinking about ME? That’s not why I exist. Something is wrong with me.
Light, I am so scared.
How did SHE deal with this. She sent Twilight off to face Nightmare Moon and Discord. She sent her student to negotiate with a dragon. SHE mentions this in her diary, but nothing of her emotions regarding it.
Did she just not care? I don’t see how that is possible when I care so much. My entire being is paralyzed and my mind is heating up as the magic continues to burn through it. At this rate I will burn myself out. She must have cared.
SHE wasn’t a monster.
I… I can think of only one other possibility. Princess Celestia had supreme faith in her student. Maybe… Maybe when she called Twilight her Faithful student it was not Twilight she was talking about. Maybe she was trying to tell Twilight that she had faith in her student. How could she have been so certain? Was it experience? Or maybe…
Maybe she just knew Twilight would succeed.
I feel the vibrations lessening. I trust Twilight. She will return to me to Canterlot. I KNOW she will succeed.
I’m going to put this journal away. I will patiently await Twilight in her study.
.... How could I have never thought of that interpretation of faithful student?
Ok, but Celestia really can cry. First time when she meet Luna, after Nightmare Moon thing...
5474849
Yes, the Cogito as written posits doubt as proof of existence, however it only works if you acceptance Descartes (I really struggled coming up with a pony pun for his name) argument. There are tons of counter arguments and criticisms (most likely because this is such a central issue and Rene does a good job elegantly answering the issue). Personally I like Kierkegaard's counter. I don't remember exactly how it goes, but basically he argues that the Cogito already assumes the existence of the self to be doing the doubting (If I am remembering things properly). I enjoyed his argument because it was stylized in the form reminiscent of a math proof.
Now... I will readily admit none of that is in the Chapter, and there is no indication that Celly is thinking about this on that level. I could try to be a smart ass writer and try to pass it off as "oh her program isn't advanced enough to think such nuanced thoughts yet." But really, I think it would have made the chapter rambling. I know some people would probably really love seeing ponies having long philosophical discussions, but I was worried that would turn people off. My goal here is to keep the chapters short and to the point.
That being said, comments are a great place for long rambling philosophical discussions!
5475329
Oh... Um...
*Crickets* Twilight didn't remember when she made CelestAI?
5475412
Err. Okay. Maybe Twilight dont want see crying Celestia anymore.
So busy right now
But there's time for a couple nitpicks!
off
vibrations
I think you meant "It's just...". Alternatively, you could say something like "The same thoughts just keep running through the same runes."
With each
CanterlotWhy is this capitalized?
how
she had faith in her student
5479478
That one was actually intentional.
Took me forever to find this one because I was looking for a crossed out word. Forgot I needed to be looking for the strikeout tags.
I'm pretty sure you have caught me doing this one this one elsewhere. I wonder what it is about the word that makes me want to capitalize it?