True Feelings

by EveningStar

Chapter 1

True Feelings

by: EveningStar

“Hey Rarity?”

“Hmm?” was the only response that Sweetie Belle knew Rarity heard her.

“Thanks for helping me with my magic.'

“You're welcome, darling. I am surprised that you hadn't learned the levitation spell yet.”

“Yeah. I have another question.”

“What is it?” Rarity had a look of utmost concern on her face.

“How do you feel about mares with mares and stallions with stallions?”

This was going to help Sweetie Belle out. You see, she's had a crush on Apple Bloom since last Hearts and Hooves Day but she can never seem to tell Apple Bloom of her feelings. She wanted Rarity to be able to help her with this.

“I think it's great. Any type of love is fantastic as long as its real love.” Rarity replied, a nervous expression crossing her features. Had Sweetie Belle figured out anything about how she and Twilight love each other?

“Okay, well there's one thing..um..”

Rarity immediately lit up, “Do you happen to like another mare?”

All Rarity heard was a squeak, “Speak up, darling.”

“Yes. I do.”

“Ooh! Who is it?!” Rarity asked as a look of pure excitement lit up her face.

“Um.. It's Apple Bloom.”

Immediately afterward, Sweetie Belle heard a squeal of happiness escape from her sister.

“I'll invite her over immediately! You two will make such a cute couple!”

Sweetie Belle squeaked nervously and excitedly.

About 20 minutes later, Rarity heard the doorbell ring. She went to go get it, excited for her sister.

“Ya said Sweetie Belle needed to see me?”

“Yes, she does. Just go to her room and she'll be there shortly.”

“Okay.”

As soon as Apple Bloom left the room, Rarity ran over to her sister. “Okay, Sweetie Belle. You go in there and don't come back until you told her how you feel.”

“Um, okay.”

Sweetie Belle lightly trotted to her room, pausing slightly at the door. Finally, she walked into her room.

“H-hey Apple Bloom.” Sweetie Belle said, now nervous a lot more.

“Hiya Sweetie Belle.”

“What's been going on?” Sweetie Belle knew (since her sister had told her many romance stories) that you start small and build up to the matter at hand.

“Well, Apple Jack allowed me to help her applebuck earlier and I only managed to get one apple to fall down. It didn't even land in the basket. What have you been doing?”

Sweetie Belle smiled sympathetically. “Rarity helped me with my magic. I can now levitate an object but can't do anything with it yet.”

“Why don't you show me? I'd love to see you use your magic.”

“O-okay.”

Sweetie Belle got a book off of her bookshelf and set it down on a table. She concentrated extra carefully this time, willing her magic to pick up the book. Cheering coming from Apple Bloom let her know that she didn't mess up the spell and she set the book back down.

“Wow! That was great, Sweetie Belle.”

“Thanks.”

At that exact moment, both fillies were having the same thoughts. 'Why can't I tell her how I feel?”

Finally, Sweetie Belle broke the silence that had crept up on them. “Um, Apple Bloom.”

“Yeah?”

“I need to say something..”

“Me too.”

“Let's say it at the same time then. 1..2..3..”

“I love you.” they said in unison, both blushing madly.

Both Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were in shock. They couldn't believe what the other had said.

“You really love me?” Sweetie Belle said incredibly happy.

“Eeyyup!”

Both fillies burst out in laughter about Apple Bloom's uncanny impersonation of her older brother.

Sweetie Belle stopped laughing first, staring into Apple Bloom's eyes. She leaned forward until there was just a couple inches between their faces. Apple Bloom closed the distance and touched her lips to the other mare's. Sweetie Belle immediately closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of her first kiss.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle walked side by side out of the room and down the hallway to the main part of Carousel Boutique. Rarity saw the look of happiness and amazement copied onto both filly's face. She knew that she had been the one to help and that made her glow with happiness.

“So, I assume everything went alright.”

“Eeyyup!” both fillies said and everyone burst out into laughter. Finally, Sweetie Belle was truly happy. Everything had fallen into place.

Two weeks later, Apple Bloom decided to tell Apple Jack.

“Hey AJ?”

“Yeah, AB?”

“How do you feel about mares with mares and stallions with stallions?”

“Aw, shoot. Don't you remember? Ah'm dating Rainbow.”

“Oh, yeah. Well, I want you to officially meet someone.”

Sweetie Belle then walked out from behind the barn and walked over to where Apple Jack and Apple Bloom stood.

“Hey Sweetie Belle!” Apple Jack said.

One look was shared between Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom and they both nodded.

“We're dating.”

After a look of shock, happiness spread across the farmer's face.

“That's great news, sugarcube!”

Finally the couple knew that everypony they cared for now supported them and would never judge the way they felt. Everything was at peace in both filly's world.

Comments

[fabianguzman18]

its pretty good for a shor write

[Pony Sigma]

Good so far! You've got pretty clean dialogue and grammar, which is a very good thing.

[delete]

It's clean, sort of, but there are a few things I'd like to point out, if only for constrictive criticism;

You randomly threw in Rarity x Twilight, and Applejack x Rainbow Dash. You can't just throw in huge plot elements like this without proper explanation, even then, that's just way too much to just casually toss on the reader. It comes across as quite crude, leaving the reader agitated, which is a really bad thing. You need to focus on keeping the reader immersed.

There was no build-up, no climax, no suspense. Next time you write, consider planning out with simple notes and web diagrams. These will help tremendously. Also consider expanding on mental dialogue rather than just physical.

Overall, the syntax and dialogue were actually quite impressive for someone your age. Keep up practicing like this and honing your writing skills, and in a few years you'll be a freakin pro. Just expand on ideas more.

Also, no offenses intended, but you need to understand the difference between "its" and "it's", "your" and "you're". Failing this distracts the reader, leaving them frustrated and mad. You do not want that

[Slathbog]

This is pretty good for a short one. Even though you're only 13, your grammar, spelling, and punctuation are almost impeccable. There are a lot of people here that can learn a lot from you. I enjoyed how you managed to fit so many ships into such a small story.

[Rothrice]

Very well written. Needs a bit of work on pacing. Also, it is considered "proper" to spell out most numbers, as in writing one-hundred fifty-seven, instead of 157. This is excused for ridiculously large numbers.

[werewolf435]

well.... The transitions were... Choppy. Keep in mind also, that if it were so easy for Sweetie Bell to tell AB she probably would not have needed Rarity's help. But since she did, she would be extremely nervous about basically being told "I'm gonna stick you in a room with AB and not let you out until you confess." Which is basically what Rarity said. Not in as many words of course, but still the same basic message.

Another thing you should work on is your actual writing style. What you are doing is "telling," in other words, you are simply saying what happened. In order to get the greatest effect out of your stories you must "describe" events. I'll give you an example.
"This was going to help Sweetie Belle out. You see, she's had a crush on Apple Bloom since last Hearts and Hooves Day but she can never seem to tell Apple Bloom of her feelings. She wanted Rarity to be able to help her with this."

This would be one of those "telling" moments. To describe it, would make it go something more like

"Sweetie Belle knew this was her last chance. Her crush on Apple Bloom had been eating her up for weeks, but she had been unable to find the courage to tell anypony. Finally, it had become more than she could handle. She had to tell somepony, and she knew that if anypony would understand, it would be her big sister."

All right... I think thats it. This is a wonderful start, and as long as you remember those things mentioned above I think you will do awesome.

[Ravenmoon05]

Some constructive critisism, it's a good idea but I think it needs more background, like the story starting from before they realise they have feeling for eachother, plus the random input of Twarity and Appledash doesn't really fit in

[CluelessFilly]

Nice job! I sympathize with you; I'm not even twelve yet, and I've been writing for years. Reminds me (in a good way) of Scootaloo's Stolen Heart.

They too had the same random kind of inputs of pairings between the mane six, one of them even being Twarity. It didn't have much buildup or suspense, but I honor you for trying this unexplored ship. I'm too immersed in operation S.C.O.O.T.A.B.E.L.L.E to really write Sweetie Bloom or anything else right now, but a worthwhile read.

[PinkieDashandRarishy]

Why did you say Applejack was dating Rainbow APPLEDASH SUCKS!!!!!