I agree that this looks promising. I would like to see more length to the chapters, but this is just a personal preference. I enjoy the fact that it is only a few friends that like West. It adds a sense of loneliness that is different from the norm of everyone-instantly-loves-the-human. Keep up the good work and keep 'em coming. Oh, you might want to change up your paragraph format. Add some spaces in between paragraphs and lines of dialogue. It helps the reader by not mashing all the words together so they have an easier time following the story and reducing eye strain.
Unless I state otherwise, when I refer to a generic guard pony, I mean a white furred stallion with gold armor.
and not the black grey furred ones, eh eh eh...
I agree with West on the subject of ponies insulting him, I don't see a problem, it's only insults. "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." As the saying goes... And before anyone says anything about me not knowing what it's like, I was bullied quite a bit when I was younger.
Good story so far, be careful about all the pity your throwing around (self-pity or not) A whiny and/or depressed human is not a good or edgy character. Good luck with the story and anything else in your life.
Looking pretty good so far.
I agree that this looks promising. I would like to see more length to the chapters, but this is just a personal preference. I enjoy the fact that it is only a few friends that like West. It adds a sense of loneliness that is different from the norm of everyone-instantly-loves-the-human. Keep up the good work and keep 'em coming. Oh, you might want to change up your paragraph format. Add some spaces in between paragraphs and lines of dialogue. It helps the reader by not mashing all the words together so they have an easier time following the story and reducing eye strain.
Now back to Wonderland.
CHANGE PLACES!
and not the
blackgrey furred ones, eh eh eh...I agree with West on the subject of ponies insulting him, I don't see a problem, it's only insults. "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." As the saying goes... And before anyone says anything about me not knowing what it's like, I was bullied quite a bit when I was younger.
Good story so far, be careful about all the pity your throwing around (self-pity or not) A whiny and/or depressed human is not a good or edgy character. Good luck with the story and anything else in your life.
Of all the things to start acting up, it just had to be my bloodlust…
What is that spost to mean?
So far so good
ahh! not his bloodlust!
quickmeme.com/img/c4/c41903e29b122f0d6e78374b86c4fea3ab8ece26b05c0d78b28a398c6e3c4356.jpg