Prologue
The Friendship Express. The primary method of transportation across Equestria, and normally guaranteed to be a nice, quiet, hassle-free trip.
“Rainbow Dash, give me back mah hat!”
Normally. Well, as ‘nice and quiet’ a trip with six of the most famous (and crazy) ponies in Equestria could be when on a four hour train ride to Canterlot.
A thud sounded throughout the car, followed by a cry.
“W-What? Pinkie Pie, get…off!” cried Applejack, currently held down in a death grip by non-other than Pinkie Pie.
“Nope!” was the pink pony’s response.
“Pinkie!”
“Sorry, Applejack…no, wait, actually I’m not sorry. You need more hugs. I have a weekly quota to meet on hugs for each of my friends aaaaand I haven’t meet yours yet! So since today’s Sunday, I gotta get them all in today! I mean, it’s not like Rainbow Dash had asked me to hold you down while she made off with your hat or anything!”
“Pinkie Pie, let me go!”
“Isn’t quota such a neat word? Twilight uses it lots of times! It sounds funny too! Quota! Quota! Quota!”
Raucous laughter sounded nearby from a certain prismatic mare, causing Applejack’s attention to shift back to her.
Applejack glowered at Rainbow. “This is all your doin’, ain’t it?”
Rainbow’s laughter died down and she responded by plopping Applejack’s hat onto her head, flashing a cocky smirk, turning around and strolling to the opposite side of the car, where the car’s other occupants sat.
While one occupant, a certain yellow pegasus, was watching on with a small, amused smile that still held a hint of concern, the ruckus went completely unnoticed by the car’s other two occupants. Rarity was pre-occupied with applying the finishing touches to a rather large, flashy hat, which she had insisted was a necessity for reflecting the importance of their visit. Princess Twilight Sparkle, on the other hand, was busying staring out one of the car’s many windows, completely content with being lost in thought. In short, she was worried about what might await them in Canterlot.
Earlier that morning, Celestia had sent her a letter. That of itself was not that odd, given the well-known knowledge that Twilight and Celestia were close. Most would dare say their relationship was closer to a mother-daughter one, than a student-teacher one. That is to say the arrival of the letter is not what concerned Twilight. No, it was its message. A simple and concise request for her and her friends’ presence in Canterlot immediately. Nothing else was written. No reason for summons, no mention of a great disaster, nothing. Although, upon closer inspection, Celestia’s handwriting was ever so slightly messier. Meaning she had written the message while in a hurry. To Twilight, something just felt off about the whole thing.
This mystery is what wracked Twilight’s mind while on the train ride, her friends’ presence the only thing keeping from panicking.
“Howdy, ma’am. Mighty fine meetin’ a Princess like yerself on dis ‘ere train.” Spoke a suspiciously familiar voice from beside her.
This succeeded in drawing Twilight out of her thoughts as she turned to behold Rainbow Dash sporting a very familiar Stetson and her ever-present smirk.
Quirking an eyebrow, Twilight asked the one thing that came to mind:
“Rainbow Dash, what’re you doing?”
“Well, Ah do believe Ah’m tryin’ tah impress a certain young missus.” Dash replied, in a voice that was a perfect impersonation of Applejack’s. However, her accent was way off which resulted in her just looking silly.
Twilight, however, was not really in the mood for fun and games.
“Dash, I don’t know how you can be goofing off at a time like this.” Twilight responded, turning back toward the window.
Rainbow’s smirk faltered at that, but a second look at her friend revealed that the alicorn was actually very stressed underneath her calm appearance, which if it were not for the years they’ve known each other, Dash would not have noticed.
Dash sighed. She knew what she had to do but she was never very good at all this sappy stuff. Taking the seat next to Twilight she tried to comfort her to the best of her ability.
“Chillax, Twi. I’m sure there’s nothing all that big going on.” All hints of Dash’s earlier impersonation attempt were gone.
Twilight’s attention returned to Rainbow, although she now bore a rather unimpressed expression. “Her letter requested our presence immediately and I’m fairly certain that usually means it is something important.”
“Oh, come on. I bet it’s probably some kinda princess duty or something other political thing.” Seeing that that alone didn’t cheer her up, Dash continued. “I mean it can’t be another bad guy or trouble maker out there! I bet no one would dare show their face again after how we defeated Tirek!”
That got a small smile from Twilight. “I suppose you’re right.”
“We’ll be arriving at Canterlot station in ten minutes!” Bellowed a voice over the train’s intercom system. “Please gather all of your belongings!”
“Well I guess we’ll find out soon.” Twilight said.
Something horrible had happened.
That is all Twilight could make sense of from the chaos that greet them when the train’s doors had opened.
Confusion and panic filled the air. Royal guards were running back and forth across the station, manning their assigned stations for if there were any sort of emergency or attack. The citizens in the station all appeared to be confused, for most of them were standing off to the side and warily watching the guards or trying to leave the station to return to their homes or board the train to stay out of their way.
She was now kicking herself for leaving Spike behind in Ponyville. She had wanted him to stay behind to look after the castle and, in the worst case scenario, be out of harm’s way. She was sure that they had tried to contact her about whatever was going on.
It didn’t take very long for one of the guards to approach Twilight after they had all deboarded the train.
Coming to a short stop in front of her and quickly dropping to a bow, he started to address her. “Princess Twilight, there’s an emergency at the castle! Full details haven’t been provided, but the signal has been activated that we’re under attack.”
Luckily, Twilight’s sharp mind kicked in before panic could begin to set in.
“Thank you, Lieutenant. Return to your station.”
He gave a quick bow before running off somewhere while Twilight glancing back to her friends.
“Come on, girls!” She called, before running out of the station, the rest of the girls in tow. Twilight, Dash and Fluttershy taking flight as soon as they exited the station.
Arriving at the castle revealed it to be even more hectic than the station. Several guards were outside the castle assuring that the many servants, nobles, and political figures made it out safely and were directed to another location, while many more guards were rushing into the castle.
Twilight and her friends joined the herd of guards rushing into the castle and headed straight for the throne room, where Twilight knew the Princess would be at this time of day.
The hallways were filled with guards. Some of the higher ranking guards were barking orders to their subordinates, others were rushing to their stations.
Along the walls and floors of the hallways they ran down, they saw scorch marks. Paintings and rugs were caught aflame, guards desperately trying to put the flames out. Many of the beautiful statues and vases that normally decorated the halls were smashed, either by the guards or whatever the source of all this chaos.
There was even a sight that Twilight dreaded to see: severely burnt guards either lying unconscious on the ground or those unfortunate enough to still be conscious, crying out in pain.
The closer they got to the throne room, the more hectic it became.
As they rounded the corner, they finally came across the entrance to the throne room.
The marvelously decorated doors were severely scorched and sealed shut in a magical glow that Twilight didn’t recognize. Guards flowed the hallway and were desperately trying to break down the doors, which appeared to be ineffective against the magic sealing them.
There was still no sign of the Princesses.
As they neared the door, the guards gradually seemed to notice their presence and cleared a path for them until they stood in front of the door.
As a guard, a Captain of one of the squads, addressed her and explained all that was known of the current situation, Twilight lit her horn and began to analyze and crack the magic seal.
Apparently, a pegasus guard on the outskirts of the city had spotted a mysterious being approaching the city on foot and by the time the guard, one of their fastest sentries, could deliver the message to the castle, the being had teleported within the castle’s main lobby and started wreaking havoc.
By the time she had cracked the spell, Twilight had learned that this being had powers beyond anything they have ever seen. The guard described it as having a pony-like shape with a body made of molten lava. It could cast flames, burned everything it touched, and traveled long distances in the blink of an eye.
As the spell fell away from the doors, Twilight creaked one of the doors open and prepared for the worst.
When no attack came immediately, she and her friends barged through the door. Besides them, only two guards made it through before the spell reactivated and sealed the doors again, trapping them in the room.
Glancing around, Twilight beheld the room. It was completely destroyed. Scorch marks and fires filled the room, both throne lied in ruins and several of the window murals in the room were smashed but fire raged where they once were delaying pegasi guards from entering.
Worst of all: there was still no sign of either Celestia or Luna.
Instead, the room’s lone occupant was a unicorn stallion with a tan coat and a dark red mane covered in soot and cowering in the center of the room. He was curled into a ball and appeared to be trying to shield himself with his forelegs over his head.
The two guards who managed to enter with them, one a unicorn and the other an earth pony, approached the stallion with their spears armed at the ready.
“You there! State your name. Why are you here? Where are the Princesses?” The earth pony guard barked at the stranger.
The stallion peeked out from behind his forelegs and seeing the guards, rose out of his fetal position, glancing about the room as if looking for something.
“M-my n-name is Lavan, I-I was h-here seeking appeal d-during day c-court. I d-don’t know w-where the Princesses are.” The stallion, Lavan, stuttered. “T-that thing attacked before I knew what happened. When I h-had looked up again, they were all g-gone.”
Twilight approached the stallion as the soldiers lowered their defensive stances.
“It’s okay. What you’ve experienced must’ve been dreadful.” Twilight addressed Lavan before turning to the guards. “Please escort him out and assure that he has no burns and is properly attended too.”
Twilight turned around and return to her friends, all of whom wore expressions of deep concern.
“Well, what do we do now, Darling?” Rarity asked.
“I…I don’t know. I guess we should begin with-” Twilight never got the chance to finish as cries of pain and clatters of armor on marble interrupted her.
Whirling around, Twilight saw both guards blown back and knocked unconscious. Lavan looked neither concerned nor scared as he smirked at them with an evil grin.
“Well, well. I never expected there to be yet another alicorn and a rather fresh one from the look of you.” He gave out a laugh, his visage beginning to literally burn away as his flesh turned to into smokeless fire and molten lava, his horn all together melting off. “Though, I’ll give it to you that you’ve had a rather excellent teacher. I’m assuming it was either Celestia or Luna, maybe both.
“It’s such a shame, you do show much promise.” He began to stalk towards them. “No matter. I’ve been sent here with a job to do and I shall keep my word.”
Before any of them could respond, he had summoned a fireball and launched it at them.
Luckily, Twilight had casted a shield upon instinct which was large enough to surround all six of them and powerful enough to give them enough time to plan their attack.
“I-I’m sorry, girls.” Twilight was obviously started to break down. Panic starting to set in, she curled up and hid behind her bangs. “I should’ve seen past his disguise. It’s so obvious now that his magic signature was off the charts.”
She felt a pair of hooves firmly, but not harshly, grab her shoulders.
“Twilight, now’s not the time t’ be panickin’.” Applejack said. “We can’t do this without ya.”
Twilight raised her head to meet Applejack’s eyes, seeing that they were as confident and honest as ever. The alicorn couldn’t help it as a small smile graced her lips.
“AJ’s right. We need to do something. We need to fight back.” Rainbow suggested.
“We can fire a rainbow at him!” Pinkie Pie suggested.
“One problem with that, darling: we don’t have the Elements anymore.” Rarity replied.
“Oh.” Pinkie’s ears dropped.
“Umm…what about that thing we did after we defeated Tirek? The thing that felt all warm?” Fluttershy spoke up.
“Fluttershy, you’re brilliant!” Twilight cheered, perking up instantaneously. “That stemmed from the Elements and what we defeated Tirek with. It comes from our harmony and from our friendship! We accessed it before and we should be able to do it again!”
Twilight could see the looks of realization cross all of her friends’ faces and one by one they slowly moved in closer.
Together, they closed their eyes and touched upon that link that was always the key to activating the Elements.
What they didn’t notice was that slowly their cores began to glow in the colors of their coat and that glow increased in brightness with each passing second.
They could feel that Twilight’s shield was growing weaker as the heat intensified and just as the shield reached its breaking point, their energy reached its crescendo. In perfect synchronicity, their colors blended together into a rainbow and rocketed out of the shield toward the villain.
Feeling their energies reaching its full draw, Twilight opened her eyes to witness Harmony’s work.
The rainbow surrounded Lavan and caused a blinding light, obscuring his visage.
Something wasn’t quite right.
The rainbow didn’t seem to be merging with him and hopefully changing him for the better, instead, it almost seemed to be reflecting off of him as it danced in the air.
The blinding light also obscured several of the rogue beams that ricocheted off him. One beam in particular she almost didn’t see until it was too late as it was redirected towards them.
She didn’t know what would happen to them if hit. She didn’t care. Only thing her mind processed in that split second was that her friends were in danger. So, she did the first thing that came to mind: she teleported into the beam’s path.
She didn’t feel the impact nor did she feel any pain. The blackness of unconsciousness had greeted her before she could experience either.
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Pretty nice start.
The plot seems like it's going to be very interesting. I'm a sucker for those stories about one of the mane six getting sent into the future. As far as grammatical errors go, I don't see very many. Sure, there are some, but they're not big enough or abundant enough to hinder the reading.
The only thing you could improve on is your descriptions and your pacing. I feel that when you describe an event occurring in the story, you tell it, rather than show it. Catch my drift? As far as pacing is concerned, I feel as if you move a little too fast. But then again, broadening your descriptions would help that matter.
Minor issues aside, I think you have a really good story, and I am eager to read the next chapter.
5456470
Thanks for the tips! It's always extremely helpful when I get a reader's opinion and I'm definitely going to keep these pointers in mind while writing the next chapter (which is nearly done with the rough draft). I'm glad you still enjoy and are interested in the story regardless of it's faults and I hope the next chapter turns out better with pacing and descriptions.
Thanks again!
5456619
You're very welcome.
I'm glad my advice could be of use to you.